Chapter 79 - Crippling Anxiety

The two teams (and Ekyt) followed the Shrine maiden. They were surprised to find that she had enhanced speed, as though she was shinobi-trained. No one said anything about it. At one point, Ryouko tripped, but he kept going. Sakura dropped back quickly.

“You okay?” she asked quietly, not wanting to alert the others. It was kind of embarrassing for a ninja to trip over his own feet.

“I…don’t know,” Ekyt admitted, looking worried amongst his determination. “But I’ll have to try to be okay. Thank you, Ojousama.”

Sakura smiled at him. “Anytime. And, c’mon, call me Sakura. You’re not guarding me right now.”

“No, I suppose not. I would say it’s the other way around, in fact,” Ekyt replied, mildly smirking. This gave Sakura a good look at his face.

He’s exhausted. Anxiety disorders put a great deal of strain on the brain. The brain uses energy to deal with the strain, leaving the person without much other energy. Those bags under his eyes are bigger, too. And his eyes…they’re the same. Still that lingering sadness. It’s as if everyday, he loses. But the feeling is only reflected in his eyes.
Ekyt, stop trying to hide your feelings. Let us help. It’s why we’re here. You aren’t alone anymore. I can’t be in love with you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for you.

Sakura hated to see Ekyt this way. Even if it meant another girl like Azami, Sakura wanted to see Ekyt loved. For that brief month with Azami, he had been a different person. A happier one.

The Miko ahead of them clearly was interested in one of the boys from the group. Sakura hoped it was Ekyt. For his sake. Although she still felt terribly possessive of him.

-

“Will you hurry up?! Your damn side missions are slowing us down, you greedy bastard!”

“Money makes the world turn.”

“You can’t take it with you. And you’re an old f*** as it is!”

“I will disprove that theory by taking it with me, no matter what you say.”

Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing, much to the surprising of the few remaining temple members. They were all protecting one person- an old monk that supposedly held some horrible, unimaginable power. Shrine Maidens with naginata and exploding tags lined up with spear-toting monks. So many had already been slaughtered by the Akatsuki.

One Miko stood more aggressively than the rest. Her daughter had escaped, and that was all that mattered to her. She wasn’t especially fond of the old monk they were protecting. He just had an aura about him. He seemed kindly, and the priestesses who had been here longer swore he was a nice guy. The younger monks loves hearing him tell stories, and often prayed with him. But this Miko couldn’t get past his aura.

Maybe that’s part of his power? He may not be intentionally intimidating.

“Why do you always want to go to f****** temples? Not like prayer will save your soul now. And you never let me kill! It’s my religion, and I don’t appreciate you depriving me of it!”

-

In the bushes, the miko hid, along with the other ten. They looked at the situation. No one was looking forward to this one.

“If we use a distraction, I can nail them with my Shadow Possession… But what from there? And they’re powerful enough to fight my jutsu… It’s not like I have the luxury of time to think, either…”

Asuma puffed on his cigarette, thinking carefully. He was in charge of this mission, so it would be his call when all was said and done. But what was the right call to make?

“Asuma, let me go.”

Ekyt seemed to be ready to fight now. He had put a chakra cigarette in his mouth (in his mind, he erased another shackle), and reached for the package Asuma had given him. Out tumbled out two tonfa.

Asuma appraised the situation. “Alright. Sakura, you tend to the wounded. Sai, Yamato, and Ino go with her. Shikamaru, you and Choji back me up. Kakashi, you and Naruto back up Ekyt. Sasuke, you keep the innocents out of it. If things go wrong, Kakashi gets out of here with Naruto. Everyone understand?”

There were nods of agreement and understanding.

“You sure you’re up to this?” Asuma shifted to face Ekyt, his face dead serious. Training is one thing in your state. This is combat.”

Ekyt looked over at the frantic Miko. She still had red on her cheeks, though she could have had a crush on anyone. “Combat is what we do. Ready or not, I’m involved. And besides…”
A smile grew on Ekyt’s face.
“This is a unique opportunity to beat the crap out of my ex’s new boyfriend!”

That earned some laughs. But not everyone was deceived. Team Kakashi knew Ekyt well, and they could see that he was still horribly troubled, despite what he had just said. They were learning more about Ekyt every day- stuff he probably didn’t want them to know. He hadn’t opened up before now, and even when he did, he didn’t say anything but things that would dull their concern. ‘It’s anxiety’, for example. He didn’t actually really talk about himself.

But now certain truths began to make themselves apparent. Chinks had appeared in Ekyt’s armor before, but not like this. His mask of stoicism has been shattered, at least for now. The only shard that remained in place hid his emotions from complete strangers.

-

Asuma and Ryouko rushed out of the bushes. Using a shadow clone jutsu, Ryouko sent one clone to the Mikos and monks. The clone bowed and said ‘help is here. Please stay out of battle, and help our medic evacuate the injured.”

Ryouko made a beeline for Hidan, breaking in his new tonfas spectacularly by blocking a flashing scythe. Turning under the blade, he flicked a tonfa open and smacked Hidan in the nose, using his chakra to lengthen the blade. The other tonfa flashed up and aimed for a kill strike at the neck, but Hidan blocked with the cord attached to his scythe.

“You again?! I steal your girl, but you come back? You just can’t leave it alone, huh?! I don’t know how your survived her, but you won’t survive me!”

“Oh, please!” Ryouko laughed, trading strikes with Hidan. “She’s ten TIMES the fighter you are! You’re all abs and no brains, retard! If you DID have brains, you would know she’s just as likely to kill you as kiss you!”

“I’d love nothing better, you f****** moron!” Hidan shot back, dodging away from Ryouko’s tonfa strike. Ryouko’s leg nearly hit Hidan, but he had to retract it to avoid getting a cut with the scythe. For all his boasting, Ryouko wasn’t confident at all. Truthfully, he felt anxiety welling up.

I’d better finish this quickly. I don’t know how long I can last… If I lose control here and now, a lot of people are in for a world of trouble. If it was just me, no problem. But if I get hit, everyone over there will come flooding over to help me, and they’ll just get hurt. I can’t let that happen! I need strength for them, not myself!

Despite the pep-talk, Ryouko felt himself losing control. He focused on the fight the best he could. One word ran through his mind to help him.

Azami...

-

Asuma clashed with Kakuzu, pressing his attack to prevent Kakuzu from unleashing his own devastating attacks. Trench knives clanged against Earth Grudge Fear strings. Asuma was a pro at this, and soon found his opening.

“Fire Style: Ash Burning Product!”

Asuma’s fire attack, born from his chakra and ever-present cigarette ash could cause third-degree burns. He had just hit Kakuzu with it point-blank. He used his free moment to look over at his young comrade.

He’s struggling, but keeping himself in check. Just like everyone says: He’ll do what he says he’ll do.

-

Azami…

Ekyt suddenly felt something. A horrible, cold chill. He was sure it was an Orochimaru-level threat, at least. But instead, it slowly dawned on him.

I’m scared. I’m really scared. I can’t beat an immortal. Why did I think I could? I’m a jonin, but what does that mean? I’ve failed at everything! Everyone else is alive and living their lives, but I’m not. Is it because I take on their burdens? Or is it because I’m weak?

I was too weak to confess to Ojousama, and I lost my chance…
But that wasn’t life or death. This is. That scythe is coming close…really close. It’s only a matter of time before he hits me…

Schwing!

Ekyt’s tonfa, slow in reacting due to his own thoughts, didn’t entirely block Hidan’s scythe as it slashed his leg. Ekyt flicked the tonfa open and smacked the scythe, but Hidan held tight. At some point, he had wound the cord around Ekyt’s legs. He yanked the cord to send the young jonin spinning to the ground.

-

The young Miko watched the four men battle. She had feelings one of this group, but she couldn’t admit to herself which one. She felt a kinship with Ekyt, for certain.

He’s young, like me! And yet he’s out there, risking his life for strangers! All I did was run! I’ve trained for combat, both with men and demons, and I did nothing to help!

The Miko gripped her naginata tighter as she saw the young jonin go down hard. Blood ran out from his leg. His opponent licked the blood up. The Miko gasped, having seen this ritual performed many times already. She frantically glanced toward the young jonin, seeing panic in his eyes.

Up until this moment he’s been certain of his moves. What changed? No matter. I know what I have to do…

Sneaking a glance at the man she had a crush on, the miko rushed out on the battlefield, ignoring cries of protest from the others.
-

“Are you kidding?! This is all you’ve got?!” Hidan crowed at Ekyt. Ekyt just glared up at him. There was no fight in his eyes anymore. Just a lot of smoldering anger and hatred. But he couldn’t make that useful right now.

That all changed with a flash of red. Ekyt blinked- what was red?

The miko! No! Move, legs!

The miko’s naginata clashed with Hidan’s scythe, knocking it aside for a moment. Moving in, she slapped a tag on his chest. Holding her hands in prayer, she chanted for a moment.

“CHAKRA SEAL!”

The ward on Hidan’s stomach glowed blue. He swung his scythe wildly, aiming for the Miko’s side.

SCHUNK!

Ekyt’s own body was in the way. His tonfa could block the odd strike Hidan had used, and to save the girl, he had do it. But there was no calmness in his face or eyes. He had felt this pain so many times before, but this time was different. Death and all that went with it petrified him. He tried to put on a brave face for the girl he had just saved, but felt sure he failed miserably.

“You’re alright, aren’t you?” he asked, standing up despite the scythe in his side. He didn’t pull it out- bad idea with puncture wounds.

The miko looked horrified at his bloodied state, but helped him get all the way to his feet.

“I’m fine. Thanks to you.”

Ekyt forced a smile onto his face. “You managed to beat him…something I’ve never seen before. Shinobi?”

She shook her head. “No. Just a Shrine Maiden with a thing for combat.”

“Ah. Please excuse me- !”

Ekyt threw his tonfa up in a block, but he was too late. He severed the string, but it still caught the miko in the chest.

No! he through desperately. No! It can’t work like that! It can’t work like that! It can’t! NO NO NO!

Ekyt slung the miko over his shoulder, using a body flicker to land near the group that had come with him. He laid the girl down at Sakura’s feet, then looked desperately at the medic-nin. Sakura immediately focused her chakra into the task at hand. A green glow healed the girl’s chest.

“I’ll be back,” Ekyt snarled, taking off at top speed.
-

Asuma had seen what had happened, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He felt Ekyt appear next to him.

“Asuma, I’ve got an idea. This guy is a greedy bastard. So…”

Ekyt reached into his back pouch. To everyone’s surprise, he held out a thick wallet.

“Will this do? It’s twice the amount on both our heads,” Ekyt told Kakuzu, referring to himself and Asuma. “There are ten of us, and one of you. Take this, and go away without injury. Don’t take it, and you’ll get hurt, if not killed. So you get a sweet deal. Sixty-five million ryo into your own pocket, and all you is walk away.”

Ekyt threw the wallet at Kakuzu’s feet. After counting the contents, Kakuzu picked up Hidan and disappeared.

--

Sakura worked on the miko away from the group, as she had to open up her gi top.

“I’m…going to die...aren’t I?” the miko asked.

“…” Sakura focused harder.

“It’s alright, I’ve no regrets. I died in battle. It was…a dream of mine. Although to live through battle was the greater one!”

“…”

“Do you mind if I…(cough) tell you what guy was making me blush?”

Sakura smiled kindly, though sweat ran down her face from her effort. “Sure.”

“It was…the masked guy. That silver hair…so hot!” the miko giggled at her own vanity. “It’s funny how…I could ignore all my ‘forget vanity’ training for this…Oh well. Please thank…the young boy who helped me.”

The miko breathed her last. Sakura grimaced, but forced herself to keep her composure. She put a hand on the miko’s neck, just to be sure. Then she used her hand to close the girl’s eyes.

-

There was silence. No one knew what to say. Not least of all the mortified Ekyt. He’d never had someone die in front of him like that. Someone he could reach out and grasp, and protect. But he hadn’t protected.

I concerned myself only with the scythe. I should have moved quicker. Picked her up and jumped away. But I had no idea. How strong must Kakuzu be to forget about combat with Asuma, just to take a vindictive swipe at me? Certainly stronger than I am…

Ekyt let his head fall back against the wall. There was so much weighing on his mind now. He could only hope against hope that the exploding tag he had put in that wallet had done it’s job.

Soon, Asuma walked over to join him.

“It isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I’m the more experienced jonin. I should have known that you weren’t ready for this. And that last string…it got away from me…”

Ekyt was still silent. Asuma put a hand on his shoulder, then left silently, leaving Ekyt to his thoughts. He went over to rejoin his group. They were sitting in the temple, resting after having helped with clean-up.

“She’ll be laid out tomorrow. We’ve been invited to stay until then…”

“Is that a good idea? In Ekyt’s state, I mean…” Yamato glanced over at him. That hit him hard…

“I doubt he would leave, even if we told him to. He feels responsible. Really, I should have known better. He wasn’t ready to face those two. He must’ve known- otherwise he wouldn’t have had that much cash on him to buy that greedy prick off.”

It hadn’t sat well with the others at first- Buying off an enemy. They felt better when they heard that it was counterfeit money with an exploding tag. Still, letting those two get away…Not that anyone was going to say anything. It would have destroyed Ekyt. It hadn’t been pretty after the battle- he had, nearly hysterically, said ‘no’ to treatment. It had taken all three jonin to force him to let Sakura near him.

Sakura was nearly as traumatized. She hadn’t ever failed to save a life before. But she knew it was part of the job, so that softened the blow a little bit. Enough to keep her sane and thinking clearly. It hadn’t been her fault. It was no one’s fault. People died in war. It was a fact. It didn’t change the fact that she wanted to cry.

Ekyt ghosted over now, picking a spot outside the circle the other nine had formed. Ino was cuddling with Sasuke. Sakura and Naruto were together, having saved a lot of lives. Naruto’s Shadow Clones made great nurses in a pinch. In fact, there had only been the one fatality since they had come. Three others were dead, but that had happened before the Leaf force had come. It showed just how powerful they were, and how well they worked as a team.

“You’re one us, you know,” Kakashi told Ekyt, dragging him into the circle.

“I don’t deserve such company,” Ekyt managed to say, smiling at his little joke. “But, thanks.” Without asking, Ekyt plucked a cigarette- a real one- from the box Ino had. She didn’t protest, though, contrary to her personality. He lit it immediately, coughing at first. But slowly he just adapted to it.

I hate this. But it’s my first cigarette…right in line with the first time I’ve TRULY failed. Strangely, I feel calmer now. Is it because my prefect record is broken? Or is it because I know this isn’t my fault? Or maybe, because it IS my fault, I can take responsibility away from the group…

It had taken death, but Ekyt realized he would need help to get over his problem. He didn’t need to ask the group to help- they already had. He would stay a loner most likely, but Ekyt could at least let himself borrow their strength.

“Thank you…” he said in a quiet force. Everyone nodded their heads. He returned their nod, then walked over to see the miko’s body one more time. She was so beautiful, even with the hole in her chest. It had been patched up expertly by Sakura. Tomorrow would be the funeral.

Death is a part of life…of war
Grp. (sound of a glove closing)
But I WILL make the Akatsuki pay for taking an innocent life. I can learn something from such a brave girl. Thank you, nameless miko…
Please forgive me for not being able to protect you…

Ryouko held her hand for a moment. Sakura had told him that it was Kakashi she had the crush on. But all the same, her last words had been for him.

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