Chapter 85 - What Are Friends For?

Ekyt excused himself from the rowdy group, going outside to catch his breath. Despite his accomplishment from yesterday, he was still burdened by a lot of heavy worries.

I have to be strong for the people in there. I have to be strong so they can have fun and live their lives. My own life is shot to pieces. I exist only for others.

Is that right? Is it true? Is it healthy? Have I given up on my own ambitions? If so, what were those ambitions? When did they grow out of my reach? When did I grow too weary to pursue them? Do others feel this trepidation?

Naruto? …No. He charges headlong, and learns as he goes?
Sakura? …Perhaps she used to. She has an analytical mind, and has overcome a lot.
Sai? …Who the hell knows?
Shikamaru?… No, he’s planned for the trepidation, and how to beat it in two hundred moves or less.

That leaves me. I have no idea what the trepidation is, let alone how to combat it.
(sigh)

The others can’t know of these thoughts. They’d only try to talk me out of it and further burden themselves.

Maybe if I laid out what I actually feel…

-I’ve lost at love. Azami, Linda, and Sakura…
-I’ve lost in combat. The Akatsuki, the Twelve Shinobi Guardians.

The two things that matter most to me, and I’ve failed at them both, leaving me with only a sense of helplessness. And yet, some kind of hope shows through every time. Some vague little flicker of success. Then it disappears as I reach out for it.

Ekyt imagined himself on one side of a pane of glass. On the other side was the world he wanted to live in. He had a hand pressed to the glass, looking longingly to the other side, all the while knowing that it couldn’t happen. Not the way he was now, maybe not ever.

I want to shatter that glass…I want to shatter it into a million pieces. I want to be part of that world. The world the others live in. Or, if nothing else, I wish to become the glass, to keep those that aren’t part of their world out. The more realistic of the two goals is to replace the glass with myself.

A deep voice snapped Ekyt out of his trance.

“You’re thinking too much again. That’s not healthy for anyone but Shikamaru.”

Asuma had seen Ekyt in the trance, and knew that nothing good could have come of it. Snapping him out of it didn’t do much either, though.

“You’re right. I’m just kind of overwhelmed with all that’s happened. If it’s alright, I’m going to head back. I’ve got this weird pain, and I’d like Lady Tsunade to look at it.”

Now that was a sentence full of holes. Not least of all because Sakura could have taken care of any pain Ekyt was feeling (well, physically at any rate). But Asuma seemed to understand. A lot DID seem to fall on his younger comrade’s shoulders, even if by choice.

“Alright, go ahead. I’ll let the others know.”

Ekyt plucked a rose from a table, cursing as he pricked his finger.

“Best to have a surprise weapon handy in this day and age (ha ha),” Ekyt explained, nodding to the rose. “Who would guess something like this could have such a bite to it!”

“And is that a metaphor for yourself?” Asuma couldn’t help but ask.

“Oh, no. A rose knows it’s place- it’s where it grows. As for me, I’m still unsure exactly where that is. But I’m getting closer to the answer.”

“Don’t lie to me.” Asuma was blunt as ever, lighting a cigarette. “You don’t think you’re any closer. Do me a favor and try not to beat yourself up too much. If things get to be too much, it’s not a crime to take a step back. It did wonders for me. In fact, we were in the same position. I disagreed with the brass, too- except it was my father. So I left, and things were better when I came back. I think that would have done you tons of good. It still might.”

Ekyt dropped the false tones, though his smile stayed in place. “True though that may be, there’s still much for me to do. And as I said, I’m still unsure as to where I fit in. But that can be answered on another day, I suppose. For now, I’ll settle for answers to a simpler set of questions. I just need to understand one thing- what is it about me that’s different? I’m a jonin, and I use techniques like a jonin, but I still feel…displaced. Like I’m a different type of jonin. Hell, even a different type of person. I don’t suppose there’s any easy answer, but I thought I’d ask you anyway. I’m not an observer looking in, and I don’t have the unobjective perspective you do.”

Asuma hadn’t seen this question coming. He doesn’t feel like he fits in? How can he feel like that? We’ve gone out of our way to include him!
…
No, it’s not that. There IS something different about him. But what is it?

“I don’t know. All I know is that you’re one of us. That is a concrete fact. But that’ll only be real when you believe it for yourself.”

The answer seemed to hit Ekyt hard. But he shrugged it off, as he had seen other jonin do.

“I think I understand. I’m younger than all of you, but not by all that much. It just seems that way because of how you all carry yourselves. That, and you’ve all experienced more than me. Huh. Oh well, experience will come. Especially with the Akatsuki and Orochimaru lurking about. I just hope I’ll have the courage when the time comes to do my job. I’ve never taken a life, you know. I don’t want to kill, but at the same time…”

Ekyt looked toward the sky, his young face marred by a look of curiosity and self-disgust.

“…I need to know if I CAN.”

Asuma patted the younger jonin on the head. “We’ve all wondered that. Trust me- when you’ve been pushed to your limits, and there’s something you’ll give anything to defend…Well, your body will act on it’s own. Your mind will forget about your inhibitions- until after, of course, when you can’t take it back- and you’ll do what needs to be done.”

“Do you think that applies to me as well, then?”

“Especially you. Do you plan to do the stupid, heroic things you do? Like jump in front of scythes, kunai knives, jutsu, and the like? It just happens, right? Well, it works the same way. You’ll find your knife, or your jutsu, or whatever, will just work. You’ll hit a spot and it’ll be over.”

“I need to be able to live with the regret. There was something your father told me, actually,” Ekyt muttered, leaning against the building. “He told me ‘Ekyt, there’s a storm coming’. And sure enough, Orochimaru showed up. I’ll never forget that feeling. Just before he came is even more memorable. It felt like the eye of the hurricane. The calm before the storm.”

“…And you’re feeling that now, right?”

Ekyt nodded. “I am. But this time, everyone’s older and more experienced. All the same, are we ready? The village can’t take another hit like the one Orochimaru caused.”

“The Will of Fire is something else my Dad taught us. And all of us have got it. That’ll be enough to combat any storm. So let your mind rest a little, alright?”

Ekyt obediently nodded, closing his eyes. His mind shut down a little, as the darkness relaxed him.

“Either learn to relax like that regularly, or channel your passion like Gai and Lee. Although, with you, that might not be so strange…” Asuma stroked his beard, deep in though against his own advice.

Gai’s team, huh? I wonder… Shipping Ekyt off with them can only be a good thing, right? Oh, wait, there’s Linda… So much for that. He needs something extra, but that isn’t it.

--

After a day of travel, the weary group saw the temple that the Akatsuki had attacked. Outside, in fact, was the reason that they returned by the same road. The miko that had trained Ekyt was outside, sweeping the front of the temple. All eyes darted to Ekyt. He wasn’t blushing, so maybe he hadn’t seen her yet.

“S’funny…in my religion, Priests are only men, and they aren’t allowed to marry. I wonder if that goes for mikos as well… Oh, oops…”

Ekyt had uttered that aloud by mistake.

“No, a miko can marry… Why, is there an interesting one around for you? Hmmmmmm?”

“Don’t do this, Kakashi…” Ekyt snarled in a low voice. The color had risen in his face.

“Ah, now there’s the Ekyt we know! Go on, just run up and kiss her!” Ino added, giggling at Ekyt’s face.

“Oh, damn it, you’re all gonna get in the act now?!” Ekyt shot back. Yup, they are. Heh. So this is what having friends is like? It’s nice… They’re overbearing, and don’t really know me, but they have my best interests at heart. I should have made friends sooner.

Sakura was next. “Oh, come on, you look so handsome with your uniform cleaned, and your headband shined up. And that sexy waistcloth…it’s almost too much for any woman to bear!”

(Asuma glanced at his own waistcloth at this point. Is THAT why he met Kurenai?)

“Yeah, too bad it’s my head attached, and my nasty little brain calling the shots!” Ekyt finally let himself chuckle a little. “No way. I haven’t known her long enough to try anything. And besides, I just talked to my ex. That’s kind of a ten on the turnoff scale.”

Now Naruto tried his luck. “Aw, c’mon, just think of what was under those bandages on her chest. She didn’t seem to mind you looking…”

Sakura smacked Naruto, naturally.

“No, no, that kind of perverted thinking doesn’t do anyone any good. Besides all that, I’m sure she has better prospects. And furthermore-”

“Anyone I know?”

“GAH!”

They had drifted close to the temple, and Ekyt hadn’t noticed. The Miko had just overheard everything he had just said.

“Ah, haha! No, no, no one in particular, of course! Just, y’know, idle chit-chat! Ah haha!”

The Miko didn’t seem impressed by that little display. She DID seem to be fascinated with the waistcloth Ekyt was wearing.

“Oh, so you won?!”

Ekyt sheepishly turned his head. “No. But I impressed the Fire Daimyo. That in itself if enough, I suppose.”

The miko locked eyes with Ekyt. His face reddening slightly, Ekyt gulped.

Oh…It’s the first time I’ve seen her eyes. They’re brown. Darker than mine. And rounder. And larger. Up close, she’s actually pretty cute. She’s got a good personality going, too.

“You, come with me!” the miko declared suddenly, pulling on Ekyt’s arm.

“Uh, wait? What? Gah!” Ekyt had no choice but to let the miko tug him. “Go on without me, I’ll catch up!” he called to the others.

-

The miko sat Ekyt down near the waterfall where she had trained him. They exchanged small talk. About the weather, Ekyt’s fight, the beauty of the temple and the surrounding land. All the while, the miko had a strange expression. Her face was red, and her eyes were wider and softer, and less stern. As she listened to Ekyt speak, she let her mind drift.

I don’t know if there’s a spark or not, but I need to be sure. I know he’s single, after all he’s told me. Maybe he’d… Would he? Would it hurt to ask? If it was another guy, I’d say yes. But there’s something different about him. He’s not as pure as nature or anything like that, but at the same time…
There’s something curious about him.

The miko held up her hand. “Listen, I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone, except my little sister. I don’t know why I’m telling you…but here goes…”

It wall came out. The twenty years old, the no dates, the no kisses, the whole thing. The miko laid out her past relationships- none.

“Now you think I’m pathetic,” she mused, smoothing her hakama. “It’s to be expected. I mean, c’mon, a twenty-year-old who’s never been on a date (Ekyt winces), never had a boyfriend (Ekyt gulped), and never been…kissed. (Ekyt tugged on his collar)”

“Funny you’d say that. It’s been the same way for me, save for a month where I dated the bounty hunter girl I told you about…But, getting to the point. Miko, I owe you a great deal. And if you’re getting at what I THINK you’re getting at…well, it’s the least I can do, isn’t it? You’re a pretty girl, and I have no doubt you’ll find just who you’re looking for, be it today, tomorrow, or a year from now.”

Ekyt ran a hand down her cheek. Her skin was so white, and so smooth…

“Hold still, okay? I’m not any good at this…”

kiss.

The miko’s eyes widened- it was what she wanted.
But I didn’t think he’d actually do it! I mean…I mean…I don’t know! It’s so nice, being kissed! But is there a spark? Is there?
…
No. There’s not. Just because I want it to be there, doesn’t mean it is. There’s no spark between us, at least not now. But at least I know. And now I can say I’ve been kissed…

Ekyt let go, backing away a little. The smile of mixed emotions had returned to his face. The miko had no idea what the smile meant, and thought it was for her sake.

“You’ll find who you’re looking for. You’ve too much potential not to. If it might be I that lends advice for now…”

Ekyt thought of his specifications for a girl, then tailored them to fit a female.

“A shinobi will be your ideal match. Your combat potential is incredible. But you lack just what I lack- self confidence. There’s no drill to give you that, unfortunately. I would know, believe me! But you’ve got courage, and that’s only a step away from self-confidence.”

The miko was close to tears- she hadn’t dared admit to herself that she hoped this was love. All the same, she hugged him tight anyway.

“Friends, then?” she asked, far too timidly for her usual nature.

“…Sure.”

The miko seemed to cheer up instantly. It was faked, of course, she was actually very sad, but a girl had to keep up appearances.

“Alright then. Now- explain yourself! How the hell could you lose?! Are you telling me that his chakra wouldn’t seal?! Damn it, that’s what I get for rushing your training!”

“No, no, it’s not that! The guy doused himself in acid, and it corroded the tag! Seriously, I had it down!”

Back away. Swallow your pride, and let her have her pride. That’s best, for now. I need to catch up with the others. Best to let her get it out of her system. Maybe someday there’ll be a spark between us. For now, Azami is just too fresh in my mind.

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