Chapter 1 - Get With the Times

t with the Times There was once this place called Mushroom City. It was a place where it was considered cool to grind hips and nude while dancing and throw sexy parties. It was a great place for gangsters, rappers, the ghetto, and other stuff as well as rock, heavy metal, dance music, and pop music. It was always the place for violence, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. It was complete with cars honking their horns, street lights, dark alleys, pollution, and excitement. It was considered the coolest and best place in all of the Mushroom Kingdom, and everyone wanted to go there. Now, there were these two plumbers named Mario and Luigi living in the same apartment complex. They lived in the same suite, but they had separate bedrooms that they slept in. They had a pet named Yoshi that they would ride almost everywhere they went. Now, Luigi was a guy that was into fads. He was considered cool by most people. A lot of people at his workplace and living in his apartment complex always wanted to be by him. All the guys wanted to be his best friend, and all the girls would just go off in a daze whenever he walked by. He would usually get a lot of girls, and sometimes at night he would bring them over to his apartment to hang out or go out on a date with them. He was considered the coolest among his peeps and was usually invited to a lot of sexy parties. Now Mario, he was the clown. He was obsessed with disco and polka music, and he was usually made fun of because he would talk about old movies and dress weird. Luigi usually let people make fun of him, pick on him, and would usually let the gangsters beat him up and throw things like trash at him and boo him as they passed the streets and stuff like that. Mario never had any friends, and Luigi’s girlfriends would laugh at him whenever they were at his house. He never got any girlfriends. Whenever he would make an attempt, they would only walk away or make fun of him and call him names. He would often watch old movies like Star Wars and reruns of shows like the Family Feud and the Bill Cosby Show. Mario was considered uncool and was a real clown to everyone. Luigi was the king, and Mario was the court jester. One night, as he was walking down the street, Luigi found an ad for a sexy party open to the public at the 1-up Pub. It flew in his face. It said:  The 1-up Pub proudly presents: The Champagne Kisses Sexy Party The sexiest party you’ve ever darn been to.  There’ll be food, beer, and dancing along with the best music and DJ around. You’ll have fun while you play games with others along with meet our hot, sexy mamas (and pimp daddys). Guest starring Vaden and Eminem. Where:At the 1-up Pub. When:April 21, 2006 from 7:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. Don’t miss this awesome party! It’ll be a sexy blast! Open to the public. Bring a friend. doges and hos. Brought to you by the 1-up Pub.  Luigi was so excited to go that he put the ad in his pocket and went home to tell Mario. When he reached the apartment complex, he nearly busted the door and yelled, “Mario! I found an ad about a sexy party!” Mario was sitting on the couch in his orange leather robe watching Million Dollar Pyramid with Yoshi on the floor. He got up from the couch, walked over to Luigi, and said, “Let me see that!” He grabbed the letter from Luigi and read it. “Well I’ll be, Luigi, a sexy party? Why didn’t you tell me, you filthy animal?” “Wanna come? We can bring Yoshi along?” “Why sure, Luigi! Anything for a sexy party! Especially since I’ve never been to one before. Gee, whatever shall I wear?” “Well, I think we need to go some shopping for clothes-“ “Shopping? Ha! That’s what girls do, Luigi! I don’t need to go any shopping! I can take care of myself! Besides, I was thinking about wearing that suit with the leopard prints along with an afro wig. I’ll look nice and sharp!” “That’s fine, I’ll just go shopping for my clothes and bling and stuff. Yeah, good luck, freak!” Luigi said as he started walking for the door. “I’ll be at my girlfriend’s house spending the night. If you need anything call me on my cell.” “Well, why can’t I just call you at your girlfriend’s house?” “You know why, Mario.” “Oh, oh yeah.” “Bye, Mario.” “Goodbye, Luigi.” A few seconds after Luigi left, Mario said, “Well, Yoshi, looks like we have the whole house to ourselves tonight! Heh heh heh!” Mario then offered Yoshi ice cream and beer. Mario and Yoshi ate ice cream and drank beer and watched old reruns all night that night. When the night finally came that Mario and Luigi would go to the Champagne Kisses Sexy Party, they were getting ready while listening to music. Luigi was listening to 106.1 KISS FM, and Mario was listening to really crappy disco music. Of course, Luigi was getting annoyed by Mario blasting the disco music to full volume because he couldn’t listen to his music, so he went into Mario’s room and asked, “Could you turn the music down a little lower?” He was wearing a gray, metallic vest with torn sleeves that said “Pimp” on the back, a gray hat that made the tongue go sideways, black rapper gloves, nipple rings, worn out jeans that hung low, and black shoks. “What? Music like this? You know, you really gotta live a little, Luigi. Besides, it’ll get you into the mood to go to the sexyparty.” Mario was wearing a leopard print disco outfit, an afro, and white platform shoes. “What? Are you kidding, Mario? This music is crappy! I hate it! Listen, I’m ready, so you just meet me in my car outside when you’re finished getting ready.” “I’m already ready, you rodent! Let’s get in! I’m ready to party!” “Hey, Mario, how do you like my new outfit!” “Yeah, um, it looks like garbage. I’m definitely the sexier ducky!” When Mario and Luigi arrived outside, Luigi and Mario noticed the crowd laughing at them. “You know, I hate you, man. You always do stuff to embarrass me, man.” “Hey, Luigi, you think it would be more fun to take Yoshi along.” “Let’s just get in the car, man.” “Alrighty! I can’t wait for the 1-up pub!” Luigi and Mario drove to the 1-up pub. When they arrived, they could hear music playing inside the bar, but there wasn’t any action. Once they got inside, there were lights, music, and people in the sexiest outfits anyone could ever imagine. There were doges, pimps, hos, stripper girls, all kinds of people dancing and drinking alcoholic beverages and getting drunk. You could order food, so the bar was open all night that night. “Hey, Luigi, which stripper do you like best?” “I like the one with the short, purple top and the silver skirt. She’s sexy.” “Yeah, she’s sexy. I like the one with the pink psychedelic suit. She’s a ducky shakin’ her feathers!” “Ugh! That one scares the crap out of me! Ew! You’re weird, Mario! Let’s just get some food.” “Okay, I’m hungry!” Mario and Luigi sat down to one of the high stools and called over a waitress that looked really sexy for the sexy party. “Hey, guys, my name is Tina and I’ll be serving you tonight at this really fun sexy party! What would you like to order?” “I’ll have the salmon meal tonight.” “And for you, my hunk of cheese?” “I’d like to order a medium rare steak with mashed potatoes and two beers! Especially for my friend here, Mario!” “You know, Mario’s a freak, you know that?” “Yeah, but you didn’t have to whisper that to me! Feel free to make fun of my brother! He’s like this all the time!” “Your orders will be ready in a minute.” “You know, Luigi, that girl over there looks lonely. I think I’ll go talk to her.” He pointed to a girl with a green tank top, a dark green sweater that said “Pocky girl” on the back, and orange shorts. She had wavy, shiny, red hair, and there were a couple of barrettes in her hair. She was a great dirty dancer, but she wasn’t a stripper or a dog. Mario went over to her and said, “What’s a girl like you doin’ all alone on a night like this? You need a man like me!” “I don’t need a man like you, freak.” She walked away from Mario all the way to the other side of the bar. “Hey, Mario, you’re food’s here!” shouted Luigi.  Mario went back to where Luigi and he were sitting. “I saw your failed attempt to get a girl.” “I don’t even know why she doesn’t like me. I’ve got everything a girl could possibly want out of a man. I got the good looks, the moves, the sweet talkin’-“ “Yeah, but you’re a freak of nature. You’re not cool like everyone else. Let’s just finish our food so we can get some girls.” So Mario and Luigi ate their dinner and drank their beer, and when they were finished, Tina got the check and gave it to Luigi. “Here’s you’re bill, hottie.” “Thanks, shortcake.” Luigi paid and gave the check and money to Tina. “You know, those nipple rings make you look hot! I hope you really get a dog tonight!” “Thanks!” “Bye, hotcake!” “Yeah, go on, freak!” said Tina as Luigi and Mario left to go onto the dance floor.  As soon as Mario and Luigi got near the dance floor, they were looking at all the people dancing sexy, trying to find a dog that was lonely. There were many hot babes that were dancing alone, ready to be taken over by a lucky man. “Well, Luigi, pretty maids all scattered onto one big cake with vanilla frosting! Heh, heh, heh. Which one do you like, Luigi?” “I like the one with the army camouflage top. I’m gonna go make some mischief with her.” There was a black lady with a short army camouflage top, some torn, worn out jeans, some army camouflage flats, black rapper gloves, nice, shiny, long, straight hair with some highlights, and an appealing face. She was dancing sexy, and she WAS a dog. “Ah, she looks like junk. Why don’t you try looking for someone with more pizzaz? Personally, I like the sexy police officer. I hope she doesn’t give me a ticket if I pull her over! Heh, heh, heh.”  “Man, you’re weird.” “Weird? Well, why do you think I’m weird?” “Sigh! Just forget it, Mario. Look, let’s just break up and go our own separate ways.” “Sounds like a deal, Luigi! You go your way, and I’ll go mine!” “Yeah, whatever, freak!” Luigi started walking over to the lady with the camouflage army top, and she looked at Luigi and winked at him. When he got near her, the lady said, “Hey, there, sexy! “Hey! Mind if I join you?” “Go right ahead.” Luigi started dancing with her. “My name’s Lily. What’s yours, big boy?” “My name’s Luigi.” “Hi, Luigi! Is this your first time you’ve ever been to a sexy party?” “No, in fact, I think I’ve been to about 10 of them.” “I have a feeling this is going to be the start of a great relationship.” “Me too!” And from then on, Luigi and Lily danced dirty and passionately, but Mario hadn’t been having any luck. He walked over to the police officer and said, “I bet you’re gonna pull me over and give me a ticket. Am I correct, officer? Heh heh heh.” “I’m not giving you a ticket, you’re free.” “What? You mean I’m not your prisoner?” “Yeah, I’m letting you go free.” “What? But why?” “I don’t know, um, maybe it’s because you’re a freak?” The police officer smacked him lightly on the cheek. She then started walking away and said, “dog.” Just then, when Mario happened to turn his head another way, he saw a punk fairy. “Oh, my, now ain’t she a flounder.” The girl had on plaid and black wings. It was a plaid, short skirt, a plaid tank top, a black choker, fishnets, black boots, shiny, blonde, straight, long, flowing hair, and a great appearance. As Mario started walking towards her, she noticed and walked away from him to the other side of the room. “Hey, baby, where ya goin’? I didn’t even get to talk to ya!” yelled Mario. Just then, he happened to turn his head and see a biker chic. “Oh, yeah!”  She had on really short, black shorts, a black midrift top, and long, shiny, dark red, flowing hair with highlights. She was a great dirty dancer and had a nice butt. Mario went over to her. As Mario started to walk up to her, the biker chic noticed, stopped dancing, looked at Mario with an ugly expression on her face and said, “What are you doing here?” “What am I doing here? Just enjoying being in the essence of your love.” “Get away from me!” “Don’t be like that, baby!” “Why? ‘Cause you don’t want to admit that you’re a stupid freak who’s not getting any girls?” She then punched Mario in the face really hard and walked away to the other side of the room. Mario got up and started thinking about why he wasn’t getting any girls. “Why am I not getting any girls? I’m everything a man should be! I’m sexy, I’m playful, I’m stylin’, I’ve even got chest hair! Why don’t they like me? Wait! I have an idea. This one’s gonna work great.” He went to the front of the room to where the Koopa Troopa was and whispered something in his ear. Meanwhile, Luigi and Lily had it going on. “I like your outfit, Luigi! You look very sexy!” “Why, thank you, Lily. I think you look sexy, too. Let’s go to a place where we can be alone.” “Sure, sexy.” Luigi and Lily took each other by the hands and started walking off the dance floor. Just as they were walking off the dance floor, Mario hopped on the dance floor and started dancing and doing the disco and shaking his butt and stuff in the audience to the song Turn the Beat Around. Luigi and Lily stopped and turned around to watch. “Who’s that freak? Is that your brother, Mario?” “Yeah, it is. He’s really weird.” As Mario was dancing, everyone started walking out of the bar because they hated Mario’s dancing so much. “Yeah, he is.” Said Lily who then started walking out of the bar. Luigi tried to get her back, but nothing helped. Mario, still dancing with the music off, stopped when he finally realized that there wasn’t any music on. Mario looked at Luigi, who stared at Mario. They both stared at each other when Mario finally went over to Luigi and said, “Well, Luigi, did you see my sexy moves?” “I’m done living with you, Mario.” “But why? Why, Luigi, why? We’re brothers! Brothers gotta stick together!” “Yeah, well, I’m not your brother anymore. We’re over!” “Why’s that, Luigi.” “It’s because you need to get with the times. Disco music isn’t the fad anymore. No one likes disco or polka music anymore. It isn’t cool to have chest hair. It isn’t cool to dance to disco music or do the disco or listen to polka music or wear disco outfits or have afros anymore. It isn’t cool to watch the Bill Cosby show or Million Dollar Pyramid! Why can’t you just get with the times like everybody else? That’s why everybody laughs at you, Mario. It’s because you haven’t moved on! I’m so over with you!” Luigi went into the car and drove it home. Mario hired a cab to take him back to their apartment. Luigi moved to a different apartment away from Mario and was happy there away from the pain, but Luigi still sent prank emails and emails just to make fun of him onto his computer. The end.
 

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