Chapter 3 - how i've felt. (my daddy)

you will never know
it seemed for years
that you didn't know
nor did you care
 
it seemed to me that all was lost
i was fighting something losing
there was nothing i could do
i'd lost you forever
 
you didn't love me anymore
you'd left me, like you left her
my sister before me, remember?
you ditched her, now look at me
 
like you never loved cullyn
i knew you didn't love me
i knew i'd done something
i had to have done something
 
but why cullyn? did he deserve it?
all he did was love you, as did i
did we really deserve that?
did you like to torture us?
 
we suffered you know
i told people that i didn't have a dad
i was fatherless, felt souless
i felt like i lost everything
 
you never treated us right
from day one, no, you didn't
after cullyn was born, things
changed for the worse
 
so druggie dad, how's life?
how's your pot?
it consumes you
you're never home
 
you went off for days
when you came home
it was like hell
only in the living room
 
you brought in your friends
low, dirty no-account family
disregard those who love you
oh sure, we appreciate this
 
momma was put thru it all
how she endured thriteen years
i will never ever know
i daresay that i would not
 
you should not do this to us
it's your own fault
why make us pay?
your own wages of sin
 
they should be enough for you
you've commited so many crimes
and cleansed or not, i can't forget
i will forgive always, but i can't forget
 
don't you ever expect me to
for years, you ruined my life
you disappointed me
too many broken promises
 
i congratulate you
you've killed me inside
i won't trust a man now
i believe it's best not to
 
you weren't my papa
you couldn't measure up
he was always the bigger man
though he was shorter than you
 
you could never compare
my papa was my father
 

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