Chapter 1 - The Legend of Fredrina

The Legend Of Fredrina:
The Infamous Space Bunny

Written by
Julie and Laurf

Help and Posting by Zak

Copyright 2004







Narrator: Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, Fredrina the space bunny was born! Fredrina was no ordinary space bunny though, nooooo, she was a WHITE space bunny! BUT Fredrina was no ordinary white, space bunny, no. She was a FUZZY, white, space bunny! BUT Fredrina was no ordinary fuzzy, white, space bunny, nope. She was a YARG!IAN, fuzzy, white space bunny! BUT Fredrina was no ordinary Yarg!ian, fuzzy, white, space bunny, no. She was a ROYAL, Yarg!ian, fuzzy, white space bunny!
Anonymous audience member: ALL RIGHT ALREADY! WE GET A POINT!!!
Narrator: Sorry…just trying to point our how great Fredrina-
Audience member: FINISH THE STORY!!!
Narrator: YEEP! Okay! Anyways, Fredrina was the white, fuzzy, Yarg!ian, royal heir to the space bunny throne. Her parents were the King and Queen of Yarg! and the entire space bunny universe. They even owned all the Carrot King, Kentucky Fried Carrots, and McCarrot’s restaurant chains that were immensely popular in the bunny universe. So when Fredrina was born the King and Queen bunny lover her very much. They loved her so much that they bought her so many things that they couldn’t find her in her room. No really! One day Mama bunny found her in a Carrot Land board game box-how she got there we don’t know. But, unfortunately, this wouldn’t last. One day as the Royal bunny family drove out to McCarrot’s for a meal in their new Dodge Carrotvan something weird happened…so weird that we don’t even know what happened! Really this is classified information! The written record of the event is sealed in an envelope, wrapped in plastic wrap, in a sandwich bag, in an envelope, sealed with staples and super glue, inside a kid’s lunch box-along with an apple, juice drink, and a bologna sandwich-wrapped in pink and yellow crocodile wrapping paper that says, “You Loser!” all over it, tapped together, put in a cardboard box, sealed with elephant wax-do elephants even provide wax?-wrapped in a wet towel that we stole from a guy in the shower, covered in aluminum foil, then stuffed in an empty tuba case, guarded by the fiercest space bunnies in a large paper bag. See?! We told you it was impossible to get. But we know what happened later. Anyways, Fredrina was separated from her family in some unexplainable way and was stuck on an asteroid heading towards Earth.
Fredrina whimpering: Oh my golly gosh, what am I going to do?
Just then she spotted a-you’re not gonna believe this-giant George Washington bobble-head coming her way!
Capt. Kelly roaring insanely: Ha ha ha! Fredrina you will never escape this time!
Fredrina: Oh my goodness! It must be Capt. Kelly and his evil space bunnies he enslaved!
Then the George Washington bobble-head started to fire meat vision at Fredrina’s asteroid.
Fredrina squealing: EEEK! Meat! I’m a vegetarian! Stop!!!
Capt. Kelly laughing: Ho ho ho! I’ve got you now Fredrina!
The he stuck his finger up his nose jumping up and down and scremed “I’m insane!” to activate the meat vision.
Fredrina sniffled: OH! I’m doomed!
Just then a large t-bone steak flew towards Fredrina. Was this the end of our favorite bunny? NO IT ISN’T!!! Because just in the nick of time, the well known hero throughout space, Interstellar Space Pie swooped in rescuing Fredrina!
Fredrina: Thak you pie. You saved me!
Interstellar Space Pie: No problem Freadrina.
Pie zoomed in towards the Earth as fast as he could, dodging assortments of meat along the way.
Capt. Kelly grumbling: Darn you pie!!! I’ll get you yet!
Pie headed towards Earth’s atmosphere just barely missing a large hotdog and salami. Eventually, Capt. Kelly gave up the chase. Then, in the distance Pie and Fredrina saw something ahead coming towards them. As it came closer it appeared to be a swarm of rainbow-colored moose. They came and swarmed around Pie and Fredrina, guiding them to the Earth. The amount of moose was apparently 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999. The 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 moose landed in Canada with Pie and Fredrina. To be more specific, the landed in front of Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada’s palace made of live turkey’s tapped together. As they landed, the drawbridge of live turkey’s lowered. Pie and Fredrina were stupefied. Then a large can labeled “PEARS” rolled out and out popped four pears. The pears started dancing a strange dance called “The Dance of Macaroni and Cheese” with an African tribe band from Niger called “Simba Isn’t King of Us!” playing traditional music in the background. Then, out rolled a carpet that appeared to be made of cherry flavored fruit roll up. Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada then appeared. She waved a hand and all of the 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 rainbow-colored moose disappeared.
Fredrina questioning: Where did they all go?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Oh, they just went back to their home.
Interstellar Space Pie: Which would be where?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Oh, their home! That would be the providence of La-La Land.
Fredrina: Never heard of it. Is it even in Canada?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: I just felt like making a new providence for them. Besides, there are 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 of them so they need a lot of room.
Interstellar Space Pie: Whatever. Well, Fredrina I have to go. Capt. Kelly might find me here and obliterate the planet so bye.
Pie levitated in the air and then flew away. A long silence followed.
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: So…got any good jokes?
Fredrina: No, but I have one question for you Laurf…WHY ARE PRICES HIGHER IN CANADA THAN IN AMERICA?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada was stunned. A dancing pair fainted. Lots of gasps.
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada stuttering: Well…I…uh…
Just then a flying object came out of nowhere landing right in front of Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada and Fredrina.
Unknown voice: WA HA HA HA HA! IT IS I, THE ALL KNOWING GURU…MR. STUBBLES!!!
A penguin jumped down off of the flying object which apparently was a flying carpet of pink fluorescent minks.
Fredrina wondering: Mr. Stubbles?
Mr. Stubbles yelling: Ho ho ho! I am here to explain why prices are higher in Canada!
Fredrina: You’re riding a flying carpet of pink fluorescent minks!
Mr. Stubbles: I shall reveal it!
Crack of thunder.
Fredrina: You’re a penguin.
Mr. Stubbles: And is there a problem with being a penguin? Hmm?
Fredrina: ……
Mr. Stubbles: Anyways! Prices are higher in Canada because they actually have more money printed that America does. Thus, to equal change rate, the Canadian dollar must equal less that the American dollar to keep people from trying to steel money from either nation through buying and selling of goods with variable prices. Or maybe just Canadians need the extra $1.60. I don’t quite know.
Gasps! Dancing pear faints again.
Fredrina: You know, the society against killing minks will get you for that.
Mr. Stubbles: What?!
Fredrina: Your carpets of live minks!
Mr. Stubbles: Oh, they’re fine! They’re just stapled together.
Fredrina: That’s mink abuse I’m telling you!
Mr. Stubbles: Did you even hear what I said about prices in Canada? Who are you anyway?
Fredrina: Why I’m the white, fuzzy, Yarg!ian, royal heir to the space bunny throne. Fredrina!
Mr. Stubbles: Wait a minute…Yarg!?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Yarg!?
Mr. Stubbles: “!”?
Fredrina: Yep…“!”.
Mr. Stubbles: Weird. Well my job here is done.
Mr. Stubbles starts to float away but he is grabbed on the shoulder my someone.
Mr. Stubbles: What?!
Mystery Voice: Excuse me sir but you’re going to have to come with us.
Mr. Stubbles: Why?
Mystery Voice: We’re the Society Against Killing Minks or more commonly known as the S.A.K.M.
Mr. Stubbles: And…
Mystery Voice: Your carpet of minks. Obviously that’s mink abuse, Mr. Penguin.
Mr. Stubbles: That’s MR. STUBBLES!!! And they’re perfectly fine, my minks.
Just then one of the minks faints and another starts coughing like mad.
Mr. Stubbles: Uh…they always do that…
Mystery Voice: Nice try Mr. Penguin. You’re under arrest for mink abuse!
Mr. Stubbles: NOOOOOOOO!!! It’s NNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAATTUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!
Mr. Stubbles was then dragged away by S.A.K.M. to serve his time.
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: That was very interesting.
Fredrina: This place is insane. How am I going to get home?
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Oh, you want to go home?
Fredrina: Of course I do!!! I don’t want to stay in this crazy, non-vegetarian place!
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Okay then. OH HARRY!!!
Fredrina: Not another one.
Just as Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada called a fanfare of kazoos started. Then a person appeared. A poof of smoke went up followed by a Congo line of mamboing hamsters with wings.
Guy mumbling: Darn it! I always get the order mixed up! First the poof of smoke, mamboing hamsters, then I appear with the fanfare of kazoos.
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Hi Harry!
Guy: Oh, Hi Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada.
Fredrina: So, I assume you are Harry?
Fredrina crossed her paws and raised an eyebrow.
Harry: Exactly bunny girl! vHarry the Toilet Monster to be exact. I live in the outhouses.
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Now, Harry. The bunny girl needs to get home.
Harry: Ok! Just follow me!
Fredrina prepared to herself to follow Harry but to her surprise he went nowhere.
Fredrina: Aren’t we going somewhere?
Harry: Not really. Watch closely bunny girl.
Harry then picked a piece of grass, stuck out his tongue, crossed his eyes and said “Wigglesnort Yarg!” and disappeared.
Fredrina squealing: Where’d he go?!
Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada: Watch.
At that moment Harry reappeared.
Fredrina: How did you do that?
Harry: It’s easy! Pick a piece of grass, stick out your tongue, cross you eyes, say “Wigglesnort” and the place you want to go to.
Fredrina: That’s it?
Harry: Yep.
Fredrina then sighed, followed Harry’s instructions.
Harry: Hey Fredrina! Before you go! Is “!” in the actual spelling of “Yarg!”?
Fredrina: Yes it is.
And with that Fredrina yelled “Wigglesnort Yarg!” and went back home.
Narrator: So here ends our story of Fredrina, the white, fuzzy, royal, Yarg!ian space bunny. They lived happily ever after. Tomato sauce-Don’t ask me why I put tomato sauce at the end-Tomato sauce.

FIN!



i. Yarg!ian – Native to the planet of Yarg!. Yarg! is the dominant planet in the space bunny universe; also home to the space bunny King and Queen. Yes, the exclamation mark is in the correct spelling silly.

ii. Capt. Kelly – The captain of the S.S. GEORGE WASHINGTON ROCKS!!!. He had a great dislike for all space bunnies, especially the King, Queen and Fredrina. Capt. Kelly was a human male, somewhere in his mid 40’s. He was rumored to be obsessed compulsive, insane, and see pink dancing elephants most of the time.

iii. Interstellar Space Pie – created by Karen. A slice of pie with no determined flavor that flies around in space trying to escape the planets of our solar system that want to eat it.

iv. Rainbow-colored Moose(rainbowus-coloredous-moosious) – Only possessed by Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada. Grown in gardens from a rainbow seed. They moan really loud when you don’t water them. When ripe they are picked and trained by Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada’s trainers.

v. Harry the Toilet Monster – An eighth grade kid that went camping and fell into the outhouse toilet. Been living there ever since. Only has a strawberry and, caterpillar, and a sycamore tree branch to occupy himself. He can only come out when Princess Laurf Keeper of Canada summons him.

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