Chapter 1 - Politics

PoliticsThe Problem:
          Ourcountry lies in a wallow of apathy, we all know this, although I have somefirst hand knowledge about it cos once the government asked me to writesomething about the new apathetic culture, but well I couldn’t be bothered. Notonly this but we have the wrong men for the job in too, after all its like anycarer: the ones who can do stuff are at the bottom, at the top is politicianswho can make people happy but that’s about it. We don’t want politiciansdeciding what happens to us, we want people who know what they’re doing.
 
The Solution:
            Allelections are to be held in Super Smash Bros Melee contests.
 
The Reason:
           First I’ll go through things which wont work:
1)      TheAustralian system: sure it’s quite good, and stops people being apathetic, butwhat if there were situations out of your control, but of course you cant provethat to a sufficient standard that would stop every Tom Dick and Harrysucceeding, even if they were truly apathetic. And then the amount of money andtime it takes to follow everything up is barely covered by the fine.
2)      Replacingpoliticians with lumps of cheese: Although many of the ideas they suggest willbe better than the ones suggested by current ones (i.e. pubs to get extendedopening hours) they would quickly be eaten up by me, and then I would bearrested for eating a figure in the public eye and I wouldn’t be happy.
Now about my solution: now it’s pretty simple in asimple democratic system like England’s, you’d have a battle for each constituency,then each winner gets a seat the house of commons, then of course they have thebattle’s to decide who get the top job and each seat in the cabinet. Whereaswith the American system you’d have huge team battles of each set of peoplepromising to vote for each presidential candidate in each state, then thewinners decide who hey actually want to vote for and they fight and then thepresident is chosen.
I bet you’re all saying: but how is this politics ifthe person doesn’t have any say? But thats where you're wrong, you see everyregistered voter gets 1 phone call to a free-phone number. then the nomineefrom eavh area who gets the most votes gets a handicap of 10, the second mostgest a handicap of 9, and so on, all below 10 get a handicap of 1.
And sureley the skills of being able to smash Pikachuinto orbit are all that you need to run the country, its certainly more thansome of the current ones can do! This solution wouldalso force the politicalparties to modernise, after all it seems to even qualify for any position inthe Tories you have to be from the pre cretatious Era or earlier.
This system could also be used to increase governmentrevenues, therefore decreasing Tax. And this is how they'd do it: Betting, iknow many belive gambling is wrong, and stuff-sure i belive its a waste ofmoney, but if millions are willing to do it you might as well make all gambling on the election bouts to go through government sources. Simple, efectivemoney spinner.
And that is why this solution is one with  which we should go, so what do you think?

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