Chapter 11 - Feelings i don't know i had

Weeks went by without a hitch. Tohru was happier then ever now that Kyo showed up for meals and was found more frequently in the house. It made her happy that he was not avoiding her anymore. But everytime it even looked like a drop of rain, the gates would be shut closed. She guessed Kyo did not want another lightning incident to happen. It was actually very sweet of him.

Now that she had been working for the Sohmas for about two months she was growing very fond of all of them. She did not grow up with much family as a child and then lost her mother as a young teen. She stayed with her grandpa but he was not around the house much. She did not have any siblings either.

Living in the house with everyone was so riveting and warm. There was always something to do and someone to keep her company, and when she needed to be alone she could find it sitting outside on the porch or in her bedroom. A place she was especially fond of was the balcony right in her own room. She didn't notice it before but one day when she was cleaning her room she opened the french doors and found the refined balcony, a calm, relaxing place. The summer breeze would waff through the air and the view of majestic mountains bordering the horizon miles away would leave her eyes searching for what lay beyond it all.

"Nezumi-chan..." A girl chirped using Yuki's nickname. Tohru's mind snapped back to reality as she walked away from Yuki's table and back to the kitchen. "I don't want my time with you to ever end."

Yuki gave her a charming smile. "Unfortunately it will, but there will always be tomorrow where you can occupy my time with your delicate beauty, princess."

"Oh, Prince Yuki!" The entire group of girls chimed nearly passing out in their seats.

"Okay, it's closing time." Ayame clapped his hands. "We wish you a plesant evening and don't hesitate to come for another visit," Ayame blew a kiss with mysterious rose petals fluttering around him while striking a pose, "darling."

"AHHH! AYAME-SAMA!" The girls squealed with hearts beating in their eyes.

The girls left chatting quietly as Hatori finally closed the door signing the end of the day.

Tohru walked out of the kitchen while removing her appron. She noticed Ayame still standing in his calculated pose as if frozen. "Ah, Ayame-san... they left."

He unfroze and put his hands to his hips. "Oh did they? I didn't realize! Ha Ha Ha!"

"I think he was too engulfed in himself to realize it." Yuki muttered while passing by. He loosening up his tie. This week's costume was a hospital theme: everyone decked out in scrubs, doctor coats or nurses outfits.

"Ah that reminds me!" Ayame exclaimed standing up straight while clapping his hands to gain the attention of all the men. "In three days will be the Blossom Ball!"

Kyo slouched in a chair and turned around to stare at the king. "Where'd you come up with a stupid name like that?"

"In honor of our dear little flower here, Tohru!" Ayame laughed while placing Tohru infront of him. She looked around at everyone staring at her and then pointed at herself.

"For me?"

"For being debt free, Tohru!" Tohru continued to stare up at Ayame upside down. "You mean you don't know yet? With your hard work you have paied off that bill that made you to first start working here! I'm so proud of you! So proud in fact that as a going away present I decided to have our first summer ball in your honor!" Ayame took her by the hands and began spinning her around. "Yes! Yes, my dear girl, you've done it!"

Haru pulled a cord as confetti rippled down from nowhere and Momiji blew a noise maker.

"I paied my debt!" Tohru said while Ayame threw her up in the air. Surprisingly he was very strong... or she was just very light.

She landed in Yuki's arms as he set the girl down and also gave her a slight hug before laughing with Tohru. "Congratulations!"

"It was all thanks to you, Yuki-kun, thank you so much!" Tohru laughed as Momiji suddenly pulled her away. Excited wouldn't do justice to the feeling of accomplishing her goal.

"Tohru! Tohru! You're free! You're not our housekeeper anymore, you can do whatever you want!" He laughed as he let go of her.

She was so happy. She had finally fufilled her duty and earned her money! But then--

She stopped twirling as Kyo caught her by the arms so he would not transform, both of them only inches away from each other's face. The room fell quite after Momiji stated what they all seemingly forgot.

If she had finally fufilled her debt, that meant she wouldn't be living with them anymore.

Kyo's wide eyes seemed to sadden somehow but she was the only one to detect it. She stood up as he let go of her arms as she finally let it sink in. She was not obligated to stay with the Sohmas any longer.

The thought reached everyone's mind at that instant when she stopped laughing. "T-Tohru..." Kyo said trying to clear his dry mouth.

"I guess this means, I'm free to go right, Ayame-san?" She asked trying to keep the cheer in her voice as she turned away from Kyo. She didn't know why but at seeing his rather shocked face she hated to make him sad.

Ayame nodded. "I... guess so."

She nodded. "I'd hate to be a burden if I'm not paying for my debt anymore."

"No, you'd never be a burden to us." Hatori spoke up.

Momiji already looked like he was about to cry. "But now Tohru is going to leave us! Wahhh!"

Tohru smiled lightly in Momij's direction trying to find some words to comfort him.

"Let her go." Hiro's voice suddenly entered the conversation. Tohru turned to him, his back faced the other way. "She shouldn't be living with us anyway." He spun around angerly. "You all act like it's the end of the world if she left! We were fine before she came, why should you all get so mushy over a stupid girl like her! She thinks she's a burden? Then let her leave!"

"Hiro!" Haru barked smacking the boy on the back of the head.

"That's not nice!" Momiji chided.

Tohru put her hands up in defence. "Please, don't fight over me." They stared at her. "Hiro-san is somewhat right though. You all will be just fine! I know you will. You all have each other still and what's most important is that you all can live together peacefully. I'm so greatful for everything you've done." She gave them her ever hopeful smile. The one they were going to miss so much.

'All my memories here, my experiences, and everything. I'm so happy I met everyone here. I don't think I want to forget any of them. Never.'

She turned to Ayame again. "Ah, so..."

The snake put his hands up. "You are not obligated to leave right this instant, Tohru. If my opinion counts for anything I'd rather you stay until the ball is over. It will give you time to pack and find transportation home."

Haru smirked. "Like she had anything with her to start with."

She bowed. "That is very kind of you, Ayame-san. I'll work on that right away."

"You can use the computer in the TV room."

"Oh yeah! Oh, but I don't know where..."

As the group talked, Kyo only looked on with thoughtful eyes. He knew this day would be coming but he didn't realize it would be so soon. She really was going to leave. Dispite how detached he was at first, as she let him open up he felt so welcome in the house. He could tell her things he'd never imagined of telling other people. Even if he said he went to Africa riding a purple, two-legged elephant across Zimbabwe, she would listen. She was always there with that warm smile and open mind. That funny tightning in his chest twisted again as his mind lingered on what life would be like in their house once Tohru left. He stared at her with a small frown.

And he didn't want her to leave.


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It was already the night before the ball and Kyo went on top of the main house roof. No one else ever came up there but him and he was happy to get away from all those idiots below him inside the house. He put his hands up behind his head and layed down on a different corner of the roof. He just felt like testing out different spots of the roof to see where he could see the best stars. If he sat on the side of the roof where the street wasn't there, it was much darker and quieter. Not to mention there was a great view of the mountains on this side. He looked up and just stared at the little blinking dots thrown about the sky. He wondered how far they could reach.
Then his mind drifted to the only female residing in their house. She was going to leave in two nights and there wasn't one thing he could do to stop her. Even though she continued to do chores around the house like nothing changed, something did change. She was overly happy all the time and seemed to make rounds around the house to see everyone about five times a day. Maybe she was just as sad about the whole ordeal. But then why didn't she say anything?

Actually she wasn't the only one to change. He also found himself spending a bit more time with her. And yet everytime he even got near her, his stomach would do flip-flops. He turned on his side feeling a certain spot on his back knot together. He stared at his clenched fist. She should go though. She didn't need to hang around the Sohma house anymore. She still had people to go home to right?

Kyo thought about her ex-fiance and his fist tightened. She had been living with them for almost 2 months and there wasn't a sign of the bastard looking for her at all. It was as if she fell off the face of the earth! Didn't that man even care at all? Didn't he know what he was missing? He was a damn fool for making her run off for whatever reason she did. She deserved better than a guy who wouldn't even go looking for his bride!

'Someone like you?' His mind quipped.

Kyo's face blushed and he flipped back onto his back. When did he start thinking like that? Tohru wouldn't-- no she couldn't-- want a guy like him! I was cursed for cripes sake! And besides...

'I want to be your friend, Kyo-kun.' A flashback of Tohru smiling up at him was drawn in his mind.

She only wanted to be friends. He shook his head. And he only wanted to be friends too! What the hell was he thinking! She was leaving anyway! She would forget about anything that happened at the Zodiac Host Club.

'But will you forget about her?' His mind teased again.

"God, shut up!" Kyo growled out loud while punching the side of his head lightly.

He turned back to his side when he saw a light go on below him. He crawled over to the side of the roof to see a balcony right there. It had a small chair and table in one corner and on the other side were two french doors opening now. The main house was enormous with more than twelve bedrooms on a two story mansion but he never noticed that this room had a balcony.

It nearly made his heart stop.

Tohru opened the doors letting the white linen curtains wave lightly in the breeze. She looked around cautiously before stepping out in her nightgown and feeling the cool breeze on her bare shoulders. She wore a pink nightgown fitting around her middle and flaring out just barely grazing the floor. The top part of the sleeping garment had ruffles around her torso and light pink spaghetti straps to hang over her slender shoulders. With her hair down and flowing freely Kyo thought she looked almost unreal.

He was right. The first night he met her out on the street, he wondered what she would look like sober and dry, not in the muddy state he first found her in. He admitted she was quite pretty even though she was soaked to the bone and drenched in alcohol and mud-- okay well maybe not the best first impression-- but still lovely to say the least. Now here she was and he was right: she looked even more beautiful.

"It's pretty." Tohru spoke out loud while leaning on the railing, staring out at the stars.

"Yeah..." Kyo commented not looking at the stars but rather her. He slapped a hand over his mouth and scrambled away from her eye's view.

"Oh, I know!" He heard her footsteps trot back inside and the porch light went off. He heard her walk back outside and she gasped in pleasure. "Wow, there are so many stars!"

Kyo looked up as well and indeed it was a sight to behold. There were millions of stars out tonight. He glanced to the side and didn't like the feeling that he was listening in on her and decided to make himself present. It just didn't feel right, like he was looking in on her personal moments by herself. But how would he just enter her thoughts? It had to be something smooth, cool, refined...

"You like stars?"

'Oh because that was anything like you just described.' He mentally scolded. He could have swore his voice hitched just a bit.

"AH! Don't hurt me Spiderman!" Tohru shrieked but only saw Kyo lean down over the roof top. "Oh, Kyo-kun! I-I didn't know you were...!"

Kyo was careful to hold in his laugh but a smirk reached his lips. "Spiderman?"

The girl sighed. "Bad experience. I thought I saw him crouched in front of my window as a teenager in the middle of the night." She waved her hands infront of her rapidly. "But Kyo-kun what are you doing up on the roof?"

"I come up to the roof a lot, but this is the first time I've seen you out here."

"I normally do this earlier in the night." She admitted. She looked up at Kyo who was grinning at her. "I always wanted to get up to the roof but I'm afraid I'll fall and I'm not too sure how to get up there."

Kyo extended his hand out to her. "You wanna come up?"

"Ah... um I might be too heavy for you."

Kyo turned away pretending not to care. "Fine fine, just stay down there. I don't care."

"No wait, I...!"

Kyo laughed and looked back down at her. "You know, it's okay to tell people what you want sometimes. You don't have to feel unworthy and all that stuff you always talk about. We never hear you complain or ever ask for stuff, so it's okay to tell what you want."

Tohru stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Kyo-kun... I want to... sit on the roof... with you if that's okay."

He didn't know why. It was a simple request but the last bit of 'with you' sent jolts up his spine. He noddled mutely and extended his hands while anchoring his legs on the roof. "Grab my hands and I'll pull you up." She nodded and jumped up a little before grasping his hands. He held onto her forarms as he hauled her up, her feet dangling over the edge of the roof. After a struggle he finally pulled her up, Tohru holding onto his upper back as he finally got her to sit on the roof.

"Wow! It's so high up here!" She said in awe, staring down at the grass way below. "You'd die if you fell!"

"Okay, just don't think about stuff like that." Kyo drawled, surprised at her unintentionally morbid comment. He looked at her arms to see she was still holding on to him as she looked around her in amazement. He blushed but prayed it was dark enough to disguise his face color.

She looked to Kyo and then her hands and let go of him like he was fire. What if she accidentally made him transform? She put her hands in her lap as Kyo noted that he kind of missed the warmth. "S-sorry."

"It's okay."

They were silent for a moment before Tohru tried to make conversation. "Ayame-san is ready with all the preparations for tomorrow's party. Are you excited, Kyo-kun?"

"No. Those parties just piss me off."

Tohru's curiosity wondered on that subject. "Why is that?"

"Because... you have to dance... with people." It sounded stupid, but it was true.

"You can't dance?"

"No!" He answered quickly. "No, what I mean is yes! No!" He slapped his head; he just sounded so stupid!

"Is it because you're cursed, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked carefully afraid he might get touchy on that subject but surprisingly he didn't. He only sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah. That's it."

She turned her whole body in his direction with a determined face. "But when you're dancing you don't have to touch bodies!"

"But all those girls want to dance close! I twisted a girl's arm behind her back when she almost did it. I didn't mean to but I was already pissed that night." Tohru looked at him knowing there was more behind the story. "I was pissed 'cause that damn Momiji kept bugging me all day and then Haru spit gum in the grass making me step in it."

Tohru smiled. "I don't think they mean it..."

"Annoying brats." Kyo muttered.

They both fell silent only staring up at the evening sky. In each other's company, star gazing just seemed that much more fun. Kyo offered to show her a few constellations that he knew of as she tried to see the same pattens in the sky. She got excited everytime she found the picture Kyo drew with his fingers as he pointed to the stars. He found himself smiling along with her as the night carried on. She put her knees up to her chin and started humming quietly as the pair continued looking up at the sky.

He turned to her slightly. "You sing a lot don't you?"

"Ah! Is it annoying? I'll stop!"

"That's not what I meant!" He blurted.

"Oh..." Tohru closed her eyes. "Yeah, I used to sing a lot before I met Satsuki." Kyo turned toward her at that and she stiffled out a small giggle with her eyes still closed. "I guess I really don't talk about him do I? Satsuki Sonto is... um was... my fiance."

"Why'd you stop singing when you met him? It's not annoying or anything..."

"I don't know. But lately I really just feel like doing it. Hana-chan and Uo-chan liked my singing too-- oh they're my best friends-- but I haven't seen them in months." Tohru opened her eyes staring at the large blanket of stars as Kyo only stared at her carefully guarded facial features. It was so unusual for Tohru to suddenly talk about herself so openly like this. "Satsuki said my friends were no good but they told me he was no good for me either but I wouldn't listen..."

A breeze blew and Tohru closed her eyes again as if digging deep within her mind for memories she tucked away somewhere. "And now I don't know where my friends are. Satsuki said... he said it was okay, that he was the only friend I needed. And I believed him."

Kyo never took his eyes off of Tohru as she shuddered under the summer breeze. She was only wearing a thin night gown so he took off his cotton jacket and put it over her chest.

She looked at him then and thanked him with rather glassy eyes. She really was trying to hard not to cry.

"Why... did you love him?" He asked after a moment. He didn't like to pry but the question was rolling around in his mind. And it wasn't only him but Yuki as well. He remembered Yuki growling about how a man that supposedly loved Tohru so much, didn't even go search for her after so long. There had to be a reason Tohru loved him. For once, Kyo found something Yuki and himself could agree on.

Tohru pulled the jacket closer and partially hid her face from Kyo, only her eyes glimmering in the moonlight. "I loved him... because... this might sound stupid..." She paused and pulled loose pieces of hair behind her ear. "Because he forced me to."

Kyo was puzzled by that. "Forced you to love him? There sure as hell better be a better reason than that." He half laughed, "I mean, how can anyone force you to love someone...?" Kyo saw Tohru was dead serious and his grin faded away.

She leaned her head on her arm now staring at the tiles of the roof. She was looking everywhere but at Kyo. "It sounds so strange doesn't it? I don't think love is suposed to be planned and that's what I believe, but he made me feel like all I had in the whole world was only him. He told me he loved me, he always treated me kindly, but did not let me out at all. Like he planned to make me feel like all I had in the world was him. I was only allowed to love him.

"One day he was so furious that Hana-chan came over to greet me, he slammed the door on her face and told me she was nothing but a black witch. For lack of better words anyway." Tohru shuddered. "I don't know why I believed him. I really thought he was a good person. I told Hana-chan to stay away from me. She was doing nothing but hurting Satsuki and my relationship, but what I didn't see was she was trying to help. She and Uo-chan respected my wishes, and... I haven't heard from them since. I sent a letter telling them of my wedding but they were not to come. Satsuki said only family should attend, but seeing how small my biological family was, Hana-chan and Uo-chan were like my family. Still, I did not invite them by Satsuki's orders. He was only 'protecting me' or so he said. I'm so blind and trusting hua?" She smiled and continued, "I wanted to believe I loved him and that he was only protecting me...

"And when he proposed to me that fateful day, I was scared. I was so afraid I was going to be all alone for the rest of my life. There wasn't anything I had but him, or so I was led to believe. He was always so dominant in everything we did. I... I only realize this now after I caught him... with another girl," finally her voice cracked and tears poured from her eyes, "in our bed. I was horrified, to hear another woman calling out his name! Having sex with her!"

Kyo put a gently hand to her shoulder and the girl leaned on his shoulder. If it was one thing he really hated it was seeing a girl crying. "I really thought-- I really thought he loved me. That I was the only-- the only girl that h-he would want to be with. I am such a fool and unworthy of any man! I was just... just not good enough for him! I'm such a fool--!"

"No you're not!" Kyo suddenly bursted out. Tohru looked up and Kyo narrowed his eyes. "Stop saying you're unworthy and you're a fool! You're not!" He drew closer to her so that Tohru backed away just a little to prevent their heads from hitting each other. "What that bastard did to you is wrong! It's just sick! In fact, I'm glad that you found him sleeping with another girl because at least you would find out what a real asshole he is before you got married!

"You deserve so much more than that, Tohru. Much more! You-- you shouldn't have to put up with crap like that! Not you, you're too nice for some guy to be jerking you around like that! And what-- it's been 2 months since you've been here? Hell, he hasn't even gone looking for you, Tohru! If I had found out that you ran away, I'd go find you, not let you run around a town you don't know in the pouring rain! Anything bad could have happened to you!"

"But it didn't." She smiled while quieting his voice. "You found me."

Both young adults fell silent and Tohru leaned her head back on Kyo's shoulder, all his senses focusing on that one spot where they touched. Kyo for one was surprised at his out burst but Tohru didn't seem to mind at all. Since when did he start expressing himself so openly to anyone?

"I think I know why I stopped singing now. Because like a caged bird, it doesn't want to sing unless it's in the sunshine. I wasn't free. But here in this house with everyone, even with the title of a slave or housekeeper, I've never been so free in my life. So happy... with you, and Yuki-kun, and everyone."

Kyo stared out into the night sky his temper going down gradually. "You are not going back to him... Satsuki... when you leave here, are you, Tohru?" Her answer he prayed would not be yes.

"I don't know yet, Kyo-kun."

"You shouldn't."

"I know." She replied just as quickly. "Thank you for listening to me, Kyo-kun. I don't think... I've ever told anyone that. And if you'd like, I'll dance with you tomorrow." Kyo looked at her. "So that other girls won't be trying to hug you too close and you can enjoy the party. I want you to be happy, Kyo-kun."

"You always say that."

"It's because it's true."

Kyo felt suddenly much closer to Tohru than ever before. She'd told him nearly everything that had been running through her mind. It just made him yearn for her to stay even more. She was always saying that she wanted him to be happy but he only wished her the same.

"You should go to bed now." Kyo finally said. In response Tohru yawned sleepy-eyed. She only laughed when Kyo gave her a crooked smile. "You look tired."

"I guess so." Tohru glanced down at her lap. No one ever cared for her the way Kyo did. Satsuki never really asked her what was on her mind nor did he ask about her concerns. She turned to see Kyo's wild amber eyes and she felt her heart race. She shouldn't be thinking of things like that at a time like this! She was going to leave them soon... and everything she'd come to know about Kyo and the rest of the Sohmas. She felt her doubts rise within her but she pushed them down. She knew she was going to leave them the day she started working off her debt. Why was it suddenly so hard to let go and leave? She already decided to leave, there was no turning back.

"Thanks again, Kyo-kun. It really meant a lot to me." She looked a bit sad thinking that in one day she'd be gone. "I'll miss you so much." She just couldn't put it past her lips to tell Kyo she was leaving in a day.

"Aw, stop acting overly greatful, you always listen to everyone else's problems it's only fair that I listen to yours, even if you don't ever talk about it."

With someone like Kyo there to tell her he was willing to listen to her complain and listen to what she thought, it made not only leaving the roof difficult, but leaving the Sohma house period more difficult if not impossible. To tell the truth she was scared. If she left, she'd miss them all but if she stayed she feared she wouldn't be able to ever part.

She smiled anyhow and started to climb down the roof, her legs dangling.

"Whoa, watch it!" Kyo grabbed her seeing she was about to fall off the roof causing a 'poof' and Tohru sitting back on the roof as Kyo pulled her up before he transformed.

"KYO-KUN! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, oh I'm such an idiot!"

Kitty Kyo poked his head out from under his clothes and watched Tohru panic. She was just too adorable to get really mad at and besides it was an accident.

But he wouldn't let her know that. "Well watch it next time." He only responded.

"Right!"

"But it's okay if it's just the two of us or whatever."

She relaxed hearing that it was okay now. "Right..."

"B-but I didn't mean anything funny like that!"

Tohru watched the cat for a moment before giggling and scooping Kyo into her arms. If Kyo was not covered in fur Tohru would see the ultimate blush covering his entire kitty self. She hugged Kyo and kissed him on the cheek.

"What the hell?"

"I always wanted to do that." She confessed. "You're such a good friend, Kyo-kun, even in your cat form." She put him down and an apologetic face returned. "Ah, I hope you didn't mind me hugging you!"

"It's fine." He quickly replied turning around so his tail swished in her direction. "Just, go to sleep and be careful climbing down." She watched Kyo's tail twitch side to side and grinned. Beneath that rough facade, Kyo was such a kind person.

"Night, Kyo-kun." She walked away into her bedroom and closed the door. She locked the balcony doors and went to her bedside when a jacket fell off her shoulders. She picked it up and remembered she forgot to give it back to Kyo. She stood up about to go give it back when she thought better of it. He would transform back to a human and probably did not want her to witness that. She placed his jacket at the foot of her bed and tucked herself in the down feathered quilts before going off into a fitfull sleep. A dream of Kyo and herself that she would not remember in the morning.

Once Kyo transformed back into his human form, he quickly dressed and sat up for a little while longer to stare at the stars. He thought back on Tohru's tale of her fiance and only shook his head in dismay. Finally, Kyo got up as well and went for the ladder on the other side of the roof. Tenderly he touched his cheek where Tohru had kissed him, sending his face cherry red again. She'd been through so much, and it really explained much of her personality. Now more than ever he wanted her to be happy. He could see why Yuki always fussed about her well being, but Kyo wanted her to be more than happy and singing. He just didn't know what exactly it was that he wanted her to be. Now more than ever...

he didn't want her to go.

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