Chapter 2 - To Kill or Not to Kill?

Zero stepped out of the shower. He had lost control of himself when he saw that vampiress stalking Yuki, and he asked her what she was planning and-

She had intended to drain her.

And that is when it happened, he lost control. He had always prized himself on his control. It was an insoluble thing. But today, when he had seen Hio Shizuka, the damned vampiress who had changed him, he had snapped.

He could try to understand why she had condemned him to a life he detested with every fiber of his being, he could try to comprehend that she had no control over her actions, and forgive her even though he retained an intense dislike for her. In short, although he would enjoy to make her suffer like he suffered he had repressed himself for three whole years. Today though, that constraint had flown out the proverbial window when he had heard her voice her most secret desires.

She had wanted to kill Yuki because in her eyes she was the only thing that kept Kaname from coming to her. Hio’s only obstacle to her “rightful” place by Kuran’s side. She wanted to create more pureblooded vampires, more beasts, more evilness in the world.

He could not allow that. And so he gave in to his debillity, to his anger and acted with murderous intent and succeeded. She was dead, no longer could she harm Yuki or anyone else again. But now after he had killed he wondered if he had not become the very monsters he despised. How was it possible that he could kill so mercilessly? So cruelly?

He had enjoyed her death, at that moment he only wanted to bring her more pain. In retribution for her transgressions, in the form of her death. Only that could have assuaged his rage.

“Zero?” Yuki questioned. She had just escaped from Aido’s grasp and her clothes were torn. That was too close for comfort, Aido had almost raped her. In fact he sexually harassed her and she felt dirty. Zero was leaning against the doorway and he had a perturbed expression on his face. It was disquieting. He looked as if he was in his own inner torture. Tentatively, Yuki crossed the hallway and wrapped her arms behind him. He did not say a word but leaned his head against her shoulder like a child seeking comfort. What had happened?

Zero returned Yuki’s embrace and closed his eyes. He wasn’t worthy of her. Her kindness, her protection. Why hadn’t she killed him? He had attacked her once. What if he did it again?

“Yuki.” Zero said in a deep serious tone interrupting the moment.

“Are you sure…you want to stay with me?”

Yuki leaned close to him and kissed his nose softly, she nuzzled his neck and whispered so quietly he almost didn’t catch her response.

“Yes, Zero. No matter what happens I shall always remain by your side, even though you may lose control. We’ll survive somehow.”

“Why?” he finally asked her with tormented turquoise eyes.

Yuki kissed his lips, a momentary caress before saying firmly, “Because I love you, you baka.”

She then remained still and just held him, as the sun reached its zenith, as people passed by in the corridor, as the birds twittered quietly. Why couldn’t Yuki understand that she wasn’t safe? And worst of all he couldn’t push her away, she was his only weakness.

Yuki, why can’t you see?

He turned away from her beautiful face and burrowed his head in her bosom, it was probably the only time she would not smack him for this. He was not happy though, Yuki…why do I need you, why do I love you so much? He tried to pull away but she only held him tighter. She should not trust the monster that he had become.

This is wrong though.

My anger is an unspeakable thing;

It curls and grates like the Furies themselves-

But I never show you…

I hide from it.

As if negating its existence can take away the pain,

The fulminating ire that nearly burns with vengeance-

But dies with torpid silence.

Don’t trust me when I’m quiet-

For then my thoughts are black.

And like Hades in his shady smile,

That tricked Persephone with a pomegranate,

My ruse is just as smite.

I smile when I’m happy, I smile when I’m not-

I yell when I am irritated and I can kill when I don’t cry out-

Twin moons form in the palm of my hands,

Blood drips down.

Claret tears fall upon my skin and languish in perturbed silence.

And then I strike.

When I am smiling.

When I am not.

You see me clench my hands-

But you don’t know me.

You think you do, but even I don’t know.

For this anger is an irrational thing,

It grows and ferments like toxic fumes,

Before the braze of resentment snuffs it out…

My culpability.

And then beware,

For I don’t care.

I see you bleeding with a detached eye,

I see you dying as my hands squeeze tight,

And I don’t care.

You’re nothing to me,

A thing, without form or with form.

I no longer care.

You die.

Your eyes roll back and your hand twitches.

I find that interesting.

Death.

A single salty tear dripped down his face and fell wetly against Yuki’s chest.

Tears of denial.

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