Chapter 4 - A Time for Talks

ch.4
Raven rushed to her room but instead of meditating she grabbed her mirror 'I'm going to need to discuss this with....myself'
In no time she had entered the portal into her mind 'nevermore'. She glanced around noticing she was alone.....'they know I'm here' she thought 'are they avoiding me'

"yes" came a calm voice from behind her. She turned around slowly to gaze upon Knowledge. She readjusted her glasses shifted the book in her hand and then pulled the yellow cloaked hood off her head.

"why" Raven asked "where is everyone else....i need to discuss something very important with them...i have questions"

"i know" knowledge nodded "but they are afraid to answer"

"why" Raven demanded to know

"because you are afraid to know the answesr" she stated "and we are apart of you"

"you're here" Raven said "you tell me whats going on"

knowledge sighed "i know only what you know" she stated "i can tell you what you think but i can not guarantee the I'm...that we're correct"

"tell me" Raven said again

Knowledge looked away from her seeming upset and uttered one word "Trigon"

'no' raven whispered backing up at bit "but...how"

"Beastboy has been inside our mind" she elaborated "perhaps that is when this occurred"

"but that was a long time ago" Raven replied "Why would it be affecting him now"

"we all have questions" knowledge stated looking her in the eyes "perhaps this is something you shouldn't be asking yourself about"

Raven sighed. She knew what knowledge meant, she wanted her to speak with Beastboy.
Raven nodded and turned to leave

"I think I'm going to need bravery's help on this one" she said to herself

"you'll have more help than that" knowledge informed her "several emotions are going to be present, maybe even some you didn't expect"
and with that knowledge disappeared and Raven exited the portal.
Returning back to her room she sighed and went to talk to Beastboy.

When she walked back into the medical bay she frowned. Cyborg had hooked up various wires to Beastboy who was sitting up in bed looking uncomfortable. Robin was beside him with a pencil and paper asking him questions.

"a voice" Robing questioned "but you can't remember what it was saying.....who it sounded like"
Beastboy shook his head sadly.

"I'm sure you will remember it soon friend" Starfire said reassuringly from the seat near his bed.

"um....guys" Raven said getting every ones attention

"you feeling better Rea" Beastboy asked. She was slightly surprised that he would be the first to ask considering his situation but his face showed only concern for her. She felt guilty for leaving him so quickly when he probably needed her

"yes but I'd like to talk to you Beastboy" she stated glancing to the other Titans "alone please"

"are you sure Raven" Robin asked "what if.."

Raven shot him a glare "i''l be fine"

"okay then" Robin nodded "come on guys"

everyone nodded and exited the room leaving a confused, surprised and slightly nervous Beastboy.

"what's up Rae" Beastboy asked

"don't call me that" Raven mumbled

"oh...sorry"

"Beastboy" raven stared him in the eyes "please tell me what happened"

"I...I.." Panic rose in him again "whatever happened i...i didn't mean it....i don't know what happened...I..."

"Beastboy calm down" Raven said "it's....okay"

Beastboy sighed and looked downward "am I....losing control"

"I'm not sure" Raven said "it might be more than that"

Beastboy looked scared now
"don't worry though" Raven stated "its nothing you can't handle"

"ya know what Raven" Beastboy said

"what"

"i feel like your the only one who believes that" he paused "that i can do it...that i can do anything"

Raven felt something inside her stir...."affection'. She wanted to reach out her hand to comfort him but instead she sat on the edge of the bed beside him
Beastboy looked up at her surprised as a knot formed in his stomach

"beastboy" Raven said "you can't remember what the voice said, but maybe you can remember how you felt"

"I...I felt angry" Beastboy said turning his head away again "I've never felt so angry....not even when i became the beast before"

"You couldn't fight it" Raven asked

"I...I don't think i wanted to" he said

Raven looked afraid for him "care to explain"

"I wanted to hurt that...voice...I wanted him to suffer" Beastboy said unable to look up at Raven "I...I think he wanted me to be mad....He said.."

"what" Raven urged cautiously

"I don't remember" Beastboy said his expression seeming conflicted "just things....things that made me mad....things that hurt me"

"hurt you" Raven questioned

"things that happened....Things that i did" Beastboy said now talking faster and beginning to tremble "thing...things that were my fault...they were...they were all my fault"
Tears began to form in his eyes "it's all my fault...every things all my fault" he sobbed into his hands

Seeing Beastboy begin to break down hurt her....she felt that this was her fault...she felt "timid".
She reached her hand out to put on his shoulder but suddenly found herself wrapping her arms around him...'bravery....and affection'

"Beastboy stop" she insisted pulling away slowly "this isn't your fault...please.... talk to me"

Beastboy looked up at Raven through surprised and tear stained eyes as she withdrew her hug.

"I'm sorry" he whispered

"this isn't your fault Beastboy" she told him "it's...it's mine"

"what?" Beastboy asked puzzled

"tell me Beastboy" Raven said looking down at her hands "when we were inside my mind did...did anything happen when we were fighting Trigon...and please be honest with me"

"you...defeated him...sorta" Beastboy said "i mean...you combined with your other emotions to get rid of him"

"then what"

"we...left" Beastboy said "you were exhausted....so we left... i was so..."

Beatsboy stopped. "so..what?" Raven asked

"um...nothing"

"tell me" she insisted

"i...i was afraid" he confessed

"Trigons scary" she said "you had every right to be"

"no i wasn't afraid of him, not that he wasn't way scary" he said "i was afraid...afraid he'd hurt you..."

Raven looked at him surprised "um..." she was at a loss of words and she felt "timids" presence again and for some reason she seemed to feel "happy" too.... perhaps flattered.

'wait...Trigon feeds on my vulnerabilities....mostly my angry....which he emerges through...maybe he linked to Beastboy somehow' she thought "knowledge" was with her "not his anger but his fear and doubt'

"Raven" Beastboy questioned

'Trigon can't live through fear and doubt but he can feed off it.....turn it into rage' she thought 'is he manipulating Beastboy'

"um...Raven" Beastboy asked again "you okay"

'huh" Raven looked up "oh..yes...i just was thinking"

"are you...afraid of me" Beastboy asked quietly "I know the others are"

"no they're not" Raven replied "they're worried"

"they think I'm a monster" Beastboy said sadly

"Beastboy please stop" Raven insisted "that's not true"

"they hate me" he said to himself looking down in thought

"STOP IT" Raven yelled slapping him in the face

Beastboy looked up in shock
"Beastboy I'm sorry but i had to" Raven stated regretfully "you can't keep thinking like this or...or he'll win"

"w..who" Beastboy asked frightened

"Just remember this" Raven said calmly "your not alone...you never are....remember... you told me that"

"i do" he nodded smiling weakly

"well the sames true for you" she said "you have to believe that...no matter what....I'm...we're here for you"

"thanks" Beastboy replied quietly looking down at his hands

'why am i so nervous' Beastboy wondered 'Raven....Raven doesn't like me....'

"Beastboy" Raven replied placing her hand on his "do you understand....I'm going to help you through this"

"pinky promise" he said offering his pinky

Raven rolled her eyes then complied "pinky promise". their pinkys entwined and simultaneously their stomaches formed into knots. Raven blushed lightly and hoped Beastboy didn't notice
Beasboy smiled softly before a voice echoed in the back of his head

'you always hurt those close to you"

Beastboy jerked his pinky away "Raven" he said worriedly "I...I don't want to hurt you"

"you won't" she reassured him "i believe in you"

Suddenly the alarm went off and Robin burst in the room

"Trouble down town Mumbo's robbing a bank"

Raven and Beastboy stood up

Robin looked over at Beastboy with uncertainty

"maybe you should sit this one out Beastboy"

"but...."

"he's right man" Cyborg said from behind Robin "until we know whats wrong you should stay here"

Beastboy looked hurt and defeated

"do not worry friend we shall do the butt whooping today" she said enthusiastically "and then we will return to accompany you"

"don't worry i shouldn't take long" Robin stated with a smug grin "LETS GO"

everyone filed out of the room Raven being the last to leave

"Remember what i said" Raven told him before closing the door behind her

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