Chapter 9 - transparent

ch.9
two days later

Raven walked into the main room noticing right away that Beastboy wasn't there....he had been feeling a lot better and Robin had agreed he could get up as long as he didn't over do it. Robin was the only one in the main room at the time and Raven continued with the task of making her tea.

Robin had kept quiet for awhile reading his newspaper and Raven sipping her tea but it was not to last. Robin laid down the paper and stared forward to Raven

"Raven?"

"hhmm" Raven acknowledged him while sipping her tea

"I think you should talk to Beastboy" Robin said

"whys that" she asked staring intently at the contents of her cup

"I think you know what i mean" Robin said "you've been acting strange towards Beastboy ever since the other day...and I'm not the only one who's noticed"

Raven remained silent

"..Beastboy's noticed" Robin continued "it might be more than that but he's been kinda quiet lately.....i know Trigons gone but he might still feel guilty about what happened"

"maybe you should talk to him then"

"Raven that's enough" Robin said sternly "whatevers going on between the two of you may not seem like my concern but if it starts to affect the rest of the team.."

"that's all you care about" Raven said cutting him off "the safety of many out weighs the safety of one ....Right"

"Raven" Robin said slightly angry "you know why i was doing that.. I had to.."

"I KNOW" Raven said louder than she intended "but you couldn't possible think that i had the teams interest at heart too"

Robin was silent for a moment waiting for her to continue

"I would have quit" Raven stated a little quieter "If you had killed Beastboy I would have quit.....and how much longer do you think the rest of you guys would have lasted...the team would have broken apart"

"So you think that letting Trigon Take control would have been better" Robin countered

"NO" Raven replied "Trigon wouldn't have gotten control...I knew Beastboy could fight him...I knew i could help....I believed in him Robin which is more than you ever did"

"if you believe in him so much then why are you hurting him" Robin asked loudly "If I'm so much more concerned about the majority than him or you as individuals then why have i noticed when you haven't"

"I CAN"T" Raven yelled

"Can't what" Robin demanded to know

"I CAN'T LOVE HIM" She yelled. Immediately as the words left her mouth her eyes went wide and several thing around the room that had already been levitating broke.

Robin was silent....his eyes slightly wide and his mouth opening and closing as if he was trying to say something but couldn't find words.

Raven pulled her hood up over her head embarrassed and stood up "don't you dare tell the others"

"Raven" Robin said quietly still in surprise "I..I didn't know"

"no....you didn't" Raven said turning to walk away

Ravens emotions stirred inside her...she had hoped to keep it inside but now Robin knew....she needed time to think and clear her head....so she headed towards the roof.

when she opened the door to the roof she was surprised to see Beastboy. He was sitting near the edge, his feet hanging over the sides and leaning back on his hands. He stared somewhat sadly out towards the distances and closed his eyes as the wind blew by.

Raven felt guilty seeing him....she took a few steps forward and a feeling of dread filled her....she wanted to turn and run away

"hay Raven" Beastboy said slowly opening his eyes and staring back at her

"how'd you know" she asked slightly curious

"i heard you" he said with a small smile "you're not that noisy but i could tell someone was there"

"it could have been anyone" Raven stated taking another step forward

"maybe but i could smell you too" He said suddenly becoming nervous "not that you smell bad or anything...i mean...you don't...you smell very good...i mean..uh"

Raven gave a small grin "I know what you mean"

"wow" Beastboy said "did you actually smile"

"i don't think so" Raven replied flatly taking another step forward

"oh...to bad" he said grinning slyly "cause if you had been smiling just now I was going to say that it was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen"

Raven hid her blush and stared down at Beastboy as she stood beside him

'is he flirting with me' she thought

"so" Raven said sitting down beside him "whats wrong"

Beastboy looked surprised that she had asked and even more surprised that she had sat next to him

"nothing" he replied smiling "I..I thought you were mad at me"

"sorry" she said "I told you I wasn't but i guess i haven't been treating you very nicely"

"that's okay" Beastboy replied

Raven looked at him 'how can he say that's okay....i know it must have hurt him...at least that's what Robin thinks...and he did look pretty down'

"it's not okay Beastboy" Raven said "you're my friend and you deserved to be treated better"

"thanks" Beastboy replied gratefully

it got quiet and Beastboy stared out onto the horizon again

"is something else wrong" Raven asked

Beastboy just shrugged in reply

"and I thought I was the sercretice one" she replied earning a small grin from him

the grin however didn't last and that sad and longing look came over him again

"are you going to tell me whats bothering you or not" Raven asked slightly annoyed

Beastboy turned his head away from her slightly and mumbled "nothing"

Raven sighed aggravated by her futile attempts to console him then she remembered something he had said

'he told me things....things that were my fault...they were all my fault..."

'I can't lose anyone else'

"Beastboy?"

"yeah"

"what happened to your parents" she asked cautiously ....thinking she was on the right track

Beastboy froze and his expression was blank for a moment then hurt

"parents" He said with a light nervous laugh "i figured you guys thought i was hatched from an egg"

he laughed a little at this but she could see the hurt behind it.....

"I'm serious Beastboy" Raven stated

"you're always serious" he laughed again "I mean lighten up Raven....i know...I've got a joke for you...there was this guy and..."

"Beastboy stop" Raven said grabbing his hand for a moment to get his attention "you don't have to do that"

Beastboy looked at her in slight confusion "do what"

"make jokes" Raven said "you don't have to hide your feelings from me"

"you hide your feeling from me" he said "i mean...ya know....me and the rest of the team"

"that's because my emotions are dangerous" she said "you can express your feelings and i envy you for that....but i also pity you for hiding them away"

"you wouldn't like me if you knew" he said sadly "I mean...you might think differently of me...you and the others"

"this is just between the two of us" Raven said "i won't tell anyone else and it won't change how i feel about you"

"I..I just can't" he said defeated looking away from her

again she remember something he had said
'why should i trust you when you don't trust me'

Even though he had been under Trigons influence at the time she knew that those were Beastboys words

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Raven stared forward onto the horizon and spoke

"I grew up in Azarath" she started

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