Chapter 0 - This is the whole story. >>

I feel like telling you all a story now.

It's a very touching story.

You should read it.

Once, in a moment of seeming existence, lived a young boy. This boy was obsessed with anime.
And onions.
Some would refer to him as 'Otaku', but he preferred to be called Rasetsumaru.
Because that was his name.
No one knew why his parents named him as such.
Anyway, one day, Rasetsumaru and a few of his friends decided to go out to the local shopping mall.
In arriving, they encountered a young boy with blond hair and a red coat.
He claimed his name was Edward.
He was rather short.
Rasetsumaru asked this Edward, "Why do you stand in our way?"
"I need you and your friends to help me with something." Ed replied.
"What do you need help with?"
"I need to use you as ingredients in a very important transmutation."
Sadly, poor Rasetsumaru had never seen Full Metal Alchemist, so he happily agreed to help.
"You see, I've discovered the secret to eternal life, but I need a few kids like you to help me." Edward spoke.
"So, what do we need to do, Ed?" Rasetsumaru asked.
"Well, before we get down to business, I need some extra materials."
"Like what?"
"Well, to start off, you have to find a guy named Goku, he's a friend of mine. Tell him his old pal Edward needs to borrow the Nimbus Cloud."
"And where can I find this 'Goku'?"
"He lives in Canada. >>"
"O.K.!"
So, Rasetsumaru and his friends traveled to Canada. Half way there, they suffered from a shortage of food, so the group had to resort to cannibalism. Sadly, none of Rasetsumaru's friends made it to Canada.
Sensing Rasetsumaru's high energy level readings, Goku met him soon after he entered the country.
"HEY, you seem strong, LETS FIGHT!" Goku quickly shouted at the boy.
"Why would I want to do that?"
"WHY NOT? Fighting's fun. FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!"
"But, you're all big and strong and stuff, you'd probably kill me."
"If I kill you, we can wish you back with the Dragon Balls! If you kill me, you can wish me back with the Dragon Balls! Fighting and dieing have no meaning when you've got DRAGON BALLS!"
Sadly, poor Rasetsumaru had never seen Dragon Ball Z, So he was very confused and a bit repulsed.
"Um, YOUR FRIEND ED NEEDS THE NIMBUS CLOUD!" Rasetsumaru hastily proclaimed.
"OH, why didn't you say so?"
Goku then handed Rasutsumaru the golden cloud.
"BYE!" Rasetsumaru said as he hopped onto the flying cloud, moments later soaring into the sunset.
A few days later, the boy arrived at the shopping mall, finding Edward standing in the same place as before.
"I got your cloud!" Rasetsumaru shouted happily.
"Good work! I'm surprised he let it go so easily! That sucker probably doesn't even know that it's the nimbus cloud that revives all their sorry asses, not the Dragon Balls. >>" Ed said.
"So, what do we need now, Ed?"
"What happened to your friends?"
"I ate them..."
"..."
After a moment of silence, Edward continued:
"Next, we need 152 mecha."
"What's 'mecha'?"
Sadly, poor Rasetsumaru had never seen a mecha anime.
"You know, Evangelion, Gundam, Super Robot Wars, Code Geass, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, Eureka Seven, stuff like that. >>"
Rasetsumaru stood their, eyes wide, lost in the ocean of unfamiliar names.
"Ah, don't worry about it, there's a mecha warehouse down in Central, just try there." Edward said.
"Sure, O.K...." Rasetsumaru walked away, trying to figure out where this 'Central' was, until he stumbled upon the gate that links this world to its parallel world. He then made his way to Central, claimed 152 mecha, and brought them back to Edward.
"Here ya go!" Rasetsumaru said as he set the numerous types of mecha at Ed's feet.
"Well, they should work nicely. ^^" Ed said happily. "Now all I need is one more thing."
"And what is that?"
"The last ingredient... I need the mystical beast Cerberus, known as Kero-chan..."
"What's that?"
"Cardcaptor Sakura...?" Ed lowered his head, "Just forget it, all you need to do is get him for me, okay? -_-;"
"Um... O.K. So, where is he?"
"He's in... a very dangerous place right now. >>"
"Yeah? So where is he, huh?"
"The land of 'Yaoi'..."
"Yaoi?"
"Yeah..."
"What's Yaoi?"
Sadly, poor Rasetsumaru didn't know what yaoi was.
"Just forget it, okay?!" Edwards snapped harshly.
"Um, okay... so why is this place so dangerous?
"It's a place where they make guys like me wear maid outfits and be enslaved by guys like Greed. >_>;"
"Um?"
"JUST GO, OKAY?!"
So Rasetsumaru set off to 'Yaoi Land' in hopes to find this 'Kero-chan'.
A lot of things happened and then he returned to Ed with the Cerberus. >>
"Edward..." Rasetsumaru spoke quietly.
"Yeah, I know..."
"You didn't tell me-"
"Yeah, sorry..."
"I..."
"So, did you get him?" Ed asked.
Rasetsumaru held out Kero-chan, holding him by the back of his neck.
"HEY THAT HURTS, LET ME GO!" Kero-chan whined.
"Excellent! Now eternal life is MINE!' Edward screamed. Then, soon after, laughed maniacally. He then placed all of the ingredients in the center of a large... very large... transmutation circle that he had been drawing for a few days. He clapped his hands together and then placed them on the ground. An extremely bright light flashed from the circle as loud clashing of mecha and screams of Kero-chan were heard. As the light slowly dissipated, Rasetsumaru could see a tall figure standing alone in the center of the circle. Through closer inspection, He could see that Edward was much taller, now with black hair, red hat, and round, yellow glasses: Thus, the vampire 'Alucard' was born.
But of course, poor Rasetsumaru didn't know this, because he had never seen Hellsing.
"Young child, you claim to be obsessed with anime, though there are so many anime that you have not seen." Alucard spoke, "So then, how can you dare state this as a fact?"
"Um... Well..." Rasetsumaru slowly said as he lowered his head.
"Have you even seen an anime?" the vampire asked...
"I LIKE NARUTO! : D" Rasetsumaru proudly proclaimed
"Sorry, kid, but I just don't think that's enough..." Alucard said as his arm changed into the form of a Hellhound head.
"Wait, what are you doing?!" Rasetsumaru shrieked in fear.
The poor boy screamed in agony as he was ripped apart by the infernal canine, blood was sprayed everywhere, nourishing the vampire and his familiar...

THE END! ^.^

And what was the moral of the story, kids?
[kids are in shock]
The moral was: Watch anime, watch a lot of anime, or Alucard will eat you! ^_^

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment