Chapter 1 - 25 ways to craze the holidays

25 ways to show you Christmas, Hanukkah, or New Years Spirit for the holidays:
1: Find 3 toy catalogs and memorize them, go to the guy in your family who buys you Christmas presents (or maybe even the store Santa) and say "This is what I want for Christmas, I want (say everything you memorized in the catalog, and when you have finished, say it again!)"
2:Read the Nativity Scene in the Bible and read it out loud, yell so everybody can listen, have a bag of potato chips with you, grab a handful, scarf your face and chew with your mouth open very loud.
3:Ask the store Santa how often he works out in the gym.
4:When the store Santa asks if you been good for the year, say that he hasn't been good for getting in his business.
5:Go out in your neighborhood and bring a Christmas carol book, a hammer and a big bag, go find a house, pound the door with the hammer, when someone opens the door, scream "JINGLE BELLS" very loud, ask politely if you could come inside and talk with the guy, go sit in front of the tree, talk, slide all the presents in your bag, make sure the guy notices, when the guy chases you, RUN and scream, "I'M CALLING THE POLICE THAT YOU'RE GETTING IN MY BUSINESS!"
6:JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AN EGG, THE BATMOBILE BROKE ITS WHEEL AND THE JOKER GOT AWAY, HEY, JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS, ROBIN LAID AND EGG, MR. FREEZE CUT THE CHEESE AND THE JOKER DID BALLET!
7:While you are Christmas shopping for other people at Wal-Mart, right when you have to pay for the stuff, go around the register machine, hug and kiss the cash register guy and say "I LOVE YOU". Ask if you still have to pay, Aftre the guy says yes, scream so loud and say "'Save Money, Live Better'? If you guys want us to save money, why not have everything 1 cent?"
8:[EMPTY]
9:If you have to go to Grandma's for Thanksgiving, RIGHT WHEN YOU GET IN, scream "OUT OF THE WAY, CASPER IS ON HBO AND SPIDER-MAN 3 IS NEXT! WOOOOOOO!!!" When someone grabs you and drags you out to the car, cry LOUDLY, and throw a tantrum with your arms and feet saying "I WANNA WATCH TV! TV NOW! TV NOW! TV NOW!" Scream outside very loudly so everyone can hear you, scream "THIS PLACE SUCKS PENCIL!!!" When someone talks to you outside about how bad you've been today and ground you, in the middle of the talk, go back inside and scream "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" At dinnertime, make sure you say a good prayer, if someone reads the bible for a prayer, stand on the table, point to the person and scream "PLAGIARIST, YOU'LL GET ARRESTED FOR THAT." Sit down politely after that, when you eat the turkey, smack your lips loudly, and then act like you have a toothache or you bit your tongue fall on the floor screaming, knock over the table screaming, run outside screaming, and drive the car home.
10:If you are a caroler, sing the Rick Rolling song by Rick Astley.
11:If you are good at singing the Super Smash Bros. Brawl song, sing that too.
12:Sing the "One of us now" song from The Land Before Time 2 while you are caroling and then put on a Darth Vader mask on and a black glove and say "Seriously, you ARE one of us now."
13:Go to a Christmas tree farm and pee on a tree and if a guy catches you, say "I'm watering it!"
14:When you are on the store Santa's lap, scream "FOR CHRISTMAS I WANT A Wii, AN XBOX 360, A MAC, A PLAYSTATION 3, A NINTENDO GAMECUBE, A NINTENDO DS, AN HD FLAT SCREEN TV, A PRIUS, A BLU-RAY PLAYER, ALL 13 LAND BEFORE TIME MOVIES, ALL 7 STAR WARS MOVIES, A NERF DART TAG BLASTER, Wii FIT, SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL, A PRIUS, AN IPOD, AND IPOD NANO, AN IPOD SHUFFLE, COMPLEX HEADPHONES, A SUBSCRIPTION TO TV GUIDE, A SPIDER-MAN SUIT AND A MOTORCYCLE, AND I BETTER GET ALL THOSE BECAUSE I HAVE A GOOD PERSON THIS YEAR!!!" Take a deep breath, hug Santa and kiss him and walk out.
15: If you are in New York City for New Years Eve, throw a rock at the 2009 ball so it could come down faster and run away.
BONUS: 5 THINGS TO DO AT A DENTIST'S OFFICE WHEN YOU ARE GETTING X-RAYED:
1: When the dentist puts the X-Ray camera near your cheek, and when he walks out to the camera room to take picture, take the camera and sit on it. Quickly put it back up where it was before the dentist comes back in the room to call you a sicko.
2:When you are getting your picture taken, put on plastic vampire teeth, and see what happens.
3:When the dentist is in the camera room, get ketchup on your finger and write on the camera lens, DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. When the dentist comes back in, say "I was only kidding."
4:Before you go to the dentist's office grab a bunch of marbles and put them in your pocket. When you are being X-rayed, and when the dentist is in the camera room, yell "I'M DI INT TAKE MY MEDICATION TODAY, I'M GOING TO HAVE A FREAK ACCIDENT!!" Wham the seat so the dentist could think you hit the camera, and throw the marbles on the floor, so the dentist could think you broke the camera. When the dentist comes in, say "Do I have any holes?"
5:If you have nothing else to do, then sit still and get your X-Ray picture taken.
BONUS: FIVE THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART:
1:(Get a friend to help you with this one) Bring a surf board to Wal-Mart, and a rope. Tie the rope to the shopping cart and tie the other end to the surf board. Have your friend push the shopping cart and you do surf tricks on the board, if someone catches you, say "SURF'S UP!" and surf out.
2:Grab all the Toy Story videos and put them in random shopping carts when shopper's aren't looking.
3:Go to the toys aisle and grab 10 superhero action figures and put them in a Bowling pin position. Go to the sports and get a basketball or a soccerball and go back to the toys aisle. Have fun bowling!
4:Go to homewares and shove a pillow in your shirt. Go to the McDonald's and ask the cash register guy if you can buy 3 double cheese burgers. When a worker is making your meal say "I'M WAIIIIIIIIITIIIIIIIIIING" cry loudly, when the guy gives you your burgers, say gimmie.
5:Run to the pharmacy and scream "INEEDSOMETHINGTHATCOULDCURESEIZURES!!!!!"

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