elvisfan123

Today I realised that if I save my word documents as "the world, Perri", the computer will ask me "Would you like to save the changes you made to the world, Perri?". I stroked my white kitten who was asleep on my lap and cackled evilly. Why yes, yes I would. MLIA

Today, I was at "Bed Bath and Beyond." I went up to an employee and asked what the "Beyond" was. He replied with, "you don't want to know." I've never been more frightened in my life. MLIA

Today, I got a new backpack. On the back, it had a label saying "If swallowed seek medical advice". I laughed, imagining a person trying to swallow a backpack. MLIA.

Today at work we got a new vacuum cleaner. It straps onto your back and has a hand-held nozzle with which to vacuum. I am officially a Ghostbuster. MLIA

Today, I got my school schedule. They screwed it up, and gave me two gyms, no math, and one free period instead. I'm sort of considering not telling the school about it. MLIA.

Today, I was singing in the shower, my dad knocked on the door and requested a song. MLIA

Today, I was bored and messing around on Google. I typed in 'Google is' and 'Google is watching you' popped up. I'm not sure whether to be amused or afraid. MLIA

Today, I was at Disneyland. While walking down Main Street, a little boy ran up to me, handed me his Disney autograph book, and said "I can't believe they have Harry Potter here!" My life is absolutely complete. MLIA.

Today, I was watching Law & Order SVU with my dad. I had already seen the episode, but I made a bet with him on who the killer was. Easiest 20 bucks I've ever made. MLIA

Today, in my highschool physics class I found an eraser with "yes" scratched into one side and "no" into the other. I then proceeded to play "eraser of destiny" - asking yes or no questions and tossing the eraser to learn the answer. It ended up being so much fun that the whole class joined in. My teacher pretended he was annoyed, but the eraser of destiny knows better. MLIA.

omg i got 65 favs from witty for a mlia!!!!!!!!

Today, I was on the phone with my friend when suddenly I won 10,000 neopoints. I then screamed and told her what happened. She paused and then said "this is why we're not popular". MLIA

Last night my cat was sitting on my lap as I watched TV, I'm a little allergic so I sneezed and it unfortunately went on her, she lept off my knee looking disgruntled. This morning I woke to find her sitting on my chest, just as I opened my eyes she sneezed in my face and then walked away. Well played cat. MLIA

http://video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=5722676&l=3774740

Today, at the grocery store, I saw a man get out of a Pepsi car. When I went inside I saw the same man buying Coke. Traitor. MLIA

Today I went to Starbucks and remembered to say "Thanks a latte". I surprised the barista, but she quickly retorted "Have a grande". I now love this person. MLIA


Today, I found a note in my textbook telling me to go to a certain page. On that page there were instructions to go to another page. This continued for about thirty pages, and the last page was covered in stickers that said "you did it" and "good job." I now love whoever had my textbook before me. MLIA

Today, I went to the Steeler game and had really good seats. People all around me were shouting star player's names to get them to look. I shouted to a second string player, he turned and waved to me immediately. I felt special. MLIA

Today, I ate several delicious Dove chocolates. I decided to stop, but the last wrapper told me to go ahead and have another. I did. MLIA.


Today I bought a milkshake and when I got home there were 3 boys in my yard, it made my day. MLIA

Today I got the address to a Krispy Kreme and put it into my GPS so it would direct me. When my GPS told me "I had arrived at my destination" I was starring straight at a 24 hour fitness. There was no Krispy Kreme in sight. I think my GPS is sending me a message. MLIA


Today my mom bought me foaming toothpaste. I pretended to have rabies. MLIA

Today, I was at an amusement park. Realizing I had been seperated from my mother I yelled "mom" as loud as I could. At least 10 woman turned around. None of them were my mother, but I'm glad they have good motherly reflexes. MLIA.

Today I was downtown and I really had to go to the bathroom. I passed a mime who was performing and asked him which way to the nearest bathroom. He told me which way to go instead of mimeing it. I felt a little let down. MLIA

Today, my mom bought green toilet paper with pictures of flowers and clouds and bears on it. Needless to say, I will be going to the bathroom more often now. MLIA

Today I was outside singing. Out of nowhere a wild rabbit came bounding over to me. I felt like I was the next disney princess. MLIA


Last night I decided that I'd make myself French toast in the morning for breakfast. I was so excited that I couldn't fall asleep and made myself French toast at 2 in the morning. MLIA


Today, I started a new job. One of my coworkers' names is Tom Riddle. I don't trust him in the slightest. MLIA

Today I searched google in yahoo and it said "You could go to Google. Or you could stay here and get straight to your answers." When I typed yahoo in google, nothing like that came up. I'm glad google took the high rode. MLIA

A few weeks ago, I wrote under August 14th on my mom's calendar: "DON'T FORGET!!!" for no particular reason. I woke up this morning finding my mom pacing around the dining room table trying to remember. It was the highlight of my summer. MLIA


Today, someone attempted to prank call me from an unknown number while I was watching a Jackie Chan video in Chinese. Instead of ignoring the call I answered and held the phone up to the speaker. I pranked the pranksters. I don't think they expected me to be a Chinese-speaking man. MLIA

Today, the handymen were at my apartment doing a few minor repairs. They are both very very redneck, tough looking guys covered in tattoos. Then one of their phones rang. The ring tone was Miley Cyrus' "The Climb". I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. MLIA

Today, I looked my house up on Google Earth. It thinks my house is about 300 yards away from where it actually is. I feel better knowing that if someone ever tried to use Google Earth coordinates to shoot a missile at my house, they would miss. MLIA

Today, I was in a parade. It looked like it was going to start raining. I got excited that it might literally rain on my parade. It rained. I was excited. MLIA.


Today, I was on a subway and someone's watch was ticking quite loudly. I said "Hmm, what is that mysterious ticking noise..." with a fake british accent. Someone began singing the, "snape, snape, severus snape" tune. I yelled "Dumbledore!". We exchanged smiles. I think I've found my soulmate. MLIA

Today, I saw a blue jay and a cardinal flying together. I don't know if they were mating or fighting, but I'm keeping my eye out for a purple bird. MLIA.

Today, while shopping for school supplies, I heard a girl telling her dad she wanted a Jonas Brothers binder. The dad replied "NO! THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE GAY!" I laughed. MLIA

Today, while doing work in class I started humming the Mario Brothers theme song. Two other people joined in with me. I eventually had the whole class going, including the teacher. I felt like a leader. MLIA.

The other night I was at the movies and saw a girl wearing Apple Bottom Jeans. I immediately looked to see if she was also wearing boots with the fur. I was disappointed to see that she wasn't. MLIA.

Today, I stubbed my toe and said "Jesus!" really loudly. A guy near me hear and said, "Yes, my child?" I laughed for about ten minutes. MLIA

Today, I was watching MTV with my cat. When he got up, his paw hit the remote and changed it to the History channel. I'm glad my cat cares about my education. MLIA

Today, after setting up speech recognition on my laptop, I asked it to tell me a joke. My computer responded: "Enough jokes, back to work." My computer just owned me. MLIA.

Today, during my pilates class we did this stretch that made me feel like a cat. As we continued to do this stretch, I started to meow and make cat noises from the back of the classroom very quietly. After a few minutes the person next to me started to join in. MLIA

Today, my mother started fussing at me for not unloading the dishwasher. She asked why I didnt do what I was told, and I started singing "Bad" by Micheal Jackson. Within a few minuetes, my sister started singing back up vocals, with my dad laying down a beat. I never did unload the dishwasher, and I have never been more proud of my family. MLIA

Today, I saw a bald man shopping in the shampoo aisle. It made my day. MLIA.

Today, as my subway pulled into the station with a screeching halt, 5 people were thrown off balance and fell down. I, however, hooked the handle of my umbrella around the metal bar hanging from the ceiling and glided in gracefully. The entire subway car burst into applause. MLIA.

Today, I was shopping at Good Will when I came across a familiar pair of jeans. They were a pair my mom had given away several months ago without my permission. I bought them again. It felt like a reunion. MLIA.

A problem went wrong with my iPod touch, so I proceeded to call Apple Customer Service. The guy on the other line asked me "Have you touched it?" and I told him I have been touching it all day. He then said to me "That's what she said." I love Apple. MLIA.

Today, I was filling milk at work (supermarket) when I noticed a lady looking at the milk. I knew that she didnt know I was behind there I said "pick me" in a high voice. The lady then grabed a milk quickly and walked away looking back several times in fright. I love scaring people. MLIA

Today,I noticed that Macs have a Trash Bin but PC's have a Recycle Bin. I am now convinced that Microsoft is more environmentally friendly then Apple. MLIA

Today, I got in a fight with my dad. I used my itouch application that makes it sound like your shooting a gun and shot him. He then pretended to die dramatically on the floor. Needless to say, we're not fighting anymore. MLIA

I have a friend that I met online who types in all CAPS no matter what he's saying. Today, I met him in real life for the first time. I expected him to scream everything he was saying. He didn't. MLIA.



i read the verizon and the other one too. the coke was cool iv never heard it b4

Today, I texted a random number "I love you. With the passion of a thousand burning suns." They texted back, "burn in hell." MLIA

Today, I was watching a recorded Oprah. It was about extremely obese people. I was eating chocolate cake. I then preceded to only eat it when it went to commercial, because Oprah couldn't see me. MLIA

Today, I was outside and I saw a mosquito. I took off my shoe to kill it, but then decided it should get a chance to live. I named it Gordon. Five minutes later, Gordon was on my leg, sucking my blood. Gordon is in a better place now. MLIA.

Today I went to Ben & Jerry's and ordered a milkshake. I asked the cashier if it would bring all the boys to the yard and he answered "if its better than yours." It was easily the highlight of my year. MLIA

Today, I gave my cat some catnip. She looked at it, meowed, and then walked away. I applauded her for being above the influence and then apologized for trying to give her drugs. MLIA.

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way its supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells "turn the gas off". FML

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

Earlier today, my sister told me that my cat and I were a perfect match because we are both lazy. I disagreed. Later, I was sitting on the floor near my cat, I tried to reach over and pet him but I couldn't reach. He obviously saw this and proceeded to dig his claws into the carpet and drag himself close enough to me so that I may pet him rather than standing up and walking over. I'm afraid my sister made a valid point. MLIA.

yes quite

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-760322.html

New member of IAC- Badgerclaw

Seven Days ago I watched The Ring. I am still alive. MLIA.

Today I went to the drive thru at taco bell and asked for my food to go. The cashier hesitated, then said yes. MLIA

Today I saw that my cat had puked on the floor. I pretended not to see it so I wouldn't have to clean it up. MLIA.

Today, I ate a "fun size" Milky Way. I fail to see how less candy is more fun. I ate the candy anyway. MLIA

Today I was talking to a person on Facebook chat and realized I was saying "lol" too frequently and decided to switch it up a bit. Next time I said "lmao"--despite the fact that I didn't laugh nor did my @$$ fall off. MLIA.

CONTEST!!!!CONTEST!!!!CONTEST!!!!

whoever can draw the best picture of a dragon or you can draw whatever you want


1st place winner:3 requests 2 first pick adoptions

2nd place: 2requests and a first pick adoption

3rd place: 1 request and a pick a type of adoption

10 ways to be annoying in a
b o w l i n g a l l e y

1. Apologize to the pins vehemently, and explain you will have to sacrifice them to your bowling God

2. Every time you roll the ball, even if you miss completely, yell at the top of your lungs, "STRIIIIIKE!"

3. Name your ball a funny name, like "Killer", and ask random people if they want to pet it.

4. Rent all the lanes but don't bowl.

5. Hide behind the pins and cackle.

6. Run around the building shouting and cackling, then go back to your lane like nothing happened. If people stare at you, give them dirty looks and ask what they are looking at.

7. Bring a foghorn and let it blow when people are just about to release their ball.

8. Superglue police whistles to the hand driers in the bathrooms. Leave the alley.

9. Bring a dart gun. Be inventive.

10. Run around sprinkling flour on everybody. When they yell at you, tell them innocently it is magical fairy dust.


Today, I was in a crowded place and was really bored so I decided to see if anyone could read my mind . I thought "if you can hear this, cough twice." Two people coughed twice. I was scared .


MLIA.

everything in this room is eatable.
even I am eatable.
but that, my dear children, is called
Cannibalism
and is frowned upon in most cultures


&+ the other day
My brother went
to Taco Bell
and ordered a taco.
and they said....
"Sorry, we're out
of taco shells."
WTF?


Today, I shushed someone at the movies, they weren't loud after that, I felt like I was the boss of that movie theater.
:)
MLIA


today i was bored...

so I changed my cursor to a banana. Then
I made people on youtube videos eat the
banana. I think they enjoyed it. MLIA.


bop it → flick it → turn it → spin it → pull it
that's what she said!



i hate it when..
you run into something
and someone near by says
"oh my gosh, did that hurt?"
[ nah, it felt amazing. ]


they never suspect the short one
:]

Kids Today
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What in the world are you talking about?
DONALD: Well, yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIE: Probably because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher


I Didn't Trip
i just said hello to the wall
with my face.

may i please borrow your pen
i need to poke your eye out


*&has
-->anyone<--
else ever
(noticed),
how at
resturants
it says
_________
| No Shirt |
| No Shoes |
| No Service |
|_________|
but it
n e v e r says
a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g
about
_no pants_
so if you
walk in
with no pants
theres really
-nothing- they
can do about it.

Today,

I was on a boat.

T-Pain wasn't there.

MLIA

remember when we played barbies outside for hours,
then my mom made us sandwiches and lemonade,
then we watched blues clues. remember that?
'- - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - - -o h y e s ,
we had fun last thursday

Today, while waiting at a red
light, a man and his friend in the car next to
mine were dancing. They saw me watching
them so they both stopped. I started dancing
too. Soon enough we were all dancing.
I felt like I made friends.

MLIA.


Today...
Dora The Explora
was on the tv. i lost the remote &&
i was looking for it through out the whole episode
finally, i found it at the end when
"we did it! " was playing.
i felt that me & dora had a connection.


MLIA

New member of the IAC- Angelfox

hi how r u

New member of IAC- Jackismyman

IAC ADOPTION- www.fanart-central.net/pic-759563.html

NEW MEMBER OF THE IAC- Twilightfan

CONTEST!!!!CONTEST!!!!CONTEST!!!!

whoever can draw the best picture of a dragon or you can draw whatever you want


1st place winner:3 requests 2 first pick adoptions

2nd place: 2requests and a first pick adoption

3rd place: 1 request and a pick a type of adoption

im fine ^^
soooo wht u doing then

hey ^^
how r u

IAC adoption- www.fanart-central.net/pic-758878.html

idk whatever you want

suprise me. what do u want me to draw

hello?

what do you want me to draw

kool

yep

http://queen.shanemcdonald.org/images/Queen_Greatest_Hits_III.jpg

o ok lets talk on here

alrite heres some old ones but i think you adopted them all so could you paste it to random pples?

old adoptions that no one adopted

www.fanart-central.net/pic-711797.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-726409.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-710913.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-711492.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-711798.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-711799.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-712605.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-737777.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-737778.html

www.fanart-central.net/pic-745845.html

i draw somethin for you and u draw somethin for me

want to do a art trade

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiJpT6tKVDg

dont stand behind me

to my page

hi

IAC ADOPTION: www.fanart-central.net/pic-758317.html

uhhhhhhhhh why wont it work

wait wait hang on

true true

shouldnt i b king arthur?

who are the britian?

NEW MEMBER OF THE IAC- RoxxanneOfNarnia1234

same

http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/hes_barack_obama

hes barack obama!!!!!!!!!!

hi ^^
how r u

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-756520.html

watz up????

Thanks- I'll tell the other members! ^^

IAC Adoption- www.fanart-central.net/pic-756215.html

IAC Adoption- http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-756193.html

The picture of Queen is done - I'm really sorry it took so long! >_< Thank god for summer or else I'd probably never have gotten the time. Rock on :]

NEW MEMBER TO THE IAC- Coldfire9

~ Thanks Icestorm

IAC adoption- www.fanart-central.net/pic-756094.html

http://www.wireless.att.com/cell-phone-service/cell-phone-details/?device=LG+Neon(TM)&q_sku=sku3790232

search for lg neon

ATTENTION members of the IAC (Icestorm's adoption center)READ THIS BLOG FOR INFO ABOUT THE CURRENT CLUB EVENT!!!! (click link)


www.fanart-central.net/blog_entry-6645.php

IAC adoption- www.fanart-central.net/pic-755892.html

nm

XD

cool im listen 2 the pussycatdoles

lol

lol so wat u doing

My sister has like 4 Queen shirts lol

im fine thanx XD

how r u X3

YAY

hi ^^

I love your profile picture :D

Hi

watz up

good look umm i got 2 go bye

lol how r u

hi hi hi ^^ no time no talk

This is to notify all members or special members of Icestorm's adoption center that The adopt like crazy event starts tomorrow, June 10th ( For Icestorm's adoption center) To learn more check out my CLUB EVENTS blog! ^^

tell meh about it...
it really suckz

yea

lucky i'm not out till the 16th.

hey watz up?

yea

i finished your cat http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-754191.html hope you like him

nm bored

no prob watz up

how r u

hi hi hi ^^

Bye :3

lol okay

I'm good you?

Hi :3

Im Just Here
for the
Music<3

anatidaephobia
fear of somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

<( * ) <( * ) <( * )
( V ) ( V ) ( V )

Its the Weird people you always remember..

People that don’t know me say
I never talk...
People who do,
wish that was true...

somebody didnt take thier happy pill(:

Are dinos really extinct?
Maybe they are just good hiders.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay...

- Stewie

o rlly yes rlly

“Consider the vice president, George Bush, a man so bedeviled by bladder problems that he managed, for the last eight years, to be in the men's room whenever an important illegal decision was made” Barbara Ehrenreich

In Florida, it is illegal to fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays

http://www.naturallycurly.com/images/articles/0108/taylorswift.jpg

caitlyn should get her hair like this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDvaPYGfBPU

roger taylor

ok bye

lol when i go 2 florida its alwats sunny

oh sweet :)

its on the 3 of august

im 13 soon

lol ok im 12 :)

coolio how old r u

oh so u got school this week

hay how r u

oh i c ok ^^

betcha jackz gunna die

im fine so wht u doing

HAVE U WATCHED DA NEWEST 24 EP

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jalopnik/1201510457/

new fav car
sorry el camino

hi ^^
how r u

hehehe thnkz!!
it makes me smile!!! ^_^

hi

yay for waffles!!!

going good...you??

oh ok

colouring a pic that i mite put up ^^

so wht u doing

yh that would not work out lol ^^

cool!

thanx ^^
my dad dont live with me and he never sow us today :)

*laughs* what are you drawing?

thanx :) i fill much better :D

im supposed to be working on it, but im on paint instead!

i meant to put hw(homework)

yes plz ^^

because i mis my dad :(
*crying*

i have So much hm!

hi!

im sad :(

lol ^^
thanx 4 thinking 4 a pic :)

i was drawing but dont know wht 2 draw ^^

so wht u doing :D

lol that sounds nice ^^

starberry or pears :)
u

mine is all light colours and gold ^^

notdoing that much so whts your fav colour ^^

YIP DATS WUT I SAWD I GOOGLED IT <(*_*)>

thayed be awsome w/ KISS

thay may be touring in november w/ KISS it said thay werent sure

i can probably check

oh srry i misread

realy cewl

Thank you for faving me!! =D

yo

i'll have to remember that!!
every april 30th is happy trip over an orange day...that could be fun!!!

what in the flippin crap is that???

oh...joy...XD

haha i laughed again!!
ur just makin me happier and happier!!!

elvisfan123 has left the building...

you should be so proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!
XDDDD

hey you made me laugh!!
i was feelin a little sucky today and that made me feel better!! you right!! look on the bright side!! yay waffles!!

Hi, thanks for the comment! =D

tryin to figure out something to draw and really mad that i'm not going to the no doubt-paramore tour this summer!!!!

yo, wat up???

ya i was getting tired of watching clumsy d. vader...even though i is hilarious...

didja see tha new 24

great so what u doing

hi

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

hi

hi :D

Cool

Hello there. :3

Why yes I did!!

hi :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LQpRQh2KSQ

greetings

ya...i hate hard classes...their so hard!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDeDQpIQFD0

ohhhhhhhh.....sorry about that!!

not much...just studying for testing cuz i'm gonna fail...

coolio pic thingy-mic-bobber

Thankz for addin my pic as a fav!!

http://www.ehow.com/video_4439664_russian-tortoises-species-history.html

i dont like how he betrayed again its kinda corny plus tonys cool

Thankz for favin me...
YOU ROCK!!

power to rock ha u listen 2 good music ELVIS LED ZEPPLEN
BLACK SABBATH QUEEN ROCK ON

kinda sucks tho i cant believe jack gets infected hope this isnt tha last season

you call this a waffle theres no syrup!!!!

kay i watched it it wuz a bit of a dissapointment tho youll never guess y hahaha

you like jack bauer sweet 24 kicks butt especially this season

MY WAFFLE!!! NOOOOOOO

Sure :] Just to warn though, it may take a while, like a week or so. I don't exactly know how long it will take, but i'll happily do it.
I salute you! Keep rockin'!

how are you online?

Would you like to check out these 320 useless facts?
1. Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley's Comet can be seen. During his life he predicted that he would die when it could be seen.
2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.
3. The "57" on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the company once had.
4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world's garbage annually. On average, that's 3 pounds a day per person.
5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn't digest itself.
7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.
8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.
9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
10. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.
13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.
14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold separately).
16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
17. The ZIP in "ZIP code" means Zoning Improvement Plan.
18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.
19. A "2 by 4" is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.
20. It's estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world's population is drunk.
21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar
22. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along with their finger print.
24. The "spot" on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
25. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
26. The "save" icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.
27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
28. Camel's have three eyelids.
29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
30. John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.
32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.
33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.
34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
36. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name "soyce".
39. Slugs have four noses.
40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
41. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).
42. India has a Bill of Rights for cows.
43. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON'T TRY IT, DUMBASS)
44. During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads.
46. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States.
47. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
48. Over a course of about eleven years, the sun's magnetic poles switch places. This cycle is called "Solarmax".
49. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess.
50. Upper and lower case letters are named "upper" and "lower" because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.
51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
52. The numbers "172" can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That's more than sharks.
54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.
55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it.
56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.
57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.
59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never signed or dated the painting. Leonardo and Mona had identical bone structures according to the painting. X-ray images have shown that there are 3 other versions under the original.
60. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
61. Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.
62. The largest amount of money you can have without having change for a dollar is $1.19 (3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies cannot be divided into a dollar).
63. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
64. IBM's motto is "Think". Apple later made their motto "Think different".
65. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.
66. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
67. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
68. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is.
69. The Olympic was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service.
70. When the Titanic sank, 2228 people were on it. Only 706 survived.
71. In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes. In South Africa, someone dies due to HIV or AIDS every 10 minutes.
72. Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald's.
73. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, which Motorola got their name from.
74. In the US, about 127 million adults are overweight or obese; worldwide, 750 million are overweight and 300 million more are obese. In the US, 15% of children in elementary school are overweight; 20% are worldwide.
75. In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward).
76. During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, "Red Vineyard at Arles".
77. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
78. One in ten people live on an island.
79. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
80. 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
81. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
82. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
83. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, and they NEVER said "Beam me up, Scotty" on Star Trek.
84. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
85. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model.
86. The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.
87. More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia) than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).
88. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
89. There is a 1 in 4 chance that New York will have a white Christmas.
90. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
91. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
92. Back in the mid to late '80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
93. $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
94. Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).
95. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
96. Jim Henson first coined the word "Muppet". It is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet."
97. The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with (not counting the words "North" and "South).
98. The Michelin man is known as Mr. Bib. His name was Bibendum in the company's first ads in 1896.
99. About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.
100. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.
102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a "palindrome".
103. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.
105. China has more English speakers than the United States.
106. Finnish folklore says that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead. According to French tradition, Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nichols, who visits homes on New Year's Eve after everyone is asleep, and if a plate is set out for him, he fills it with cookies and cakes.
107. One in every 9000 people is an albino.
108. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
109. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
110. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly sets than for the U.S. Treasury.
111. Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on.
112. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.
113. Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
114. In every episode of "Seinfeld" there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.
115. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
116. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
117. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
118. Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.
119. About 55% of all movies are rated R.
120. About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually.
121. Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.
122. Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations (implemented on July 16, 1969) makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles.
123. The February of 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
124. The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
125. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.
126. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
127. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
128. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
129. There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world.
130. The word "maverick" came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick.
131. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
132. For every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse's legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
133. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building.
134. An American urologist bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000.
135. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
136. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".
137. $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.
138. Almonds are members of the peach family.
139. Rats and horses can't vomit.
140. The penguin is the only bird that can't fly but can swim.
141. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
142. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.
143. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
144. There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
145. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
146. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
147. "101 Dalmatians" and "Peter Pan" are the only Disney animations in which both of a character's parents are present and don't die during the movie.
148. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
149. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure.
150. Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies.
151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.
153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
154. All polar bears are left-handed.
155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal)
156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
157. Butterflies taste with their feet.
158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.
159. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
160. Starfish have no brains.
161. 11% of the world is left-handed.
162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only people to sign the Declaration of independence on July 4th, 1776. The last signature came five years later.
163. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
164. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
165. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
166. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
167. A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.
168. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
169. Lizards can self-amputate their tails for protection. It grows back after a few months.
170. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". It can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
171. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
172. A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.
173. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
174. A "jiffy" is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.
175. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.
176. The youngest pope ever was 11 years old.
177. The first novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.
178. One out of every 43 prisoners escapes from jail. 94% are recaptured.
179. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
180. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs melted into it.
181. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
182. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
183. Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files (i.e. "You've got Mail!"). He is heard about 27 million times a day. The recordings were done before Quantum changed its name to AOL and the program was known as "Q-Link."
184. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
185. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron, in honor of his brother.
186. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
187. Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.
188. Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
189. There are a million ants for every person on Earth.
190. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
191. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
192. The name Jeep comes from "GP", the army abbreviation for General Purpose.
193. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
194. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
195. Cats' urine glows under a black light.
196. A "quidnunc" is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.
197. The first US Patent was for manufacturing potassium carbonate (used in glass and gunpowder). It was issued to Samuel Hopkins on July 31, 1970.
198. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors, the helicopter, and many other present day items.
199. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
200. 25% of a human's bones are in its feet.
201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic's distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC).
202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined.
204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition).
205. "Canada" is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".
206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.
207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
208. Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.
209. The human heart creates enough pressure in the bloodstream to squirt blood 30 feet.
210. A jellyfish is 95% water.
211. Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).
212. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
213. Elephants only sleep for two hours each day.
214. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
215. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. (the heart is not a muscle)
216. In golf, a 'Bo Derek' is a score of 10.
217. In the U.S, Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined.
218. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
219. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple.
220. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
221. The only real person to be a PEZ head was Betsy Ross.
222. There are about 450 types of cheese in the world. 240 come from France.
223. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home the stadium becomes Nebraska's third largest city.
224. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life".
225. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
226. In Iceland, a Big Mac costs $5.50.
227. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.
228. Newborn babies have about 350 bones. They gradually merge and disappear until there are about 206 by age 5.
229. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal.
230. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.
231. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.
232. On an American one-dollar bill there is a tiny owl in the upper-left-hand corner of the upper-right-hand "1" and a spider hidden in the front upper-right-hand corner.
233. Judy Scheindlin ("Judge Judy") has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.
234. The name for Oz in the Wizard of Oz was thought up when the creator Frank Baum looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z.
235. Andorra, a tiny country on the border between France and Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years.
236. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
237. Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.
238. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.
239. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
240. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
241. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
242. "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.
243. There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball. In the UK its 330.
244. The Toltecs (a 7th century tribe) used wooden swords so they wouldn't kill their enemies.
245. "Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
246. The US has more personal computers than the next 7 countries combined.
247. There have been over 600 lawsuits against Alexander Grahm Bell over rights to the patent of the telephone, the most valuable patent in U.S. history.
248. Kuwait is about 60% male (highest in the world). Latvia is about 54% female (highest in the world).
249. The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.
250. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.
251. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.
252. Julius Caesar's autograph is worth about $2,000,000.
253. The tool doctors wrap around a patient's arm to measure blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer.
254. People say "bless you" when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond.
255. US gold coins used to say "In Gold We Trust".
256. In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
257. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
258. In the 17th century, the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places. Today, to 1.2411 trillion.
259. The bestselling books of all time are The Bible (6billion+), Quotations from the Works of Mao Tse-tung (900million+), and The Lord of the Rings (100million+)
260. Pearls melt in vinegar.
261. "Lassie" was played by a group of male dogs; the main one was named Pal.
262. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.
263. Nepal is the only country that doesn't have a rectangular flag. Switzerland is the only country with a square flag.
264. Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer are the only angels named in the Bible.
265. Tiger Woods' real first name is Eldrick. His father gave him the nickname "Tiger" in honor of a South Vietnamese soldier his father had fought alongside with during the Vietnam War.
266. Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.
267. Abraham Lincoln's ghost is said to haunt the White House.
268. God is not mentioned once in the book of Esther.
269. The odds of being born male are about 51.2%, according to census.
270. Scotland has more redheads than any other part of the world.
271. There is an average of 61,000 people airborne over the US at any given moment.
272. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane in case there is a crash.
273. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. The most common name (of any type) in the world is Mohammed.
274. The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice.
275. For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen.
276. Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.
277. Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day.
278. Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people.
279. The "if" and "then" parts of conditional ("if P then Q") statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q).
280. Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech.
281. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.
282. Only female mosquitoes bite.
283. The U.S. Post Office handles 43 percent of the world's mail.
284. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
285. One in about eight million people has progeria, a disease that causes people to grow faster than they age.
286. The male seahorse carries the eggs until they hatch instead of the female.
287. The "countdown" (counting down from 10 for an event such as New-Years Day) was first used in a 1929 German silent film called "Die Frau Im Monde" (The Girl in the Moon).
288. Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can weaken your immune system.
289. There are seven suicides in the Bible: Abimelech. Samson, Saul, Saul's armor-bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Judas.
290. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.
291. Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.
292. Mercury is the only planet whose orbit is coplanar with its equator. Venus and Uranus are the only planets that rotate opposite to the direction of their orbit.
293. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th. Adams and Jefferson died in the same year. Supposedly, Adams last words were "Thomas Jefferson survives."
294. The Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth, not Babe Ruth the baseball player.
295. Dolphins can look in different directions with each eye. They can sleep with one eye open.
296. The Falkland Isles (pop. about 2000) has over 700000 sheep (350 per person).
297. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.
298. While many treaties have been signed at or near Paris, France (including many after WWI and WWII), nine are actually known as the "Treaty of Paris": Seven Years' War (1763), American Revolutionary War (1783), French-Swede War (1810), France vs Sixth Coalition (1814), Battle of Waterloo (1815), Crimean War (1856), Spanish-American War (1898), union of Bessarabia and Romania (1920), establishment of European Coal and Steel Community (1951).
299. Robert Todd Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln's oldest son) was in Washington DC during his father's assassination as well as during President Garfield's assassination, and he was in Buffalo NY when President McKinley was assassinated.
300. The city of Venice stands on about 120 small islands.
301. The past-tense of the English word "dare" is "durst".
302. Don Mac Lean's song "American Pie" was written about Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. Richardson (The Big Bopper), who all died in the same plane crash.
303. The drummer for ZZ Top (the only one without a beard) is named Frank Beard.
304. Hummingbirds can't walk.
305. When movie directors do not want their names to be seen in the credits, they use the pseudonym "Allen Smithee" instead. It has been used over 50 times, starting with "Death of a Gunfighter" (1969).
306. Four different people played the part of Darth Vader (body, face, voice, and breathing).
307. Pamela Lee-Anderson was the first to be born in Canada on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence (7/1/1967).
308. There is about 200 times more gold in the oceans than has been mined throughout history.
309. William Shatner is credited for being the first person on TV to say "hell" as well as to have the first inter-racial kiss (with Nichelle Nichols), both in episodes of Star Trek.
310. While the US government's supply of gold is kept at Fort Knox, its supply of silver is kept at the Military Academy at West Point, NY.
311. Alexander Graham Bell's wife and mother were both deaf.
312. Compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge, the reverse of how a record works.
313. In the ancient Greek city-state of Sparta, if a man was not married by age 30, he would not be allowed to vote or watch athletic events involving nude young men.
314. Attila the Hun (invader of Europe; 406-453), Felix Faure (French President; 1841-1899), Pope Leo VII (936-939), Pope John VII (955-964), Pope Leo VIII (963-965), Pope John XIII (965-72), Pope Paul II (1467-1471), Lord Palmerston (British Prime Minister, 1784-1865), Nelson Rockefeller (US Vice President, 1908-1979), and John Entwistle (The Who's bassist, 1944-2002) all died while having sex.
315. Humans and dolphins are the only animals known to have sex for pleasure.
316. Pac-Man, Namco's 1979 arcade game, was originally called "Puck Man". The name was changed when they realized that vandals could easily scratch out part of the letter "P".
317. Shakespeare and Cervantes died on the same day, April 23, 1616.
318. There are about 7.7 million millionaires in the world (more than 1/1000th of the population).
319. The youngest mother on record was a Peruvian girl named Lina Medina. She gave birth to a boy by caesarean section on May 14, 1939 (which happened to be Mother's Day), at the age of five years, seven months and 21 days.
320. The "middle finger" gesture originates back to 423 BC in Aristophanes play "The Clouds".

wassup dawg???!!

hay cool i didnt know u liked queen

wazzup

tee hee!

i looked up avatars and looked around and found da bunny den i saved the pic and should automatically save as gif or smtin like that then edit profile select pic and wala

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul0gfCyeiyM

*still watching*
How intertaining. ^-^

*follows you*
This is intertaining.

*sighs again*
Eh....I feel bad.

*pats your back jently*
Oh, you poor corn. *sigh*

*looks at you with a weird exspression*
Uh...thats not good.

Brian

*starts to evil laugh*

I See Ur A Queen Fan Me Too

*looks at you*
I'm more evile! *rubs hands evily*

WhEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I'll take some. ^-^

*watches you and joins you without hitting anything*

Hi

*runs around laughing*
I'm not alone!!!

I'm weird!!!!!
:3

Tee hee!
FlippyDoodles!

Coolio!

Ha ha! *wipes tear of laughter from my eye*
I love it!!!

Holy Crap!!! That was so funny!!! *rolling around laughing*

Purple!!!!

Peacocks!!!!

XD :3

Yeah, good point. ^-^ I'm the youngest. ^0^

*sigh* No. ^-^
We use to, but not anymore. ^0^

LOL!
Happay Easter!!!

LOL!!!
Do you like my profile pic?

Hi.

You, my friend;
are slower than a herd of turtles
stampeding through a puddle of tar.

Hilarious Things to Do at a Sleepover
What do you do when your hyper and someone falls asleep...?

> Make your friend a human gingerbreadman (my personal favorite is the twizzlers up nose and the grapes in ears)
> Peanut butter the pillow of the first person who falls asleep.
>Wedge marshmallows between their toes.
>Wet their bra/socks/underwear in cold water and then put it in the freezer for a few hours, and then back in their back (or for socks, on their feet!)
> Have one person wake them up while another calls a random person and says "It's for you!"
>Put clear wrap under the toilet seat so anything going in goes back up (ewww!)
>Slip a mini tape recorder in your pocket and record a ghostly noise, then play the tape, wake up your friend, and act scared.
>Put a warm Kit-Kat bar down someones pants
>Tie their feet together then wake them up screaming "FIRE! FIRE!"
>Draw beards, mustaches, etc on their face or even write "STUPID" on their forehead while they are asleep. Avoid mirrors when they wake up.
>Put vaseline on the toilet.
>Drag the person outside and leave them there.
>Duck tape them to where they are sleeping.
>Put a puddle of warm water around their sleeping bag
> Put shaving cream on their hands and then tickle their nose.

When life gives you lemons....
find an annoying kid with a papercut

EVERYONE is entitled
to be stupid
but you abuse the privilege*
[♥]

(>'_')>#
I was going to give you this waffle...

#<('_'<)
...But then I was like...

(>'#'<)
...I'm hungry...

(>'_'<)
...So I ate it...

(>^_^<)
Hehe

I love that song...

lol

*gasp* HOW DARE YOU SPELL THEIR NAME WRONG?!

...I'm just kidding!

Lol Yeah!

My sister got that!

i luv that poster!!! it is amazing!! i have a postcard just like that!!!

Hello :D

Thats cool. ^-^

I would be devistated! ^-^

Really?
Thats sad!!!!!

Not much.

You?

Howdy!!!

that's hilarious!!!

i'll never turn!!

NO STINKIN FAIR!!!
J/K

YESH THAT IS SOOO AWESOME!!

...now i just need to buy a D. Vader suit...

aloha! i see you copied my darth vader saying/thing...AWESOME!!

that used to be my desktop background for a long time!!
XD!

*rolls down hill* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saaaaaaaaaaaaave MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!!!!

LOL!!! *rolls around laughing* This is Funn!!!!!

Thats cool. ^-^ *watches you on the ground* looks like fun! *falls over and joins you*

LOL!!!!XD POOR FISHY!!!C:

Really? Poor fishy. ^-^ LOL!

I is not a stalker! Its just me. *puts arm around your shoulder* How's everything?

*comes up behind you* Hi!! How's it go'in?

ya, well...all i kinda have is a hill-billy accent, although i am part english and german and irish and scottish!!
AWOOOGA!!

welp...anyway friend, i gots ta go!! i'm in the middle of working on a new picture!! time to rock out to metallica and draw my heart out!!
*smiles till i pass out*

see-ya!

i have a friend that is obsessed with chewy whenever we watch a movie that he's in, she runs up and pets the screen...it's kinda creepy, but yet hilarious all at the same time...XD!

YAY!!
i wish i had an awesome accent...unfortunately...i don't which stinks!!

dood, who doesn't??? chewbacca is SWEEEET!!

i know that cracks me up!
but i also luv obi-wans scottisk accent..me and my friend go crazy when we here it...

*we're a tad obsessed with obi and lukee*

definitely LUKE SKYWALKER!!!

AND OBI-WAN KENOBI IS A REALLY CLOSE SECOND!!

but my fav non-force user is probably....Han solo...
but i do luv r2-d2 and c-3po...they crack me up!!

i wouldn't say i LIKE jarjar....but i LIKE to laugh at him!!! XD

Mesa finden yousa lack of faith disturbin!!

bring it, you will!!

*karate kicks and falls on butt*

Advil, i need...

Yeah...

and may the force be with you my very young apprentice...J/K!!

yesh!!! another star wars fan on this site!! i'm sooooo excited!!

My sister got that one!

oh i LUV that episode!! that's hilarious!!
ya it's like my favorite show...it kills me how stupid micheal is...but sometimes his stupidness pays off in the end...XD!

Hooray!!
Which one?

Yes.

Lol

He told the whole world Freddie's secrets!!

He's stupid...

Oh, I don't think I want to know.

huh? *looks at you in awareness*

Ha ha! I guess not. ^-^

LOL!!! Your not evil. ^-^

I hate Jim...

*tilts head to side* Really?

I love that song.

Oh, don't worry I'm the same way. ^-^ Your go'in back to school, Noooooooo! Don't go!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Yeah, thats cool. ^-^

Oh, your welcome. *eats chocolate*

Yeah... My kitty is on my lap now! :D

*looks at you with candy bar* I'll give you some if you say please. *breaks it in half and smiles at you*

I....want.....chocolate! *looks around* Wheres my chocolate? Oh....I know where it is. Its up in my room. ^-^

That's a good song for me and my sister.

*can't speak very well* Sorry, its just funny. I'm one to laugh at anything. ^-^

*giggling* A lollypop! Poor fishy. ^-^

OMG!!! Now that is funny! *starts to laugh really hard* yeah, poor fishy! ^-^

Uh.... I guess. *still giggleing* I'm sorry, today is one of those days where if I start laughing or something I can't stop. ^-^

That song is soooo sweet!

I also like You're my best friend.

*giggles alittle* What other matters? *still giggling*

LOL!! *starts to giggle*

My sister likes that video cause they're in drag.

*still trying to calm down* Oh ho, its ok. I needed a good laugh. ^-^

*laughs even harder* Your....puff....making....puff...it worse....puff. *still laughing*XD

lol I bet that was funny!

XD <-*still laughing* ------>XD

*laughing* I never thought about that! *still laughing* Sorry, can't help it! *keeps laughing, can't breath*

I absolutely LOVE that video!

Ha ha ha. ^-^ Its funny. ^-^

Yes poor, poor fishy. Oh did you know that fish have a memorie spand of 3 seconds. ^-^

Oh....scary. ^-^

Ha Ha! Good one. ^-^

In I Want To Break Free he's a pretty girl!

LOL! Don't you just love cats. ^-^

Of course I have! Every Queen fan must have listened to Bohemian Rhapsody at least once. Roger's voice was all girlish in the 70's.

Ouch! Yeah I heard that noise again but thats when that comic poped in my head. ^-^

Heh heh, thanks. ^-^

I know!

Brian's never changed.

lol

I know right?!

He's absolutely adorable! :D

hello?

I like Brian! :D

hi

Who's your favorite member of Queen?

I had a dream I was on Next and Queen was the contestants.
It was funny.

Same here...
But now he's singing with the angels.

I like Killer Queen too.

I absolutely adore Queen!
My favorite song is Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy.
Yours?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFwrTwPiK_k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgqlfbxfeH8&feature=related

They don't need to eat live food, so don't feel you have to throw little screaming daphnia to the triops (but it is fun).

hi

Ha HA! I'm sure it must have been. ^-^

*singing* AWSOME!!!!

*steaches arms up* I'm great!!! How's your day?

Thats great! I'm glad. ^-^ Sounds fun!

*tips cowboy hat so I can see you* HOWDY!!! *smiles* How's it go'in?

Really?? Fun!! X3

Whats it like in Nickalodeon Hotel???? What did you do there??? Did you swim? X3

Yeah!!!! So, how's everything?

Cool! I'm listening to Broken. ^-^

Ha ha! XD Yesh. ^-^

Ha HA! Thats funny! Good point.

How's it go'in??

Randome hello!! X3

ok? y

http://video.yahoo.com/network/100284668?v=4656506&l=4418225

DO YOU THINK NORMAL?
-Not my quote-

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?




Answer: If you answered that you are first,



then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?



Answer:If you answered that you are second to last,



then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:

Very tricky math!

Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20.

Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.







Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?







NO!Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again


Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?


He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wtGbJa0k7k
hhahaha..

sure ya can adopt her!

poof, be gone. your breath is too strong. i dont want to be mean but you need listerene. not a sip not a swallow, but the whole freaking bottle!

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars
You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my

Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties oh yeah
Fat bottomed girls they'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
Bicycle race

You say coke I say caine
You say John I say Wayne
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the President of America
You say smile I say cheese
Cartier I say please
Income tax I say Jesus
I don't wanna be a candidate for
Vietnam or Watergate
Cause all I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

………………O
...O……….ºº.……....O
....ºº……º**º…...ºº
…..º*º.º****º.º*º
……º**********º
……ººººººººººººº
.....óóóóóóòòòòòò.
..ó*************ò
.ó**************ò ...óóóóòòòò
ó***************ò.ó********ò
****************ó**********ò
ò***************ó**********ó
.ò**************ó**********ó
..ò************ó**********ó
....ò********************ó
.........ò***************ó
............ò***********ó
..................ò*****ó
.....................ò**ó
.......................ó

hi

(o)(o)
--V--

please go away...
im allergic to losers [:

Funny Things To Do In An Elevator; #4
On a long ride, sway side to side at
the natural frequency of the elevator.

A boy asks his teacher "would you punish me for something i havent done?"
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good because i havent done my homework!

I was barely sitting down, when i heard a voice from the next stall saying, "Hi, How are you?"
Now i'm not the type to get in to a restroom conversation so i don't know what made me answer, but i did somewhat embarrassed: "Doing just fine."
And the other person says:"What are you doing?"
What kind of question is that? At this point i'm thinking this is just to bizarre. but i say: "Uhh...just taking care of business."
Now i'm just trying to get out of these are fast as i can, when i hear another question: "Can i come over?"
Wow! this is getting way to weird for me! To politely end the conversation i say: "No...i'm a litte busy right now!!!"
Then i hear the person nervously say:"Listen, i'll have to call you back. There's some idiot in the next stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

Funny Things To Do In An Elevator; #5
Crack open your briefcase or purse,
and while peering inside ask:
'Got enough air in there?'
Funny Things To Do In An Elevator; #2
Whistle the first seven notes of
'It's a Small World' incessantly.

and now here's some vital information for your everyday life...


"If you're afraid of heights, don't climb a ladder. If you're afraid of marshmallows, don't climb a ladder made of marshmallows."

10 Ways to have >insane< fun in a hospital
1. Walk around the halls with your robe tied in the front :)
2. Run out of the room screaming, "Where's my purple MONKEY?!"
3. You know your little beeper to get the nurse? Send a message in morse code to an old buddy :)
4. Stare at a self opening door for a while. When someone approaches you, tell them your looking for the handle.
5. When someone walks by your room, start screaming, "What do you MEAN Barbie broke up with Ken?!"
6. If you're having a regular conversation with someone, and a nurse comes, simply say, "But I don't feel dead."
7. If you're using the public bathroom and you hear someone walk in, scream, "OHHH! So I ate CORN last night!"
8. In the middle of the night, start singing Thriller.
9. When someone asks what you're "in for," start telling a complex story involving a whale and a praying mantis.
10. If the nurse asks if you need anything, tell her to get you some cereal with milk. When she returns, ask her where the milk came from. If she says a fridge, ask her what animal. If she says cow, tell her you don't drink cow milk. If she asks what type of milk you drink, tell her cat milk. If she tells you cats don't produce milk, raise your eyebrows and say, "That's not what life was like back on the farm!"

Some actual product warning labels:

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)

On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM
UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Make sense...except these instructions we're IN THE BOX!)

In some countries (like W. Virginia:), on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
( Now THAT I'd like to see! )

On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box)
* DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(oops...Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
( Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to what...use in outer space?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm sure glad they cleared that up.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

What men say & what it "really means"!


"I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means...."The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means...."I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means...."You want me to stay awake?"

"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means...."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means...."I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means...."I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means...."I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means...."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means...."What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you."
Really means...."I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"You look terrific."
Really means...."Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you."
Really means...."I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means...."I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.

"We share the housework."
Really means...."I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means...."You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means...."I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

ull feel like you have a time machine a dvr and friends

10 Great Things To Do At The Movies;;
1] "Accidentally" drop your all of your popcorn on the peson in the isle seat when entering the movie
2] Randomly get up and dance in the middle of the movie
3] touch some random persons head, run up and down the main isles, and scream "TAG YOUR IT!!"
4] Every time someone says a certian word (eg. "and" or "of") yell ''EWWWWW" at the top of your lungs
5] When a worker comes to see if nobody is sneaking in, ask him if he has a ticket stub and when he says no scream "TRESSPASSER!"
6] Listen to your iPod at top volume during the movie
7] When the screen says "please silence your cell phones", hold yours in the air and say "OMG im not doing it! Im such a daredevil! booyah! whatchya' gonna do about THAT?? BWAHAHAH!"
8] Throw rubber insects at people (Popcorn Buckets=Extra Points!)
9] Make farting noises and tell the person next to you that "this is not the proper place to do that"
10] When someone asks you if the seat next to you is taken, (even though its empty) say "i dont know, do you see someone sitting there?" and when they sit down scream "YOUR SITTING ON ETHAN!!!!"

Brick Wall]
Water Fall
Girl Yew Think u kno it all
But u Dont
i do
So *Poof* With The Attitude
Peace
Punch
Capt'n Crunch
iv Got Sumthin
Yew Cant Touch
~!BaNg BaNg!~
~*ChOo ChOo TrAiN*~
Wind me Up
i'll Do My Thing
Reeses Peices*
7 Up*
Mess With me...
--->I'll Mess u Up

DO YOU THINK NORMAL?
-Not my quote-

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?




Answer: If you answered that you are first,



then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?



Answer:If you answered that you are second to last,



then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:

Very tricky math!

Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20.

Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.







Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?







NO!Of course not.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again


Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?


He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

20 things to do if you want to just be weird!
1. When your friends are talking make random faces at anyone who is listening.
2. when someone is telling you a long story, at the end say "im sorry what did you say?"
3. go up to somebody random and hug them. if they ask why say "everyone needs a hug"
4. become friends with a 4 year old
5. yell at someone you dont know
6. talk in an accent for the rest of the day
7. tell someone you have to tell them a secret and spit in their ear
8. tell someone that your hungry and want to eat there arm.
9. when u are at the store tell the cashier to get a life
10. when you see someone ugly make yourself cry
11. if you hear someone speaking another language, speak gibberish and pretend you no what your doing
12. go lay down outside in the rain
13. to a public place and start screeming
14. slap/punch someone for no reason
15. suddenly start kicking a tree, pole or something like that
16. fall down then get up and spin in circles
17. when someones writing take there pen/pencil and throw it
18. say that you have rabies
19. laugh at everything your best friends say, even when its no funny
20. eat something at random

how to stay up all nite(my version)
1. make sure uve got plenty to do
2. drink water and eat snacks
3. walk around if u feel tired
4.wash face with ice cold water
5. random dancing
6.watch the sun rise

how to stay up all nite (ehow version)

Step1Make sure you are determined enough to pull off an all-nighter and have tasks that really need to be accomplished. A clear purpose will keep you focused. Write out a schedule in advance. Try to do the most boring tasks first, while you still have energy.
Step2Recruit others to stay up with you. It's easier to stay up if you have someone to talk to occasionally.
Step3Spend the night in a place that is not very comfortable. The nearer you are to your own bed, the more likely you are to want to lie down.
Step4Take frequent walks to other rooms or outdoors. Do jumping jacks or run in place to give yourself a boost of energy.
Step5Eat light snacks, but stay away from sugar, starches and heavy meals. Drink plenty of water. Caffeinated drinks or energy drinks are an option, but they might make you jittery and cause stomach upset.
Step6Keep the room bright and cool. Add some stimulating background noise, like a television show or fast-paced music.

XD Sorry I got distracted.

ur welcome!

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

This is fun. ^_^ ^0^ '.' XD O.o ^-^

^0^LOL

^-^

really? Cool. ^_^

Theres five books? Wow!

Hmm... my favorite is Fang. ^-^

Actually. I haven't read the book. But I'm reading the comics. ^-^

Yes I have! Oh, in Yen plus there making comics with it. ^-^ Its awsome!

Heh heh! So, How's it go'in? ^-^

Yeah I think so. ^-^

Huh..... (o.o)

AWESOME

------(0)(0)------

---------0--------

http://img.diynetwork.com/DIY/2005/12/15/dkng311_1ca_e.jpg

YOUR BOX ADOPT HATCHED

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ok ill draw him

This is a rake &
shovel conversation.
No hoes allowed!

heres the ones at aeropostale http://www.aeropostale.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3314030&cp=2284058.3495616&pageBucket=0&count=30&stepThreeImg=%26lt%3Bfont+style%3Dfont-size%3A11px%3Bcolor%3A%235A5A5A%3Bfont-weight%3Abold%3B%26gt%3B3%26lt%3B%2Ffont%26gt%3B&canSortByPrice=true&pageDisplay=family&page_bucket=0&showBrandFilter=true&clickid=cat_leftnav_txt&int_prevBucket=-1&totalProductsCount=30&pageType=family&doVSearch=no&showSbsInstructions=false&multiRowFilter=false&stepTwoImg=%26lt%3Bfont+style%3Dfont-size%3A11px%3Bcolor%3A%235A5A5A%3Bfont-weight%3Abold%3B%26gt%3B%26amp%3Bnbsp%3B%26amp%3Bnbsp%3BSort+by%3A%26amp%3Bnbsp%3B%26lt%3B%2Ffont%26gt%3B&showSizeSearch=false&int_nextBucket=0&page=3&PAGES_PER_BUCKET=10&pageCount=3&hasBrandFilter=false&hasPagination=false&num_buckets=1&pageNum=1&parentPage=family

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in zimbabwe a 187 pound cake cost 83,250,000,000,000,000 us dollars

where?

hi!!!!!!!

Huh?O.o What one??^-^

Hello!!!!!! *echo's* How are you?!!!^^

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=javascript%3AR%3D0%3B+x1%3D.1%3B+y1%3D.05%3B+x2%3D.25%3B+y2%3D.24%3B+x3%3D1.6%3B+y3%3D.24%3B+x4%3D300%3B+y4%3D200%3B+x5%3D300%3B+y5%3D200%3BDI%3Ddocument.images%3B+DIL%3DDI.length%3B+function+A%28%29%7Bfor%28i%3D0%3B+i-DIL%3B+i%2B%2B%29%7BDIS%3DDI%5B+i+%5D.style%3BDIS.position%3D%27absolute%27%3B+DIS.left%3DMath.sin+%28R*x1%2Bi*x2%2Bx3%29*x4%2Bx5%3BDIS.top%3DMath.cos%28R*y1%2Bi*y2%2By3%29*y4%2By5%7DR%2B%2B%7DsetInterval%28%27A%28%29%27%2C5%29%3B+void%280%29&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2

hi!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the comment. ^^

There are 3 kinds of people in this world,
ones that can count,
others that
--->can't<---

Ha! Hiya!!!^^

is ur hair on fire?!?!!?!?!?!?!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!

--->&And who hasn't Wondered<----

Do they bury people with their braces on?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

On Spongebob, why is there water in the water of the ocean?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

Does the postman deliver his own mail?

Why is it that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?

If there's a speed for light, what's the speed of dark?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why do we sing ''Take me out to the ballgame'' when we are already there?

I think they named oranges before
they named carrots

im not RANDOM.
My genius is just too much for you

this is kind of weird but......
there is a bird that keeps running into
my window, i think it's d r u n k.

coolio

I have a cousin caled Elvis
he's 6 and so cute!!!
u probably don't care about that
hehe

omgoimgomgomgomg preview of the new max book!!!!!!!


MAX

Prologue

THE MADNESS NEVER STOPS



Near Los Angeles Basin, California

THERE.

Devin raised his right arm and focused directly over his wrist. It took less than a millisecond to calculate the trajectory — he didn’t have a built- in computer, but his 220
IQ served him well.

He slowly breathed in and out, getting ready to squeeze the trigger between breaths, between heartbeats. His sensitive nose wrinkled as the ever- present smog that hovered over the Los Angeles Basin filled his lungs. He hated to think what the pollutants were doing to his brain cells but accepted that some things were necessary evils.

There.

His light eyes expertly tracked the objects flying overhead: one, two, three, four, five, six. Seven? There was a small seventh object, unexpected but quickly determined to be unimportant. Actually, all of them were unimportant. All but one. The one in front.

He knew they had raptor vision. He merely had extraordinary eyesight. It was good enough. All the same, the crosshairs in the gun sight attached to his wrist made missing an impossibility. He never missed.

That’s why they saved him for extraspecial missions like this one.

Many, many others had already failed at this task. Devin felt utter disdain for them. To kill one bird kid — how hard could it be? They were flesh and blood, ridiculously fragile. It wasn’t like bullets bounced off them.

Once more Devin raised his arm and observed his prey, catching her neatly in the crosshairs, as if they could pin her to the sky. The flock flew, perfectly spaced, in a large arc overhead, the one called Maximum in front, flanked by the two large males. Then a smaller female. Then a smaller male, and the smallest female after him.

A little black object, not bird kid shaped, struggled to keep up. Devin couldn’t identify it — it hadn’t been in his dossier. The closest thing he could imagine was if someone grafted wings onto a small dog or something, as unlikely as that was.

But Max was the only one he was concerned with. It was Max he was supposed to kill, Max whom he kept catching in his sights.

Devin sighed and lowered his arm. This was almost too easy. It wasn’t sporting. He loved the chase, the hunt, the split- second intersection of luck and skill that allowed him to exercise his perfection, his inability to miss.

He looked down at what used to be his right hand. One could get used to having no right hand. It was surprisingly easy. And it was so superior to have this lovely weapon instead.

It wasn’t as crude as simply having a Glock 18 grafted to the stump of an amputated limb. It was so much more elegant than that, so much more a miracle of design and ingenuity. This weapon was a part of him physically, responsive to his slightest thought, triggered by almost imperceptible nerve firings in the interface between his arm and the weapon.

He was a living work of art. Unlike the bird kids flying in traceable patterns overhead.

Devin had seen the posters, the advertisements. Those naive, do-gooder idiots at the Coalition to Stop the Madness had organized this whole thing, this air show, this demonstration of supposedly “evolved” humans.

Wrong. The bird kids were ill- conceived accidents. He, Devin, was truly an evolved human.

The CSM zealots were wasting their time — and everyone else’s. Using the bird kids to promote their own agenda was a typically selfish, shortsighted thing to do. Manipulating and taking advantage of lesser creatures in order to “save” even lesser creatures? It was a joke.

A joke that could not be perpetrated without this flock of examples. And the flock could not survive without its leader.

Once again Devin raised his arm and closed his left eye to focus through the gun sight on his wrist. He angled the Glock a millimeter to the left and smoothly tracked his target as she arced across the sky.

One breath in, one breath out. One heartbeat, two heartbeats, and here we go . . .

/09 1:35:29 PM

Part One

FREAKS AND M- GEEKS
1

“AND A- ONE, and a- two —” Nudge said, leaning into a perfect forty-five-degree angle. Her tawny russet wings glowed warmly in the afternoon sunlight.

Behind her, the Gasman made squealing- brakes sounds as he dropped his feet down and slowed drastically. “Hey! Watch gravity in action!” he yelled, folding his wings back to create an unaerodynamic eight- year- old, his blond hair blown straight up by the wind.

I rolled my eyes. “Gazzy, stick to the choreography!” He was sinking fast, and I had to bellow to make sure he heard me. “This is a paying job! Don’t blow it!” Okay, they were paying us mostly in doughnuts, but let’s not quibble.

Even from this high up, I could hear the exclamations of surprise, the indrawn gasps that told me our captive audience below had noticed one of us dropping like a rock.

I’d give him five seconds, and then I’d swoop down after him. One . . . two . . .

I wasn’t sure about this whole air- show thing to begin with, but how could I refuse my own mom? After our last “working vacation” in Ant- freaking- arctica, my mom and a bunch of scientists had created an organization called the Coalition to Stop the Madness, or CSM. Basically, they were trying to tell the whole world about the dangers of pollution, greenhouse gases, dependence on foreign oil — you get the picture.

Already, more than a thousand scientists, teachers, senators, and regular people had joined the CSM. One of the teacher- members had come up with the traveling air- show idea to really get the message out. I mean, Blue Angels, Schmue Angels, but flying mutant bird kids? Come on! Who’s gonna pass that up?

So here we were, flying perfect formations, doing tricks, air dancing, la la la, the six of us and Total, whose wings by now had pretty much finished developing. He could fly, at least, but he wasn’t exactly Baryshnikov. If Baryshnikov had been a small, black, Scottie dog with wings, that is.

By the time I’d counted to four, the Gasman had ended his free fall and was soaring upward again, happiness on his relatively clean face.

Hanging out with the CSM folks had some benefits, chiefly food and decent places to sleep. And, of course, seeing my mom, which I’d never be able to get enough of, after living the first fourteen years of my life not even knowing she existed. (I explained all this in earlier books, if you want to go get caught up.)

“Yo,” said Fang, hovering next to me.

My heart gave a little kick as I saw how the sun glinted off his deeply black feathers. Which matched his eyes. And his hair. “You enjoying being a spokesfreak?” I asked him casually, looking away.

One side of his mouth moved: the Fang version of unbridled chortling.

He shrugged. “It’s a job.”

“Yep. So long as they don’t worry about pesky child labor laws,” I agreed. We’re an odd little band, my fellow flock members and I. Fang, Iggy, and I are all fourteen, give or take. So officially, technically, legally, we’re minors. But we’ve been living on our own for years, and regular child protection laws just don’t seem to apply to us. Come to think of it, many regular grown- up laws don’t seem to apply to us either.

Nudge is eleven, roughly. The Gasman is eightish. Angel is somewhere in the six range. I don’t know how old Total is, and frankly, what with the calculations of dog years into human years, I don’t care.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Angel dropped down onto me with all her forty- one pounds of feathery fun.

“Oof! What are you doing, goofball?” I exclaimed, dipping about a foot. Then I heard it: the high- pitched, all- too- familiar whine of a bullet streaking past my ear, close enough to knock some of my hair aside.

In the next second, Total yelped piercingly, spinning in midair, his small black wings flapping frantically. Angel’s quick instincts had saved my life. But Total had taken the hit.





2

IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, I rolled a full 360, spinning in the air, swooping to catch Total and also performing evasive maneuvers that, sadly, I’ve had way too much practice doing.

“Scatter!” I shouted. “Get out of firing range!”

We all peeled away, our wings moving fast and powerfully, gaining altitude like rockets. I heard applause floating up to me — they thought this was part of the act. Then, I looked down at the limp black dog in my arms.

“Total!” I said, holding his chunky little body. “Total!”

He blinked and moaned. “I’m hit, Max. They got me. I guess I’m gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?”

Okay. In my experience, if you’re really hit or seriously hurt, you don’t say much. Maybe a few bad words. Maybe grunting sounds. You don’t manage pithy quotes.

Quickly I shifted him this way and that, scanning for wounds. He had both ears, and his face was fine. I patted along his wings, which still looked too short to keep him aloft. Bright red blood stained my sleeve, but so far he seemed to be in one unperforated piece.

“Tell Akila,” Total gasped, eyelids fl uttering, “tell her she’s always been the only one.” Akila is the Alaskan Malamute Total had fallen for back on the Wendy K., the boat where we lived with a bunch of scientists on our way to Antarctica.

“Shh,” I said. “I’m still looking for holes.”

“I don’t have many regrets,” Total rambled weakly. “True, I thought about a career in the theater, once our adventures waned. I know it’s just a crazy dream, but I always hoped for just one chance to play the Dane before I died.”

“Play the huh?” I said absently, feeling his ribs. Nothing broken. “Is that a game?”

Total moaned and closed his eyes.

Then I found it: the source of the blood, the place where he’d been shot.

“Total?” I said, and got a slight whimper. “You have a boo- boo on your tail.”

“What?” He opened his eyes and curled to peer at his short tail. He wagged it experimentally, outrage appearing on his face as he realized a tiny chunk of flesh was missing near the tip. “I’m hit! I’m bleeding! Those scoundrels will pay for this!”

“I think a Band- Aid is probably all you need.” I struggled to keep a straight face.

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings.

Oh, God. I’m so stupid. Forget I just said that.

“How’s he doing?” Fang asked, nodding at Total.

“He needs a Band- Aid,” I said. A look passed between me and Fang, full of suppressed humor, relief, understanding, love —

Forget I said that too. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

“Got your sniper,” Fang went on, pointing downward. I shifted into battle mode. “One sniper or a whole flotilla of baddies?”

“Only see the one.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So, what, we’re not worth a whole flotilla anymore?” I looked down at Total. “Wings out, spud. You gotta fly on your own.”

Total gathered himself with dignity, extended his wings, and jumped awkwardly out of my arms. He flapped frantically, then with more confidence, and rose to keep up with us.

“What’s up?” Iggy had coasted on an updraft for a while, but now he and the others were forming a bird-kid sandwich around me.

“Total’s okay,” I reported. “One sniper below. Now we gotta go take him out.”

Angel’s pure- white wing brushed against me. She gave me a sweet smile that melted my heart, and I tried to remember that this kid had many layers, not all of them made of gumdrops and roses.

“Thanks, lamby,” I said, and she grinned.

“I felt something bad about to happen,” she explained. “Can we go get that guy now?”

“Let’s do it,” I said, and we angled ourselves downward. Among the many genetic enhancements we sport, the mad scientists who created us had thoughtfully included raptor vision. I raked the land below, almost a mile down, and traced the area where Fang pointed.

I saw him: a lone guy in the window of a building close to the air base. He was tracking us, and we began our evasive actions, dropping suddenly, swerving, angling different ways, trying to be as unpredictable as possible. We’re fairly good at being unpredictable.

“Mass zoom?” Fang asked, and I nodded.

“Ig, mass zoom, angle down about thirty- five degrees. Then aim for six o’clock,” I instructed. And why was I only giving Iggy instructions? Because Iggy’s the only blind one, that’s why.

We were moving fast, really fast, dropping at a trajectory that would smash us into the sniper’s window in about eight seconds. We’d practiced racing feet- first through open windows a thousand times, one right after the other, bam bam bam. So this was more of a fun challenge than a scary, death- defying act of desperation.

The two things often look very similar in our world.

Seven, six, five, I counted silently.

When I got to four, the window exploded outward, knocking me head over heels.





3

THREE DAYS LATER . . .

Here, in no particular order, is a massively incomplete list of things that make me twitchy:

1) Being indoors, almost anywhere
2) Places with no easy exits
3) People who promise me tons of “benefits” and assume that I don’t see right through the crapola to the stark truth that actually they want me to do a bunch of stuff for them
4) Being dressed up

So it won’t take a lot of imagination on your part to guess how
I reacted to our appointment at a Hollywood talent agency.

“Come in, guys,” said the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. She flashed glowing white teeth and tossed back her perfect, auburn hair as she ushered us through the heavy wooden door. “I’m Sharon. Welcome!”

I could see her trying to avoid looking at our various bruises, scrapes, and cuts. Well, if you’re six feet away from a building when it explodes at you, you’re gonna get a little banged up. Fact of life.

We were in a big office building in Hollywood. If you’ve been keeping up with our nutty, action- packed shenanigans, you’ll remember how many incredibly bad experiences we’ve had inside office buildings. They’re pretty much my least favorite place to be, right after dungeons and hospitals, but before dog crates and science labs. Call me quirky.

A member of the CSM had a friend who had a friend who had a cousin who was married to someone who knew someone at this huge, important Hollywood talent agency and volunteered us for an interview, without asking us. The CSM thought we spokesbirds were doing a bang-up job of getting their message out. Emphasis on bang, given the suicide sniper. But more on that later.

“Come in! Come in!” A short, balding guy in a flashy suit waved us in, big smile in place. I ratcheted up my DEFCON level to orange. “I’m Steve Blackman.”

There were four of them altogether, three guys and Sharon with the great hair. She blinked when Total trotted in after us, a small white bandage still covering the tip of his tail. He’d gotten more mileage out of that weensy flesh wound than I’ve gotten out of broken ribs.

“Good God,” I heard Total mutter as he looked at the woman. “She can’t be real.”

“Max!” said Steve, holding out his hand. “May I call you Max?”

“No.” I frowned and looked at his hand until he pulled it back.

The other two guys introduced themselves, and we just stood there, unsmiling. Actually, Nudge smiled a little. She loves stuff like this. She’d even worn a skirt. Angel was wearing a pink tutu over her jeans. My clothes were at least clean and not blood- spattered, which is about as good as it ever gets with me.

“Well!” said Steve, rubbing his hands together. “Let’s sit down and get to know each other, huh? Can we get you something to drink? You kids hungry?”

“We’re always hungry,” said the Gasman seriously.

Steve looked taken aback. “Ah, yes, of course! Growing kids!” He was trying hard not to look at our wings, with limited success. He reached over and tapped a button on his desk, which was so big you could practically land a chopper on it. “Jeff? How about some drinks and snacks in here? Thanks.”

“Please, sit down,” Sharon said, with another hair toss. I made a mental note to practice doing that in a mirror the next time I saw one. It seemed a useful skill, right up there with roundhouse kicks.

We sat, making sure no one was in back of us or could sneak up on us. I was wound so tight I was about to break out in hives.

A young guy in a purple- striped shirt came in with a tray of sodas, glasses of ice, and little nibbly things on several plates. “They’re tapas,” he explained. “This one’s calamari,
and this one’s —”

“Thanks a million, Jeff.” Steve cut in with a smile. Jeff straightened and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Then, as we fell on the food like hyenas, Steve turned to us again, looking so dang enthusiastic that I wondered how much coffee he’d had this morning. “So! You kids want to be big stars, eh?”

“God, no!” I said, almost spewing crumbs. “No way!”

Oddly, this seemed to throw a petite wrench into the convo.



4

SHARON AND STEVE and the other two agents went silent, looking at us in surprise.

Steve recovered quickly. “Models?” he suggested, his eyes noting that we were all tall and skinny for our age.

I almost snorted Sprite through my nose. “Yeah. ‘Wings are being worn wide this year,’ ” I pretended to quote. “ ‘With the primary feathers tinted fun shades of pink and green for a party look.’ I don’t think so.” I tried not to notice Nudge’s momentary disappointment.

“Actors?” Sharon said.

Total perked up, chewing busily on calamari, which, if you’re interested, is Italian for rubber bands.

“Nope.” I could see this interview was going south, so I started inhaling food while I could.

“Max, I mean — Max,” Steve said, with no idea what else to call me. “You’re selling yourself short. You guys could do anything, be anything. You want your own movie? You want flock action figures? You want to be on T- shirts? You name it, kid — I can make it happen.”

“I want to be an action figure!” Gazzy said, wolfing down some mini- enchilada thingies.

“Oh, yeah!” Iggy said, holding up his hand for a high five. The Gasman slapped it.

Steve smiled and seemed to relax. “Hey, I didn’t catch everyone’s names. You, sweetheart,” he said to Angel. “What’s your name?”

“Isabella von Frankenstein Rothschild,” said Angel, absently picking something out of her teeth. She’d lost one of her front ones recently, so her grin had a black hole in it. “You got your shoes on eBay,” she told Sharon, whose eyes widened about as far as they could. “But you’re right — it doesn’t make sense to go retail, not on what Skinflint Steve pays you.”

Yep, that’s my little mind- readin’ darlin’!

There was dead silence for a few moments. Sharon blushed hotly and looked anywhere but at Steve. One of the other agents coughed.

“Ah, huh,” Steve said, then turned to Gazzy. “How about you, son? You want to be an action figure, right? What’s your name?”

Gazzy nodded eagerly, and I promised myself I’d kick his butt later. “They call me the Sharkalator.”

“The Sharkalator,” Steve repeated, his enthusiasm waning. What can I say? We have that effect on grown-ups. Even on other kids. Well, okay, on pretty much everyone. We were created to survive, not to be the life of the party.

“I’m Cinnamon,” said Nudge, licking her fingers. “Cinnamon Allspice La Fever. This shrimp is awesome.”

Steve started to look depressed.

“They call me the White Knight,” said Iggy, expertly finding the remaining food on the trays with his sensitive fingers.

“Oh?” Sharon said, trying to salvage the situation. “Why is that?”

Iggy looked in her general direction. He gestured to his pale blond hair, pale skin, unseeing blue eyes. “They’re not gonna call me the Black Knight.”

Fang had sat silently this whole time, so still that he was practically blending into the modern tufted sofa. He had drunk four Cokes in about four minutes and steadily worked his way through a plate of fried something- or others. Now he felt all eyes turn to him, and he looked up, the expression on his face making me shiver.

No one looks like Fang — dark and still and dangerous, like he’s daring you to set him off. But I’d seen him rocking Angel when she’d hurt herself; I’d seen him smile in his sleep; I’d seen the deep, dark light in his eyes as he leaned over me . . .

I blinked several times and chugged the rest of my Sprite.

Fang sighed and wiped his fingers on his black jeans. He looked around the whole room, at the four agents, at the younger kids having a ball with this, at Total slurping Fanta out of a bowl, at me, sitting tensely on the edge of my chair.

“My name is Fang,” he said, standing up. “And I’m outta here.” He walked to the sliding glass doors that led to a landscaped balcony, twenty- two stories above the ground.

I nodded at the flock and reached over to tap the back of Iggy’s hand twice. He stood up and followed Fang’s almost silent footsteps, weaving unerringly around tables and large potted plants.

Fang slid the door open. It was windy on the balcony, and he raised his face to the sun. I hustled the rest of the flock outside, then turned and waved lamely at the four open-mouthed, big- shot Hollywood agents.

“Thanks,” I said, balancing on the balcony edge as my family took off one by one, leaping and unfurling their wings like soft, rough- edged sails, “but no thanks.”

Then I threw myself out into the open air, feeling it rush through my hair, my feathers; feeling my wings buoy me up, every stroke lifting me twelve feet higher.

We’re just not cut out for all this media circus crap.

But then, you already knew that.



5

ALL I’M SAYING IS, would going on Oprah just once be the end of the entire world?” Nudge crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at me. Since Nudge is about the sweetest, easiest- going recombinant- DNA life- form I’ve ever known, this was serious.

“No,” I said carefully. “But the end of the entire world would be the end of the entire world, and that’s what we’re still trying to stop.” For those of you who are still catching up, I’ve been told that my mission in life is to save the world. No pressure or anything.

“I want to be an action figure,” said Gazzy.

“Guys,” I said, rubbing my temples, “remember four days ago? The bullets whizzing past, the sniper, the exploding building?”

“I certainly haven’t forgotten.” Total huffed, looking at his tail.

My pool of patience, never deep on the best of days, became yet shallower. “My point is,” I went on tightly, “that clearly, someone is still after us, still wants us dead. Yes, our air shows for the CSM are big hits; there are people who are sort of accepting us as being . . . different, but we’re still in danger. We’ll always be in danger.”

“I’m tired of being in danger!” Nudge cried. “I hate this! I just want to —”

She stopped, because there was no point in going on. Trying not to cry, she flopped down on the hotel bed. I sat down next to her and rubbed her back, between her wings.

“We all hate this,” I said quietly. “But until someone can prove to me beyond a doubt that we’re safe, I have to make decisions that will keep us more or less in one piece. I know it sucks.”

“Speaking of things sucking,” said Fang, “I say we ditch the air shows completely.”

“I like the air shows,” said Gazzy. He was lying on the floor, half beneath our coffee table. My mom had gotten him some little Transformer cars, and he was rolling them around, making engine noises. Yes, he could best most grown men in hand-to-hand combat and make an explosive device out of virtually anything, but he was still eight years old. Or so.

I always seemed to forget that.

“I like the air shows too,” said Nudge, her tangly hair fanned out around her head. “They make me feel like a famous movie star.”

“They’re not safe,” Fang said flatly.

I was torn. The sniper who had shot at me had turned out to be a new form of cyborg/human — or at least that’s what we’d figured after we found part of one arm. Instead of a hand, he’d had an automatic pistol connected directly to his muscles and nerves. It hadn’t actually been the building that exploded when we were close — it had been the sniper himself. He’d blown himself up rather than let us catch him or really see him.

That’s dedication for ya.

That thing hadn’t grafted that gun to his arm by himself. Someone had made him. That someone was still out there and possibly had made more things like him.

On the other hand . . . the CSM was really counting on us to continue the air shows. These shows were taking place in some of the most polluted cities in the world: Los
Angeles, Sao Paulo, Moscow, Beijing. So far they’d been big successes, and the CSM had been able to hand out tons of cards and leaflets educating people about pollution and greenhouse gases.

My mom was a member of the CSM. She’d never want to put us in danger, but . . . I hated to let her down. She’d saved my life a bunch of times. She was helping the flock any way she could. This was the only thing she’d ever asked me to do. How could I tell her that I wanted to bail?

“Maybe if we just do the air shows but have them way step up security,” I said slowly.

“No,” said Fang.

Okay. I may be fabulous in a lot of ways, but I know I have a couple tiny flaws. One of them is a really bad knee-jerk reaction whenever anyone tells me no about anything.

You’d think Fang would have picked up on that by now.

I raised my chin and looked him in the eye. The flock, being smarter than the average gang of winged bears, went still.

Slowly, I stood up and walked closer to Fang. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Total slither beneath a bed, saw Gazzy quickly pull Iggy into the boys’ room next door.

Until last year, I’d been taller than both Fang and Iggy. They’d not only caught up but had shot several inches past me, which I hated. Now Fang looked down at me, his eyes so dark I couldn’t see where his pupils were.

“What?” I asked, deceptively mildly. I saw a flash of pink tutu as Angel and Nudge crawled with quick, silent efficiency into the boys’ room.

“The air shows are too dangerous,” Fang said equally mildly. I heard the connecting door between the two rooms ease shut with the caution of prey trying hard not to attract its predator.

“I can’t let my mom down.” This close, I could see his thick eyelashes, the weird glints of gold in his eyes.

He let out a breath slowly and clenched his hands.

“One more show,” I offered.

His hands unclenched as he weighed his options. “All right,” he said, surprising me. “You’re right — we don’t want to let the CSM down.”

I looked at him in narrow- eyed suspicion, and then it hit me: Dr. Brigid Dwyer, the eighth wonder of the world, was part of the CSM. She’d planned on meeting us in Mexico City, our next show.

That was why Fang had agreed to just one more — so he could get all caught up with his favorite brilliant, underage scientist.

I walked stiffly to the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the shower as hard as it could go. Then I buried my face in a fluffy towel and shrieked like a banshee.