18!!!!!

Tomarrow I'll officaly be 18...holy crap. It's not that it's not exciteing but it's...one of those ages were everything changes. Like when you turn twelve. You'er not exactly a kid anymore but you'er no were close to being a teenager.
With eighteen...it's like i'm legally an adult but i'm still a teenager. I still don't have an offical plan for my future, as far as i know i'm just crusing along waiting for something to happen. i'ts..unsettleing. I mean it always seems like when your finnaly used to the changes and have figured out the rules and it all get's turned upsidedown. Not to mention I have never had an offical job and still dont know how to drive. I still havent figured out the stove either. O.O I mean, i have every right to be slow( i was a premature birth)but this is ridicules! Which is kind of irronic since most of the teachers at my highschoole say i'm pretty mature.Thats because they havent seen me goofing off with my friends and getting high on vanilla coke.(It gets me so hyper it's almost like i'm drunk)lol! getting off track but anyway, i gusse for me the age were you'er really an adukt is 20. 18 and 19 are just the growing pains. same as 10,11, and 12 before you'er really a teenager, and I have to wonder, am I really ready and even capeable of takeing care of the responsibility thats going to be thrown my way. Or am i just going to end up, living with my mother for the rest of my life. I not saying that that would be a bad thing but...for me I'ed be able to be alot more free'er on my own.
Either way it's about time i atleast tried to be a man. ( yes I'm a chick but "women" dosnt seem to fit the example. O.O?) Seriously, The closest thing to a man in my house hold was my cat. Then he died, (on my 15th) Then it was my sister. (She moved to another state)and then my uncle but even though he visets alot and lives in the same town i'm not sure if he's really counted as apart of my household since he dosnt live with us. so right now my mom has to be the strong one. (emotionally)and she's always had to be. thats not fair because she should have the right to be an emotionall reck onece in awile. I mean if I can have a midlife crisis at 16 then she should be aloud to freak out onece in awile right? Dealing with depression (The diseas) I've had to learn how to get past the pain that comes with everyday life. Which is a dog because when you have depression things hurt alot more then they should. But can I really be that strong? I mean I cry on a weekly baisis( ussaly about nothing that important), can bairly handle PMS (yeah i said it) and cant even get out of bed in the morning when i wake up untill it finnaly occurs to me that i might not have enough time to eat breakfest. I'm trying everything but if depression is makeing me this bad ( although i could be a hell of alot worse) medication isnt an option for me. If i get the dosag uped then i'll end up relighing on it as a cruch to be happy. I dont want to grow up but noone has a choice in that. But am I really mature enough to take care of myself alone?