Rants

This page is here for the AT-THE-MOMENT ranting and reflection about myself and the people/events around me. Warning: Extreme dog-nizz sometimes. [/size]

12/2/13
Those poor cows and livestock suffering from bacterial and viral infections way before we do; those poor things! UGHHHHHHHHH BUGlhj;a ghiaogj ;ialrjg;fkdosgja;idogladg fracking ballls ;A; I want to get a piglet now. YES I WANT A RACCOON (rabies), PIGLET (swine flu), and DOG (because they are darlings).

If you do not know now, you will never know.
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11//18/13
I am just filled with sadness. Manga is just so sad. Someone, someone out there. Find the person you love and stick with them until the ends of the Earth. That type of dedication really will teach you a lot.

Give me a bone made of fancy snack seaweed.

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10/21/13

BANANA FISH

But why did he have to die?! I swear to God- WHYYYY??!!! FU*KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYO:Ihj lagjdiofgj sdilgjs?K!?;k; *cries tears on her keyboard* I swear to god, I will draw/write a manga where the kid that has been through Hell and has finally found someone worthwhile gets to spend his days WITH THAT PERSON instead of having to die so...anticlimactically. No, no, Ash, Whyyyy!!!!! LJRIO; HADFIOH ;OGIHAGHAILuqo; asdghjlsdfgwdf[
gh dfh NOOOOOOOO

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10/6/13
Okay, do not hate on Nickleback because they are "gay," "repetitive," "not a rock band," or try to imply that they are a popular copout with no particular talent. Their musical lyrics are meaningful (and obviously full of its comedic and erratic ideas) and many times full of just as much hopeful/deeper words as other rock bands; do not compare their worth. Do not let your internal pride as a rocker cloud your judgment of a simple good band that does not follow the regular rock-hard-and-die-with-a-million-problems band. There is a reason they got popular, and you know subconsciously it is not because they completely sucked. Even having "some hits" that sound the same but have different ideas deems you having some meaningful talent, so do not down them on their success and listen to their and other genre/styles of music without immediate and desperate judgement. You will get much more out of it and be happier; I assure you.

This applies for Linkin Park as well, you douches.

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8/19/13
;O; Uwahhh, when can the Ai No Kusabi Novel #7 & #8 get scanned and posted online? I need to read them, like now! UUUUBAHHHHH~ *total yaoi fanatic*

Also, fanatic feminists scare the fu*ck out of me. It is okay to fight for your right, but do not turn it into a hating crime on men like "they get to do this and this and this" and at one point, it starts to escalate to "women are better because...so why do men get to..." You are imposing the same hate men imposed on you, and that is not how you get things done or win over the majority. We are all going in a vicious cycle if hate follows hate.

Both sexes...fight for your right as an individual and love what you were born with, but do not start imposing your own ideas and standards on others. Guys do it to girls, but girls do it to guys all the time too. Sexism goes both ways. Remember that next time you scream at the top of our lungs at someone who did something small, and you have to connect it to a sexism crime, or ANY over-analyzed hate crime for that matter.

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8/11/13
Parents/guardians/people in general should stop seeing the "rebellious stage" as just a "stage" children are going through and more of a "period you need to get your own morals/messages straight." If you tell them to fight for what they believe in and speak their mind, do not condemn them when they have a differing opinion than you. This takes self-confidence and a want to patiently teach what is RIGHT, not how to learn to deal with them. This takes your part too. You have to be strong and realize it is just a debate. It will not kill you, so do not be a coward and tell them to "not talk back." It takes a "You are right, but try this, and it will be like this. Better." It takes patience. If the child keeps persisting, okay. It is not an attack on your soul and mind. It will not kill you to think their way.

You spent so long telling them what to do, and they listened without saying anything that you better be ready for every single little day that little kids gets ready to backlash with his/her own ideas. It was bound to happen, so stop being so offended and put your hands up and debate like a mother fracking brave adult. You are reaffirming that rule: fight for what you believe in. However, never stop wondering if what you believe in is right. That constant carefulness will always make your child respect you for that.

PATIENCE IS THAT DISGUSTING WORD. If you do not have it, you will spit out nonexistential words that do not prove the point; it only confuses them more.

No wonder you grow up to still have complicated feelings about your parents; you know you hated/went through it to. It was not okay; that was just suffering. Let them speak. Treat them like adults even though they are not. Do not be a hypocrite when you yourself know it is so easy to follow what you preach. You spend your days judging your children's worth on what they have done and how they act, and you better connect every single thing they do to yourself so you can suffer too. So you can understand and have some empathy and thus, some MATURITY to debate the whole world with them. You better at least have the patience for that because if you do not, you might as well shut your mouth. No one, not even a 5-year old, wants to hear you preach about something you have no idea about yourself. You can spend your days wallowing in your heap of a worthless life you have, eating off of those complicated and small moments of dominance and perseverance that you REMEMBER in the past, but it will all crumble beneath your feet in your own disappointment and anger for even trying to inflict it on someone else. Do not dare ever tell me what to do when you can only spout illogical and untranslatable nonsense into younger hearts right in front of me. I will have your head on a stick.

This is the important stage that creates engineers, doctors, geniuses, physicists, artists, awesome custodians, etc. Remember that.

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5 Common Pieces of Advice That Are Almost Always Wrong:

1. "Never Stop Fighting for What You Believe In!" ----> ALTERNATIVE: "Never stop fighting ... and never stop thinking about whether you're actually on the right side."

2. "Never Be Afraid to Speak Your Mind!" ----> ALTERNATIVE: "Speak your mind, but don't be surprised if they don't listen."

3. "Forget About the Past!" ----> ALTERNATIVE: "Acknowledge your mistakes, but don't obsess over them."

4. "The Only Person You Can Trust Is Yourself!" ----> ALTERNATIVE: "Some people are bad. Know how to spot them."

5. "Seize the Moment! Live Each Day as if It Were Your Last!" ----> ALTERNATIVE: "Make today count."

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3/17/13
I keep hearing crap about student-teacher relationships. I guess I will be the rare person who reminds you guys that out of all those affairs, sexual abuse reports, and entertaining news feeds, at least one of those student-teacher relationships were genuine. In other words, one of those relationships had at least one student actually falling in love with the teacher, the teacher mutually falling in love with the student, they go out, show each other affection, and express sexual feelings for each other. What happens if they knew each other way before they became student and teacher? So what if there is a large age gap? There are still many legal large-age-gap relationships, but this one is considered “disgusting.” The fact that a student and teacher (who do not obviously use their positions to manipulate each other) must hide their relationship because of their positions is so OTHER students will not get encouraged to misuse their position, and it does not compromise the feelings of the student and teacher.

I always heard people yammering about how people should act respectfully and according to their positions or they will make their position and corporations look bad. Well, too bad, because even higher-up military commanders are humans, and they want relationships too. What are they going to do? Does one have to quit being a higher-up, and one must stop being a lower-person to be considered okay? You guys are contradictory, and if you would stop appealing to the mainstream and making fun of these “forbidden” relationships, you would realize just how truly unfair the standard that we impose on them are. It was not too long ago that we condemned homosexual relationships like it was the plague- like they had no right to have sex with each other because it was not the standard we set for them, and there were SOME bad apples in the group. Honestly, I have a strong urge to have crazy sex with my teachers just to show you guys off.
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12/31/12
I deleted my "Personal" blog because it was getting too tedious to update, so here are pictures of me to compensate. -SINCE EVERYONE THINKS I AM A 37 YEAR OLD MATURE LIBRARIAN - I WANT TO BREAK YOUR PERCEPTIONS

On a side not, I forgot to do many things on FAC today...WHAT WERE THEY AGAIN?
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12/19/12
Lol, you guys know that Total Transformation program to teach your kids to not disrespect you? I have not even seen the full program at work, and I believe it is a piece of crap. It gives the wrong message to both parents and children. I heard an advertisement for Total Transformation on the radio, and it started off with quotes from parents. One parent was like "I am sick of believing that I am a bad parent because I am not!" and another was like "I do not want my child to disrespect me ever again." and another was like "I want to be the one that has control." They sound like whiny preaching-to-the-choir bad-communication parents that do not know how to adapt to their children. I could understand if he/she said "I do not want to be a doormat to my daughter/son anymore." However, "I do not want to be disrespected anymore" is vague. "Disrespect" is subjective, and a parent's version of the story could be way off of the child's. Much of how the child treats a parent is sometimes an indication of a parent's inability to understand or hear them. Thus, you COULD actually be a bad parent. Do not blame the child. Even the CD teaches you that you have to look carefully at the child's characteristics and how he/she sees the adult world. Here is one thing a mother who has looked into Total transformation has said as grounds for buying the product:

Nathan has several problems that I refer to as “lacking a moral compass.” He lies, he’s totally unmotivated about school and doing anything around the house. He’s forever bothering his sister just because he has nothing else better to do. He's overly self-centered and only cares about being entertained. When he does do something, whether it’s cleaning his room, picking berries in the yard, or his homework, it’s always done in what my husband and I call a “half-assed production.” If there’s a shortcut or minimal way to do something, Nathan will do it that way. Finally, he’s disrespectful at times and lacks focus.

Already, you are calling him/her disrespectful and lazy/unproductive/half-assed. You are just describing the normal child boy who wants to have more fun than work. The biggest problem I see here is your inability to put yourself in perspective as a parent. Since when did you have a child that grew up 1. not bothering their siblings 2. not doing the perfect expectation of chores 3. Got great grades at first 4. Was not lazy 5. Did not make moral mistakes BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL LEARNING AS CHILDREN
Some parents are just do not communicate well, and that is okay. However, this Total Transformation is just a costly parenting class that teaches you something you should learn as you experience mother/fatherhood (unless you are the worst parent ever and you really do need that CD) already. The actual quickest way to teach your child the "right" behavior" is to be the best example you are. Practice what you preach. It is so easy to say, but so many parents have trouble following their own rules; of course the kids do not understand/act out/disrespect you. Would you not want to disrespect a hypercritical boss, but you cannot because they pay you, so you talk about them at the water cooler? The child is just disrepecting you as minimally as possible. I assure you, they can do worse. Quit concentrating so much on the child having a problem and look at yourself. See what your child is going through before you think your they need a "total transformation." Maybe you do.

My hope goes out to the Total Transformation being a $327 CD with a word document that says "Either your child has a mental disorder or you need to change yourself first."
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9/27/12
Being professional is not presenting like a robot. Being professional is not being perfectly unbiased and speaking like an informational brochure. The air of professionalism is the air of maturity and acceptance for the subject while still being able to connect to the audience with opinions and ideals; no true "professional follows the generic rules of professionalism. Incredible "professionals" of their field cut the rules of professionalism many times to connect the audience to their cause. They were free-thinking, opinionated, and involved. You do not have to be neutral to be fair, and these "professionals" always gave their enemies a chance- how much of a chance was up to the professional, not the lame, stagnate, and uncreative stereotypical view of professionalism.

A teacher, who I thought had the personality to understand this creative professionalism, gave me a 85% on a paper and deducted 5 points from my presentation because 1. I made a quote sheet of Fox News opinions and 2. I wrote about Fox News controversies in my research paper He called the quote sheet unprofessional and opinionated, and it did not seek to inform the audience. For one, balanced quotes (different demographics) of outside sources CAN equally inform of of the types of people Fox News works with (it is Fox News- it is a communications station, how can there not be an opinion on my handout). Compared to an informational handout that everyone else did and no one else read, a fun quote sheet of non-violent/non-profane quotes was more realistic than writing a synopsis on Fox News History. Unprofessional and opinionated? It is so ironic that I am writing about one of the most controversial communications stations, and if I note those controversies (ex: in my paper), I am deemed "bias" and "unprofessional." I feel this imposing of stagnate researching with a clever "balanced" mood is not clever at all; it hinders creative growth and interest. It makes us think less; we are only writing this paper to serve your syllabus's grade range. You said I could make any kind of handout I wanted, and when I made it, you did not like it. The fact that this is a Mass Communications class is even more ironic. I do not approve of it, and I should have talked to this teacher about it, but I did not. From now on, I will ask teachers beforehand if they are the types who want their essays specifically like this. It frustrates me I must figure the teacher's nick-pickiness after he deducts my grade. That is why it is always best to have full conversations with your teacher's expectations on all assignments before you turn it in. If you were highly deducted points on the idea that you were being unprofessional from giving a more fun version of other students, and you feel you did well, YOU TELL THAT TEACHER AND LET THEM EXPLAIN THEMSELVES. -Because I sure would like to know.

I am not and never will be that student that follows the norm because I am afraid of the change. It can actually help you in the end for speaking for yourself just a millisecond. The fact that they know is all you need. Never be afraid to ask the question, “Why are we doing it like this?” Even if it does not change anything physically, it can still change you mentally.

Also, I hate retaking classes, and uugghhhhhhh attempting to hide it. I should not be so ashamed of it; I have already accepted that I will do much better and try harder to redeem myself. I should not try to hide that; everyone has their ups and downs! I am consistently trying; that is what matters. There is nothing wrong with it! Thus, tell the truth when asked! ;__;
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8/25/12

HECK YEAH THIS IS THE SEXIEST PICTURE OF MARLON BRANDO EVER. Wet, passionate, confused, determined guys is now a hot-selling franchise. It does not even make sense that he is the only wet thing in the picture (concrete looks almost dry), it is still HIGHLY ACCEPTABLE AND STARE-FOR-AT-LEAST 5 MINUTES WORTHY.

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8/4/12
WHY DID HARRY POTTER HAVE TO END - whyyyyy My childhood. ;--; Broken and forgotten. Not really- Harry Potter will LIVE FOREVER. In our hearts and in our secretly magical souls.

Also, I do not really think it is worth it to make my parents proud anymore. They can be proud/unproud all they want. I will make my own decisions and go for my aspirations when need be. We will see how that goes.

I just must practice...BETTER PERSUASIVE SKILLS AND WILL-TOLERANCE- but with understanding here and there. I will learn it. Do not worry. So be patient with yourself and have a good time with your college classes, jobs, people you meet (good or bad, and if they are bad, they will BE GOOD or I will smash their fingers), what you learn about yourself, other people, and school, your drawing, and concentrate on what you can do and the obvious POSITIVE, not the negative.

Just...why don't they understand that these 2 weeks (one is full of volunteering and the other is job orientation) are the only days I can actually relax, so why do they keep telling me to study for MCAT? School just ended last week, and now you are asking me to study more. I know what I can take and what I cannot. If you cannot understand that, forget you. Lately, it seems that if I attempt to explain things academically to you, you just brush it off or read it like you want (oh, well you should have taken less classes, you shouldn't take the job). ALL of this is mandatory: money for classes (job), many credit hours (make up classes, 12 minimum credits for Bright Futures scholarship, Honors volunteering and required seminars. You condemn me for taking Summer classes with my money? I HAVE TO. How am I supposed to go the pace you want if I do not use up my money for school. I THOUGHT I SAVED UP MONEY FOR SCHOOL; STOP CONTRADICTING YOURSELF. Use money for myself? What do I need? I need school. I do not need a computer, a house, siblings, burger king sandwiches, I need school. Thus, I am going to use it on school (that is what you say to always use it on anyways you double-standard). Thus, now that I finally have free time (if I count it down, these 2 weeks actually blow down to about 4 days of real free time, and I am adjusting myself to relaxing correctly), heck no am I going to use it to study again for you people. You probably have not seen me at home in forever, so of course it looks like I am horsing around and not trying to concentrate on studies- that is what I am dong! This is my Summer break you idiot!
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5/16/12
Okay, I am aware I just lost my cool there. However, it feels good the first time telling her a thing or two. I guess I should not have said "I will not be apart of that circle anymore," because I probably will be involved in it one way or another at one point. HAHHA this is why debate words should be chosen carefully! Oh well, I guess I will just have the habit of being not only truthful but blunt to this girly. P; We will see whether it will help or not.

Also, my brother got a 36 on the MCAT! AHHHH! What expectations!

EDIT: Also, forget all those god dang generic and annoying shoujo manga! Why are the majority of them so whiny, useless, and defenseless in their antics? Why will they not just THINK about what they do and LEND A HAND? Huh? Are they brain-dead or the artist/author thinks those are the type of main characters everyone likes to read/sympathize with? NO! No one WANTS to sympathize with such whiny and unnaturally ignorant/naive main characters. I understand that shoujo manga are known to be unrealistic, but do you not notice the trend that the popular, good shoujo manga are the ones with the most realistic messages and relationships/main characters you can find? They do not just fall down and have 3 to 6 boys lend their hand to you (unless you have done something for them first). Ridiculous! I will make a shoujo manga that attacks/refuses to take that road, god dang it! My female main character (I suppose she has to be female...) WILL be more head-strong/charismatic/can take care of herself more than she can be a whiny large-breasted bimbo who wants help 24/7!

EDIT #2: <__<

>__>

I am so sexist against girls. MURRR. I need to be more tolerant and open-minded.
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5/13/12
Avatar The Legend of Korra is a super aphoristically awesome orgasm of immense fighting, hilariousness, elemental concepts, and just plain awesomeness!!!

Also, it should be noted that I do not take ANY injustice. I do not care if "the world is unfair." Rotten court cases, inaccurate accusations of plagiarism (or lack of accusation), unnecessary violence/unethical opinions in the work force...even if it is a common and unfair occurring, I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANY OF IT. I will fight it. I will not just stand there and say, "Oh, well that is how the world works." NO. If you want the world to work that way, just let these things go; wait until you are the victim or your friend/someone you love is the victim. However, if you truly believe it is wrong, then tell yourself you do have power- to make petitions, letters, rise debate, speak opinion- even if the entire world is against you, there will be someone agreeing with you just a little. That type of support and battle for the just, depending on as unbiased research as possible, is what will turn "unfair" into "just a little better."

I am ranting about this because one my favorite manga artists Takashima Kazusa lost a plagiarism court case in Japan against the mangaka Kayono- even though Takashima's work was published BEFORE hers (time), showed more art-style originality/lack of stiffness (artistically), and even anatomically (Kayono's work is on left, Takashima's work is one right):

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/6569/up1t.jpg
http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/7125/up2b.jpg
http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/2814/up3t.jpg
http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/3153/up4o.jpg

Calvin Klein’s advertisement poster: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/23/up5q.jpg/

-Takashima Kazusa had reason to accuse her of plagiarism.

Look at those pictures and tell me, even if you are not a fan/enemy of any of the mangaka, do the manga panels/poses/hairstyles/choosing of when and where to put dialogue not look a little too similar? As an college student, plagiarism-victim, fan, and most of all, artist, THIS IS PLAGIARISM. Clear and simple, and if this court case was done in America, I bet Kayono would be crying in her seats with how blunt the American system can be. There was some weird stuff about her famous mother using connections to help Kayono win the case, but I do not care for that. Lets not let the behind-the-scene politic stuff shroud the atmosphere here; tell me.

If you were evidently sure from image-evidence and from the fact this person has had background of plagiarism before, that this person plagiarized your work, and even the dumb American public can tell just by looking that this is the definition of plagiarism (not "inspiration" or "small copying" like the ignorant and un self-educated will tell you), and you take it to court and LOST, would you not feel a little shattered? -Like it was just not worth it to pull up a fight in the first place because this could have happened? NO. It is always worth it. Takashima Kazusa lost the case, along with her credibility as a mangaka, and manga magazines do not want to accept artwork from someone who lost a plagiarism case; it makes them look bad. She is currently on hiatus, and I dearly want her to come back and finish her GOD DANG original art-styled, funny, and well-hearted manga. However, because of this, we now know about the injustices happening with her and probably some other artists/authors. We know this type of stuff happens, so we should do everything in our power to fight and debate, even a little, when it happens in front of us- at school, on the bus, near Wall-Street, with politics...we have power to make unfair to fair. WE FIGHT.

As Americans, we know this type of lawful or politic stuff is UNFAIR, so we FIGHT. Remember that next time you see something unfair/unethical and decide to walk away or not say anything.
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5/8/12
It is alright. It already happened, and it has already ended. Even if it is not the grade you wanted, and your parents will probably freak out extensively because of it, you can only move on, and with your teacher being a complete jerk for falsely accusing you of plagiarism, well, you did what you could. You can only move on and seek to right your wrongs and anticipate that moment when you must speak to that teacher again, in a mature and knowledgeable way- like you have learned what it is like to be falsely accused of anything, and you know how to be more careful of it....and how to fight it better. This is a lesson- academically, physically, mentally, philosophically, psychologically, and personally...I have learned about myself. I can only keep going even while everyone else gives up at this point! So stop moping, and do the things you set out to do. Relinquish all obstacles, including your pride (although that can be extremely helpful sometimes), and get to a level where you do not have to be the best yet, but you are proud of the promises you have fulfilled and your trustworthiness in yourself. Trust yourself. No matter what.

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4/14/12
Freaking mother, what is the point of sweeping and mopping the floors to make them nice and sparkly for you if you are going to constantly complain about everything that is not perfect- and worst, you assumed I did not attempt to sweep/mop at all? It is a plainly small problem, but it is the fact that I told her I did sweep/mop and her not believing me that irks me. If she is going to continue repeating that I live in some "filthy place, and I never take care of my surroundings, and I need to get up and do it now" then I see no incentive anymore (making her shut up). I might as well just not mop/clean ardently at all and wait until she nags me about the "filth" for me to do it. I know she is going to lecture me about it whether I do it or not, so what is the point in attempting to make her happy? AUGH.

I might as well walk around the house naked from now on (it honestly does not sound like a bad option). This type of illogical nagging is sure needed in the foreshadow to Mother's Day!

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3/24/12
I am too easily emphatic/open-minded here. I read some online cons for Gay Marriage, and I literally thought "Now that you think about it..." or "I can see where they are coming from." It scares me that my incredible support for gay rights can be compromised, but it is true; there is always a loop-hole or leeway for any argument.

I was thinking clinically: Homosexuals have an alarming rate of STDs, not because they are more genetically inclined to get STDs, but because they conglomerate and stay with each other in smaller groups, so people concentrate on the spreading virus number and correlate that to homosexuals. It is hasty generalization, but that is indeed how it works. I think, "If we are to legalize homosexual rights, what is to stop homosexuals from them having the new social stereotype label like African Americans? African Americans were given freedom, and many of them contributed greatly to our government, free rights, and musical/artistic culture. However, an even greater number are still affiliated with the slums, poor, drugs, violence, and low education. Some of them still seem to be stuck in that statistic hole. Will homosexuals, once homosexual rights are legalized (which I know they WILL BE, you can sense it in this youth's generation), be seen as the group with the high risk of AIDS, Gonorrhea, and Herpes? The public accept them and ignore them but think in their heads, "I better stay away from that group." That type of depressing thought irks me. Is it worth it to legalize gay rights when they may be more publicly subject to that psychological double-standard (since other moral and traditional conflicts will still happen even if homosexual rights are legalized)?

I feel I have no reason or space to talk. If African Americans can fight for their rights and go through all that suffering, indifference, and hard work to get their freedom, then why am I ignorantly asking, "Can another group do it?" The general subject here is love, and love is universal, no matter what race, background, age, or sexual orientation you are, so this time, more people are backing you up. Why am I speaking for homosexuals like they are some weak group that has "suffered" all this time and just waiting to be given their rights? They have been ardently fighting and accepting their crude world with humor, and most of all, a smile. That is the difference between a group that gets freedom and continues to live in the shadow of its discrimination and one that blossoms and shows the world what for with real romance and love.

Why is there even debate on gay rights, I wonder? Just ban straight marriage; lets see how they like it.

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3/4/12
...I think I have parents that do not know how to deal with "change." I should stop expecting them to get better. I have attempted talking to them and listening to what they say without complaint. However, that still ended up in them shouting for me to get out of their sight and me crying. They like for me to talk (not ignore them), but they do not like it when I talk (speak my opinion or ask them questions). They want me to listen, but do not accept mistakes after I try their advice. They want me to do well in the MCAT, but they disregard my need to do well in my actual college classes (which sets the knowledge foundation for the MCAT). They are such large hypocrites that I am surprised they are not joking half the time.

I have contemplated living in a dorm, but there are too many financial issues there (although I have the money, it would not be smart to let go of the free shelter and food when I soon have medical school to pay for). However, free food/house can only go so far when you are being mentally abused in this house.

When I do something wrong at school, I think, "What will my parents think?" I care more about what my parents think than what I think. Their power over me is so incredible that the choices I make are to please and interact with them, not myself. I am so empty that if my parents died, not only would I feel "free," but I would also feel "empty" because I never truly "satisfied" them or was the "best child I could be." I never truly pampered myself for what I worked hard on. That pressure and fear of being shouted at even though I did my "best" shows nobody cares about the process. They care about the results, and if I cannot let go of that weakness as a child...that I only did things for my parents, than what am I? I feel like some doll working for them. I need to change for myself and others. Not for them.

I have had enough. They are no obstacle. They are human beings too, and it hurts to let go of someone who had taken care of and had jokes with you, but the biggest thing parents can teach you is that despite that warmth, you can never trust them to be the greatest parents or the greatest people. No, that strength comes within you, and you alone. How come it took so long for me to realize that? -That when I spend more time from 8:30 AM to 9:00 PM at school, I feel so free and calm. There is no better world than a world to yourself. The small tints of loneliness and doubts may hurt you, but you should realize that the world is your oyster, and all the happiness/sadness/inner acknowledgement/even exciting anger is open to you. The world is what you make of it; take advantage of every sail that goes by and take its reign. No one else can show it to you- not your parents, not your siblings, not even your friends directly- only you.

You are alone in this roller-coaster of life, so depending on other people for your self-worth never did help, did it?

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2/12/12
Dumb dad (alliteration)! D:< Stop not listening me! I should stop listening to you to show the consequences of ignoring people with their own opinions! Being forced to do something tedious but still good for me is one thing, but being forced to do something absolutely illogical and inefficiently dumb without explanation/a good argument just because you are my father is beyond your jurisdiction.

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1/2/12



Also, augh! I cut my eyebrow too low! I need to just stop worrying about what I look like. ;-; I think I will become a hermit. P;

GHAAAAAA!!! Low self-confidence has hit me!

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12/29/11
It is like you were born with nothing. No, that is not true; you just gave yourself nothing, and you refuse to admit you are wrong and need help. How does somehow who has lived their entire life depending on themselves ask someone for help without swallowing up their pride and putting down every last bit of their dignity? Disgusting. I despise myself for being the weak one, the one who needs help, yet it is true. I need help...in Chemistry. ;-; - And I do not want to admit it. WELL. I have admitted it! I got a C+ for my Chemistry I college class with one B in Zoology and the rest are As. My GPA is a 3.46, and this was much lower than I what I expected from myself. I am disappointed, but my pride is so strong...I did not ask for tutoring help at all in that Chemistry class. I used Google for answers, hardly read my textbook even though I kept writing in the planner that I should, acted like I knew what what they were talking about when my classmates brought up Chemistry, and...it hurt acting like I knew something I did not. I was lying to myself and the people around me, and that was not me. I REFUSED IT. I did not want to ask help from my brother because he was so good at science and math; he tended to criticize and then hint to my dad my trouble- which causes more trouble. However, that did not change the fact that he could help, and I needed help. Thus, I must learn to swallow my pride and open up my weaknesses to others, not just my brother. It can only help. I realized it was not good to take the easy, short road, nor was it good to complain/blame the teacher/others when I knew it was whole-heatedly my own fault. Such ideals were weak, and well, for a long time, that weakness made me feel like self-pitying myself instead of getting a move on. Now I know. The real test is working against my fears and using those mistakes to my advantage. It is better to understand the consequences of these bad habits early on instead of later in school, you know? It will hurt to wait for college's Spring semester to start, but the important thing is having the correct mindset. When I am done with classes, I will go straight to the library to study/type up notes and read my textbooks. I trust myself to follow this new tactic because I have already seen the consequences of not putting in my best effort in. Finally, I should not care what others think, especially my family. I will put their aspirations and expectations at heart, but in the end, it is still about me and my future. Their complaints and imposing ideas on how I should study and why things happened the way they did have already been run over in my heard 50 times on my own. I do not need someone to be the repetitive mirror of the past; I need someone to look at the future, and that person is me and me only. Ironically, I used to make fun of people who gave up studying because a class was "hard" or "The teacher hates me," but now that I am experiencing this choking pride, this want to struggle through and look up answers online alone....it is like another step to understanding the student I never was. This is good! *dies*

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12/21/11

" 'Research shows that illustrating concepts develops creative reasoning skills. The most striking thing was the effort that students would apply to learning about science when they read and then drew what they could understand from the text, and how much enjoyment they derived from doing this.'

Back in the late 30s/early 40s, the Nuns would beat our hands with rulers for doodling in class. That must be why I’m not a scientist."

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11/11/11
TODAY IS THE DAY THE WORLD BEGAN AGAIN


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11/7/11
I read a Sparknotes Question and Answer on "Why is he ignoring me?" The answer was that girls are naturally attracted to the emotional "bad boy" types because it makes them feel more fulfilled, so guys want to play the cold-shoulder tactic to keep the girl interested.

It almost makes me distraught and distressed that the modern success of an interesting relationship is the other sex ignoring the other. That sounds like a cheesy, flawed tactic that would last your relationship maybe...1 month tops? Perhaps more if you really really really have problems, and your girl really really really likes problems. However, if you guys and girls are looking for a real relationship, one where you do not have to grimace about the next possible problem and who is having a more dramatic day, it should never be based on the "first exterior impression." A lot of great relationships do not just click right away. It takes one a bit to learn and argue one's way into realizing this is the person for oneself. How come relationships are happening so fast now (half of them start off in bars, ahahaa)? What happened to the nice, caring boy/girl that did not care about letting his/her personality out? Even if he/she was a total nerd that played video games, laughed loudly when his/her friends made a joke, and spills orange juice on him/herself in the morning- every morning...I thought that was what a real relationship was about? -Showing off who you really are to one who will accept you for who you are.

Lets start off with a large statistical example! *tomatoes in the face* The Sparknotes guide said there was a study where women looked at the same men in different poses: aloof/swaggering and smiling brightly at the camera. The women were extremely attracted to the aloof men that did not even look at the camera and thought the attentive man that was looking straight at the camera smiling was less appealing.

WHYYYYYY??! If I had to choose the right guy for me just from these pictures, I would go for the attentive, smiling guy, not the guy that looks like a serial killer and would not give me the light of day afterwards. Why would you girls want a man like that? I feel distressed because I want open men like that to get the women they want. I do not want them to try harder to be something that will only skew their actual character.

Girls "feeling more fulfilled" in having the bad guy is a danger sign to me. Obtaining hard-to-get things like grades, great family connections, and lots of confidence in oneself is fulfillment, but fulfillment is not based off of being able to capture an object or material gain- in this case, the hard-to-get man is the material gain. That is the big flaw of modern relationships. I bet girls with much higher confidence and a clear track in life would choose a safer man, a man that would make them birthday cards and listen to them when they are having troubles. Not a man that listens every once in a while when he is interested in the topic or ignores you because he is either uninterested or thinks that is the way a real relationship works. I would rather have a shy, benevolent man than a man with an arrogant attitude and too many problems to handle. I do not have time for that, and neither should you girls.

However, I will not refute that here is great fulfillment in being able to bring a bad guy out into the world and hearing him say, "Thanks for the help. You really changed me for the better." That is a good kind of fulfillment that girls who are into the "bad-types" are really going for. They want to make a change in people, but it is quite the risk. If you really and truly love the person, give him/her everything you have, because that proves true dedication. -And the person that came out from a bad past is usually much more mature and worthy than the good man that starts off not knowing grief nor defeat.

I am going to simply rant about low-down relationships in general now.

I will give you silly silly kids words of advice from an absolute genius. ME. *not humble at all*

After you, whether you are a girl or a boy, pick up your lives, face all your fears, and do some things you are proud of, look back at your current relationship. Did it look as appealing and worth-while as you thought when you first started, or are there some fatal flaws you finally notice now that you have a clear mind with less weight on your shoulders? Is this the person you want to spend your life with, get to know until you are old, and possibly even have children with? Can you feel the happiness and fulfillment in your gut, or is the feeling rather pity, guilt, pain, and ambiguity? If it is the lather, you better be careful. Do not quit at that spontaneous moment, but check yourself. In a "real" relationship, you are putting all your cards down and leaving yourself vulnerable. You are at the mercy of your partner and vice versa. How come people do not know this? NEVER trust someone 100%, no matter how much this person means to you. If a girl/boy says, "He/she means everything to me," that just means he/she is fulfilling something that you could not fulfill on your own, not because they are your everything, but because they have something you do not see in others. That makes them precious, but it should never be so precious that you make them your "everything." If they really are the only thing you have, you need to work to get more things for yourself. NEVER lay all your cards down on the table. If you do not base your confidence off of this relationship and more on your own personal achievements, you can keep some cards to yourself. If the partner takes advantage of you, you can move on without wallowing that you have lost "everything," like most people like to say.

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11/4/11
The lack of organization from student organizations in college astounds me. Everyone is super busy with their schedule, homework, seminars, and research, so WHY SIGN UP AS AN OFFICER IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE TIME? I have joined the Health Occupational Students of America (HOSA) club in my university, and the president comes sometimes if she does not have an Organic test to study/cram for before the lab, the Reporter leaves herself almost clueless because she does not like to READ (honestly, who goes to college if you do not want to read more than 5 sentences, and why sign up for Reporter?) my long emails, the Vice president is late for much of the meetings, does not communicate at all through email, and actually gets defensive/distraught when one points this out, the Parliamentarian practically does not exist because he hardly comes to the meetings, and I, the Historian, whose job was originally only the scrapbook and taking pictures, is now making agenda, giving reminders for meetings, facilitating meetings when none of the other officers are there, and even calling the university SGA/setting up t-shirt connections/talking to potential sponsors/asking questions about new university events to advertise in...etc.

WHAT IS THIS? I thought the Historian job was supposed to be one of the most lowest jobs. If I knew being the president was about promising Organic Gardens, talking about the budget, and talking to connection professors and leaving the rest of the members to find out that they were all just empty claims, and we cannot bring his issue up to them because they are hardly in the meetings...I would have signed up for being president a long time ago. A position that gets all the power but almost none of the responsibility. What a position that would be! Those type of positions do not end well, and they are dangerous to every single officer/member in your club because of your lack of leadership and want to clue us in. I am frustrated- in myself and partially in other's incompetence- that I feel like being a low-bum and leaving the rest of the work to someone else too. However, is that not the insignificant, non-overachiever route? I would rather be an overachiever, overstep my Historian boundaries and TAKE CONTROL of the entire club and get everyone angry over my want to keep this club up the ground, then watch it fall because I am afraid of doing more than my "power" can give me and waiting for the president and vice to settle something mediocre.

NO. I SAY NO. I say that because after another meeting where the president could not go to the meeting, the vice was late even though he strongly clarified he would be there, the Parliamentarian was (expectantly) absent, the Reporter lazily was on the table asking what she "missed" in the emails, the secretary/treasurer forgot about the meeting until someone called him, and there was an interested student I brought to the meeting to see what HOSA was like, I had had enough. It turns out that because the officers were hardly there, an ordinary HOSA member named Camille had to call the members to remind them to come to the meeting and make induction ceremony certificates (that is a secretary job). Camille characteristically spoke out about a new way of bringing the meeting time frame to about half and hour, so we would all not be stuck in the meeting for too long (the meetings are just an hour long though, I am surprised we are cutting them down). She set up a parliamentary procedure in the meeting (that is the parliamentarian job), and before the meeting started, I wrote out an agenda for the meeting (vice president job, he promised he would do it on time, but he did not), and I started talking about the new t-shirt connections (reporter job), Fall Conference, Spring Conference and what competitions people are choosing (president job), and Camille offered to help me create the HOSA scrapbook and brought her scrapbook supplies to show me (Historian job). BAM. Camille and I just single-handedly managed the president, secretary/treasurer, reporter, vice, and historian job in one go- this was a more productive/organized meeting than we had every done with the regular officers.

The infuriating thing is what happened after some of the officers did come to the meeting. (NONE OF THIS CONVERSATION IS "TWEAKED." THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT WAS SAID)

Buu: Hey Vice, the adviser said you and the parliamentarian promised to go to the Fall Conference with her, but you both did not show up, and she had to go alone. What happened?
Vice: The parliamentarian and I did not have a ride.
Buu: The adviser said if you asked, she could have given you a ride. You should have sent her an email or phone call saying you could not come. She was waiting.
Vice: ...
Buu: Er, and I heard something funny. There was a "Spirit Scream" during the Fall conference, and when her group was supposed to stand up and scream, she was the only one that screamed! hah
Vice: ...
Buu: I just thought that was funny. Yeah, also on the agenda...
Secretary: I thought the vice said he would make the agenda?
Buu: He did?
Vice: Yeah, and I was nearly done with it, but then you sent one, so...
Buu: You could have added it into my agenda. You were taking too long to make the agenda and send it to us, so I just made it.
Vice: You sent your agenda, like, a day after the last meeting was done.
Buu: (Actually, I sent it almost a WEEK after the meeting, because you took forever to get the real agenda to us) But-
Reporter: Wait, what are you?
Buu: The historian.
Reporter: Okay, you are just the Historian; he is the vice president.
Buu: ...But if the vice president or anyone does not do their work, I should be allowed to send emails out too and-
Reporter: Oh yeah...I never read your emails. They are too long.
Buu: *laughs* That is not a real reason. It is because you are lazy, not because my emails are too long. Your argument is invalid.
Reporter: Invalid huh...*slumps her head on the desk again to sleep*
Buu: Also, you guys are no replying to you emails.
Camille and others: What emails? I have not been getting them.
Buu: Oh dang, I may have to resend them.
Vice: Why don't we just talk on the HOSA Facebook? I go on there all the time.
Buu: (Yet you do not have time to reply to my HOSA emails, and I know you have been getting them) I do not have a Facebook...
Secretary: You do not have one?
Buu: Yeah, I just talk through email. I do not think I want to make a Facebook just to talk to a club that I could easily talk to through email. I would have to go back to it over and over.
(later that day, I made a Facebook, but LOOK AT THAT. The HOSA facebook page is almost completely deserted. No one really replies to me there either...)
Buu: Also, HOSA is joining the Great American Smokeout poster competition. I need help making the poster.
Camille and Kayla: I can help!
Secretary: There is an SGA banner room you guys can work in.
Buu: Since we are having the poster-making day during an actual meeting day, hows about all the members come to help out with the banner/poster and we can sort of have our meeting there?
Vice: Wait, we ALL have to come and help?
*everyone laughs*
Buu: Yes, we might as well- if you have time.
Secretary: Hey reporter, have you chosen a Spring Conference competition yet?
Reporter: Nahh...
Buu: Have you looked at the events? None of them seem interesting to you?
Reporter: No.
Vice: You could do Courtesy Corp! That's a competition!
Camille: Yeah, you're really charismatic!
Reporter: Ehhh, okay...

JUST SHUT UP EVERYONE. AL;FJLAHFjaklfhhalfj. Why are people like you so lazy? Are you worth my time? Who can I complain this too? Are my "long" emails full of HOSA updates, news, what time events are happening, and what the adviser wants "boring?" I would understand if you guys are normal HOSA members, but you are the OFFICERS! Your laziness will get you nowhere. One of my friends say I have to meet them halfway. Why should I have to compromise my intelligence and effort for this club just because of others laziness? I should do this all on my own. They have gotten angry at me for illogical things, and so I will no longer "worry" about what they have to say. If they make a mistake, I will tell them straight up in front of everyone and offer a solution or ask them for one. I do not care if I am being blunt, jerkish, too detailed oriented, too organized, or too leader-like for my position. This situation requires it, and even if the club was doing fine, there is still nothing wrong with leadership.

In life, it is YOUR choice whether you want to step up and put yourself in with the big dogs. The big dogs should never have to drop lower for you.

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9/25/11
Man, I am angry at myself. I am angry at myself enough to blame others for my faults and weaknesses, and that is not strong at all.

[ Today was not a good day for grades. I feel like kicking a baby. I feel like kicking myself. I feel like kicking a baby and myself. ]

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9/4/11
Dang it, I forgot to make a site helper explanation on the blog.

The reason I was able to become site helper is because Dark_Angel_of_Light recently resigned, and the staff asked me if I was interested in becoming a site helper to approve pictures in DAOL's stead (she was the approving power house of FAC afterall). I was planning on moving to DA to be a literally "inactive" member since I knew the university will be draining my time much more, so I would have no time for FAC. However, I never expected them to ask me to help out on the site. Because of the slowness of this site, I have always wanted to help out. Turns out you can only be a site helper if they have a vacancy or a strong need for some approving help. Despite my near-leaving moment, this position will help me feel better in making this site work more smoothly. I approve pictures daily at night. On rare occasions, it will be 2 days, so ask me any questions about the approval status of your picture. That is my nerd/geek domain now. P;

On a separate note, I just realized the search bar on FAC stinks.

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8/14/11
...I just watched "The Orphanage" and read the manga GYO. *shiver* Never watch a horror movie and then read a horror comic cook back to back. The nightmares will make me realize that was an dumb move.

BTW. Guh. I know I am at fault. I will have to work myself up again!

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8/11/11
Okay, I am pretty sure I am in an indefinite depressed state now. I just watched one of the most deep/dramatic/overly-depressing anime OVA series: Samurai X: Reflection. I LOVED Rurounin Kenshin the anime, and I knew they had a child and lived happily together afterwards, but the sheer difference in Kaoru and Kenshion in the OVA (which depicted what happened after they got married) was huge. Kaoru did not have her headstrong personality, she seemed more quiet and ladylike- Kenshion seemed like a walking emo assassin again- then he went and died from a disease and Kaoru watched him die in his hands. Freakin Ffffffff------ how the heck did this happen?! The other OVA, Samurai X: Trust & Betrayal, was a prequel of what happened to Kenshion before he became the Battousai, and that was meant to be depressing to jump start his better life. Afterwards, it almost seems like it went downhill again?! This is completely different than how the anime, the true popular franchise, depicted it, and I do not want to, no, I refuse to believe such a long faithful series can end so tragically, like all of their lives are so accepting of death and the woes of life. Kenshion and Kaoru's philosophy together was to never give up- they were all freakin pansies in that entire OVA! AUGH!

Anyways, I should just go and watch the rest of the REAL anime, the one that got popular through the series and all that fun junk. My bitterness is reaching an unacceptable and crazy high here. >;/

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7/24/11
I do not like being told what to do, especially when it is done to me in a condescending/angry way that I have every right to reject and say my opinion about. Moral-wise- I will stick with them. I will not succumb to giving into violence and peer pressure just to make it easy. Even if I get scraped, beaten, and yelled at, I DO NOT listen to anger and false pretenses from emotional mouths with no sense of decency and logic in their lives. I am stronger than that. The fact that I will at least learn/be cautious of fight-or-flight moments later on shows I will not let let just fear teach me. My own ideals will set the guidelines for what I should truly learn and not learn from violent people.

EDIT: Inflicting fear is for the lame people.

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7/16/11
So, I got my AP scores back for 2011. ;-; I passed AP English Literature, English Composition, and World History. However, I failed AP US Government and MacroEconomics with 2s. Gosh, I am not incredibly throwing a tantrum and crying under the blankets while stuffing hot coals in my mouth like I thought I would, but I feel like I should. After working for so long all year losing sleep, writing detailed notes, and looking at practice tests online for Government and Econ because I truly wanted to not let down my favorite teacher Mr. Novotny, (and my friends tried nearly or even more harder than I did!), I failed both his tests.

>;/ I know he will forgive me. He is Mr. Novotny, and he will understand the lack of 50 extra dollars in his wallet, but the problem is that I cannot forgive myself. I know I am a nerd, but this is how it works out. When I work hard and hard and get a low grade, I work harder. Kind of redundant and slave-driving, yes, but that is how I keep myself sane and not-crying on the bed in the fetal position right now. My face felt really hot looking at my first two failed AP tests, and my dog Munn climbed on top of the bed and started licking me on the bed. I suppose that is what kept me from crying, because I told him, "I'll do my best Munn, just like you." PETS JUST KNOW WHAT TO DO ;A;

Anyways, looking at these "failed" grades shows I at least learned much more than the average student that took the regular US Gov and Econ classes. I am also well prepared for the actual college class(the AP classes in my high school were, they admitted, much harder than the actual classes. ;-; I realized that when I saw the homework.) I also got a chance to learn so many life lessons, laugh my guts out, and impress Mr. Novotny more this year(lol, my eye-bulging respect for this guy is bordering one-sided student crush)- his sardonic and intelligently humorous/know-it-all personality will not be forgotten! P;

I have decided, to compensate and make up for my failed Macro and Government tests, I will work super hard for my university classes(I have this sense of doubt because I might not do well, but I will keep doing my best. There is a difference between being the best and doing your best. "Doing your best" takes more effort and courage especially when life is pushing you down. It shows your true integrity and character, something that I am pleasantly building for my own benefit and fun always). I have already made the official pledge of "leaving" FAC for DA(which I will still probably not be that active in) because I wanted a fresh new start and more time. During the next school year, I will ONLY time for school, HELLZ YEAH!

People in audience: Yeahhhhhhhhhhh...?

;] When you guys get to my secretly "highly caring about her life indefinably over others" point of view, you too will see goals in a different ways.

My New Mission Statement:

Make the right friends, enemies, and life choices. Nothing less is expected of you. Believe in yourself. Love yourself indefinably, and you will get somewhere. Sometimes it may seem small, but it will be somewhere that you got with your own hands, and you will slowly move up with a positive mindset and the past experiences/people guiding your life on the way.

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7/8/11
I know this is incredibly lame of me to say, but I finally decided to look up what hickeys look like, and GOD JESUS BUDDHA VISHNU Almighty! That shiz looks like it hurts! No one is attempting to break my juggler vein while I am alive!

On a side note, Nicki Manaj is so god dang cute! ;A:
http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/6439/newcanvaskr.jpg

-And excuse my language, but the Peach Girl manga can suck my D**k! The relationship world is not that dramatic/unrealistic, and even if it was, it would not matter. All the selfish girls and crazy/whiney guys in the would get together and create a terrible political universe where others can only consult others on love relationships and would pay more attention to their sex lives and whose heart they can break in a record of 5 minutes next on "accident." I thought, "PERHAPS, this manga will give me more than the whiney main character with unrealistic world views and a selfish and dumb/pity-me-silly-or-you-won't-understand-the-manga way of life." Nah. I should have stopped there. I have not read such a disgusting/unfair existence of a storyline such as that in a long time. Now, I want to punch brick walls, break up with a boy instantaneously after crying dramatically because I have trouble truly understand "who I love," and continuing to complain in my head of my shameless friend Sae when I myself am just as hypocritical, whiny, and even more uncontrollably pitiful version of her.

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7/7/11
I have this incredible urge to move to Deviant Art. True, it is a huge site, and it is hard to get noticed there, but I have finally decided to move up. My fear to meet other artists better than me and start that "nooby"/amateur atmosphere over again...it will be refreshing. I believe this has something to do with the fact I will be starting college soon, and I want to make sure I have completely left high/middle/elementary school and my stuck-in-an-isolated-classroom-with-one-nagging/lecturing-teacher memories with close to no regrets. It is like when a new year starts, when one has a child, when there is a death in the family, or when you start a new school year...people want to take a deep breath, clear their slate, and tell themselves, "This is a new start. Lets make it count!" College will be that new chapter for me, and I will make a change to make sure the complications, drama, frivolous whining, and unsupported pressures of my past years have been learned from to the fullest and used to help me later in life.

I have grown up (I feel I actually grew up a little before this, but I will admit, I am .00000000000012% more mature than some weeks before. Why? I started reading Harry Potter again. P; LOL).

My fear will decrease and my ambition will increase greatly- so much that I will not look back except to use this site as a reference for what I did right and wrong and how to transfer it. The connections I will achieve at my new art site( Deviant Art/a bigger art site) will be worth it. I will upload only NEW art on my new art site. The art that I leave here will stay at FAC- it is for no other art site. It will be my time capsule. Thus, I ask for those that I will leave here to not be sad at all. At least you guys got something from me in the end: comments, jokes, conversations, and artistic and mental support when things were getting rough. THAT is what you guys will use as your time capsules, so go and "make history" and "do something great while you are still alive" yourself! -Maybe we will all separately meet one day, and we will see how we have grown from here.

I say this because this might...probably will be my last Summer at FAC. College will drain my time and energy, and I will make sure it does. I will be volunteering/taking extra college classes during the Summer, so there will not be enough time for FAC. Thus, I will definitively make it count. I will do all my art-trades, make a contest I have always wanted, comment many of your art pieces, meet more connections, and bug the administrators more about this slowness and the need for more of their part on this site. P; They have lives too, yes, but at least let the public know that this is not a starving site waiting to be thrown away like the rest. We got here somehow, and just from fluctuation, we have done just fine with our community. They must step up and say they are with us.

I love Fanart Central greatly- I still feel the giddiness of waiting for my first picture to be submitted when I first joined. It was a great feeling, and I am sure other new generations will have the same excitement for a new start. Give them that encouragement and NEVER GIVE UP! I will be having fun with you all this 2011 Summer!

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6/20/11
"Why are sex and violence always linked? I'm afraid they'll blur together in people's minds - sexandviolence - until we can't tell them apart. I expect to hear a newscaster say, " The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex."
~Dick Cavett

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6/9/11
;A; Dude, I made my mom cry today. I made her late for work because I needed her to drive me to the hospital to get my TB skin test checked, and now I feel like a douche bag. I will make an effort to let her/show her that I am sorry. Crapsicles.

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5/27/11
THAT IDIOT THAT FOOL THAT FOOL THAT MORON THAT FOOL THAT FOOL THAT FOOL THAT FOOL!!

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5/15/11
Man, I called Belkin technical support to ask about my wireless adapter possibly having trouble, and the lady on the phone had a volcano-erupting-miasma-melting-eyeball-skin-peeling-UV-radiation killing-baby-killing attitude. I am mad because I could not tell her she was the previous description because I did my best to be polite. My Internet had been shutting down on and off because my "settings did not match the computer settings," yet I have been using these settings for forever. I told the woman this, and she told me to disconnect my entire network connection(boom, my Internet is GONE) and reconnect it. When I tried to reconnect it, it said my security password did not match, but I have been using this same password forever as well. When I told the lady this, it felt like I was being mentally raped in one ear by a female dog that had no tolerance for technical change/new problem solving. She told me not to call her if it was a password mismatch issue, but I assure you, it was not. The rest of the computers in the house used the same router password, and their Internet worked, so it had to be something else, yet this woman ostracized me, telling me that it was definitely a security password problem causing my entire Internet to shut down. I told her my Internet was working before, but not anymore since she told me to completely disconnect it. "What do I do now?" She gave me a phone number to call for my specific router type. It was a long-distance number- that cost money. She just helped me deactivate my entire Internet and put the blame and problems on another number that I could not call.

WTF is this? This is the second time I have called a service person and they have had the worst attitude, like their lives are eating away at their butts...like yaws or some other flesh-eating disease is infecting their brains and causing them to not be able to cope with problems/changes that appear in their lives. My ranting will stop here.

Solution: I am angry because I had to listen to impractical people on the phone who did not want to listen to me. They had power over me because I came to them for help and connections, and hey blew me off like I was a punching bag for them to relieve stress on because they could not do it anywhere else. Next time, instead of pondering and blogging about this issue, I will tell people like her my true problem, concerns, and ask direct questions that will help me dig up my own answers. I will not use up time falsely agreeing with a person because they seem to understand their topic SO MUCH when I have my own argument. After giving all of my information, and making sure I understand her information as much as possible, only then can I say, "Sorry you could not help me. I will figure this out myself." -Instead of listening to her one irrational diagnosis when you knew yourself it was not the right one.

I think what I am attempting to say here is: Do not be afraid to really get to the bottom of things- especially when you are trying to do it with someone else.
-If you really want results, do not care if they get frustrated in you, the problem, or anything else. Do not care if they criticize you for not listening to them because you have your own argument. Solutions are not created by one theory. They are created with many different opinions and open minds.
-Do your best to be open-minded and not believe what you think is the only acceptable path; others have found their own ways of doing things. You may learn from them and be mentally glad about it.

Do not be a douche that breaks someone's Internet and tells them to fix it on their own by calling a money-costing number!

BTW, if you are wondering how in the world I am typing on this blog, my Internet fixed itself. After tinkering everything, I could not figure it out, and all of a sudden, it picked up the connection and my Internet was back. (BAM! This shows it wasn't a security password problem sweetcakes! I'm gonna run into your house and steal your fine china/antiques and wake up your children at 3:00 AM next time woman!!! *shakes fist at air* WHEW. Yeah. I should establish a strong moral/habit to get to the bottom of things/reach goals even if it kills me. P;

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3/28/11
You sensitive people. You make me cringe. *cringes*

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2/23/11
I'm gonna punch anyone I know who says they are taking drugs. They know better than that. They should be STRONGER than that. -And if they are already in that hole, they should be smart/strong enough to better themselves by seeking help and getting out.

However, help them. Drug addiction is a hard thing to break, especially if it is heroin or meth. Do not JUDGE them as some other species that has fallen because of their stupidity or wrong paths. Some of them are scholars, creative teens, and loving parents. Many of them want to get out, and you judging them and treating them like impossible scum that will stay in their hole will only discourage them more.

Imagine yourself in their shoes. A selfish teenager that got him/herself into drugs because everyone else is doing or they need some closure still DESERVES a good future, friends, and support. Think twice before you snicker or shake your head at that next druggie. Rather, look at them as equals, because they need it the most-and hope they have the determination to get out before it is too late.

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2/21/11
ARgGAGHAhGHAH!!!! Hikaru no Go had a terrible ending too! NOOOooOOOOOOOOOO!

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1/19/11
;__; I am sad. Good manga with action, adventure, comedy, and an amazing and likable plot and characters to boot should not be "axed" because they are not popular enough. I wish there was an almost grant program to give mangaka a financial head start so they will not leave their current work so easily.

Such a shame, such a shame. I am speaking about the manga MxO. Amazing manga, it is one of those manga that I model my own on, but it was axed(he did not get enough popular votes from Shonen Jump readers) and the author was forced to end it quickly. It is still honorable that he did his best to wrap such a strong plot together too. Give support to the mangaka that makes the manga you like. Give them donations, fanart, and letters to encourage them to keep going, because so many of them end this way. It is not like arbitrarily giving money to a homeless person that will either use it to better himself or buy vodka/drugs; authors of books, manga, game plots(etc) have a set passion that can be greatly fueled by simple support. These creative people work harder than you think.

;--; It still makes me sad that a GOOD manga got axed. All of a sudden, I feel sad for the good manga that got cancelled before I could find out about them. HAHA AHAHA It is almost like voters as a WHOLE can only vote stupidly for the "popular" manga they hear and read a little bit about. AHHAHAHA /sarcasm NO REALLY THEY DO DAT- FRIGGIN TUUURRRRDDDSSS

*SUPER SAD FACE* BAH HUMBUG

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1/9/11
Paranoia results into incredibly false and mal results. Let us stray from being paranoid about the world and see things with evidence and a clear/unbiased[as possible] mind.

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12/24/10
You know what keeps me here?- always dedicated to this site? TO BE HONEST:

1. I found this site first
-I stay dedicated to the origins of my hard artistic labor- starting from when I first learned to use a scanner to when I first pirated Photoshop, lol.
2. I am scared of moving up
-I am both inspired and fearful of the great artists out there who are at a higher level than me, and I fear feeling inferior and losing the motivation to concentrate on my art. However, this fear is getting smaller, because I've realized a long time ago that if I am to improve as an artist, I must see higher up artists as an inspirational source, not a fear. They worked hard to get where they are now. That is the same for me and any other beginning artist- We are all at the same inspirational learning level. I will work hard to improve myself and let amazing art inspire and teach me rather thanbring me down and make me jealous. The lather just shows giving up and not giving yourself a chance!
3. My hard work will come to naught
-It is hard to transfer the hard work(with people I've met, awesome pictures, faves, conflicts) into another site- there is no replacement for the knights and dragons here, lol. Now, my hard work would not necessarily turn into nothing, but it will forever be stuck on this site, and I will look back at that effort as the "past" in another site rather than a "current" jumpstart of my talent. Another site cannot replace anyone's long-lost effort.
4. I do not want this site to crash
-On any site, higher up/popular individuals that people look up to as a "goal" is what keeps that site growing. Exciting, changing art contests/events, interesting conversations/people, and good artists is what makes an art site grow. I will admit that I am one of these higher up artists, but that is only because Fanart Central is a baby art site which welcomes beginners in art(something that I am incredibly grateful and impressed by, because those higher artists once started as babies)- not because I consider myself a incredibly superior artist. I always always want to be down-to-Earth artistically, because I've noticed that the younger learning peoples are more spirited and inspiring than the older less-spirited "good" artists themselves.
- I will not give up on this site. -Unless I go to an extremely rigorous college, have a child, lose my family in a terrible accident, die...etc. LOL
5. I like this site better than others
- I've looked at Deviant Art, Sheezy Art, Fanfiction, Rate My Drawings- I am not the prejudice artist that stays on one site because I'm stubborn. An example is DA is too god dang huge to get noticed, know friend's friend, or "get to know" the bigger artists. Sheezy Art has no freakin Search Bar tool and the community is not all that likable...etc. I've liked Fanart Central so far(partially because it is my first site and I am bias, lol) because it has an older black layout I like(not the ugly blue one), I've grown to like the sardonic forum peoples, the close artist community, and the simple Popular and Featured Works. The only problem is the trolls which are discouraging new artists, but now the administrators are making a larger effort to track them down. (You need admin permission to join forums now, they do not need a abuse report to be able to ban them...etc)

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10/4/10
You crazy blondes! ;-; I despise myself for being weak, but I will improve myself.

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8/7/10
Do I....possibly run away from things too much?

I realize that.

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7/29/10
I had a debate with my brother and he said I selectivity hear because I could not remember what he said before. Maybe I do...selectively hear. I know everyone does. Selective hearing means ignoring everything that you do not want to hear and only concentrating on what interests you. It is possibly to train your brain into literally channeling out the unwanted and keeping the wanted, so you may not hear what someone said even though were attentively listening.

I suppose I do need to break that habit. However, selective hearing can have its advantages. It trains you to let go of insults and unrelated matters. If I am in a debate and someone goes out of their way to personally insult me instead of addressing my words, I can say, "Do not go to personal insults now. Concentrate on my argument please." and I will let it go. When I imagine it in my head, I can literally unconsciously half-listen when they start insulting me. The brain can filter what is important to me and what is not. However, this does not mean you should ignore someone's pleas and side of the story because you are not interested. You cannot learn information and expect your words to mean as much if you do not address their issues first. You will end up speaking an unrelated matter and no one will understand. There is a borderline between ignoring unrelated/hurtful words and ignoring someone's good argument altogether. The other party just might be right, but you are too stubborn or choosy with what you listen to understand, and you are, whether you admit it or not, not able to stand a chance in the argument.

It scares me to review how close I am to that lather kind of selective hearing though. I have a bad short-term memory, so I remember my brother asking a long question in the debate and saying that I did not answer it. I asked him to repeat it, and he did, but somehow I zoned out while he was asking his [LONG-@$$ 30 SECOND] question and I could not help but think that I have listening issues, because although I tried to concentrate to his words, I got bored and looked at my food. My brother was wrong in this debate(take my word for it) ,and if I had only been able to listen to his words and address them, he would listen, but I could not. Rather, I made him angry by asking him to repeat the question too many times and he ended it. ;I

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7/20/10
After a YEAR of no obvious drama, I get more drama this year. FROM THE SAME PERSON. ;/ Buddha, we need to establish some things here in life.

The Biggest Drama inducing element= being paranoid

It is mind-straining and time-wasting to think that people are always talking about you, plotting behind your back, and saying something that you do not want to hear. What is the point of going out of your way to think up possible things a person could be talking about? -And what is the point of thinking that you are immediately the subject and someone is going to back-stab you? THERE IS NO POINT- unless you like unnecessarily scaring yourself and others around you. To save all that time and brain cells in your head, stop worrying. When people talk amongst themselves, the only reason they would be talking about you is if you directly interrupt their conversation or you did something stimulating(good or bad) to them. If you did do something extremely terrible and decieving to them, then expect those results and seek to amend it or get out. If you did not, TRUST that they are not talking about you. If you ask them, and they say they are not, TRUST that they are telling the truth because it is much more productive then instantly believing that they are lying and becoming jittery, ill-confident, and skeptical about yourself. A weak person does that.

Frankly, if even people you do not know ARE talking behind your back, DO NOT GIVE THEM THE LIGHT OF DAY. If they want to whisper words amongst themselves without facing you directly and only have the courage to tell it to their good friends in a little huddle, their words should not mean anything to you. Having confidence in who you are will help you ignore people who do not know you and judge you indecisively, and be patient for friends who have to share something amongst themselves.

Curse my terrible grammar. >:[

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7/8/10
Dang it. I'm sick of people saying that this site is slow and everyone is lazy and no one comments and it's dead. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE IT DEAD. Do something about it. Don't complain. Honestly, 80% of the people who complain do not comment other people's art, do not say their opinions in the forum, and just wait for their email boxes to pop up with a message.

This site may be slow, but it is not dead. It still contains some of the best people I have ever met, and they cling to the memories they gathered with the FAC of the past. What Fanart Central was in the past still makes it a great site now. We should find it encouragement for improving the FAC of the present instead of constantly complaining about its faults.

Of course, this is no exception to the moderators and administrators. There is the reoccurring excuse of lack of staff, time, and attention to the problems an outspoken FAC member brings up. I understood the lack of staff problem, but after a LONG time, not much has changed. The higher ups reply to people's suggestions and opinions in an either monotone or offended manner. It is rare to see a spirited/happy reply- especially with this increase in flamers and condescending people. They themselves are problems- so we as a whole need to stop concentrating on the negative aspects(because that is what keeps bringing our hopes down), comment more, say your opinion, WORK HARD, and just make a difference as an individual.

Also, the blue layout is ugly. Everyone already knows this, but I'm just putting it out there. ;/ I'm hoping for a new update soon.

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7/7/10
Firehead! The man with fire- on his cranial region! That man with the cool username and replaced it for a somewhat less cool username. I get to rant about him because I bet he would appreciate it. You like being ranted about don't you? ;)

Just to make things short and organized:
-You are one of the few members here who do not complain randomly about every little thing that happens in your life or virtual life
-You do your best to be honest to prevent yourself from being those idiots explained above
-Because you are honest, sincere, and actually have a hefty space in your heart for humor, you have surrounded yourself with good buddies like Ed, Ami, and Muffin who have actually been through hard times, and thus are a little more mature than the average FAC user ;)
-You had a cool username, and sometimes I still look up "firehead" instead of SonicnTails on accident in my Find bar >__>
-You are the cutest girly boy- *gets slapped* I have ever spoken to. P; I just have to make sure you are not an 86 year old pedophile later.
-Many times- I think about how lucky I am to have kept talking to you back then when you were not always like you were now. Since you overcame your obstacles and decided to become a positive person instead of an emo, depressed, and overly dramatic individual, I find you a very STRONG person- and an inspiration at that.

True fact: It takes more courage and determination to be a positive person than a negative one.

Take these words into heart when you go to sleep, and dream about purple ponies. When I type all of this stuff at once like this, I mean it from the base of my heart all the way to the apex. ;)

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6/25/10
Dang, I'm just going to ignore it. There's no point worrying over something so uncontrollable?

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6/5/10
SUMMER IS HERE BABY. I embrace the beautiful, sun-scorched responsibilities that I have given myself.- although, it is so hard sometimes!!!!

*breaths* ;__; Oh stop whining. You set these responsibilities for yourself right? So no complaining about the obligations you have given yourself. You will reek the benefits and rewards from them if only you have the determination to do them! Reward yourself accordingly every time you do the right thing!

But do not get carried away! *hyperventilates* I know. I'll slap myself everytime I do the wrong thing, and I'll do twice the work as punishment! HAHAH jeez, I sound like I'm going mad. D;>

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5/20/10
I find it funny that I rant about negative things way to often on this thing, but why would I rant about a happy thing? It would sound like I was gloating, and I don't do that, no sir. The thought of superiority is doubled by keeping my mouth shut and knowing that there is an effect, whether I see it or not. -Of course, that sounds extremely pompous and evil, but at least I know this is how I work. I am not humble, but I show it. I am not kind, but I show it. I am not happy, but I show it. Then again, plenty of us act this way. There is an underlying social limit that we put ourselves under, keeping ourselves from acting how we truly feel, or saying what we truly think, because it is "impolite," not "mature," or "out-of-the-ordinary." The human mind keeps us in check based on how society perceives us or the rules that we learn early in life. However, I challenge a lot of life's rules and "logic." What makes sitting a certain way more professional than the other? What is really so beautiful about smothering powders and chemicals on one's face to cover the real skin tone? Why do we hide how we truly feel because it is out of the norm?

Tell the truth, and get ready for a fight. In really bad situations when one knows saying how one feels will end in dire and terrible consequences, one can lie. But god, when the times comes, when one's life isn't on the line and it's either now or never to truly say that fact, just say it.

"I think they way you talk makes you sound like a pompous overlord, and your sense of humor sucks."

"I do not like this Violin class. I do not understand things as fast my other classmates, and the teacher picks on me all the time."

"I'm hanging around the wrong friends, and I want to hang out with you instead. They're jerks and they do not know how to have real fun without gossiping about people. I was wrong. I'm sorry I left you for other people."

JUST SAY IT. Just whine. If one just said a hefty little truth about how they really feel to somebody...something.....it's going to be better. One could discover things when reflecting about oneself all the time. Find the right people; it is to your advantage and others.

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5/2/10
I've just gotta keep myself sane. I have to keep myself sane until the Summer. I just have to. HAVE TO. HAVE TO. There are a lot of academic, personal, social things to work with. I work things out in my head, but you know...it's human nature to self-doubt- to think, "Is this the right choice? What will other people think? I bet they'll think this or this. Or they're laughing at me right now, maybe not? Ah- but I have to trust myself and trust other people. Yeah, that will make it easy. Just trust, just trust."

It's not easy to stop feeling worried, when you don't trust others. It's hard, but who am I to complain? This is just another test. I want to see if I can pass with an A, and since my gargantuan ego compensates for my self-doubt most of the time, I know I can do this. It just takes time, patience, and a little laughter, the best medicine.

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4/1/10
I seem to be awkward around a friend because I'm scared of their mood swings, and I'm scared their personality is going to change. I've had a friend go from happy-go-lucky, to mean, inconsiderate, and rude. She almost seems happier that way, but the terrible way she's explaining her attitude implies it's a cover to block everyone out and keep herself from getting hurt. That's why I shouldn't be scared my other friends are changing. They're gong through a good phase, challenging their rights and wrongs and learning what is the best way to cope with their problems, so you shouldn't judge or feel negative. If you are a considerate friend, give TIME, PATIENCE, CONSIDERATION, and HONESTY(YES. Something that you're good at, telling them your piece of mind when things get really out of control).

BOOM. That's the sound of me gritting my teeth to cause a spontaneous combustion in my mouth while listening to the bickering and childish insults. You know what? I'll give them a piece of my mind. I know what I don't like, and I'm not afraid to tell them that. If they're going to hang around me, they'll get used to me being HONEST, whether they like it or not. >:( That's my philosophy. If they have a bad attitude and want to put it on me, they will feel MY attitude. I will be tolerant and control my eagerness to BOMBARD them with their own faults; I will keep in my place. -But I don't always follow the rules, and I know when to rain on their obnoxious lies and attitude.

-And I will do all of this with a mature and controlled manner. *HULK SMASH*

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2/7/10
Being yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do, especially if they do not know who they are yet. There are so many obstacles, so many negative, reactive happenings in one's life that could distract one from the GOAL. It doesn't matter if the goal is to become an amazing doctor, or to do that English biography, or finally ask out the girl you like. Those goals reflect WHO YOU ARE, and fulfilling all these problems and trials and errors in life to make a foundation for your character is difficult. So what should you do?

1. Do the things you want to do. Do not be the doormat, the person who does what other people tells them to do because he/she do not have the courage to do things themselves. Have your own opinion on things, and if you are really seeking to become a stronger person, speak your opinion.

2. Don't care about what other people think. I do not mean become cocky and not listen to what they have to say. -Listen to other people, but those who criticize you just to criticize and not help you, forget them. Those who seek to give you creative criticism because they have been around you, value them more than anything in the world. They could be your real friends, because they can tell you what many others can't.

3. Be good to yourself. Do not bully yourself, and accept your mistakes. The key to being yourself is having a reason to be yourself. You have to like yourself, and even if there are some people that do not seem to like you for who you are, love yourself anyways. If there is something you don't like about yourself(ex: You procrastinate always), change yourself. Make an effort to do soemthing about it, and when you succeed, you will like yourself even more because you can trust yourself. Don't ever change because someone does not like something about you.

Sorry, the above advice was for other people, but it was also for me. I can be my own psychiatrist, see? I just saved money!

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2/1/10
OH GOD. This is a challenge isn't it? So what's the problem? What did I do? Nothing. Am I thinking too much? Yes, as in, CARING too much. I started caring because I thought I did something wrong. I was scared that what I said was accompanied with an unconscious insult in their heads. I have to realize though, does it matter? They are my friends, but is this worrying really worth it? Does them getting upset or offended by what I say worth it? Is me caring about that worth it? I don't think so. I know that sounds very jerkish and selfish, - But gosh. When you've worried and worried and worried, what else is there to do? Don't worry about something you can't control. It doesn't matter if you did something or if they did something. If the problem maintains, and it doesn't seem like it will reveal itself to you willingly, forget about it. Is this really helpful? If not, don't let it effect you. Whether you think it or not, everyone has these moments when they just have to hide something. They need to keep something in their heads, and if they want to keep it to themselves, let them. If they don't want to tell you, respect them and leave it be. If they want to reveal what they had on their minds, then put all your mind into it. As of now, it only stresses you, in the bad way. Respect their ways, be truthful to them, and ignore it when they ignore you. You may not know it, but you have other friends and close ones to speak to. They are not the only ones, and if they are, make more connections. In your situation, you can afford not worrying about their secrets, because you know it does not give any benefit to you. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! C;

-So get back to your homework! D;< *shakes fist*

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1/14/10
HUHHH HAHHH HAAHHHH. I just realized what my brain does when it's in extreme shock. My mind hasn't done this for a long time. I am a nerd, so no suprises. I went on the grade-viewer for my school, and I saw a 50% on my English III AP exam grade, and I FREAKED OUT.

My eyes started getting blurry, and my head got hot, like some pack of coal was on each side. Then I realized that I got a 50% on the multiple choice which counts 30% of the exam grade. If only I wasn't so bad on multiple choice literature readings. The essay that I wrote counts 70%, and she hasn't put that in yet. I HOPE it's a good grade so it'll bump me up, and I can keep a B in that class! I already have the first C ever on Anatomy and Physiology. If English goes terrible too, I don't know what I'd do. ;__; What would I do?

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1/14/10
(For those with a strongly religious, easily-offended personality, please do not read anymore. I highly recommend not even reading these words right now. Just press X on that tab and browser and be on your day. Unless you can take someone's opinion?)

I reflect and explore the elements of religion and what that does for people- ...nothing. Nothing physical at least. Only emotional. It's you that studies for your good grades, not God. It's you who chose to smoke and give your child birth defects, not God. He wasn't punishing you. Religion is just an answer or an excuse for why you suffer.

It's you that thinks that you have support from a divine force, so you have confidence in yourself, thus you do something good for yourself and think positively. That is the secret(not much of a secret). Or maybe in the back of everyone's mind, they already know this? They already know that they don't need God and that he really is a figment of their imagination. He is a substitute for their mourns. He is someone to cry to, to plead to, to worship. He is with us, in our heads. Have you noticed that intellectual and smart individuals have no specific religion? It has been proven that those who are naturally smart do not have a religion. What does that tell you? I am NOT implying that if you have a religion, you are stupid. -But what does this mean? Smart people usually know their smart, so sometimes they're arrogant. -So sometimes they have CONFIDENCE? People with religion might be asking for confidence from God. Maybe those who strongly want to believe just have bad confidence? They might be asking him to give them luck, give them blessing, give them confidence.

I just don't like seeing people worship something that they really don't need. I actually think they'd be better off without it.

Instead of asking an invisible divine force that you have never seen, never touched, never exchanged a real conversation for something, why not just work for that thing yourself? Why not skip the praying for good things for our family when you can actually DO something for your family? You don't need to tell God that you will be good to do it. JUST DO IT. Write it on paper. Make a goal for yourself. When you accomplish that goal, DO NOT SAY, "THANK-YOU GOD." Thank-yourself. YOU did it. Not God.

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12/23/09
So, I found out that FAC replaces the word "bitzh" with "dog" when you log out of the site. LOLOLOL I love this place. xD

Anyways, that's not what I'm here to reflect about. I wrote this out 3 days ago but the website logged me out in between; I hate it when it does that. >;/

Errr...I'm here to reflect about a BOY. P; Hmmm this is a little awkward to say. It's a little strange. I have to reflect like this because if I simply think in my head, I usually think illogically and jump to conclusions.

I look down on love more than anything in the world, but when it has to do with me, it's very difficult. I've had people have crushes on me, and I've had people confess to me before, but this boy is different. Instead of meeting me, talking to me, and asking me out, he met me, talked to me, made jokes with me, became one of my best friends, ate lunch with me, fell in love with me, and then asked me out. He's different, because it's such an innocent love. It's lovely, and he's such a sweet person, cause he's different. How do I put this? ;__; He's worth a relationship with and I am interested in him, and I've thought about it before, but the situation is so...awkward. I'm not used to a relationship where I'm bound to one person. I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship with someone and be "committed," even if I would be madly in love with them. Maybe in college. LOL, funny that I'm setting a time to be in a real relationship for MYSELF? I guess I follow my own rules more than I follow others.

...I have a feeling I'm just not built for love. >;/ I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have the courage to tell you this myself. ;__; But the DRAMA. DRAMA- if I tell you in person, we might both find the situation serious when it's not really. C; Of course, I will tell you that you are definitely boyfriend material in my eyes. *asian bow* c;C;C;

One day I might confess to you in college or something(when I'm ready), but you're not ready, so you can do the same thing I'm doing right now! xD Except it'll be a funny moment rather than a dramatic one! loser ilu ;__;

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12/5/09
I love my dad- More than anything in the whole world. He believes in me more than I thought I could ever believe in myself. He's a respectable and knowledgeable man. SUCH A RESPECTABLE AND ALMOST MYSTERIOUS PERSON. No, I wouldn't say mysterious. As his daughter, I understand him plenty when he's silent. I've learned so many physiological, social, and physical things from him... How will I feel when I move out to a college miles away from him...? Will I go insane and become homesick? No, I have to be strong. He and mother have given me a path to go. Only I can choose the choices and paths after that.

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10/11/09
When someone wins a 1rst place prize but your own friends seem mad at you for it, should you feel bad about yourself? I don't think so. I worked hard for my prize. Granted, the time may not have been days and weeks, but whatever time I put into it won me consideration for an award. I should not feel threatened and bad when a person tells me, "You only won the prize because no one else worked hard." If you're implying that my art won because it's crap that's a little better than other people's crap, then you do not see hard work for what it really is. If I won an award by beating effortless art, then fine. I beat art and won 1rst place, but I still earned it. So DO NOT put me down on my own achievements.