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Danger within the fog

Danger within the fog

Danger within the fog by Wishsayer
Danger within the fog by Wishsayer

Description

Description
Wishsayer
'There's danger in the fog,'
my grandfather always said.

'Don't go out to late,
stay inside and wait.

The monsters hide behind the veil,
waiting to hear you wail.

That's when they show,
yet you still won't know.

They are monsters hiding in the fog,
hiding what they are behind the veil,
waiting, waiting, to make you wail.

There's danger in the fog,
it looks like help but I tell you that's wrong,
there are dangers, in the fog.

So stay inside when the fog rolls round
it's not safe to be out on the ground.

They look like us,
but are much more vicious.

They wait for you within the veil.'

But I didn't listen though I knew I should.

I went out into the veil, but knew better then to wail,
for to make sound for help surely would break the spell.

The spell that keeps them from me that makes them think I'm still fine.
I'm not though, and I think they know
for when I look behind...

'Are you lost little girl?'

His voice like silk, his eyes shining bright.
They held a beacon like light.

He offered his hand in a kind gesture
but my voice told that I knew better.

"Lost though I am, you come with the fog.
Therefore I shall go with you not.

Grandfather warned me of the monsters that lay hid,
behind the veil waiting for a kid.

One not unlike myself,
but others don't know,
that monsters can be anybody that hides their true self.

So I will find my own way, though thanks for the offer,
but grandfather taught me better.

So I shall leave and you shall stay,
for the fog is your home but not mine, not today.'

He smiled a smile unlike the one from before,
'You've beaten me may I challenge you no more.

Go then young child who braves the fog,
make sure you get home before to long.

No others here will be as kind as I,
and I shall truly now be your guide.'

He walked back the way I had came,
looking over his shoulder still smiling the same.

'You beat me at my game so I will leave you be,
I will not hurt you so follow me.'

Lead me he did to the edge of the fog,
as I left he said,
'If ever you find yourself lost in the fog,
call out my name and you shall be led.'

'You've not given a name so how can I call?'
I ask but get no answer at all.

Turning I look to see the fog no longer,
but a breeze blows by and I wonder...


Ok so that was my lame attempt at a rhyming story thing to go with the picture.
please tell me what you think either of the picture or the story thing or both if you are really feeling like talking.
(c)Wishsayer

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General Info
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Category Anime/Manga » - Original art » Anime Fantasy
Date Submitted
Views 315
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Vote Score 1
Comments 3
Media Other digital art
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Comments (3)

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Firiel on April 2, 2014, 10:42:24 PM

Firiel on
FirielNice mist and eyes. ^_^ And while the poem doesn't read as expert, it's a good solid try, especially if you don't practice a lot in that style. Plotline feels very classic, too. Mystical danger, and kind of a fairy-bargain, and powerful hidden names. :) <3

One thing you need to watch out for, which was really distracting for me, is spelling. <.< "Vial" is obviously meant to be the word which rhymes with "wail" and refers to a piece of fabric which drapes and conceals. But that is spelled "veil" (weird, I know) and what you wound up with was a word pronounced "vee-all," and referring to a small container such as a corked bottle, often made of glass. Could you fix that, please? Thank you!

Wishsayer on April 3, 2014, 11:50:37 AM

Wishsayer on
WishsayerThanks for commenting! I don't do poetry like at all so I was having trouble getting things to ryhme...like fog... I'm glad I got the feeling across that i wanted though I've always like poems about that sort of stuff.

I knew I had spelled it wrong but couldn't for the life of me think how to spell it right so thank you for pointing that out.

Firiel on April 3, 2014, 10:26:32 PM

Firiel on
FirielYou're welcome. :) Yeah, rhymes can be tough. They get easier with practice but there are still some words that are challenging, even then.
Fairy tales are cool. ^_^ Not just the cute children's versions, but the dark, mysterious ones where fairies are sort of morally neutral creatures, equally likely to bless or to curse.
There are such a lot of similar words in the English language, aren't there? Vial, Veil, Vale, Vole, Vile... I guess a lot of how I get spellings hammered into my head is because I've seen them in books so many times. If you run into a word that you just know is wrong but you aren't sure how to fix it again, maybe you could Google a topic related to it? Like with veils, googling bridal costumes might help. Just an idea. :)