The Day Serena met Pharaoh Yami
Submitted May 11, 2005 Updated May 11, 2005 Status Incomplete | A story on the day Yami was transported from the real world to the anime world. ^-^ I've had lots of people review this on Fanfiction.net so hope u all like!
Category:
Anime/Manga » Yu-Gi-Oh! series » Yami/Yugi » Pharaoh Atemu |
Chapters
Chapters
Chapter 1 - Prologue
Submitted: May 11, 2005 • Updated: May 11, 2005
Word count: 1140 • Size: 6k • Comments: 4 • views: 418
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Saizo209 on July 7, 2005, 2:42:51 AM
Saizo209 on (Chapter: 1)
Wow...... Yur good at drawing and writing!!!!!!!! so mamazing *favs*Black_Breeze on May 26, 2005, 10:29:55 AM
Black_Breeze on (Chapter: 1)
This is way more interesting than those wierd, "I got Transported into YGO" stories. This actually has a plot, how wonderful. *kudos to you*Anyway, I have a few critiques about this. You have an excellent idea; pure genius, I rather enjoyed reading it. But there's a few things you need to learn about the rules of writing before you put in your next chapter. . .
One, Dialogue has to be seperate. If one person is talking and suddenly another person is, then you have to seperate it out. That's the rule. For example:
--------Yami stared at the girl's clothing strangely. "What is this. . . kilt?"
Serena smiled. "It's called pants, Yami."----------
You see what I mean? The paragraph in which the person is talking is like his/hers own little paragraph. And you need a bit of editing. Other than that, this was good. Please continue.
Animelover569 on May 25, 2005, 8:55:26 AM
Animelover569 on (Chapter: 1)
Thats cool!!!xsaga on May 16, 2005, 8:18:11 AM
xsaga on (Chapter: 1)
That was really, really good. Please uppdate. I want to know what happens next.