Chapter 1 - Fellowship of da Bling (Part one)

Introduction to...

Da Lord of da Blings

By: Angela and Kristen



To whom it may concern:

This fic isn't as ghetto as you'd think. A quick explaination of everything. I was thinking one day and I thought "Wouldn't it be funny if the Lord of the Rings took place in today's world?" So, thus, I suggested the idea to my most SPECIALIST friend, Kristen, and she thought it was pretty funny. So we decided to work on it together.

Okay, some more information:

Title: Da Lord of da Bling; Fellowship of da Bling

Author(s): Angela and Kristen

Genre: Comedy, adventure, drama, romance (this is an anti-slash fic)

Rating: PG

Summary: Well, it's the same story, just translated into modern language. Now, this fic isn't all "Yo, homie, what's poppin'?" Frodo and Sam are, and I quote, 'regular'. As for who came up with the lines, we both split the characters and thought of what we would say if we were in that same situation with that same personality [disorder]. Some we thought up together cause they were a tad difficult.

I did the lines for; Frodo, Merry, Gandalf, Gimli, Saruman, Aragorn, Arwen, Boromir

Kristen did the lines for; Sam, Pippin, Gandalf, Gimli, Saruman, Legolas, Elrond

A quick review of all the characters:

Frodo: Just an average kid

Sam: Just an average kid, kind of ditzy though

Gandalf: Well, he's...gay (resulting in all the "Teeheehee"'s)

Merry: Ghetto

Pippin: Ghetto, but also ditzy

Bilbo: The old man who tries to be cool

Aragorn: Gothic

Legolas: Gothic (A sincere apology to all the Leggy fangirls, but we're not big fans of Orlando Bloom with blonde hair...)

Gimli: Well, he's...also gay

Boromir: Surfer dude

Saruman: Jamaican hippie (thus, Saruman of Many Colors)

Arwen: Just an average person

Smeagol/Gollum: Ghetto/Rapper

Galadriel: Slow talker

Elrond: A creepy person (Like..."The enemy is moving through the darkness.") Orcs/Oruk-hai: They're morons



Okay, we got that straight. Now onto disclaimers... Well, first off, I do not own these characters or these places. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkein. There's all that copyrighted crap and I do not feel like typing it. I don't feel like being sued either. So don't even try cause I'm only 13 and I don't have a lawyer.



So, in conclusion, Please enjoy the first fanfic I have ever written. And for Kristen this is a totally different experience cause she's never even heard the term "fanfic" before. So spare her. And spare me. We are both amateurs.



Many hugs XD

-Angela and Kristen





Da Lord of da Blings

Fellowship of da Bling

By: Angela and Kristen

Part 1



Scene 1



[The screen is all black. Then some words fade in.]

"Da Lord of da Blings *ahem* Rings"

[The words fade out *coughduhcough*]



Scene 2



[Galadriel is about to begin speaking, but decides her part isn't necessary and sits down and drinks coffee, ignoring the cameras which just so happen to be on her.]



Scene 3



[Frodo is sitting under the tree, reading a book. He suddenly hears Gandalf singing]



Gandalf: [softly to himself] Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in this game, Oh baby, baby...



[Frodo stands up and goes to greet Gandalf]



Frodo: Gandalf, you're trippin' past the time!



Gandalf: I didn't mean to be late, Frodo. Sorry! Teehee!



Frodo and Gandalf: [start laughing for no apparent reason]



Frodo: It's great that you're here, Gandalf!



[Frodo gets in Gandalf's pink Corvette]



Frodo: Gandalf, I want you to know you've officially been named the crasher of the party.



All the little hobbit children: Gandalf is here!!! Gandalf is here!!!



[The hobbit kids run towards the corvette, but then stop, expectant of some treats. Gandalf doesn't even shoot them a glance. Frodo looks expectantly at Gandalf, as if to say 'C'mon, man, give 'em something!']



[Gandalf shoots off some heart shaped candies for the hobbit kids. The hobbit kids start cheering.]



Frodo: Gandalf, it's cool that you're back.



[Frodo gets off the pink Corvette and Gandalf proceeds to drive down to Bilbo's house. Gandalf gets out of the pink Corvette and walks up to Bilbo's door. Gandalf knocks on Blibo's door.]



Bilbo: Yo...dawg! I don't want anymore...peeps...in muh hood!



Gandalf: And what about very old friends? Teeheehee! Good friends!!



[Bilbo comes out of his hobbit hole thing]



Bilbo: Duuuuuudddeee!



Gandalf: Biiilbooo Baggins! Teeheehee! Wow, old pal, I can't believe how old you're getting! 111! WOW!



Bilbo: Join muh crib...homie!



[Bilbo and Gandalf enter the "crib" and Gandalf takes off his pointy hat.]



Bilbo: Want some Coke...homie?



[Gandalf starts to just kind of wander around the house and rams his head into a few random objects.]



Gandalf: Ow! My head! Teehee!



[Gandalf finds a map on the table while Bilbo is ranting on to himself about "cheese" and there was a mention of a "doobie". Bilbo hears someone knock on the door. He does the "army man thing" against the wall.]



Bilbo: I'm not...hurr...in muh crib. I hafta go away from muh family.



[Bilbo pours Gandalf some Coke.]



Gandalf: Frodo's very suspicious. Heeheehee!



Bilbo: Of course! 'Cause he's a Baggins...like his ol' man.



Gandalf: You're gonna tell him about...it, right? TEEHEE!!



Bilbo: Yeah, DUH!



Gandalf: He likes you alot!



Bilbo: Yeah, DUH! Dude, I wanna take a looooooooooooooooooooooong vaca. And never come back...to muh crib and homies.



Scene 5



[Bilbo and Gandalf finally decide to go outside and smoke a doobie.]



Bilbo: Gandalf, muh ol' peep...This'll be one hott...partay!



[Suddenly Gandalf and Bilbo are down by all the other hobbits. How they got there I couldn't begin to imagine. But anyway, Gandalf begins to shoot off some heart shaped fireworks. All the hobbit people are dancing, and singing, and playing music, and getting high, and getting drunk. (wow, some party there...) Frodo does his chicken dance and Sam sits all by himself at one of the tables drinking vodka. Bilbo walks around, greeting all of his relatives.]



Bilbo: Yo, what's...poppin'? Some...partay!



[Frodo goes to sit down next to Sam.]



Frodo: Sam, don't be a baby, ask Rosie for a dance.



Sam: I think I'll just have another drink, thanks..



Frodo: No, you're not, you're dancin' with her!



[Frodo pushes Sam, who miscellaneously bumps into Rosie. Gandalf shoots off a BRIGHT PINK heart shaped firework. Then you see Bilbo telling stories to all the little hobbit kids.]



Bilbo: I was sittin' in the middle of three fat trolls. And they wanted to sit on me. Then they went POOF and turned into rocks.



[Gandalf dances with some hobbit people and then goes to get another firework. Merry and Pippin come out of a tent and go to take a firework. Meanwhile, Gandalf shoots off some pink hearts. Again.]



Merry: Yo, Pip, get da big one!



[Pippin and Merry get "da big one" and run off into the tent.]



Merry: Stick it in da ground, homie!



Pippin: It is in da ground, yo.



Merry: Outside.



Pippin: It was your idea, dorkwad!



[Pippin shrieks like a girl. The firework goes off and turns into a dragon-thing. All the hobbits run for cover.]



Frodo: Bilbo! Watch out! There's a dragon!



Bilbo: Dude, there ain't been dragons here for a loooooooooooooong time....dude.



[Firework explodes.]



Merry: Dat was off da heezie.



Pippin: Let's get another one.



[Gandalf grabs their noses.]



Gandalf: Merry Brandybuck : ) And Pippin Took! Teeheehee! I think I knew that one!



Scene 6



[Bilbo gets ready to say his speech.]



All the hobbit people: Speech, Bilbo! Give us a nice speech!



Frodo: [louder than everyone else] SPEECH!!



Bilbo: Today's my 111th B-day...dude! I'm so glad to be livin' wit you...peeps. I hate to tell you that this is the end of livin' in muh...hood. I'm leavin'.



[Bilbo disappears. All the hobbits collectively gasp. The invisible Bilbo runs up to his house. He goes inside and reappears.]



Bilbo: Hahahahahaha!



[He gets ready to leave but then finds Gandalf in his living room.]



Gandalf: I suppose you think that was cute!



Bilbo: Did you see the looks on their faces...man?



Gandalf: There's lots of pretty Rings...or...Blings (Teehee!) in the world today, but they shouldn't be used like that! It's not nice.



Bilbo: It was just a joke...pal...Well, I guess you're right, like always. Keep and eye on Frodo, okay?



Gandalf: I'll keep both eyes on him!



Bilbo: I'm leavin' everything to muh neph.



Gandalf: How 'bout that Bling of yers? Teehee!



Bilbo: Word, word. It's on the shelf...yo.



[Gandalf looks for the Bling (it's a Ring, for those who are a tad slow..), but can't find it.]



Bilbo: Hold up...it's hurr in muh pocket.



[Bilbo takes the ring out of his pocket and looks at it closely]



Bilbo: Man...I really wanna keep this...[silence for a moment]...bling.



Gandalf: You should really keep the Bling here, with me, and your dear old Frodo. Is that so hard? Teehee!!



Bilbo: I got da Bling. It called to me..[in a whisper]..it is mine!



Gandalf: You do not have to get spastic on me. I was only trying to help!



Bilbo: Dude, so what if I'm angry...it is all your fault. It's all mine. My own Bling. My precious...



Gandalf: Precious?! That is it's name..but you shouldn't call the Bling...Precious. OK?



Bilbo: You only want da Bling for yaself!



Gandalf: [screaming] BILBO BAGGINS!! Do not think that I would do that kind of thing to you. That is not nice. I would never try to take it from you, never ever. I'm trying to help you.



[Meanwhile, Bilbo is up against the wall scared to death from Gandalf yelling at him in that way. Just then Bilbo realizes what had happened and gives Gandalf a big warm hug. Gandalf rubs his head and leans toward Bilbo]



Gandalf: Don't keep the Ring. Let it go. If you don't, you will not be nice at all.



Bilbo: Your right, ol' man. The Bling must go to Frodo immediatly, old bud. I should be leavin' muh crib now 'cause its gettin' late and dark and da roads are looooong.



Gandalf: Bilbo, the Bling is still in your pocket.



[ Bilbo takes the ring out of his pocket and lets out a little laugh and says "AHA Yes." Gandalf walks towards him and then Bilbo drops the Ring on the ground and walks out the door]



Bilbo: I thought of an off da heesie ending to muh book. Do u wanna hear it?



Gandalf: Sure, Buddy ol' pal.



Bilbo: It goes "He lived a far out life in his crib 'till da end of his life" Catchya lata', buddy!



Gandalf: Bye bye, dear Bilbo! Teehee!



[Bilbo leaves. Gandalf goes back into the house. He tries to pick up the Ring, and he sees the Eye.]



Scene 7



[Gandalf sits by the fire and smokes a doobie. Frodo comes into the house.]



Frodo: Bilbo!?



[Frodo picks up the Ring.]



Frodo: He's left, right? I didn't think he would really leave, even though he'd been talking about it...Gandalf?



[Gandalf looks at the Ring and smiles.]



Gandalf: Is that Bilbo's Ring? Heehee! Bilbo's left you all his things. The Ring is now yours!



[Gandalf hands the Ring to Frodo in an envelope.]



Gandalf: I think I must leave now.



Frodo: Where are you going?



Gandalf: I have things to do at home!



Frodo: What kinda things?



Gandalf: Questions that need answers.



Frodo: But you just got here! I don't get it.



Gandalf: I don't either. Keep it secret and safe.



[Gandalf then leaves Bilbo's house. Frodo looks down at the envelope with the Ring in it.]



Scene 8



[There is a pit of fire at the bottom of Isengard. Gandalf shows up on his horse and looks out onto Mordor. Gandalf then walks into a tower room thingy and starts going through papers. Then there is an unneeded flashback to the second age. Then we're back at the Shire.]



Dog: [barks]



Ring Wraith: Shiiiiiiirrrrreeee....Baaaaaagggiiiiinnnssssssssssss...



Hobbit: The Baggins don't live here. They live in Hobbiton.



[The Wraith rides away. The hobbit goes back into his house.]



Scene 9



[Frodo enters his house. The windows are open and papers are blowing around. Someone puts their hand on Frodo's shoulder and he jumps.]



Gandalf: Is it safe now?



[Frodo goes through some of Bilbo's things. Frodo gives Gandalf the envelope with the Ring in it and Gandalf throws it into the fire.]



Frodo: Whaddaya doin'?



[The envelope burns, but the Ring remains in perfect condition. Gandalf removes the Ring from the fire.]



Gandalf: Hold out your hand, Froldo...Oopsies! I mean...Frodo!



[Frodo takes the Ring in his hand and stares at it.]



Gandalf: What do you see now? Can you see anything??



[Frodo examines the Ring.]



Frodo: I don't see anything...Oh, wait....



[Markings slowly begin to appear.]



Frodo: There's writing on it. Looks like Elvish. I can't read it.



Gandalf: Not many people can. It's from Mordor, but I won't say it in front of you.



Frodo: Mordor??!!



Gandalf: It says... One Bling to rule them all

One Bling to find them

One Bling to bring them all

And in the darkness bind them



[There is another close up of the Ring.]



Gandalf: This is it. This is the One Bling! The Bad Lord Sauron made it himself. Wowee!



Frodo: ...Bilbo found it in Gollum's cave.



Gandalf: It was here with Bilbo for 60 years! There's lots of bad things in Mordor. The Bling is awake and then heard bad Sauron's call.



Frodo: But..They killed Sauron, right?



Gandalf: No..Sauron's spirit is still alive. Sauron wants the Bling back. Bad Sauron has come back! Frodo, you have to keep the Bling safe.



Frodo: Okay. We'll hide it and never talk about it again. No one knows it's here, do they?



Gandalf: Another person knew Bilbo had the Bling. I searched and searched but I couldn't find Gollum. The enemy found him first. I don't know how long they kept him there. Gollum only said two words..."Shire" and "Baggins."



Frodo: Shire...Baggins? But, they would come here.



[It then shows the Wraiths entering Hobbiton while a hobbit is outside of his home.]



Frodo: Take it, man!



Gandalf: I can not.



Frodo: Seriously, take it!



Gandalf: You can't give me the Bling.



Frodo: I'm giving it to you.



Gandalf: Please don't tempt me. I'm not aloud to take it. Not for you or even to keep it safe. Do you understand dear boy?



[Frodo takes the Ring back into his hand, but while Gandalf is talking, he starts looking at it]



Gandalf: I would only use it to do good things. It would want me to do bad things...naughty things.



Frodo: But it can't stay here?!



Gandalf: No it can't.



[Frodo puts his hand in a fist around the Ring]



Frodo: What do I have to do?



Gandalf: You have to leave very quickly.



[Frodo is getting packed to leave the Shire]



Frodo: Where do I go?



Gandalf: Get out of here..the Shire I mean. Then go to Bree.



Frodo: Bree? What about you though?



Gandalf: I'll be waiting for you at the Inn of the Prancing Pony.



Frodo: The Ring will be safe there?



Gandalf: I do not know Frodo. I don't know anything really. I have to go see Saruman of the many colors...also they are pretty colors..so I guess Saruman of the many pretty colors. Trust me, Frodo. You know what to do.You must change your name and stay off the road.



Frodo: I can cut across country, Gandalf.



[Frodo at that time, put the Ring in his pocket and was ready to leave]



Gandalf: My Dear Frodo! Hobbits really are great.



[Then, Gandalf and Frodo hear something outside.]



Gandalf: Get down!



[Frodo gets down to the ground. Gandalf grabs his stick and starts walking to the window. Frodo looks at Gandalf while Gandalf has his stick partially out of the window at this point. He stabs his stick into the ground and whacks something on the head. They hear a noise that sounded like "Oww!" Gandalf pulls a hobbit into the house who happens to be Sam]



Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! Have you been naughty and listening to our conversation?



Sam: I wasn't listening, Gandalf! Really, I wasn't! I was just cutting the grass for Frodo.



Gandalf: What did you hear? Think!!



Sam: Nothin' important. I heard somethin' about a Ring, and the end of the world but nothin' big. Please don't hurt me. Don't turn me into a mushroom.



Gandalf: I thought of something else we can do with you.



Scene 10



[Gandalf is shown pulling a horse out somewhere. Frodo is right behind and Sam is somewhere back in the distance.]



Gandalf: Come on, Sam! Keep up.



[Now at this point we can see Samwise Gamgee still far back but not as far as he was.]



Gandalf: Both of you have to be very careful out there. There are a lot of people spying on you. Is it safe, Frodo?



[Frodo checks his pocket just to make sure he still had the Ring and that it was safe. ]



Gandalf: Never put it on, because the bad people will find you. Remember, the Bling is trying to get back to its master. It would like be found.



[Gandalf gets on the horse and rides away leaving Sam and Frodo all alone. Frodo began walking while Sam followed behind. They walked through a big field and while in a cornfield, Sam suddenly stops.]



Sam: This is it.



Frodo: What's "it"?



Sam: If I walk a little further, that is the furthest I have ever been from home.



Frodo: C'mon Sam.



[Sam takes the big step to go further from home. Frodo puts his arm around Sam]



Frodo: You know what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business...Homie, walkin' out of your cribs door.



Scene 11



[Gandalf is shown riding his horse still in a big field heading to Isengard. Saruman of many colors comes out of his tower, I think.]



Saruman: Peace, Brudda' Gandalf. You have come to seek mah wisdom. Isn't that why you are here? Mah main man.



Gandalf: Saruman!



[Gandalf and Saruman are walking through the garden]



Saruman: Are you sure, man?



Gandalf: Without a doubt! Heehee!



Saruman: The Bling of Power has been found, right man?



Gandalf: All this time it was in the Shire. Under my own nose. Teehee.



Saruman: But you couldn't see it, Brudda! You are ove'ly obsessed wit Hobbits, brudda man.



Gandalf: We still have time. We can still beat naughty Sauron.



Saruman: What time do we have?



[Gandalf and Saruman are in the tower and Gandalf starts talking.]



Saruman: Sauron has his strengh back, man. He can't take physical form yet but his spirit is still strong. The Lord of Mordor sees all. With his look he destroys clouds, shadows, earth and flesh. You know what I talkin' 'bout, Brudda Gandalf. The Great Eye has no lid and has fire ova' it!



Gandalf: The Eye of Sauron! Oh my goodness gracious me!



Saruman: He is getting all evil, brudda! Very soon, he will get an army, great enough to destroy middle earth.



Gandalf: How do you know this?



Saruman: I have seen it, Man.



[Saruman and Gandalf walk over to the Palantir or the Crystal ball thing..which we will be saying]



Gandalf: A crystal ball thingy is a dangerous tool, Saruman!



Saruman: Why, Brudda? Why should we be afraid to use it?



[Saruman rips the blanket off of the ball.]



Gandalf: Not all of the lost seeing stones have been found yet. We do not know if people are still spying or watching.



[Gandalf throws the blanket back on the ball and sees the Eye.]



Saruman: The hour is lata' then you think, Brudda Gandalf.Saurons forces are movin'.



[Saruman sits down in his chair and says...]



Saruman: The Nine of the Ringwraiths have left Minas Morgul.



Gandalf: What nine?



Saruman: They crossed the river Isen on Midsummers Eve, Brudda, dressed in black.



Gandalf: They got to the Shire already?



Saruman: They will find the Bling...Bling, Bling! They will kill the one who has it, dudeman.



Gandalf: Frodo!?!



[Gandalf tries to leave, but the door closes on him. Then he tries to go to the other door, but that one closes also. Then the rest of the doors close and Gandalf is stuck.]



Saruman: Man, you crazy! You seriously thought that a Hobbit could go against the will of Sauron? No one can! Against the power of Mordor, there can be no victory. We must join him, Brudda Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise, dudeman.



Gandalf: Tell me now, friend, when did Saruman of pretty and many colors decide to do bad things instead of nice things?



[Saruman freaks out and with his stick throws Gandalf against the wall, then steps down from his chair and Gandalf falls to the ground while Saruman walks towards him. Then Gandalf throws Saruman to the ground with the power of his stick. They go back and forth like that for a while. Saruman took Gandalfs stick so he had no weapon. Gandalf gets thrown to the ground and as Saruman starts speaking Gandalf is spinning on the ground by the power of Saruman.]



Saruman: I gave you ze chance of helping me, but you chose the way of pain, Brudda Gandalf.



[At this point Saruman throws gandalf in the air while he is still spinning...and then we go back to Frodo and Sam]



Scene 12



[Sam is walking in a cornfield]



Sam: Frodo? Frodo!? Frodo!?



[Frodo comes out from behind some corn]



Sam: I thought that I lost you.



Frodo: What are you talkin' about.



Sam: It something that Gandalf said to me.



Frodo: What did he say?



Sam: "Don't lose him Samwise Gamgee." I don't intend to either.



Frodo: What the heck, Sam? We are still in the Shire. What could happen?



[Merry bumps into Sam and then Pippin bumps into Frodo knocking both of them over.]



Pippin: Frodo! Yo Merry, its Frodo Baggins.



Merry: Yo Frodo! What's poppin'?



Pippin: POPCORN!



Merry: Shut up!



[Sam pulls Pippin off of Frodo]



Sam: Get off him! C'mon Frodo.



Frodo: Whats up with this?



Sam: Your in Farmer Maggot's crops!



Farmer Maggot: You get back here!!! Get out of my field!



[Frodo, Merry and Pippin run off, making Sam look guilty.]



Farmer Maggot: You'll know the devil if I catch up with you.



[Sam drops the crops and runs away into the cornfield.]



Merry: I dunno why he's trippin'. Its only a couple of carrots.



Pippin: Yo, cabbages too, and also those three bags of potatoes that we stole last week. Oh yeah, dude, the mushrooms the week before that.



Merry: Dude, muh point is he's overreactin'. Run!



[Pippin stopped because it went downhill. So Frodo and Merry also stopped, but Sam didn't and made them all roll down the hill. Pippin: Yo, homie, dat was close.



Merry: I broke somethin', homies.



[Merry pulls out a carrot that was in half]



Sam: You can never trust a Brandybuck or a Took!



Merry: What are you talkin' bout? Chill, Sam, dat was just a shortcut, home fry!



Sam: A shortcut to what?



Pippin: Mushrooms!



[They all run over to the mushrooms except Frodo]



Frodo: I think we should get off the road, guys.



[All of a sudden it gets all windy]



Frodo: Dude, get off the road!



[They all get off the road and go under the tree. It gets dark]



Sam: Be quiet guys!



[A Ringwraith comes but does not see them but he smells them. Frodo goes to put on the Ring when Sam hits his hand so he does not put it on. Merry threw the mushrooms so that the Ringwraith will go over to the bag. Then they all run.]



Merry: What the heck was dat homie?



[Frodo looks at the Ring which is in his hand. They are running somewhere in the dark.]



Sam: Do you see anything?



Frodo: Nope.



Pippin: What the heck is goin' on homie?



Merry: Dat black rider was lookin' for somethin', yo...or someone! Frodo?



Pippin: Get down, guys!



[They all get down and they see the Ringwraith and then it goes the other way.]



Frodo: I have to leave the Shire. Sam and I gotta get to Bree.



Merry: Right. Buckleberry Ferry. Come wit me.



[A Black Rider or Ringwraith comes out and Pippin screams...]



Pippin: Run!



Merry: Dis way. Come wit me!



Pippin: Run!



[Merry, Pippin and Sam run to Buckleberry Ferry.]



Merry: Get the rope, G!



Sam: Frodo!!



[Frodo is running to the ferry.]



Pippin: C'mon Frodo! Run, dude!



Frodo: Go!



Pippin: Hurry, man!



Sam: Frodo, c'mon! Faster, dude!



Pippin: Jump, Frodo!



[Frodo jumps a big jump to the ferry and lands on it. The Ringwraith that was following, turns around and leaves.]



Frodo: How far's the closest crossing?



Merry: The Brandywine Bridge, yo! 20 miles.



Scene 13



[Sam, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin walk over to the gate of Bree. It is raining outside currently. Frodo knocks on the door.]



Lady who answers the door: Whatcha here for?



Frodo: We're heading for the Prancing Pony.



[The lady opens the gate and looks at the hobbits more closely.]



Lady who answers the door: Hobbits! Four hobbits!!



Frodo: We wanna stay at the inn. Our buisness here isn't really your concern.



Lady who answers the door: We don't care that you're here, just come in.



[The hobbits enter Bree and walk through until they catch the sight of a sign that says “The Prancing Pony”. The hobbits then enter the Prancing Pony. Frodo walks up to the front desk.]



Frodo: Excuse me??



The inn guy: Hello, little people! What can I do for you today? We have rooms fit just right for hobbits upstairs, if you're looking to stay. We're always happy to help you, Mr….?



Frodo: …Underhill. My name's Underhill. We're friends of Gandalf..The Grey. Can you tell him we've arrived for us?



The inn guy: Gandalf? Oh yea! That old guy! He's got a big grey beard..? And a pointy hat! I haven't seen that old man for a looooong time.



[The hobbits get into a huddle kinda thing.]



Sam: What're we gonna do now?



[And so, the hobbits decide to sit down and enjoy their stay until Gandalf arrives.]



Frodo: Don't worry, Sam. He'll be here.



[Merry comes back to the table with a pint of beer.]



Pippin: Yo, dawg! Wuzzat?



Merry: Dis, muh homie, izza pint.



Pippin: Dude, it comes in pints!? I'm gettin' one!



[Pippin gets up to get a pint.]



Sam: You already got one!…That dorkwad's been staring at us since we got here.



[Frodo looks over to where Sam points to and spots a guy in a black hood. Frodo stops the inn guy.]



Frodo: Uh…'Scuse me. Who's that guy over there?



The inn guy: He's a Ranger. I don't know his real name, but around here they call him Strider.



[The inn guy walks away.]



Frodo:…Strider..?



Ring: Psst! Yo, Frodo! Put me on!



[Frodo is about to put the Ring on, until he hears Pippin…]



Pippin: Yo, I know a Baggins! He's over there, yo! Frodo Baggins. Dude, he's muh second cousin, twice removed on his mudda's side.



[Frodo turns around to run and Sam looks at him curiously. Strider watches intently.]



Frodo: Pippin!



[Frodo falls and the Ring flies up in the air, landing on Frodo's index finger. He disappears and all the bar people collectively gasp. The Wraiths suddenly know where Frodo is, and go to get him.]



The Eye: I see you. You can't hide!



[Frodo turns around and sees the Eye. He drops to the floor and hides under a table. Frodo takes the Ring off. He looks around and sighs with relief. Someone pulls Frodo off to the side. It just so happens to be Strider!]



Strider: You give yourself too much attention…Mr. Underhill.



[Strider drags Frodo up into a room.]



Frodo: What do you want from me?



Strider: I know what you have.



Frodo: I don't have anything.



Strider: Of course you don't! I can avoid being seen. But you can disappear all the way? That is a rare gift.



Frodo: Who are you?



Strider: Are you afraid?



Frodo: …Yea…?



Strider: Not as afraid as you should be. I know what is hunting you.



[Sam, Merry, and Pippin barge through the door and Strider pulls out his sword.]



Sam: Step back from Frodo!!



Strider: You are very brave. But not brave enough…..They are coming…



[The lady at the door gets run over by six Ringwraiths, who decide to knock the door down and enter Bree. All four hobbits are asleep. The Wraiths enter the hobbit sized rooms and prepare to stab them all. The Wraiths stab the beds, only to find they are filled with pillows and feathers.]



Wraiths: [Evil shrieks]



[The hobbits wake up because of the noise.]



Frodo: What are they?



Strider: They once were men…Great Kings of men. But then Sauron gave them nine rings of power. They took them without questioning it…One after another they fell into the shadows. They're the Nazgul. They are not living, but they are not dead. They can feel the presence of the Ring. They will keep on hunting you.



Scene 14



[The hobbits and Strider are walking through the woods.]



Frodo: Where are you taking us??



Strider: Into the wild.



Merry: You jus' assumin' dis is a friend of Gandalf's? How do we know fa sure?



Frodo: We've got no choice, we just gotta trust him.



Sam: But where's he leadin' us?



Strider: I am leading you to Rivendell, Master Gamgee. The House of Elrond.



Sam: Did you hear that?? We're gonna see the elves!!



[Now they're all on top of a snowy hill. Strider turns around to see the hobbits starting to get food.]



Strider: We don't stop til nightfall.



Pippin: Dawg, what `bout breakfast?



Strider: We already had it.



Pippin: Well, we had one. But what about the second one, yo?



[Strider continues walking without saying anything.]



Merry: I'm thinkin' he don't know what second breakfast is, Pip.



Pippin: What about elevenses, yo? Lunch? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Does he know about them, homie?



Merry: Wouldn't count on it, dawg.



[Strider throws an apple back towards Merry, who therefore catches it. Another one hits Pippin in the head. Pippin looks up at the sky.]



Merry: Pippin!!



Scene 15



Saruman: The powa of Isengard is at your command, Sauron, man. Build me an army worthy of Mordor.



[The Orc people come in to see Saruman meditating all by himself.]



Orc #1: What mordors from Order, my Lord?**



What does the Eye want us to do? **



The "mordors from order" thing was deliberate. The orcs are morons, remember?



Saruman: We have work to do, brudda.



[The Orcs are seen chopping down trees. Then we go back to Gandalf, who is on top of the tower of Isengard.. He looks down upon the trees.]



Orc #23: The trees are strong. Their roots are too deep!



Saruman: Rip them all down, man.



Scene 16



[The hobbits and Strider are seen heading to Weathertop.]



Strider: This was once the watchtower of Amon Sul. We will stay here for the night.



[Strider unravels a blanket with four small swords. He tosses them to the four hobbits.]



Strider: These are for you. Keep them with you at all times. I'm going to go look around. Stay here.



[Frodo's asleep, while the other hobbits are cooking. Frodo wakes up and looks at the four.]



Frodo: Dude, what are you doing!?



Sam: Ya want some, Frodo?



Frodo: Put it out, you morons! Put it out!



Pippin: Dawg, dat's not nice. You got ash on muh tomatoes, yo!



Nazgul: [Evil shriek]



[The four hobbits look down over the cliff to see six Nazgul riding towards them. The hobbits draw their swords.]



Frodo: Go!



[The hobbits run to the peak of Weathertop. One of the Nazgul draws its sword and starts toward Frodo. Then all six draw their swords too and go to stab the hobbits.]



Sam: Step back, you monsters!



[Sam started fighting one of the Nazgul, who hit Sam to the ground. They knock Pippin and Merry right out of the way, leaving Frodo all alone. Frodo drops his sword and falls. He takes the Ring out of his pocket.]



Ring: Put me on! Put me on before they get you!



[One of the Nazgul spots Frodo holding the Ring and walks towards him. Frodo backs into the step and just as the Nazgul is about to stab him he puts the Ring on. The Nazgul stabs him in the left shoulder. Aragorn is suddenly in the picture with a lit torch. Frodo takes the Rings off.]



Sam: Frodo!



Frodo: Oh, Sam.



[Aragorn starts lighting them on fire and they all run away in flames.]



Sam: Strider, help him!



Strider: He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade. I can't heal him. He needs to be brought to the elves.



[Strider slings Frodo over his shoulder. The three other hobbits follow him through the woods.]



Strider: Hurry!



Sam: It's a six day journey to Rivendell, we'll never make it!



Frodo: Gandalf!!



Scene 17



[Now we are at the tower of Isengard. A moth comes on the screen and goes to Gandalf. He catches it in his hand and looks at it. We think he told it to go get the Eagles. Now we are down with the Orc people. They are making equipment for the Uruk-Hai. One of the Uruk-Hai comes out of the mud.]



Sam: Frodo? Are you OK? He's goin' cold.



Pippin:Yo dawg, is he goin' to die, yo?



Strider: He is passing into the shadows. He will soon become a Nazgul also.



Merry: They're too close for me dawg.



Strider: Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?



Sam: Athelas?



Strider: Kingsfoil.



Sam: Isn't Kingsfoil a weed?



Strider: It may slow down the poisoning. Hurry!



[Sam went looking for the plant with a lit torch while Strider helped him. Strider found the plant.]



Arwen: What do we have here? A ranger caught off his guard perhaps?



[Frodo sees a light and Arwen appears.]



Arwen: Frodo, (in Elvish) I'm Arwen. I'm here to help you. Hear my voice and come back to the light.



Pippin: Dude, who is dat homie person?



Arwen: Frodo...



Sam: She's an Elf!



Arwen: (in Elvish) He's fading. I don't think he's gonna last. We have to get him to my father. I've been looking for you for two days.



Merry: Yo dawg, where ya takin' him?



Arwen: (in Elvish) There's five Nazgul behind you. I don't know where the other four are.



[They put Frodo on the on the horse.]



Strider: Stay with the Hobbits. I'll send horses for you.



Arwen: (in Elvish) I'm a faster rider then you so I will take him to Rivendell.



Strider: The road is too dangerous.



Pippin: Dude, what the heck are they sayin'?



Arwen: (in Elvish) If I can get across the river the power of my people can protect him. (not in Elvish) I don't fear them.



Strider: Arwen…ride hard. Don't look back.



Sam: What the heck are you doin'?! Those Nazgul are still out there, man!



[Arwen is now riding her horse with Frodo heading towards Rivendell and then sees riding next to her, one of the Nazgul. All of them now come out. She went across the river and the Nazgul stop on the other side. They start to cross but then they stop.]



Nazgul #1: Give up the halfling you Elf person!



Arwen: If you want him, you're gonna have to come and get him first.



[ She casts a spell that makes a huge wave come and wipe out all of the Nazgul that were there.]



Arwen: No, Frodo. Don't give in yet. What grace has given me, let it pass to him. Let him be spared. Save him.



Scene 18



Frodo: Where am I?



Gandalf: You, my dear, are in the house of Elrond! It is 10:00 in the morning and its October 24th, just in case you wanted to know.



Frodo: Gandalf!?



[Gandalf while smoking a doobie says…]



Gandalf: Yes, I'm here! You are very lucky to be here too. In a few more hours, you would have been gone forever if you catch my drift. Teehee! You surely have some strength in you my dearest hobbit!



Frodo: By the way Gandalf, what happened? You didn't meet us at Bree.



Gandalf: I'm really sorry Frodo. I was a little behind schedule.



[A flashback to Isengard now appears.]



Saruman: A friendship with Saruman is not so lightly thrown aside, brudda Gandalf. It is ova'. Take hold the power of the Ring, or take hold your own destruction, man.



Gandalf: There is only one Lord of the Ring! There is only one that can direct it to his will, and he does not share power.



[Gandalf jumps off and lands on an eagle and flies away.]



Saruman: So you have chosen death, brudda Gandalf?!



[The flashback ends.]



Frodo: Gandalf? What's up?



Gandalf: Nothing, my dear Frodo.



Sam: Frodo!



Frodo: Sam, it's you.



Sam: Your awake. I'm so glad your awake!



Gandalf: Sam has barely ever left your side!



Sam: We were so worried about you. Weren't we Gandalf?!



Gandalf: Thanks to Lord Elrond, your getting better.



Elrond: Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Frodo Baggins.



[Frodo and Sam are walking somewhere. All of a sudden, Pippin and Merry come out and hug Frodo. Then they look over and see Bilbo.]



Frodo: Bilbo!



Bilbo: Hullo Frodo, muh main man!



Frodo: Bilbo!



[Frodo and Bilbo hug each other.]



Frodo: (reading the front page of a book..) There and Back again. A Hobbit's far out life, by Bilbo Baggins. This is so cool.



Bilbo: I wanted to go back to Mirkwood, visit Lake-town,see the mountain again, man. But it seems that muh age has caught up wit me…dawg.



Frodo: I miss the Shire. Most of my childhood was spent pretending I was off somewhere else, off with you on one of your adventures. But my own adventure ended up being a tad different. I'm not like you, Bilbo.



Bilbo: Muh homefry...



[Sam is getting packed for some reason that I do not know of.]



Sam: Now, what did I forget?



Frodo: Gettin' packed already are ya'?



Sam: There is no harm at all to be ready to go.



Frodo: I thought you wanted to see the elves.



Sam: I do.



Frodo: More then anything?



Sam: I did. It's just…we did what Gandalf wanted, didn't we? We made it here to Rivendell with the Ring. I thought..that seeing that your gettin' better, we would be leavin' soon. Going back to our house.



Frodo: Hey, yeah Sam, your right. We did what we had to do. The Ring will be safe in Rivendell. I guess I am ready to go home.



Scene 19



Elrond: His strength is returning to him.



Gandalf: That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life.



Elrond: Yet, he has made it so far with this heavy burden. This brave hobbit has shown great resistance to its evil.



Gandalf: He should have never had to take on this terrible burden. (in a whisper) terrible, terrible, terrible. We can't ask anymore from Frodo.



Elrond: The enemy is still awake and moving through the darkness, Gandalf. Sauron's forces are moving through the East. His Eye is looking towards Rivendell. Saruman, you say, has betrayed us. Our list of so called friends grow thinner as time goes on.



Gandalf: His evil goes deeper than you know. Saruman crossed Orcs and Goblins to make icky Uruk-Hai men. He is building an army in the caverns of Isengard. An army that moves through sunlight and covers great distance at high speed. Saruman is coming for the Bling.



Elrond: His evil cannot be held back by the power of the Elves. We don't have the power to fight both Isengard and Mordor! Gandalf…the Ring is not aloud to stay here.



[Boromir comes in on his horse. Also Legolas comes riding in with Gimli.]



Elrond: This danger belongs to all of Middle-earth. They now must decide how to end it all. The time of the Elves has ended. My people are leaving the shores. Who will you look to after we leave? The Dwarves? They hide in mountains looking for riches. They do not care about peoples' troubles and worries.



Gandalf: We have to place our hope in men.



Elrond: Men? Men are weak. Men are failing. Because of men, the Ring survived. I was there, Gandalf. I was there 3,000 years ago…when Isildur took the Ring. I was there when the Men failed. I led Isildur into into the the heart of Mount Doom…Where the Ring was made, where it could also be destroyed. It should have ended right there, but evil was already in him. Isildur kept the Ring. The line of kings is broken. There is no longer strength in the world of Men. They have no leader so yet they are scattered and divided.



Gandalf: There is one person that could unite them. One who could get the throne of Gondor back.



Elrond: He fled from that path a long time ago. He chose the path of exile.



Scene 20



[They go back to where Strider is. Boromir appeared.]



Boromir: Dude, its totally the shards of Narsil. The blade that totally cut the Ring from Sauron's hand. Wo-o-oah dude its still sharp.



[Boromir cuts his finger to find that it was still sharp.]



Boromir: But..its like, no more then a…broken sword.



[The sword falls and Boromir walks away. Strider picks up the sword and places it back on the table.]



Scene 21



Arwen: (in Elvish) Do you remember when we first met?



Strider: (in Elvish) I thought I was dreaming.



Arwen: (in Elvish) Many long years have gone by. You were not as caring back then. Do you remember what I said?



Strider: You said you'd stay with me forever putting away your immortal life.



Arwen: I'll keep true to my word. I would rather spend my whole life with you then to spend all the ages of my life by myself. I chose a mortal life.



[Arwen hands Strider the Evenstar.]



Strider: You can't give me this.



Arwen: I can give it to anyone I want like my heart.



[Strider and Arwen have a kissy moment at this point.]



Scene 22



Elrond: Strangers from far away lands, old friends, you have been called to come here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth is about to destruct. Nobody can escape. You will come together or you will lose. Everybody is called to this fate, this horrible doom.



[Elrond beckons to Frodo.]



Elrond: Bring me the Ring, Frodo.



[Frodo brings the Ring to the table in front of Elrond and places the Ring on it. He goes and sits back down, taking a sigh of relief. All present at the council look intently at the Ring.]



Boromir: So it's like, true...It's totally, like, a gift, dude! We could totally use this Ring against the bad dudes and totally wipe them out.



Strider: No one can direct it. Never. None of us can. It only answers to Sauron. Its only Master.



Boromir: Dude, your like totally a Ranger! How would you know?



[The elf known as Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood, stands up.]



Legolas: This isn't a Ranger. He is Aragorn, the son of Arathorn. You better respect him.



Boromir: Aragorn. Isildur's, like, your ancestor?



Legolas: He is an heir to the throne of Gondor.



Aragorn (Strider): (in Elvish) Sit down, Legolas.



[Legolas sits down.]



Boromir: Gondor doesn't have a king. And it, like, doesn't need one.



[Boromir sits back down, reluctantly.]



Gandalf: Aragorn is right, we cannot use it wrongly!



Elrond: You only have one option. The Ring has to be destroyed.



[A dwarf named Gimli (son of Gloin) stands up with his ax]



Gimli: What are we waiting for, then?



[Gimli goes to chop the Ring in half. The Ring sends an impact up his axe and sends him faltering back. Gimli falls over. Frodo puts his hand over his eyes and cringes.]



Ring: Haha! Can't kill me, now, can ya?



Elrond: The Ring can't be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin, by any of the weapons we have here. The ring was made at Mount Doom by the fires. That is the only place that it can be destroyed. It must be taken deep into Mordor and thrown into the fires from where it came from. One of you has to do this.



Boromir: Dude, like, you can't just waltz into Mordor.



[Legolas stands up again.]



Legolas: Did you guys hear anything Lord Elrond just said? The Ring has to be destroyed!



[Gimli stands up too.]



Gimli: I have the feeling that you think you are the one that is going to do it.



Boromir: What if we, like, have a total wipe out, dude? And if Sauron, like, takes back what's his?



Gimli: I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf, I think!



[Then everyone stands up. They all start arguing amongst one another.]



Gimli: You can't trust an elf!



Ring: C'mon, Frodo! Take me hooooome!



[Frodo stands up.]



Frodo: Uhh...I'll take it...?



[No one is listening, so they keep argueing.]



Frodo: Listen, you guys! I'll take it!



[Gandalf hears him and shakes his head a little. Everyone stops argueing and looks at the brave little hobbit.]



Frodo: I'll take the Ring to Mordor, I guess, but...I'm not so sure I know how to get there.



Gandalf: I will help you, my Frodo!



Aragorn: I will protect you...even if I die. You have my sword.



Legolas: And you can have my bow and arrow.



Gimli: And my ax.



[Legolas looks at Gimli as if to say, 'Oh, man, not the dwarf..']



Boromir: You, like, totally carry all of our fates, hobbit dude. I'll go with you too!



[Sam come out from behind the bushes. He runs up next to Frodo and crosses his arms.]



Sam: Frodo isn't goin' anywhere without me.



Elrond: It is barely possible to seperate you even though he is told to go on a secret journey and you aren't.



[Merry and Pippin also come out of hiding behind a few pillars. They run down next to Frodo also.]



Merry: Yo! We're comin' too! Cause face it, homie, you'd have to send us back to our cribs to stop us.



Pippin: anyway dawg, you need peeps of intelligence on this mission..quest thingy.



Merry: Well, dat leaves you behind, Pip.



Elrond: We will have nine companions. You will be called the Fellowship of the Ring.



Pippin: That great yo. Homie, where we goin' again?



[Merry looks at Pippin like, 'Oh my god, what a moron...']



END OF PART ONE

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