Possessors of the Clow
Submitted October 4, 2005 Updated October 4, 2005 Status Incomplete | It is six years after the last of Sakura's cards were changed into Star Cards and there seems to be new mysteries to solve and new enimies to fight.
Category:
Anime/Manga » Cardcaptor Sakura |
Chapters
Chapters
Chapter 1 - Distant Voices, part 1: Sakura and New Beginnings
Submitted: October 4, 2005 • Updated: October 4, 2005
Word count: 3628 • Size: 18k • Comments: 1 • views: 415
Chapter 2 - Distant Voices, part 2: Sakura and Fated Decisions
Submitted: October 4, 2005 • Updated: October 4, 2005
Word count: 3250 • Size: 16k • Comments: 1 • views: 393
Chapter 3 - Sakura and her Angelic Wings
Submitted: October 4, 2005 • Updated: October 4, 2005
Word count: 4200 • Size: 22k • Comments: 1 • views: 393
Comments
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Crystal56 on October 5, 2005, 8:50:42 AM
Crystal56 on (Chapter: 3)
Crystal56 on October 5, 2005, 8:43:26 AM
Crystal56 on (Chapter: 2)
Good chapter! Very well developed! Don't be mad at me!!!!!
Please. *sighs* I'm no good at this.
Critique:
Grammar side:
When Kero first speaks, it's a question first, exclamation second. "!?" does work at times like this.
*Its "all right" not "alright". I'm bad with that one too, don't worry.
Plotwise
When she's wondering where people are, when she asks, "Syaoran, Syaoran?" you could add "Where are you?"
Tee hee, you have her have to find them all again. That's great. Poor Sakura-chan. She never catches a break.
Crystal56 on October 5, 2005, 8:34:51 AM
Crystal56 on (Chapter: 1)
Wow. There's plenty of description and you have a pretty good gasp on the characters.A few things though:
When you said "pail face" I think you meant "pale face".
And as a suggestion, have the wind whisper something. It may sound a little creepy but it gives the added effect at times a little hint as to what the plot may be. The beginning paragraphs set up a majority of the story after all.
Or not. For this story it really works either way.
Well, you wanted a critique, so there's chapter one! *bows* Sorry if I was mean. I don't mean to be.
Few things:
"The cards have released again," Syaoran said. should be
"The cards have been released again." Stupid english rules...
Note on Meling X Syaoran marraige. Have you seen the second movie? In CCS 2 Meling gives up her engagement to Sakura, stating (what I could discern from bad subtitles) that she only wants Syaoran to be happy. Just FYI.
You don't have to change that though, because fanfiction isn't about what really happened sometimes is it? LOL.
It's okay the way you have it though, just telling you as an interesting fact...*bows* SORRY! Don't get mad at me!
Either way though, good chapter!
I really enjoyed this story. Teh story is going on my favs. Seriously, this has great potential!
Squeeeeee! Cute!