Username   Password  
Remember   Register   |   Forgot your password?

A story about coke

this is acualy a poem about coke, its better that it sounds, its suposed to be funny. oh yeah, i sux at descriptions.

Chapters

Chapters

Chapter 1 - Untitled
Submitted: August 14, 2005 • Updated: August 14, 2005
Word count: 356 • Size: 1k • Comments: 8 • views: 208

Comments

Comments (8)

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment

_ren_tao_fan_ on August 15, 2006, 12:23:11 AM

_ren_tao_fan_ on (Chapter: 1)
_ren_tao_fan_ya they do! funny

inuyasha_naruto_lover on July 30, 2006, 1:05:31 PM

inuyasha_naruto_lover on (Chapter: 1)
inuyasha_naruto_loverlol love it! -favs-

Xiakeyra on December 17, 2005, 3:55:17 AM

Xiakeyra on (Chapter: 1)
Xiakeyravery funny!:-D

Chibichan on November 12, 2005, 6:57:03 AM

Chibichan on (Chapter: 1)
ChibichanFUDGE!

Whatsername on November 1, 2005, 10:15:00 PM

Whatsername on (Chapter: 1)
WhatsernameAw man, now I'm thirsty! gr8 poem!

faustrulesallwithhao on October 3, 2005, 5:18:09 AM

faustrulesallwithhao on (Chapter: 1)
faustrulesallwithhaoi wuv it. i think that that is funny enough to make coke spurt up my nose.

kos on September 24, 2005, 1:28:29 AM

kos on (Chapter: 1)
kosA few typos (I've written this as a separate comment so you can delete it after you fix them):

Stanza 1, Line 3: "through" -> "throat"
S4, L4: "be" -> "but"

Also there are a few times when the tense changes from the usual past tense into the present tense:
S3, L6
S4, L4 (though maybe this one is ok like it is)
S6, L1 and L2

kos on September 24, 2005, 1:23:28 AM

kos on (Chapter: 1)
kos*grins* Yes, I know the feeling.

I like this poem. The humour is good, the rhyming is good. Sometimes though the tempo did throw me off, I lost the rhythm as I was reading it especially in the last half. Overall, it's a good, fun poem.