Chapter 1 - A humans Weakness?

One might wonder, how the simple bonds formed between two people, could be so strong. Especially when these bonds are formed so easily over a short period of time. How is it possible, for one to feel so close and known by another so? Isn’t simply not possible, but a feeble human emotion we form for certain choosen ones? These people that our hearts simply wish to be known by, to befriend and love as any good friend would? To simply be recognized by a simple someone that plays with our petty human emotions?

Humans after all said to be the most unpredictable animal, and that’s what we are. Animals. Thought to be the most advanced of our world, and yet remain so premitive and unevolved when it comes to these emotions we have and our common thoughts and ways. Right down from the way we hold ourselves, to the way we speak, to how to take action and do without thinking.

Irrational, that’s what we are. A race that can conquer disease, time, space, and all the stars it seems themselves as we progress, yet we have yet to conquer ourselves. How is that we remain to be so stupid when it comes to petty human emotions i wonder. So easily affected as to be reduced to nothing more than a frail and weak child over the simplest of situations and confrontations.

Irattional, weak, unforgiving and brutal is what we are.

Funny, don’t you find it, when the simplest, and most minor of things in ones life can in an instant, tear ones world apart and crush it, shattering it into a thousand tiny pieces. To often has that experience visited me, and i care not for it. Nor do i care for those irrational thoughts, these weaknesses of mine, how unforgiving my heart can be, and how brutally cruel it is for that reason.

The thought that someone you met not all to long ago, could mean so much to you, is frightening. The power they hold over me with those weak human emotions. And the surprise of it all. That is the worst and most frightening. The element of surprise they say, and how stealthy and deadly that can be. Surprise, that is something that in all, can be devastitating and heart breaking. It throws you off, casts your world into a spiral when everything is nothing more than a free fall.

Friends, those that matter more than family. Matter more than mine ever will. They’re what holds my heart together, and tears it apart the most. Friends, not family. And how strange, that even this is known and said by me, it is yet not the most surprising. For friends known for years upon years, can at times become worthless and non existant over the period of time. Those of which you’d expect to mean the most, grow to be the closest to and care for most. You’d expect friends of years to those closest, not those of months or weeks, or even days in the rare cases that their are. But it simply is not true. What law says that those of old are meant the most? It’s as futile as trying to prove that logic overrules emotion and your gut feelings. To say that is true, is perhaps to be in denial. That is what i think, that’s what i’ve learned.

Bonds that are strong, can be formed over years. But what of the bonds that are strong from the begining? Where you find a common connection, not once, or twice, or even three times. But instead, over and over again?

When friends mean more than family, it hurts more than ever. For you see, family is always there, whether you wish to accept that or not. But with friends, it is different. They will not always be there as family. There are no blood connection, no natural ties as their would be with family. The risk of losing much easier to gain with friend than family. As we are forced to face each other more so in more than one way with family. Yet with friends, it’s easier to be turned away, mistaken, and uncorrected because we are not forced to face each as you would with family.

It is this, that makes the lose of friends, so dangerous, and so fragile if they mean more than family, than blood. The fight for the bond is always there. It is never ending, and it is a balance easily lost, easily never regained. That is why you hold their lives, their feelings and thoughts and opinions so highly, lovingly, and openly to all thoughts. You have to, there has to be wonder, care, and understanding at all times. If there isn’t, than the bond wavers, it shifts and tips from one side to another, and it becomes unstable.

I much rather have my family angry, sad, upset, disappointed, and even furious with me than any friend. Family i can afford to lose. Anyone who’s never had one can afford that much. But friends, it’s the strand to keeps life together and happy, not family. So if one is lost, or the balance is set off scale, your whole world crashes around you in that instant. And your swallowed into a deep and dark hole to be left alone and questioning. Why, when, where, who, how? Why did it happen, when did it happen, where did it happen, who did it happened to, and how. How, how how?

I’d drive through a blizzard to be with a friend if they needed me. I’d walk out in the middle of a huge thunderstorm to get to them if they needed me. I’d walk 20 miles in the blistering sun, with no shade, and no food or water along the way, if they really needed me. Because in the end, friends are the only connection i have left. And nothing hits the heart harder than any friend could. Even a heart as tough as stone has it’s breaking points. Mine are my friends.

Pain, sadness, disappointment, anger, rage, rejection, any of these, is enough to pierce this heart if it were for a friend. It has before, and it forever will. I guess human weakness is what keeps me going, and yet ironically, it’s what pulls me down the most.

If i could, i’d feel nothing, i’d be perfect and i wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t make any mistakes, i wouldn’t let anyone down or hurt anyone i care for. But that’s in the perfect world, of my perfect dream. And that won’t be happening any time soon.


And so, we are left with our human weakness. Emotion. That is after all the very core of things? Your either weak because you have it, or you don’t, and that too, is the greatest weakness, jsut has having it is.

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