Chapter 22 - Biography of Shadow the Hedgehog…

Biography of Shadow the Hedgehog…



A documentary of Shadow…


Shadow: What I don’t understand is that these guys are a doing a biography of someone who isn’t dead yet?



Director: Ok Shadow, all you got to say is: This is Shadow from the game Shadow the Hedgehog! Ok? And here we go! Take one!



Shadow: Anyone got some banana bread…? Yeah whatever buddy!

Director: Action!!



Shadow: Eehm… Hey! I’m Shadow… from…… eeh……



Director: CUT!!

Shadow: …… What…? O_o


Voice over: Shadow started as a tiny little super duper hedgehog on Space Colony ARK with his dad Gerald Robotnik and his mother Black Doom. He had an adopted brother called… “Bob”…



Black Doom: I remember Shadow firing an assault rifle for the first time… It was soooooooo cute!!



Baby Shadow: ‘Ssault Wifle! ‘Ssault Wifle!
Bob: I’m Bob! *gets shot*
Baby Shadow: Tee hee! ^-^

Gerald: Well his weapon thing got more intense from that point on… He couldn’t keep his hands of weapons, and got addicted to shooting! Real good at it too… He could shoot real goodly…



Shadow: I was starting to be well known to skillfully kill anybody blocking my path…


Voice over: His life continued, and he became an enhanced, sharpshooting, slaughtering, killing, super duper hedgehog. Shadow was told a certain Space Colony was under attack by G.U.N and his aid was needed dearly! This was also Shadow’s debute game… Sonic Adventure 2…



Maria: Uh-huh… Yeah… Got ya… Okiedokie… Buh-bye!
Shadow: …
Maria: SHADOW!!!
Shadow: O_o
Maria: WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!! YA GOTTA GO SAVE THE ARK!!
Shadow: …… ‘K…… *runs off*

Gerald: Too bad he couldn’t save us… Shadow was never cut out for the responsibilities relegated to him anyway… T_T


Shadow: KEEP UP WITH ME MARIA!!
Maria: Shadow!
Shadow: Hold on…
Maria: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!! COME ON!!!
Shadow: But… I’m hungry… *stares at vending machines*
Maria: …… *looks behind and sees a scientist getting shot*
Shadow: Hmmmmmm… A Kit Kat…… Or a Mars…
Maria: SHADOW!!!! THE ARK HAS FALLEN!!! WE NEED TO GO NOW!!!
Shadow: Want something…?
Maria: …… Give me a Kit Kat…


Gerald: Its his own fault Maria got shot in the first place! O_o


Maria: Come on! Get in the pod!
Shadow: Wait! I dropped my candy bar!
Maria: *sighs*
G.U.N Soldier: Freeze hedgehog! You’re coming with us!
Shadow: O_o *holds Maria in front of him*
Maria: O_o
Shadow: Don’t worry Maria, I’ll protect you!!
G.U.N Soldier: T_T *opens fire*
Shadow: O_o *runs to pod*
G.U.N Soldier: Hey! A candy bar! It’s mine now!
Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasps* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1

Maria: Shadow… Pr-Promise m-me… You g-give the people… a chance… of happiness… Do it… for me Shadow… Please…

Shadow: Sure, whatever… *launches pod*
Maria: T_T *dies*
Shadow: Then I arrived on earth… Which wasn’t a warm welcome…



G.U.N Soldier: Welcome to earth, you’ll now be placed in a cryochamber!
Shadow: What’s a cryochamber- *gets bashed unconscious and is placed in a cryochamber*

Shadow: Then… fifty years later… A fat guy got me out of my state of suspended animation… Or whatever the hell that’s suppose to mean…



Shadow: Since you’ve been so kind to release me… I will grant you 3 wishes…
Eggman: Oer! I want a pony! And a Ferrari! And world dominace! And-
Shadow: ……… Let me put it this way…

Eggman: I needed to test his reflexes and his powers! I saw how he owned that guard robot!



Eggman: Ok eehm… I need to test your vision…
Shadow: Ok…
Eggman: Look up, look down, look left, look right!
Shadow: *looks in the directions Eggman says*
Eggman: Ok eehm… Powers, do you feel this?
Shadow: O_o
Eggman: *fires death rays*
Shadow: Ouch…
Eggman: Ok, everything seems alright… Now go gunless and steal me some Chaos Emeralds.

Shadow: So after I stole the emeralds… I met Sonic for the first time…



Sonic: SO IT WAS YOU WHO GOT ME INTO HOT WATER LATELY!! IMPOSTER!!

Shadow: Yeah… So…? Who the hell are you…?
Sonic: Like… OHMYGAWD!!1 You don’t even know who I am?!!
Shadow: No…
Sonic: Pssh…
Shadow: Eehm… Ok… I gotta go now… *turns around*
Sonic: Like, OHMYGAWD!! NO YOU DIDN’T!!
Shadow: What…? O_o
Sonic: Don’t turn your back on me silly!
Shadow: Dude, what the hell, are you gay?!
Sonic: Like, nooooooooo! I bet your momma is!
Shadow: Black Doom?! Oh now I’m gonna kick your prickty blue @$$ now!!!
Sonic: Don’t go there girlfriend!
Shadow: Let’s see what you got asshole!
Sonic: Bring it on whore!

Shadow: Working with Sonic… Yes… It was so awkward… I mean, he’s so much different in real life…



Sonic: LET’S BLAST THROUGH WITH SONIC SPEED!!!
Director: Cut! You’re done for today Sonic!
Sonic: *sighs* Aaaah…… BLABLABLEEEERGHMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!! *runs away while making funny happy sounds*

Shadow: ……… No more stress pills… for that hedgehog….

Shadow: I understand though… I mean, Sonic’s friends are a bit of… retards… Let’s sum it up… There’s Amy… Who’s in love with a gay hedgehog… Knuckles… Obsessed emerald lover… Tails, the two tailed twat who’s a geek…

If you live for more then 15 years with those idiots, I can understand you turn into one of them… I actually feel sorry for him…



Sonic: …… I’m not gay… How do you expect me to be straight when I have a pink thing around me every time I go somewhere…? It’s not fair! Damn it!!



Rouge: I met Shadow at Eggman’s base! The first time I saw him, I tried making friends with him, but he just ignored me! ………….You think my boobs are too big…?





Knuckles: Shadow……? Meh, he’s not my type…..



*long silence*



Eehm, I mean, yeah… He’s cool…



Shadow: Then… There was Sonic Heroes! Where I actually don’t remember anything…



Rouge: This must be it! I’ve found Eggmans secret treasure!
Shadow: O_o *tapping on glass* YO!! GET ME OUT!!
Rouge: Shadow?! O_o
Omega: Hello! I’ma randomly gonna shoot now!!
Shadow: Watch out!! *pushes Rouge down to the ground*
Rouge: O_o


Shadow: Heh… I remember Casino Park…



Rouge: Casino Park…? Yes… I’ve won big time… I actually became a millionaire until a glitch in the pinball table occurred and I fell a looooong way down… *



*Based on a true event that happened to me….. T_T

Shadow: Aaaanyway… I guess Sonic Heroes was… Ok…



Shadow: Look, it’s that asshole!
Rouge: Wonder what the big rush is all about? Bet ya those guys will end up getting in my way and making trouble!

Knuckles: Hey, isn’t that-
Tails: Sonic!
Knuckles: That’s Shadow you dumb @$$…
Sonic: Yeah, that’s Shadow!
Tails: T_T Sonic: Well look who’s stubborn and full of surprises…
Rouge: Long time no see boys! To bad you had to come all this way for nothing! We’ll take it from here…

Knuckles: What’d you say?!! O_o
Omega: Sensors locked on Eggman. Non-compliant intruders will be eliminated.
Sonic: Didn’t you know?! We have a date with Eggman too!
Shadow: Is that so…? Well then… It’s a date to die for…
Sonic: Hey that’s my line!
Shadow: Hmpf…

*long silence*

Shadow: Well that was pointless, same time tomorrow? Sonic: Yeah sure!

Shadow: Then there was… the ultimate game… Shadow the Hedgehog…
Sonic: *sighs* Again with the Maria thing… Sometimes…. I just wanna throw my shoe at him to shut him up…



Shadow: Yeah… That was the coolest game…



Shadow: What is my purpose…? Who am I…? Why am I here…? And why the hell am I talking to myself when I can go talk to people and investigate about my past…?

Shadow: Then, some tornado opens up… And an… alien… visited me…



Black Doom: Shadow... as you can see, the day of reckoning will soon be here. Find the seven Chaos Emeralds, and bring them to me, as promised...

Shadow: M-…Mommy…? O_o

Rouge: Heh… Shadow had some issues to work out…



Shadow: Damn!! Not here!
Rouge: O_o
Shadow: DAMN!!!!
Rouge: T_T
Shadow: Where’s that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald?!!
Rouge: Eeh… Shadow…? Shadow: DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!! DAMN!!

Rouge: T_T *slaps Shadow*

Sonic: Black Doom even tried manipulating him…



Shadow: OOOOOOOH!! THE AGONY!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!! THE EMO THAT I AM INSIDE OF ME!!

Black Doom: Remember what the humans did to you Shadow…
Shadow: *sees G.U.N soldier picking up candy bar* NOOOOOOOOO!!!1

Black Doom: Why? Why can't you see that the humans are the parasites of this world? Absolute control is the only way to save them. They must be eliminated! So Shadow, open your eyes, and realize, that befriending the humans was a mistake!

Shadow: BUT!! THAT BASTARD TOOK MY CANDY BAR!!
Black Doom: I meant to say that they killed Maria… T_T
Shadow: BUT!!! HE STOLE MY CANDY BAR I LOST 50 YEARS AGO!!!1 >_<
Black Doom: For your own sake, do not fail!! Now, get going!!!
Shadow: But-
Black Doom: You deliberately DISOBEYED me, Shadow!
Shadow: But…-
Black Doom: SILENCE!!1 The ramifications of your disobedience will be severe!
Shadow: But-
Black Doom: YOU’RE FIRED!!!!!
Shadow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sonic: Heh… Poor Shadow… Each and every time things are working against him…



Shadow: Knuckles…? Knuckles: SHADOW!!! THERE’S AN ENEMY BEHIND YOU!!
Shadow: Ehm… ‘k…
Knuckles: *punches alien* Great job Shadow!
Shadow: O_o

Knuckles: Yeah… I enjoyed helping him to remember his past…



Knuckles: *sees candy bar on the ground* Oh! A candy bar!
Shadow: OMGIMGETTINGAFLASHBACK!!!1
Knuckles: …………………
Shadow: OOOOOOH!!! THE AGONY!!
Knuckles: You ok…? *munches candy bar*
Shadow: No…
Knuckles: Want some…? Shadow: No… I’ll just continue saying emo stuff to myself… OOOOOOOOOOOOH THE HORROR THAT IS UNFOLDING BEYONDER MY EYES!! NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE WHAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH!! THE PAIN!! THE SUFFERING!!
Knuckles: O_o
Shadow: Yet the devil is looking in my eyes and smirks down on my agony…

Rouge: Then there was that time where he chaos controlled the Black Comet…



Shadow: CHAOS…… CONTROL!!!!
All: O_o
Shadow: FIRE THE ECLIPSE CANNON!!!

Earth got blown up…



Shadow: Now its time for a beer…
Rouge: YOU IDIOT!!! YOU BLEW UP THE WRONG PLANET!!! THAT WAS EARTH!!!


Shadow: *realizes he’s behind the Space Colony ARK* It was…? Oh…… I’m still gonna have my beer…

Sonic: That game sucked… He almost killed me…



Shadow: Game over Sonic…
Sonic: shoot! I only have 1 life left!!

Rouge: Yeah… That game sucked… Eggman: Totally…

Knuckles: It had its fun parts… But… It sucked… Yeah…

Tails: Horrible game…

Shadow: That game owned! It was the best thing ever since… Sliced bread!



Sonic: But for some reason… He didn’t mentioned Maria anymore…



Maria: SHADOW!!! GO IRON MY SKIRTS!!!
Shadow: Yes mistress!

Shadow: Maria huh…? Nope, never heard of her…



Sonic: Although he FINALLY didn’t mention Maria for once in Sonic Riders…

Rouge: It was a spin-off game…

Shadow: Ready to go! *shows skateboard*
Rouge: T_T *slaps forehead*

Shadow: I finally got to kick each and everyone’s asses…

Rouge: That was cool though…

Sonic: yeah… My attacks sucked though…

Eggman: Heh.. I ate a lot of beans before each race…*



*check out Eggman’s level 3 attack in Sonic Riders… It owns! ^_^

Shadow: We even managed to get our own TV-show… Sonic X…

Sonic: Yeah… It was… Interesting…



Shadow: Its great to finally meet you in person Sonic… It’s uncanny…
Sonic: Imposter!! *jumps on Shadow*
Shadow: What the hell? Heh! I said hell! ^_^
Sonic: O_o
Shadow: What…?
Sonic: You said the H word…
Shadow: OMG!! WE’RE GONNA GET BANNED ON 4KIDS NOW!!! NOOOOOOO!!!

Sonic: That sucked too…

Shadow: Totally…

Rouge: My boobs got shorter in the 4Kids dub… T_T

Shadow: Don’t forget I’m in the new Sonic game on the X-Box 360…

Sonic: AND THERE WILL BE A WII GAME!!! Shadow’s not included though…

Shadow: OOOOOOOH!!! THE PAIN!!! IM NOT STARRING IN THE NEXT GAME!!!



Sonic: It’s just me…



Black Doom: I haven’t seen my son in years!! *cries*

Shadow: So eehm… Thanks for watching this… And could someone tell my mom I’m on the set next to her…? T_T



Director: Cut! That’s a wrap!



Shadow: Finally……



The end! O_o

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