Chapter 28 - The RRTS Real life soap!

Real life soap...



***warning: randomness ahead***



Mobius… Year 3 of the war… As the war continue to rage on, 4 heroic heroes fight for there very existence… As they return to Robotropolis to the HQ of Robotnik, unexpected visitors visit them…



Cyrus: You did good back there!
Blain: No you did!
Tyrone: Aw stop, you make us blush!
All: *giggles*

Then suddenly, bright lights got shined in there faces…



Blain/Jasco/Cyrus/Tyrone: WHOA!!!!
Guy: STATION SQUARE CHANNEL 5 NEWS!! ANY WORDS ON YOUR RECENT CONQUERINGS OF THE REBELS?!!!1

Guy3: ANY IDEA IF ROBOTNIK GIVES UP THE WAR?!!

Guy5: IS IT TRUE YOU GUYS HAD TO FROLIC IN DRESSES SINGING “IM SO PRETTY” ?!!

Guy2: IS IT TRUE THAT A GIANT COOKIE WAS DESTROYING THE CITY?!!

All: …
Guy2: What?!!

Jasco: What the hell is this all about?!
Guy: Smile! You’re on TV!
Jasco: NJUUUUUUUUU!!
Cyrone: Hi mom!
Blain: You don’t have a mom you asshole…
Cyrone: … Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet…

Guy: ANY STATEMENTS?!!! THE REBELS CLAIM THAT THERE GONNA WIN THE WAR!!!

Jasco: Eeh… The rebels are telling you lies. Each day, our forces grow stronger, while we capture resources from the Rebels and- Wait, what is that?

Guy: Nothing, carry on… ^^
Jasco: Eeh, recently, we managed to conquer- Hey, are those subtitles?
Guy: Eeh… No… *shifty eyes*
Jasco: They are aren’t they!?
Blain: Well, maybe it’s for teletext, for deaf people and stuff…
Jasco: Bah, teletext… Wait, say something again!
Blain: I killed 124 people today and didn’t even regret doing it. ^-^
Jasco: HOW COME HE DOESN’T NEED SUBTITLES!!!
Guy: Well maybe he’s comprehensible.
Jasco: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?!! AND I’M NOT?!!1
Guy: No.
Jasco: I SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH!!! *shakes cameraman*
Cameraman: O_o

All: O_o
Jasco: The rac… O_o
All: O_o
Jasco: GAAH!!!! *runs away*
Blain: What he was trying to say is that we’re not giving any comment. Move along.

Guys: Buh-
Blain: MOVE IT!!!

As Blain aims his weapons at the reporters and as they run away in terror, a mysterious figure stands there being mysteriously mysterious…



Guy: Pssssssssssst…

*long silence*

Guy: Pssssssssssssssssssssst…

*long silence*

Guy: Hey…

*long silence*

Guy: Hey!!

*long silence*

Guy: YO!!!

*long silence*

Guy: … FLUFFERNUTZ0RZ!!!!

*long silence*

Blain: Did you say something Cyrus?
Cyrus: Yeah I was wondering where my crossword puzzles went…
Guy: *pokes them*
Blain: EGAD!!!1
Cyrus: GREAT GOOGELY MOOGELY!!!

Guy: O_o
Blain: Behold Cyrus… A foe!
Cyrus: We shall smite down the evil!!
Guy: Eeh, no actually, I was wondering if you guys were interested in a real life soap sitcom…

Blain: Hmm… Let me think about that… Ok I thought about it…
Guy: And…?
Blain: No… -_-‘
Guy: But come on! This is a great way to boost up your reputation! You know the RRTS has a shootty reputation! With this, you can show the people what you do on the job! That your not mindless killing machines created to restore order in a world ruled by a tyrant!

Cyrus: Oh but we are… *evil grin*
Blain: Well, everything is true except for the mindless… Maybe Cyrus is…

Guy: You’ll get praised as heroes!
Blain/Cyrus: ……
Guy: … You’ll get your own action figures and toys merchandise…
Cyrus: Even… RRTS Lunchboxes…?
Blain: Oh hell yeah… I want a Blain Lumchbox...
Guy: Indeed… You’re gonna be a huge hit! Come on! Whaddaya say!?

Blain: I say taco’s…
Cyrus: THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT!!!!
Blain: Let’s do it!
Cyrus: But… Don’t we need to inform Jasco and Tyrone…?
Blain: … Naah…
Cyrus: So what do we have to do…?
Guy: That’s the best thing! Absolutely nothing! Just carry on with your everyday stuff while a camera crew is following you! Once in a while you give a comment and that’s it!

Blain: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet…
Guy: Good. I’ll send a camera crew first thing in the morning.

The next morning… 6:00 hours…



Blain: Jasco…? *pokes Jasco*
Jasco: Mhjuh…
Blain: Dude… *pokes Jasco*
Jasco: Bjuuasdanjanjsndajsmjammjam…
Blain: O_o
Jasco: *giggles*
Blain: JASCO!!!1
Jasco: I SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH FOR frackS SAKE!!!1
Blain: O_O
Jasco: O_o

Blain: Dude, we have a real life soap.
Jasco: For real? Blain: Yeah!
Jasco: Does this mean we get our own toy merchandise…?
Blain: And t-shirts… And lunchboxes… And coffee mugs… And key hangers…
Jasco: Sweet…
Blain: They should have been here by now… Where are they?

Blain walks up to Robotnik to ask where the camera crew is…



Robotnik: Camera crew…? Right there…

He points to a pile of dead bodies being dragged away by droids… After the guy sends in another camera crew, this time not being killed, Blain shows them around…



Blain: Ok, this is the torturecha- I mean happy chamber. Here we ask people what they know and they tell us. Then we’ll give them pie! *opens door*

The guys see 2 captured rebels arguing about something, chained upside down on the wall…



Blain: We have a special tactic to solve these situations…
Crew: O_o
Blain: Now, now fella’s… Easy, what’s going on?
Rebel1: frack YOU!!!!1 YOU BASTARD!!!! YOU SOLD OUT MY FAMILY TO SAVE YOUR @$$!!!1

Rebel2: SO WHAT IF I DID?!!!
Blain: Right… I know a way to solve it… You guys are gonna slap each other silly until one of you cries like a baby. The loser is gotta sing the Robotropolis anthem with a pistol in his mouth! Which kinda sounds like this:

All: O_o
Blain: Ahem *cleans throat* PLULPLUUUUUPLOOOOOOOOP!!! PLLPLLLOORP!!! LOOOOOOOORPOOOOOOOLRP!!1 PLULEEEEEEERKLUUUUULORP!! LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURKOOOOOOOOPEEEEEEEEEEEERP DURUPDUUUUUUUREEEEEEEEEE!!! BWUUUUUUUUUDUUUUUUURUUUDUDUDUDU!!!

All: O_o
Blain: *turns to face camera crew* Yeah we got our own methods of solving problems here.

There walking out of the chamber as they see Jasco entering it. Blain nods and Jasco grins. He entered the chamber and locked the door…



Rebel: NO NO NO NOT THE FACE!!! AAAAAAH1!!

*bashing sounds*

Blain: Don’t worry, there playing hide and seek… And over here, we got-




Day 2…



Jasco: This is the-
All of a sudden, alarms went off…



Jasco: Eeh, don’t worry, it’s our scrambling alert. We get send out. Tyrone gets information and he informs of what the mission is.

So after the mission has been told by Tyrone, the everyone gets ready to move out. The camera crew is following right behind them. It turns out that a small rebel base was discovered in the forest and that the RRTS needed to clear it out.



Jasco: *faces camera* Be quiet guys… Stay behind us at all times…
Cyrus: Jasco, heads up, rebels approaching...
Jasco: Evasive manoeuvres! Get out the suits!

Jasco puts on a mouse suit, Blain snaps some twigs and branches and holds it like a tree, Cyrus puts on a lampshade… And Tyrone covers himself up with dirt.



Jasco: Now we can sneak through…

Rebel: Hey, a camera crew! Hey mom!
Jasco: Crap… I mean, Squeak!
Rebels: O_o
Jasco: Squeak I say! Squeak!
Rebel2: Yaaaaaaaaaay! A mouse!

Rebel: This lampshade is looking rather suspicious… *pulls cord*
Cyrus: Click!
Rebel2: O_o *pulls cord*
Cyrus: Unclick!

Rebel: Hey a tree!
Blain: Woooooooooosh…
Rebel2: I think there intruders…
Rebel: Naah, that’s the wind waving through the branches dumb @$$…

As Tyrone lies in the dirt all covered up with camouflage, taking his aim and ready to fire… He sneezes…



Rebel: IT’S THE RRTS!!!!
Jasco: No we’re not… I mean squeak!

At that point, the rebels got shot by Tyrone.



Jasco: Cyrus, plant the bombs.
Cyrus: Yesh!!

After Cyrus plants the bomb on the building, a massive explosion is heard and a huge gaping hole is in the wall… A guard saw the hole…



Rebel: What was that noise?! *shifty eyes and walks away again*

After they entered, they get an update on there objectives. They need to steal maps of the forest… And a Kit-Kat for Robotnik… As they were advancing, closing in on there objective, a rebel stands there…



Rebel: Patrolling the halls, patrolling the halls… Man! I cant wait to get promoted! Then I can patrol the stairs!

Jasco: Blain, gimme a pickled duck…

Blain gets out a jar of pickled duck…



Jasco: Get ready, fire in the hole...
Cyrus: PICKLED DUCK IN THE HOLE!!!1
Jasco: … *throws jar of pickled duck at rebel’s head*
Rebel: Ouch!
Jasco: He’s stone cold, let’s grab the maps and head back asap.

And so, they returned home safe… With the map… And Kit-Kat… Robotnik was very pleased with the Kit-Kat…



Day 3…



Cyrus: *plays with RRTS action figures* You’re my hero Cyrus!
All: O_o
Cyrus: Ahem, I know Blain! Saving you from that tentacle monster wasn’t easy! All: o_O

All: *giggles*
Cyrus: HEY!!! GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!
Day 4…



Tyrone: *faces camera* Well today we are shooting some commercials for our merchandise, seeing as we were not that busy…

Guy: Everyone ready?
All: Yup.
Guy: Good, when you’re ready… And… ACTION!!!1

Tyrone: Say! Blain!
Blain: Yes my dear friend?
Tyrone: What do you got there?!
Blain: A soldier meal my friend, kept safe in a lunchbox!
Tyrone: A lunchbox?!
Blain: Not just any lunchbox! It’s the all new RRTS Lunchbox!!
Tyrone: Oh boy!! >w<
Blain: …
Tyrone: …
Tyrone/Blain: We can’t be putting this in the fracking commercial can we…?

Guy: CUT!!
Tyrone/Blain: O_o

Day 5…



Cyrus: Hey! Wassup mysterious guy?!
Mysterious guy: Your show got cancelled.
All: O_o
Mysterious guy: Yup…
Jasco: Why?!
Mysterious guy: You’re not as popular as I thought you would be.
All: Oh…
Mysterious guy: So… Later… *runs away*

…………



Jasco: You know… Something bothers me…
All: What?Jasco: We never saw our show on TV…
All: So?
Jasco: That guy could just have been a spy for the rebels to see what we’re up to…

All: Ooooooh…

Tyrone: … Can I still keep the t-shirt…?

Everyone looks at Tyrone wearing a t-shirt saying: “I got shot by the RRTS and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”.



Jasco: Yeah sure…
Cyrus: … I get all the action figures…
Blain: Lunchboxes for me…
Jasco: Keyhangers for me…

And so, one day later, Robotnik lost another strategic location due to the heroic efforts of the RRTS…



End…

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