Chapter 29 - Ask a Ninja...

Ask a Ninja...



Ok, this is a random story collab by Child_Of_The_Feral and MrGimp. There is a show on the internetz0rz called, Ask a Ninja. People get to ask questions to a ninja which he answers in… Very interesting ways… You can watch the shows on YouTube. Anyway, Child_Of_The_Feral and MrGimp thought it would perfectly fit Espio, seeing Espio is a ninja… This story is dedicated to the Chaotix… and COTF because she’s kick @$$… >w<

So… Enjoy…




Espio: Is it on…?
Charmy: No, wait.
Espio: Red light is flashing though.
Vector: I know…
Charmy: It’s running now!
Vector: Charmy you asshat, the cap is still on…
Charmy: Oh! Sorry! Vector: We got vision!
Espio: Vector, make the tunes!

Vector makes music with his mouth while Charmy sings…



Charmy: Well I am ninja, he is ninja, she is ninjaaaaaaaaa toooooooooooo!!! I am ninja, we are ninja, and I believe that you are ninja too!!!!

All: O_o
Charmy: >w<
Espio: …
Charmy: YOU SHOULD BE DANCING ON THAT!!1Espio: O_o
Charmy: *Pokes Espio with stick* DANCE, YOU FOOL, DANCE!!!
Espio: *dogsmacks Charmy*

Vector: Great job homie…

Espio: Welcome to another episode of…. ASK A NINJA!!!1 *dramatic reverb*
All: O_o
Espio: Anyway, on with the letters… *gets out letter*
Espio: Knuckles!! From... Angel Island!! asks: "You seem to get all the ladies, but I can't. How is that?" Knuckles.... I'll tell you why... You're not a ninja... All the girls love ninjas

Charmy: YOU LIE!!!
Espio: SHUT THE HELL UP!! *Sprays Charmy with bug-spray*
Charmy: OH GOD!!! IT BURNS US!!!! *passes out*

Espio: >w<
Vector: Good job Espio…
Espio: Thank you… On to our next letter…

Espio: Sonic!!! From Queerville!!1 asks: “Why do evil villains always laugh so much?” Sonic... Most of the time, villains laugh because someone is nibbling on there foot and it really tickles...

~~~Skip to Bokkun and Eggman~~~

Bokkun: DR EGGMAN!!! I LOVE YOUR TOES!! THEY TASTE SO GOOD!!!11

Eggman: MWUAHAHAHAHAA!!! KISS THEM YOU FOOL!! NOW I SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD!!!1 Heehee, stop that, it tickles! >w<

~~~Back to… “The studio”~~~

Espio: Amy!!!1 From Station Square!!!1 asks: “Dear Espio. Why do ninja’s make so much noise when they fight? There all like: Hiya!! And Whooosha!! And Adoooooooo!!!”

All: O_o
Espio: Ninja’s like having orgasms all the time. It helps them clear there minds and frighten there opponents without ever touching them…

***flashback***



Espio: Beware worthy adversary… For evil shall perish by the hands of the light…
Guy: Foolish mortal! You shall die by the hands of Mogul!!
Espio: Oh shoot… Think happy thoughts… Think… Rouge!! ROUGE!!! OH YEAH!! ROUGE!!!Guy: O_o
Espio: ROUGE AND AMY!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHYAAAAAAAAAA!!! Guy: O_o *faints* ***Flashback ends***

Espio: … Best dream eve- I mean, Here’s another letter…
Vector: Dude… O_o
Espio: Knuckles! From Angel Island! Asks: "Do you know any good porn sites?" Hell yea- I mean uh, YOU PERVERT!!!

Vector: Dude, go to www.echidnahoneys.com. I know, I’m the moderator of the site. I mean-

*phone rings*

Espio: Hello, Ask a Ninja, Espio here, what’s your question?

Knuckles: Yeah eeh, about that site Vector just told… Espio: What about it?
Knuckles: WHY THE HELL IS THERE GALLERIES OF MY MOM ON THAT SITE?!!

Espio: *hangs up* O_o

Charmy: Cream the Rabbit from Knothole village asks: “Dear Espio… How can you build a sandcastle?”

Charmy: Well Cream… When you're building a sandcastle, you just have to have the right sand. Not to wet, not to dry. Just mix it up with sand and it will stick together. After it got stick together, you can then try to-

Espio: THIS IS MY SHOW BIZNATCH!!!1 *kicks Charmy*

Vector: “This letter is for Vector the Gangsta croc”
Espio: O_o
Vector: Oh goodie! >w<
Espio: …
Vector: “Wassup. Look, I got a question. Some asshat rebel tried to kill me last night. I managed to escape and tracked him down. I skilfully killed him by a gun holding a plastic water bottle and a piece of cloth in front of the barrel. However, the bottle made the blood spatter all over the place. So my question is, how do you remove blood stains out of a beige sweater? I loved that sweater, and now it’s ruined… That son of a dog is gonna pay…. Signed: Blain”.

All: O_o
Vector: Eeh, just hot water and a bar of soap would do really.
Espio: Make sure you wash it at 40 degrees.
Charmy: And a lot of happy pills!!
All: O_o
Charmy: *giggles insanely*
Espio: *slaps Charmy again*
Charmy: I like butternutscotch!! >w<
Espio: *slaps Charmy again*
Charmy: Ham salad is for lunch!! >w<
Espio: *dogsmacks him again*
Charmy: Can I get a “Whoot whoot!!”
Espio: *slaps him again*
Charmy: FLUFFERNUTTERS!!!1

Vector: Dude, I think you broke him.

Espio: Right… I guess people don’t get the idea… The show is called… ASK… a Ninja… I!!! am the ninja here… YOU!!! ask questions about Ninja’s!!! to me!!!! Everything you EVER!!! want to know about Ninja’s… I!! answer… Got that?

*phone rings*

Espio: *picks up* Hello, ask a ninja, Espio here!
???: Like, you’re a detective right? Do Ninja’s get fooled easily?
Espio: No, Ninja’s are the ancient detectives gliding silently on a case with 2 katana’s in each hand.

???: But, what about that time in Sonic Heroes, where you had no clue that you were-

Espio: Shut up. *hangs up*

Charmy gives a letter to Espio…



Charmy: This is just in Espio.
Espio: Thank you Charmy…
Charmy: *giggles*
Espio: Charmy!!! From Beehive colony!!! asks: “When do ninja’s acknowledge there bee sidekicks when there doing something good?”

All: O_o
Espio: Aw Charmy… You ARE doing something good…
Charmy: DO I GET A COOKIE NOW?!!1
Espio: No, you get a back hand. *slaps Charmy*

*phone rings*

Espio: Hello, Ask a Ninja, Espio here, what’s you question?
Tails: Hey Espio! Tails here!
Espio: Hey Tails, what’s your question?
Tails: Well, I was wondering… How do Ninja’s defeat there opponents?

Espio: Good question Tails. It involves a lot of self discipline and combat experience… And flashy lights…

***flashback***



Monkey Khan: HA!!1 HAAHAA!!1 HA!!! NOW YOU!! HAHA!! WILL DIE BY THE HANDS OF MY AWESOME NINJA FORCE!!! HA!!! HAA!!!! MEET LING, PING, CHING AND FRANK!!!1

Charmy: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Frank! >w<
Frank: OOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA!!!1
Charmy: EEP!! *throws disco lights at him*
Frank: NJUUUUUUUUUU!!11

Espio: I do not think so… For I am trained in the ancient style of Kickyoass-fu. You shall perish by the hands of light! Behold! For I shall smite down the evil that is raging inside of you… Hell swallow you monkey…

Monkey: Oh great, you made my ninja’s fell asleep of boredom… And gave Frank a seizure…

Frank: ABLAGAAHDRABLAARGHBLAARGH!!11 *rolls around*

***Flashback ends***
Espio: Aah… Anyway, on to the last letter of today! This letter is from Rouge. She asks: “Dear Espio. What weapons do ninja’s use?”

Charmy: HIDE THE STASH SAID THE EVIL PIRATE ZOMBIE AFTER THE BEE TOLD HIM TO-
Espio: *smacks Charmy* Well Rouge… Ninja’s often refers to shurikens or katana swords. Sometimes we like to go on the wild side and use a grenadelauncher… A wise philosopher once said… The art of fighting… Without fighting…

***flashback***


Espio: Give it up my worthy adversary…
Adversary: NEVAH1!!11
Espio: How can you still fight if I chopped your legs and arms of…?
Adversary: *bites Espio*
Espio: HOLYSAINTMARYONATOOTHPICK!!!!1 *blows adversary up with grenadelauncher*

***flashback ends***



Espio: So, I guess that’s it for today folks! Join us next time on… ASK A NINJA!!!!11

Vector: And while you’re at it, don’t forget to visit Espio’s Ninja Emporium! Where you can buy-

*phone rings*

Espio: Hello, Ask a Ninja, Espio here, what’s your question?
Johnson: Eeh, yes this is special agent Johnson of the FBI. Eeh, we recently heard that you blew up some kid with a… M203 grenadelauncher, which is provided by the military forces. Are you aware that this is eeh… Illegal, to have one in your possession sir?

Espio: Look, I told you a million times, he was already dead when I got there!!
Johnson: You have been seen with the victim sir…
.
Espio: he was trying to sell some motherfracking cookies!!! ITS BAD FOR MY KARMA!!! HE KEPT INSISTING AND AFTER I TOLD HIM A MILLION TIMES THAT I DON’T WANT ANY COOKIES, HE SHAT THROUGH MY MAILBOX!!!1

Johnson: Eeh… Yeah… We’ll be keeping an eye on you mr. Espio… Goodnight… *hangs up*
Espio: … Asshole…
All: O_o
Espio: I MEAN, TURN IT OFF~!!11 TURN IT OFF!!1

…….

End… -_-‘

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