Chapter 1 - Untitled

50 ways to know if you are weird/insane/toast



1. If your cat asks you out.

2. If you said yes

3. if the wedding is next week.

4. if your face tastes good with butter (what doesn't?)

5. if you fancie Marlyin Manson and/or Michal Jackson... seriously

6. if you go to the dentists without having to be dragged screaming.

7. you speak german in a french class and vice versa.

8. you use perfect grammer in chatrooms/text messages but use chatspeak in class

9. you're terrified of money spiders but keep a pet tarantula

10. you have three-hour long conversations with your right shoe

11. your best friend is your lightbulb

12. who you distroyed in a freak coffee related incident last week.

13. you hold a massive and expencive funeral for the lightbulb.

14: the only other mourner is your toaster

15. You listen to Shii's song (Wind's Nocturne) for sixteen hours strait

16. People run away from you when they see you drooling

17. People run away from you even when you are not foaming at the mouth

18. you are able to make your relitives cry just by saying hi

19. you share a bed with two elephants, a cow and a tiger

20. If you like the feel of jam being wipped across you with a giant knife

21. it you start to lick the TV screen while its showing big brother.

22. if you live in a cardboard box... that has electric lights

23. if your foot has a map of the london underground on it

24. if the hoover is giving you death threats

25. If you like to be served with beans

26. you think your bed has a crush on you

27. your bed DOES have a crush on you

28. you think the soft toys are breeding in order to create a army to destroy the world's cheese supply

29. but its actually the other way round

30. you have the men in white coat's number on speed dial.

31. you're a regular at the lunatic asylum

32. to save your dog from trouble you eat your own homework

33.you put eye drops in your ear and ear drops in your eye

34. you wear slices of peperoni instead of glasses

35. You follow wind-blown plastic bags around the whole town

36. and then invite them to a movie

37. it turns out the movie is about you following the bags down the highway

38. the popcorn eats you and not the other way around

39. You make peanut butter ice cubes

40. Paint each individual stone on your lawn a slightly different shade of pink

41. Stick stamps all over your body and mail yourself to Taiwann.

42. Write letters of complaints to the liposuction factory.

43. Only to remember you're the manager.

44. You know the "I'm a tasty little llama" song backwards in 6 different languages and in 47 different accents.

45: Lick the fog off the misted up windows

46: Discuss politics with your kitchen sink

47: Eat batteries from your CD-player once they have run-down

48: Chew the wires of the phone

49: then remember the phone is a mobile just as you slice through the main's wire

50: hitting 50 in a '50 ways to' list and forgetting thats it is supposed to be the end

51. You read this list 67.5 and a half times then teach it to everyone you know

52. if your face still tastes good with butter.







All the ones in italics were made by loopsy/laura who doesn't yet have a account here (i think). thanks to her anyway.

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