Nyte's Tale

great story, but i wish the fight scene with the god was a bit longer, because they are trying to kill a god. Awesome story ^-^

yea well when i first wrote it it was a short story and i was already over but i will definately re write it some day but it really isnt much of a surprise more of an ambush but i am working on the most epic of battles ever!!!!

with each of my stories the epicness increases exponentially ( srry for the long geeky word)

arrogance does not go over well among the art and writing community.

Actually I enjoy long geeky words as you call them!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! wow! great story! god...dead...O.o haha! keep up the story! i'd love to hear the rest!

I will be your ctitic ok? ^-^ now then the opening is starting out nicely but as you read down to the dialogue the characters are pretty bland.
I know he is a monk and all but this guy is a huge stranger their should have been a longer talking to the point where I could believe that they may trust each other or if you didn't want that the monk could have been a friend of his father's or something, although you would have to change the speech around quite a bit.
Also after the dialoge it says they became close but how did they become close? Need more detail there. When he summons the guy where did he get that sword and exactly why would this priest decide to help him. I have another question why is it it was that god instead of perhaps a less popular one? What are his reasons behind doing this?

These are some things to consider when making a final draft. But don't worry ^-^ I do enjoy the story so far but I still will be a critic.

Its very good for a rough draft and an opening chapter. I guess I can't really judge the story untill I've read all of it... but it is off to a good start.

thank yea very much

the god got powned, and by such a random word too, wouldnt the god at least put up a fight? i mean, he is a god, could he be killed that easily?

*sigh* ur gonna make me give away part of the third story. but dont worry for now if u really want to know i can pm u

it was pretty good, just a few mistakes in word order

thank u and i will be reworking the whole story someday so it is more on par with the others

alright then, I look forward to it.

Okay I have a few things to say.
1.)Your beginning sentence is okay but I found that if you give a little more detail you might be able to hook readers more.
2.)I liked your choice of wording and you varied your sentences but I found that in a few places you could have been more descriptive.
3.)I found two mistakes;I believe you meant to say "beginning" but you wrote begging on the 23rd line from the top and on the 5th line from the bottom you wrote trough and I think you meant "through".
4.)Finally why did Nyte say "Abrigelnfahigkeit!"? Did he read that in the book? You should say that,adn maybe you can tell some other things that are in the book that he finds.

*One thing is definetly for sure though, you a good writer and if you devlope your skills a little more you'd be an awesome writer! I'd like to hear the rest of this story if you could write more.Let me know what you think of my anology and if you think I helped you could you tell you're friends about me?

well this started out as a essay for english class that had to be under 800 words which i passed i plan on eventually am going to rewrite it and sadly i dont remember what Abrigelnfahigkeit meant but i do remember that it was a few german words mushed together to cut ack on word count but i havent discovered there meaning. wait i think it had something to do with sealing in fire i think but it will be changed once i have rewritten the story ithink most the other things will also be fixed with the rewrite. hopefully

wow.... O.o
very... nice....
*runs away from such scary greatness* *gulp*
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