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Stories

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My first chapter of the book I'm actually into. Ually I dont finish a story, but this time Ive already planned whats going to happen. Any Problems, just tell me because I have to know so I can fix them. Thanks Dudes and Dudetts!
A mouse named Vian is a slave who escaped from a temple. When he escapes others learn of his great achievment. They ask him to help some secret assiints to aid him in bringing down the temple once and for all.