Chapter 1 - fruit of life
Submitted August 25, 2009 Updated March 8, 2011 Status Incomplete | Here are some poems I''ve been working on.
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Chapter 1 - fruit of life
Chapter 1 - fruit of life
Bear the fruit the fruit of life the fruit you cut with a knife by passing day by passing night you cut a piece with your knife when you act when you don't whether you will or you won't that precious fruit that fruit of life will get smaller and smaller you can't fight don't waste a piece of that fruit of life i can see it now the ends in sight so now is my turn on this night to cut my last piece of my fruit of life.
O
the pit
O
the pit
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ShadowMagic on October 18, 2010, 4:42:54 PM
ShadowMagic on
liggybird on December 19, 2009, 7:23:59 PM
liggybird on
I think it's very effective to have this as a long, unpunctuated sentence Viddax. Doing it that way, for me, emphasises the impression of time's 'unstoppability'. Lovely strong opening. I also like the (irregular?) way you shift from one rhyme to the next. Very poignant ending.
got to love the ol' guy, this guy inspired me to keep writing even when things went to hell for me.
True words of wisdom <3 I am still writing a story with him to this day.
My comment on this piece:
as i read this i kind of pictured this with a rhythmic song. sharp and fast motion. Gaaa i wish i could explain myself better....i can only do it better with pictures... well in short i like this very much. <3
keep on writing ^3^