G.I.A: Terra's Story

Hey, I fixed this chapter up on word. How can I send it to you?

2nd chapter

wow you guys are all so nice and helpful i think im goinf=g to cry -'.'-

oh my gosh! thats so sad...but its a crazy good story^__^

thats what i thought but i found it really hard to split up as the text box is a different size to the one you read it in but i'll try again, plus my grammer isn't exactly the best but i will do my best to change it, please carry on critisizing my work because it will help me improve it :)thanks

I like it :D Very interesting. Nice set up, good descriptions. A couple of things though: number one, text walls are bad. Very very bad. The story is great so far, but having it all together instead of split up into paragraphs makes it look intimidating to read and feel unorganized while you're reading it. Plus once you get chapters long enough to need to scroll it's really hard to do that and keep up with your spot. I also really like the way you say things, but I don't think you're punctuating it as well as you could to really show that off. You have a lot of run-on sentences that would make perfect sense if you had dashes in there and made some of them rhetorical fragments, etc. Without changing any of the words, your first paragraph should be something like this:

Let's see. My story began in a cold, white, yet blood-drizzled cell in the shape of a cube with exactly one hundred and forty-seven tiles and a one way glass mirror. You end up knowing this when you’ve spent most of your life there. After all, I used to call it home -- well ever since I was thirteen.

See? The punctuation's just kind of out of place. *sigh* I'm sorry I probably sound really picky (which I am, I guess) but I honestly really do like the story a whole lot and I think this would help ^^

Thanks

very awsome!