Chapter 5 - Attack of Rabid Clone!

Silver: Hiya Peeps! Here's the next chapter! Ummmm, that's all I can really think of to say right now...ummmm...wait! I remember what I was supposed to say! In this chapter, whenever Marik says EVIL, it's supposed to be in big bold letters but the font on this site doesn't do anything fancy like that so just bear with it and just imagine it, okay? Okay! On with the show!


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Back to the show…

Sephy: Really?

Seto: No…*whispers* I wish though…

Yami: 0.o Dude, we heard that you know.

Seto: Did you just call me "dude?"

Yami: Yes…

Marik: Ugh! WHAT A BUNCH OF MORONS.

Seto: *stands up* WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, LEPRECHAUN BOY?

Marik: *stands up too* I SAID THAT YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC IDIOT I’VE EVER SEEN!

Cloud: *shouts from the audience* Oh yeah? Well, what about him? *Points to Riku who is currently wearing a football helmet, knee-pads, elbow-pads, pillows tied around his stomach and back, and holding a baseball bat so he’s well prepared for anymore possible chestnut attacks.*

Marik: Oh yeah. I forgot about him. Well, anyway…YOU ARE THE SECOND MOST PATHETIC IDIOT THAT I’VE EVER SEEN! OH AND YOU'RE A (BEEP)

Audience: GASP!

Sephy: That was random. What was that for?

Marik: I don’t know. I haven’t said any swears in those last insults and it just doesn’t feel right without them.

Sephy: Oh…

Seto: Makes sense. Uh anyway…GIMMIE THAT EGYPTION GOD CARD! *lunges for Marik*

Marik: BRING IT (BEEP) ON! (BEEP) *Marik and Kaiba get into a huge fist fight*

Audience: *now really excited* NOW THIS IS WHAT WE CAME FOR! SEPHY, SEPHY!

Yami: *turns to Sephy* Aren’t you going to try and stop them?

Sephy: No way! Can you imagine how high are ratings will go now?

Yami: Well, first of all, if Marik and Kaiba kill each other then there’s no one else to interview and therefore no show. And second, the only people watching this are the other guys in the audience and Silver. Speaking of which, she’s been surprisingly quiet for a while. I wonder if she’s up to something.

Meanwhile…

Silver: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, this plan is so awesome! Hee, hee, hee! I’m such a genius. And when Crazy Dragon comes back with the rabid leprechaun, the fun will begin!

CD: *flies in* I’m back Miss Silverwolf!

Silver: Oh CD! Perfect timing! Did you get what I need?

CD: You bet! *flies into the next room and returns with a small heavily-chained crate that’s shaking violently and spewing yucky white foam from the *

Silver: YAY! Now that we have the rabid Lucky Charms Leprechaun, we can move onto Phase 2 of our plan. Crazy Dragon!

CD: Yes Miss?

Silver: Fetch me a piece of Marik!

CD: Pardon?

Silver: You heard me! Get me a little bit of Marik. It doesn’t have to be much. Just a single hair will do. *looks at the T.V which has now gotten to when Kaiba and Marik fight* It shouldn’t be too hard now. So go and get a piece of Marik!

CD: Aye, Aye Miss! *flies into the heating vent leading to the Guys’ Room*
Back to the show…

Marik and Seto: *still beating the living crud out of each other*

Audience: SEPHY, SEPHY!

Sephy: ALL RIGHT! THAT’S ENOUGH! *casts a spell to stop them in their tracks* Now, I love brutal, y fights as much as the next guy but we need to move on and talk a bit more. And then you can fight again!

Marik and Seto: All right…*sit back down, throwing dirty looks and some choice words at each other*

Sephy: Now Kaiba, why do you want to obtain these Egyptian God Cards?

Seto: Because owning Egyptian God Cards means having a lot of power and respect and I love power and respect. Besides, he isn’t using it anymore now that Yugi’s beaten him.

Sephy: That’s true. Marik, why don’t you just let Kaiba have your Egyptian God Card since your not using it anymore?

Marik: I’ll tell you why. YOU’RE NOT EVIL ENOUGH TO HANDLE MY EGYPTIAN GOD CARD!

Seto: NOT EVIL ENOUGH?!

Marik: THAT’S RIGHT. YOUR QUATSISE EVIL! YOU’RE SEMI-EVIL! YOU’RE THE MARGIRINE OF EVIL! YOU’RE THE DIET COKE OF EVIL! ONE CALORIE, NOT EVEN ENOUGH!

Seto: GRRRRRRR. I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S EVIL!

MARIK: IT’S EVIL! SEE?! YOU CAN’T EVEN SAY IT EVIL RIGHT!

SETO: THAT’S IT! *lunges for Marik, again and they get into another y fight, again*

Sephy: Well, there they go again.

Yami: So how long do plan on letting them fight now?

Sephy: You know right now, I couldn’t care less about this show or them. So how does letting them fight until they kill each other sound?

Yami: Hey, as long as they’re both out of my hair then, it’s fine for me.

Audience: SEPHY, SEPHY, CHESTNUTS! (Three guesses on who that was and the first two don’t count!)

CD: *flies quietly out of the heating vent* Okay, now how can I get a piece of Marik? His hair’s covered with that bald-skin wig so that won’t work. I guess I’ll just have to wait till Kaiba resorts to biting Marik and making him bleed.

Seto: *punching Marik in the face* IS…THIS…EVIL…ENOUGH…FOR YOU?

Marik: IT’S…EVIL!

Seto: *punches Marik in the mouth and causes a y tooth to fly from his mouth and land near the audience*

CD: Or that will work! ^_^ *flies down unnoticed to the y tooth and puts it into a little plastic baggy and then flies back to the heating vent*

Riku: *sees Crazy Dragon flying back into the heating vent* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! EVIL FLYING BLACK CHESTNUTS! MUST…DESTROY…CHESTNUTS!!! *starts swinging the bat around aimlessly like a mad man*

Cloud: Hey, shut up! I can’t hear their shouts of y pain! OW! *Riku ally hits Cloud up-side the head with the bat* OH THAT’S IT! YOU ARE SO !*starts to beat the y heck out of Riku*

Yami: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s try to have only one fight on this show!

Sephy: Ah, let them fight. Who knows? Maybe Cloud will finally rid us of that chestnut-phobic psycho.

Yami: True, but we can only hope.

Seto and Marik: *start to get into a regular gang like fist fight*

Seto: TRY BLOCKING THIS YOU DR. EVIL WANNABE!!! *lifts Marik high into the air and throws him into the wall the heating vent Crazy Dragon in on*

CD: *drops the baggy which somehow opens and lets the y tooth roll back near the audience* Oh that’s just great! *flies back down to the audience where Cloud is still beating the snot out of Riku*

Cloud: *now repeatedly pounding Riku’s head in with the bat* SO ARE THE CHESTNUTS STILL ATTACKING RIKU?! ARE THEY?! WELL LEMME TELL YOU! YOU’RE ABOUT TO HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A LOT…MORE…THAN…CHESTNUTS! *hits Riku in the mouth which causes a y tooth to fly and land conveniently next to Mariks y tooth*

CD: Oh man! Which tooth is which? *thinks hard* Oh what am I worrying about. This is Miss Silver. She won’t care who’s DNA she’s got so long as it’ll cause major destruction and chaos for these guys! *takes a tooth and flies off into the vent*

Meanwhile…

Silver: *pacing around the room* Man! What’s taking CD so long? I mean, how hard is it to get some DNA of an Egyptian psycho?

CD: *flies in* I’m back Miss Silver and I’ve brought some DNA but I should warn you-

Silver: Not now CD! Quick! To the cloning/transmorgifier machine! *marches into the cloning/transmorgifier machine room*

CD: But Miss Silver-

Silver: Save it CD! We have a lot of work to do. Now, put the piece of Marik into that little slot that says "Please Insert Piece of People."

CD: But…*sighs in frustration* Yes Miss Silver. *puts the y tooth into the little slot*

Silver: Excellent. I had the Kitsunes put the rabid Lucky Charms leprechaun in the machine’s chamber so all I have to do is select "Single Clone" or "Massive Clone Army." Hmmmmm, I think one will be enough so I’ll just press this button! *pushes the "Single Clone" button

C/T Machine: *sirens go off as it shakes more and more violently until a little bell goes DING! Then, the doors slowly open with a ton of smoke pouring out*

Silver and CD: Ohhhhhhhh…GASP!

C/T Machine: *doors fully open and the smoke clears to reveal a rabid chibi…Riku?*

Silver: RIKU?! Why the heck is a little Riku standing there and not a little Marik? Crazy Dragon…*throws a really peeved look at CD*

CD: Well, *tells the story of him dropping Marik’s tooth and Cloud and Riku fighting too and Riku’s tooth landing next to Marik’s tooth* But I figured that a little Riku will probably cause just as much or maybe even more chaos than a little Marik!

Silver: True, true. All right, you’re off the hook CD. Who knows, maybe he will be more useful than a chibi Marik. Now let’s see if we can train him. *shouts to the mini-Riku* MINI-RIKU, COME HERE!

M. Riku: *runs up to Silver* CHESTNUTS!

Silver: Whoa, he’s a loud one isn’t he? Let’s see if we can teach him how to attack! *brings out a picture of Seto, Yami, and Marik* See these Mini-Riku? Those are chestnuts and we know what we do to chestnuts right? We attack them, right Mini-Riku?

M. Riku: CHESTNUTS!!! *tears up the picture into little itty-bitty pieces and then eats them* GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…CHESTNUTS!!! *starts foaming at the mouth*

Silver: Wow! He learns fast! He’ll be perfect for causing mass destruction in the Guys’ Room! Now for one last test. *pulls out a life-size statue of Cloud* What do we do to this Mini-Riku?

M. Riku: *pulls out a bat out of no where and starts slamming the bat onto the Cloud statue’s nuts until there’s nothing there but a huge hole* CHESTNUTS! CHESTNUTS! CHESTNUTS!

CD: Is that all he can say?

Silver: Must be a defect. No matter! Let’s set him lose into the Guys’ Room and see what happens!

CD: Yay Chaos! *scoops up Mini-Riku into a very large butterfly net and throws him into the heating vent*

Back to the show…

Marik and Seto: *still beating punching each other’s brains out*

Yami: How long have they been fighting?

Sephy: *Yawns* I dunno. About an hour maybe? Want me to stop them?

Yami: Nah, I was just curious.

Cloud: *still beating Riku with the bat* YOU…STUPID…CHESTNUT…PSYCHO!

Hiei: *punches Kurama*

Kurama: OW! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

Hiei: I dunno. I was kind of feeling left out.

M. Riku: *falls through the heating vent and crashes into Hiei*

Hiei: WHAT THE HECK?! GET OFF ME YOU CHESTNUT-PHOBIC MORON! *shoves Mini-Riku off of him* Hey, since when was he so short?

M. Riku: CHESNUTS! *kicks Hiei in the nuts*

Hiei: Eep! *falls over clutching his nuts in pain*

Kurama: Hiei! Are you okay?

Hiei: Oh gee Kurama, I don’t know, I just got kicked in the nuts by a chibi version of that chestnut-phobic idiot. DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU?!

Kurama: No, not really. ^_^;

Hiei: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…*gets ready to punch Kurama*

M. Riku: CHESTNUTS! *bites Hiei in the nuts*

Hiei: AGHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HECK?! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! KURAMA WHAT ARE DOING JUST STANDING AROUND?! I HAVE A FRIGGIN’ MIDGET RIKU BITING OFF MY NUTS! I COULD USE SOME HELP HERE! *tries to pull off Mini Riku but winces in pain due to Mini Riku’s strong bite* OW! DANG IT KURAMA! HELP ME OUT HERE!

Kurama: O.o: Uh, w-well I would help but, um…well you see, um…*talks really fast* I have to go help out Sephiroth and Yami with the show so sorry Hiei! I must go now! *runs like heck*

Sephy: *Yawn* I’m bored now. *looks towards Yami* Can I destroy them now?

Yami: *sleeping*

Sephy: *takes out his sword and smirks* I think I’ll take that as a "yes." *Raises his sword high in the air, ready to finish off Seto and Marik*

Kurama: SEPHIROTH!

Sephy: *groans and puts down his sword* What is it? Can’t you see I was just about to have some fun.

Kurama: Well, I’m very sorry but we kind of have a problem with a Mini-Riku and Hiei’s nuts and well…

Sephy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Look, I know you two feel a bit left out from not being on the show but please keep you and Hiei’s disturbing es to yourselves until the next show!

Kurama: No, no, it’s not at all like that!

Sephy: Then what are you trying to say?

Kurama: Somehow a Mini-Riku arrived and immediately attacked Hiei by kicking him in the nuts and then biting him…

Sephy:…In the nuts? -_-;

Kurama: -_-; Yep…

Sephy: *looks back to the stage where Seto and Marik are still beating each other, Yami and Marth are sleeping, and Link, the camera-man (bet you were wondering what happened to him) is reading a Teen People magazine* I guess I could leave the set for a minute. Let’s go!

Kurama: Right! *goes with Sephiroth to help Hiei and his little *snicker* problem*

Hiei: *still struggling to pull Mini-Riku off his nuts* GET…OFF…YOU…LITTLE…OW! HEY, DON’T BITE HARDER, YOU-OWWWWWWWWW! DANG, HOW THE *@&#@&#*$ IS THIS RUNT BITING SO @*^*$#&@*&#*@&# HARD?! OW!

Sephy and Kurama: *watching Hiei and his *snicker* dilemma* O.o

Sephy: Wow, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but, I actually feel sorry for him. I mean, that’s probably going to mess him up for life not mention, this ruins his chances of a nice exciting love life.

Hiei: ARE YOU TWO…OW… GOING TO JUST…OW… STAND THERE OR…OW…WHAT?!

Sephy: Keep your bandanna on! *cast a spell that removes Mini-Riku from Hiei’s, well, um…you get the idea now, right?*

M. Riku: CHESTNUTS!

Sephy: Well, it’s definitely a clone of Riku all right.

Kurama: But where did it come from?

Hiei and Sephy: Silver, who else?

Hiei: But why would Silver send a Mini-Riku in here?

Kurama: Hiei I’m surprised! You should know by now that Silver’s whole purpose in this world is to make our lives a living heck! So obviously, this thing must be a threat in some way.

Sephy: But what kind of threat?

M. Riku: CHEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSTNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTSSSSSSS* Starts to foam at the mouth and stare at them with a very crazy and rather hungry look in its eyes*

Hiei, Kurama, and Sephy: O.O *twitch* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *all three of them run into the closet to hide*

M. Riku: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CHESTNUTS! *Looks around the room for his next victims*

Cloud: *Still beating Riku relentlessly with a bat* DIE YOU SICK, PSHYCO-PATH CHESTNUT…FREAK!

M. Riku: *Sees Cloud and the bat and immediately remembers his "training"* CHEEEEEEEESSSSSSSTNUUUUUUTSSSSSS…*walks towards Cloud, slightly foaming at the mouth*

Cloud: *Still beating poor Riku to with a bat* AND…THIS…IS…FOR…BEING…SUCH…A…*sees Mini-Riku* What the heck is this? *bends down to get a closer look at Mini-Riku* You look just like that chestnut freak, I just beat to with a bat. Wow, your small. Are you his clone or something or…

M. Riku: *not listening to Cloud, instead, he’s staring at the bat in Clouds hands and looking down at Cloud's...ermmm...package. Then, his eyes glow green again!* CHEEEEEEESSSSSSSTNUUUUUUUTSSSSSSS…

Cloud: Huh? What’s wrong with you? Hn, you’re no different then your bigger self. Your just lucky that I don’t believe in beating anything smaller than 3 feet. Otherwise…hey, are you all right?

M. Riku: CHESTNUTS! *yanks the bat out of Cloud’s hands and whacks Cloud in the nuts with as much force as possible* CHESTNUTS, CHESTNUTS, CHESTNUTS! *Keeps smashing Cloud’s nuts with the bat until he assumes that Cloud has nothing there now but a big hole and goes off to find Marik, Yami, and Seto* CHESSSSSSTNUUUUUUUUUTSSSSSSS…

To Be Continued…?

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