Chapter 18 - "Kaiba's Roasting On an Open Fire!"

Silver: Hey Peeps! I'm back and with a new chapter! ^-^ Uh...*Looks around nervously* that's really all I think of to say at the moment so um...*Gets a blank look on her face*...Line?

Hiei (From backstage): *Slaps his forehead* Oh my God! *Walks up to Silver and whacks her upside the head with his clipboard* "ON WITH THE SHOW!" YOUR LINE IS "ON WITH THE SHOW!" IS THAT TOO HARD FOR YOU TO REMEMBER?! IS IT TOO HARD FOR YOUR SMALL WOLF YOUKAI BRAIN TO COMPREHEND? *Stomps off backstage and then throws his arms in the air* God!

Silver: *Rubs the back of her neck where Hiei hit her* Ow...geez! *Lightens up* Heh, heh...he thinks he's so smart because he's directing this chapter but he doesn't know about the special surprise announcement I have for when this chapter ends that niether him or the readers know about! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Link (Who's running the camera): Um...Silver?

Silver: HAHAHA-What Link? Can't you see that I'm in the middle of my Evil Genius laugh?

Link: Yeah, I know but...the camera's still on.

Silver: *Face drops* You mean that I...

Link: *Nods* Uh huh. Your special surprise was just...H-hey Silver! D-d-don't give me that look! I-I-It's not m-my fault that you...um...I-I-I'm sure that when H-H-Hiei is i-in a b-b-b-better mood we can...HEY! PUT DOWN THAT CHAIN SAW, SILVER! PLEASE SILVER! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

And thus the camera convienietly falls off its stand and shows a bunch of static as Silver tries to kill Link.

Kurama: *Picks up the camera and turns it on so you can only see his beautiful mug on the camera* So, um...on with the show? ^-^;;
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Meanwhile…

Riku: WHERE ARE THE SACRIFICES? I DEMAND THAT YOU COME OUT OF THE DRESSING HUT…NOW!!! *Grabs Sephy’s flame-thrower and sets the Dressing Hut (that Kaiba and Marik are in) on fire*

Kaiba: *Runs out like a bat outta heck with his tush on fire* OW! FRICKIN’ A! THAT’S HOT! *Starts patting his butt and tries to blow out the fire but his hands get burned instead* OW!

Riku: Ugh! *Rolls his eyes in annoyance and points to a nearby Riku clone* YOU THERE!

M. Clone: DOOM!

Riku: Help him put out that fire. *Chuckles evilly to himself* Wouldn’t want his new dress to get ruined now do we?

Kaiba: GRRRRRRRRR…*Punches out the clone that tries to put out the fire and instead, puts it out himself with the bucket of water the clone brought*

Riku: Awwww…what’s the matter Kaiba? Don’t you like your new wardrobe?

Kaiba: Like it…LIKE IT?! *Starts blushing furiously as he stands there, wearing a skanky, skin-tight mini-skirt with a sparkly pink-sequined tank-top and finally, he has knee-high high-heel boots and long white gloves to top it all off*…I IT!!!

Riku: *Leans back in his throne, not really caring* Yeah, well, that’s how the humiliation is supposed to work and as soon as your annoying, screechy friend comes out, *Smiles evilly* the fun will begin. *Looks around* Speaking of which, where the heck is he?

M. Riku: *Runs up to Riku and whispers something in his ear*

Riku: What?! You’re sure?

M. Riku: *Nods quickly and runs off*

Riku: *Sighs in frustration and yells* BOB THE 67TH!!!

Kaiba: *Looks confused* Huh?

Different M. Riku: *Gets pushed to Riku by the other clones and has a shameful look on his face*

Riku: Did you do what I think you just did? Tell the truth now, I won’t hurt you.

Bob the 67th: *Smiles in relief*

Riku: But your brothers and sisters will.

Kaiba: *Jaw drops* SISTERS?!

Riku: *Turns to Kaiba* It’s a long story of puberty, changes, and health class. Now, you don’t want to hear it, do you?

Kaiba: *Shakes his head so much it looks like its going to fall off* NO, NO, NO!

Riku: Okay! I’ll tell you!

Kaiba: What?! B-But I just said no!

Riku: Yeah, I heard you. You want to hear the story!

Kaiba: No I don’t.

Riku: Yes you do.

Kaiba: No I don’t.

Riku: Yes you do.

Kaiba: No I don’t.

Riku: No you don’t.

Kaiba: *Gets really mad and shouts* YES I FRICKIN’ DO, OKAY?! *Gasps as he realizes that he just fell for the oldest trick in the frickin’ book and then slaps his forehead a few times* Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Riku: HEY! SHUT UP AND LISTEN! *Ahem* It all began when I was 13 and getting these funny feelings in my tummy and getting hair where there wasn’t hair and…

Three and a half hours later…

Riku: …and that’ s basically why there are also some male-looking, female clones of me.

Kaiba: *Jaw literally dropped to the ground, shaking all over, and his right eye twitches once in a while*

Riku: *Rolls his eyes and claps twice*

M. Clone: *Walks up to Kaiba and punches him in the shoulder*

Kaiba: *Screams y * AH! THE WRONGNESS! THE SHEER INHUMAN WRONGNESS OF IT ALL!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

M. Clone: *Kicks Kaiba in the balls*

Kaiba: OW! *Doubles over in pain and clutches his balls lightly and squeaks out* T-Thanks.

M. Clone: *Just gives Kaiba the finger and walks off*

Kaiba: *Looks up at Riku* So, what happened to Marik?

Riku: I was just getting to that. YOU THERE! *Points to Bob the 67th* Spit it out.

Kaiba: *Confused look dawns on his face*

Bob the 67th: *Shakes his head*

Riku: Now Bob the 67th…we can either do this the easy way…or…*Pulls out a spork from underneath his throne*…we can do this the hard way. *Brandishes the spork threateningly*


Bob the 67th: *Gets a scared look on his face and immediately vomits up a mangled, cross-dressed Marik*

Kaiba: *Looks away in disgust* Ugh…so gross and...wrong! *Bends over and vomits*

Marik: *Twitches*

Kaiba: *Thinks as he wipes his mouth* Well, at least he’s alive. I’m not about to go into that sacrificial pot first.

Riku: *Pokes Marik with a pointy stick*

Marik: *Twitches again*

Riku: Well, it seems that he’s alive! But just to be sure…*Pokes Marik again and laughs stupidly* Heh, heh…*Pokes Marik again and again and again*

Kaiba: *Gets annoyed* I’m pretty sure that he’s alive Marik.

Riku: SILENCE! This is fun so I command all of my subjects to grab a pointy stick and poke Kaiba and Marik until they fall into the Sacrificial Pot of DOOM!

M. Rikus: DOOOOOM!!! *Grab their own pointy stick and start herding Kaiba into the pot like cattle and stop just when he reaches the edge*

Bob the 67th: *Runs up with Marik’s burnt-up, vomit-smelling, and very twitchy body and places it next to Kaiba* DOOM! *Pokes Kaiba with a pointy stick and runs back into the crowd*

Kaiba: *Slowly backs towards the edge until he almost slips off the edge* Whoa! *Looks down and behind him warily and gulps* Guess this is it…

M. Rikus: *Brandish their pointy sticks in the air and shout* DOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Kaiba: Goodbye cruel world…*Takes one last dramatic step to the edge of the pot and then…grabs Marik’s body and throws it at the Riku clones* NOW! ATTACK!!!

Hiei/Sephy Clones: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGE!!! *Jump over the walls of the village and begin attacking the Riku clones*

Riku: *Stands up in shock and fury* WHAT’S THIS?!

Kaiba: *Looks down at Riku and smirks* Stupid freak…did you really this I was going to go down so easily?

Riku: B-But the army…how did you…?

Kaiba: I tossed a card out the hole in the Dressing Hut. It had an S.O.S message written on it. I received a reply from these little guys, *Makes a head gesture towards the attacking Hiei/Sephy clones* and I knew that I had nothing to worry about!

Riku: GRRRRRRRRRRR…NO MATTER! *Turns to the Riku clones* BOBS NUMBER 1 THROUGH 179! SHOW NO MERCY!!!

Bobs Number 1-179: DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! *Foam at the mouth and charge at the Hiei/ Sephy clones*

Kaiba: *Stands looking all proud and then realizes that he’s right in the middle of the y battle* Oh shoot! *Weaves his way in and out through the fighting crowds and finally manages to escape the Village of the Rabid Mini Riku Clones* I wonder if I should go back for Marik? *Looks back at the burning exploding village*

M. Riku: *Falls down from the sky* Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *Crashes down next to Kaiba twitching, burning, and headless.

Kaiba: *Says in a slightly squeaky, scared voice* Well, Marik’s a big boy now and shouldn’t need my help. Besides, I should probably try to find Kurama and that Turn-Coat, Yami. *Growls at the mention of Yami’s name* God I him…*Walks off to find the others or at least a small hiding place to cry in*

Meanwhile:

Kurama: Errrrr-RHA! *Whacks another head off another Mini Riku*

Marth: Grrrr…YHAAA! *Does a fancy spin attack to take off the heads of about five clones* God, don’t these things know how to quit?

Link: *Grunts and bashes an attacking clone’s head in* I dunno but right now…*brutally smashes the heads of a pair of clones* it seems like they never end! I mean…*beats down another clone* how many did the original Riku sic on us?!

Cloud: *Silently hits off the heads of a bunch of Riku clones* I don’t know but…*Attacks a nearby clone* don’t give up now! *Grunts as he slams the head of another clone clean off* There’s hope for us yet!

Kurama: *Thinks as he continues attacking with Yami the Baseball Bat* I’m afraid hoping just won’t be enough. *Sighs sadly as he takes off the head of a clone and thinks* We’re going to need a miracle…that or an entire army of good non-rabid clones made from the two most powerful men in the room…and they should probably all have baseball bats as well! *Growls as he defeats another dozen clones and thinks* But what are the chances of-*Gasps*

M. Riku: *Comes up from behind Kurama and stabs him in the back of his leg with Marik’s switchblade that was just lying around on the now-obliterated Sephy Springer set*

Kurama: Ahhhhhhhh! *Drops Yami the Baseball Bat and clutches his leg in pain*

Marth: *Sees what happened* KURAMA! *Runs over to help but a pack of clones crowd around Marth, forcing him to fight them first*

M. Riku that attacked Kurama: *Raises the switchblade high in the air and prepares to make the final blow* DOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Kurama: *Thinks* No! This can’t be-

M. Riku: *Thrusts his blade down but as soon as the blade just reaches Kurama’s flesh, the Riku clone has his head whacked off by everyone’s favorite Hiei/Sephy clone…George!*

Kurama: Wha-* Looks up at George who’s arming his baseball bat and beaming at Kurama*

George: Hi Unki Kurami!

Kurama: I-I’m sorry…do I know you?

George: Nope! I’m a clone of my daddy, Hiei and my mommy, Sephyroth. But my Auntie Silver told me that you’re Daddy’s best friend so you’re my Unki! Unki Kurami! ^-^

Kurama: *Smiles at George* Well, that’s interesting but don’t you mean, "Uncle Kurama?"

George: That’s what I said! Unki Kurami!

Kurama: *Decides to drop the subject and tries to get up but falls down, clutching his leg* Ah…my leg! But…I gotta fight! *Tries again and fails again* Ow…

George: *Gets a concerned look on his face as he walks up to Kurama* *Gasp!* You’re hurt Unki Kurami! You can’t fight like this!

Kurama: No, I-I’m fine, really you don’t have-

George: *Tries to check Kurama’s wound* My Daddy say that if you’re injured, you should turn back and fight another day.

Kurama: Strange…that doesn’t sound like Hiei.

George: *Looks up at Kurama* He also said that that’s the human way of fighting and the true way of fighting is stop frickin’ whining and get your arse back in the fight until your head is cut off or you die. Whichever one comes first, he says.

Kurama: *Chuckles lightly* Now that sounds like Hiei. Ow…*Rubs his wounded leg in pain*

George: Don’t move Unki Kurami! I’ll help you! *Shouts across the battlefield* HEY GEORGE THE 29th AND 35th!!!

George the 29th and George the 35th: *Both kill one last Riku clone and rush over to George*

George the 29th: What’s wrong Brother?

George: Unki Kurami’s hurt!

Both Georges: *Gasp!*

George the 35th: What should we do?

George: Do you think you two can take Unki Kurami to Auntie Silver’s and Hiei’s room?

George the 29th: Sure! *Grabs Kurama by the arms*

George the 35th: No pro- *stops and thinks hard* prob- *thinks hard again* problem! That’s it! No problem! *Carefully grabs Kurama’s legs and helps George the 29th carry Kurama into the heating vent*

George: Now that that’s settled…*Gets ready to get back in the fight but realizes that that last Riku clone was pretty hard-headed and broke his bat* Oh man! What am going to…*Looks down and sees Yami the Baseball Bat*…do? *Pick up Yami the B.B* This bat has funny hair but it’ll do. YHAAAAAAAA!!! *Charges into battle, Yami the B.B in hand*

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Silver: Well, I to say it Peeps but that's all I was able to type at the moment sooo...um...*Looks nervously backstage*...Line?

Hiei: *Slaps his forehead* TELL THEM ABOUT THE STUPID SECRET SURPRISE! *Throws his clipboard at Silver*

Silver: Ahhhh! *Ducks down to dodge the flying clipboard so instead of hitting Silver, the clipboard smashes into the camera and causes it to explode*

Camera: *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

*Static is shown for the next five minutes*

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*Static (there's actually a point to this...well, not really, I'm just takin' up space. ^-^ *Gets hit in the head by a rock from some random, annoyed reader*)*

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*Blackness (Oooooh! A change! ^-^ *Gets hit with a rock again*)*

*Blackness*

Kurama: *Voice is heard from the blackness* Okay, I think I almost have it set up and...*Camera flashes for a sec and then shows Kurama's pretty face (which has a bandage on his forehead and over his left eye) in front of the camera* there! *Turns to the others* It's all set now!

Everyone: *Who are all injured in some way or form from the explosion just groan in pain*

Link: *Rubbing his torn up knee with alcohal as he says sarcastically* Yippie...

Marth: *Tries to fix his hair back to its blue perfection* I didn't think that cameras could explode like that.

Kaiba: *Grabs a bottle of asprin, takes two out, chews them without any water, swallows them bitterly and responds* They don't...appartently, Silver and Hiei were having fun with es again!

Silver: *Has one ear drooping down, a bandage covering her eye, and her tail has become one big wagging bandage* Hey! How was I supposed to know that plastic es were so powerful?! Me and Hiei were just trying to blow Marik into oblivion. Which, might I add, that we did. Look! *Points to a pair of teddy bear boxers that are all that remains of Marik*

Everyone: *Rolls their eyes*

Hiei: OW! *Looks down at Silver, who at the moment, is wrapping bandages around Hiei's chest* Must you do that?

Silver: To keep you from bleeding all over the place...yes! So hold your arse, 'kay? *Continues wrapping the bandages* Besides, I'm...almost...done! ^-^ You're all set, Hiei!

Hiei: Well, now that that's settled. *Stands up* Let's continue from where we left off.

Everyone: *Looks up* WHAT?!

Kaiba: You expect us to work with these injuries?!

Marth: Forget it!

Link: You're over-working us Hiei!

Yami: We want a break!

Hiei: But we're supposed to-

Link: No more work!

Hiei: Look, will you all just-

Marth: Hiei's a jerk!

Hiei: *Now really P.Oed* WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?! *Grabs Marth by the collar of his shirt*

Marth: *Looks down* Heh, threaten us all you want but we're still not going to work.

Yami: Its seven against one!

Link: You wouldn't stand a chance!

Hiei: *Turns to Link furiously while holding Marth* You want to try me?

Link: If you don't give us a break and let us heal our wounds then...*Stand up and walks to the Exit door* we're not going to work. *Leaves*

Yami and Kaiba: *Pump their fists into the air as they chant* No more work! Hiei's a jerk! No more work! Hiei's a jerk! *And the keep chanting and pumping their fists as they march out the door*

Hiei: B-But I-*Sighs in frustration as he drops Marth and looks down at the ground in defeat* If you leave now without a word, then I promise to not kill you...

Marth: *Wastes no time running off the stage and through the Exit door*

Hiei: *Looks up and smiles sinisterly*...yet.

Kurama and Silver: O.O;

Silver: That was interesting. Didn't think those guys had it in 'em.

Kurama: They're braver than you might think Silver.

Silver: *Shrugs* I guess so. *Turns to a defeated and frustrated Hiei* So what are we going to do now?

Hiei: *Looks at Silver and Kurama* We're going to quickly make the announcement and then kill those rebelious idiots.

Silver: ^-^; T-that sounds like an EXCELLENT idea Hiei! *Whispers in Kurama's ear* Quick! Get the elephant tranquilizers!

Kurama: *Nods as he runs off-stage*

Hiei: *Looks at Kurama, confused* Where's he going?

Silver: He's um...going to get some sweet snow! Because you are doing such a good job at directing this chapter! ^_^

Hiei: Hn. Of course I am. Now, *hands Silver a script* read this word-for-word.

Silver: O-Okay. *Looks down at the script and reads aloud* Oh Hiei, I think your so hot. I love you Hiei. Please, oh please will you make-

Hiei: OH SHOOT! * es the script from Silver's hands* Wrong script...

Silver: *Has a bewildered look on her face as she silently mouths* Wrong script...? Um, Hiei, why don't I just ab-lib this part, 'kay?

Hiei: *Shrugs* Whatever. Just don't screw up.

Silver: Cool! ^_^ *Turns to the camera* Okay Peeps! Sorry for the delay! Today we've got a special offer to our lady readers out there (who are probably the ONLY readers here!) You see, the guys in TRAPPED and I are going to start a play. And that play is none other than *imitates a fanfare* Romeo and Juliet!

Hiei: Its going to be a seperate fic so look for it in the Anime/Manga section of FanArt Central. Silver?

Silver: Thanks Hiei! Now, the reason why I'm telling you this is simple: You see, I feel awkward writing romantic-type stories 'bout myself. Which is why I have decided NOT to play the role of Juliet.

Hiei: Instead, one of you ningen women readers will be offered the part of Lady Juliet.

Silver: That's right Hiei. But its first come, first serve. So if you want to be in the play, then sign up A.S.A.P.

Hiei: As for the part of Romeo...

Silver: Yes Hiei, that's another thing. The part of Romeo will also be YOUR choice if you become Juliet!

Hiei: Is there anything else they need to know?

Silver: Um...*thinks for a sec* Nope! I think that's it. So...until the next chappie peeps! C-ya! *Waves to the camera with a dopey smile on her face*

Hiei: *Folds his arms in annoyance* Are you done yet? C'mon I've got some people to "take care of." *Unsheaths his sword and gets an evil smile on his face* Let's go! *Grabs Silver by the arm and drags her to the Exit door but just before he can make it to the door, Hiei drops to the ground, fast asleep*

Silver: *Rubs the arm that Hiei grabbed* Excellent timing, Kurama!

Kurama: I thought so too. ^_^

Silver: Shall we go out for some slushies?

Kurama: Sounds like a plan but um...*Looks at a K.Oed Hiei* What do we do about him?

Silver: Him? Oh just leave him there. He's not even going to wake up until the next chapter, most likely. So just get the camera and we can finally leave.

Kurama: Okay. *Walks up to the camera and turns it off*

*Blackness*

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*Blackness*

*Black-(NOT AGAIN! *Gets pummeled by rocks from angry random readers*)*

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