Flower of Fire: A New Shinobi Appears

That was a perfectly formed story. You should become a professional! Loved the use of language, and the way you wrapped the story up. It's been a privilege to read, so thank you.

Aaaaaaand... end episode! xD Good ending, leaves me wanting more. Exactly what every writer should aim for.

Very nice!! ^^ A beautiful, smooth. ending!!! Great job!!!!!!
 
Have you heard of the RP section in the forums?

Actually I have not, could you please explain.

Whoa!! Really?! I was wondering if you had, but just didn't like it. That's the way my friend is anyway- she's a great writer, but just isn't really into RPing.
 
Alright, just let me get a link real quick....
 
http://forums.fanart-central.net/viewforum.php?f=16
 
Here's the link to "General Roleplaying" I have yet to figure out how to be accepted into "Advanced Roleplaying"- I haven't read that thread =/ This can be found in the second to last section in the forums, labeled "Writing"
 
Here, it's kind of like...a great big collaboration? Sort of? Agh- I'm not so good at explaining it- nobody explained it to me, so I think I'll just let you get a good idea of it by reading recent posts and the rules.
 
Oh yeah! The rules! MAKE SURE YOU READ ALL THE RULES:
Character Entrances
All the rules you gotta know
 
If you're into Zelda or Harry Potter, I have two RPs up and running, though I don't really suggest joining the Harry Potter one- it's dying.
Hyrule for Peace
Hogwarts~ Future
 
I highly suggest joining this RP I'm currently in, it's going very well- and you can totally join, if you don't mind a bit of reading (understatement...but I'm sure you can easily catch up- either that or request a summary from the maker of the RP through PM)
The Sound of Marching Gear
 
Maybe when you get the feel of it you could make a decent Naruto RP? I really want there to be one, but have no idea how to begin it -Nor any ideas when it comes to plot. Well, I hope you’ll consider RPing though!! If you do well enough, you can get away from all the amateurs and in with the Advanced! =D I’m still work’in on that myself X3
 

Lol, oh xD I was JUST thinking about telling you to describe what Akai looked like when you hit right at the end. lol, oh well~ you got it!! The only thing that slightly gets me is that there aren't any spaces. I know it's probably better to not have them-more...I don't know- formal?-book like?-, but, for me at least, it just makes it easier to read on the screen. It's just a pretty worthless tip- seeing as nobody else seems to have this problem. *shrug* You can leave it, it's fine.
 
Both Akai and Hinata seemed a bit friendly for people who've just met. Maybe this is just me, but I would think that they should say each others names a little less. Hmm. But, then, their set to be older than me, so perhaps the older you get, the more social you become. IT's just, even among friends, I wouldn't say their name as much. Like when he says "I am sorry, Hinata." or "Don't worry about it, Hinata" It just seems a tiny bit unnecessary considering they're the only two there.
 
I don't mean to sound too nit picky- finding things wrong here, in this beautiful story, is hard ^^ And even then, I'm afraid that I might be looking so hard that I might make a mistake XO
 
But I hope you'll understand the advice. Spaces- totally optional, I just find it hard to read on a computer screen. Names- no need to have characters address each other so much, especially if their not in a crowd where one can get confused trying to find out who their talking to.
 
Beautiful chapter though! Akai actually reminds me of Lee a little bit X3 I'd love to do a collaboration with you some time- though I'm not entirely sure how to do one with writing.

The spaces are missing because I typed this in a word processor and it didn't transfer correctly. I'm going to fix the problem before submitting the next one.

The reason they both use each others names so often is because they are both trying to be polite but are not exactly sure just how polite to be.

Thanks for pointing it out though. I'll be more careful next time.

And by collaborate I mainly mean help me with ideas for characters and missions. Especially missions. They're hard to come up with.

Cool ^^ I see what you're saying with the polite thing *nod*
 
Ohhh, mission ideas, eh? X3 I tell you as soon as I get some good ideas, if you'd like-

Very nice!!! I love it!!! ^^ You have everything figured out!! Super awesome!!! Great chapter!! =D

I'm afraid I won't be able to read the next two chapters until tomorrow =( But I'll do it as soon as I get back from school!!

Very nice!! Lovely detail, lovely descriptions, lovely emotion- lovely, er, well...everything, really! I really enjoyed this chapter ^^ Well done!! I'm afraid, however, I don't really have much of anything to say when it comes to critique on this one. It was wonderful /\_/\

Nice ending!  Really, a great story!  I hope to see your next story soon!^^

Cool.

Oh! It's so nice!! I love it ^^ It's so very pleasant to read! I'd love to read all the other chapters this instant- but I gotta go =( I'll anxiously await the next chance I get to continue reading! Beautiful work!

W00t! This is really good. The plot is well developed and I could actually see it as a story arc in the series. Continue please!

I agree with SunaNoFara that it is very relieving to read decent writing in a Naruto fic. Thank you.

The plot sounds interesting. Off to read the next three chapters now! ^^

Once again, wonderful chapter.  The story is very interesting so far, and I can't wait to find out what comes next.  The last statement was very unexpected, you've done a great job with making me have to think.  Akai is a very interesting character and one of the best OCs I've read.  Beautiful story!

Wow, this is one of the most well-written fics on here.  It's actually a reliever!  I've been getting so frustrated with all the fics that use hardly any detail and (in some cases) hardly any punctuation. 
 
The story sounds really good so far.  It was just the right length and flowed perfectly.  I was a little afraid to read it at first (hoping that it wasn't another one of those "stories") but I wasn't disappointed.  I also think this is the first fanfics with Hinata that I've actually read all the way through (at least through the first chapter)--kudos to you!  Reaching the end of the chapter, I can't wait to read the next! ^^
 
You're a talented writer!

This story is pretty cool. I can't wait for what is in store for Akai.