Sirengina

shut up no your not

no your not o0

i am good
so how is school

I'll just stop everything. I was being stupid by nose diving right into another long distance relationship after the last one I was in. I shouldn't be nose diving into another relationship anyway. I should know I'm not emotionally or mentally ready for it. Not after what happened to the last guy that was like Chris. Or Chris is like him. I shouldn't be nose diving into any relationship anyway. I'm " too young" for it anyway.

................I know. I know I should stop being a kid, and i know I should tell him all this stuff. I just can't bring myself to tell him though. If you want I'll just stop complaining. I'll stop.

Don't tell me that! Please! I know either way my hearts going to get hurt. Either way I'll get hurt. I really wanna make this work.. I just....Don't know how to anymore. I'm excited about November, cuz he's gonna come up and visit. I'll get to feel his arms around me for once, instead of the illusion of it everyday. My dad likes him, and my mom has just grown to tollerate the fact I have a boyfriend who lives in the states. I just don't know if I can tollerate it anymore. I don't want to end this because he's the first in a long time that has ever truely loved me as much as I love him.

I feel like I am. I don't know if I really am. '

" I don't care what you look like, I love you, and I've never even seen your face"
" I don't care what you look like, I've fallen in love with the Catie I talk to everyday"
"I love you ok, I want to make this work as well. You're really special to me and I don't want to lose you"
THose are things he said to me. It's making me think. The first one is true. He hasn't seen my face while I've seen his! He's fallen for the girl he doesn't know all that well, the one who's afraid to show her true colors outside of her comfort zone. He doesn't want to loose me to anything or anyone. THAT'S my problem! I can't handle it! My new friend at school, I think he likes me. I'm starting to like him, when I look at my kilt. I see that pin facing up towards my heart. I remember that long distance relationship into the states. It's killing me! I don't want to, but.... I may just tell Chris that he should try to find someone closer to him. It's killing me both ways. To even WANT to tell him that, and to like someone else at the same time. Either way it feels like my heart is going to tear apart.


I just feel like I'm drowning, and no one's helping me. As the water fills m y lungs. It's how I feel. It's hurting. I'm about ready to stop talking to him. I'm about ready to tell him to find someone closer to him, who's better than me. I feel like I can still love him beter than I am now, I feel like I can't at the same time. I feel useless in this whole thing. Like I just can't swim anoymore, leaving me to sink to the bottom of the giant ocean called love.

Doing what?

I feel like i'm holding him back from finding someone closer to him than I am. Someone who could possibly love him more than I can.....

Just..... I just feel bad.. I don't know. Just now for some reason I feel like i'm holding him back from finding someone closer to him. Instead of someone like me.