A day for romance

that was a really cute story
and very well written
there are a few typos but overall its really good
i liked that you explained the mood of an individual character as you were talking about them.

Oh thanks, that means a lot. I'm not really that good at writing but I still do it cuz I like it.

That's some good work! I only have one suggestion, really (PPhatnom made some good points). I would suggest spacing between the converation pieces. For example:


“Yeah, I guess so. Did you find anyone?” asked Ash as he held Misty by the waist.
“No. Both officer jenny and nurse joy are taken. I guess I got rejected again,” said Brock in a sort of sad-baby voice.


Instead, this would make it easier to read:


“Yeah, I guess so. Did you find anyone?” asked Ash as he held Misty by the waist.

“No. Both officer jenny and nurse joy are taken. I guess I got rejected again,” said Brock in a sort of sad-baby voice.


Nice fic overall!

that was pretty cute. Being the romantic I am I thought it was a very cute idea =)

you asked me to advise you a bit on it so I'll just give you what I thought you might want to fix a bit.

1. I know you didn't really want this to be a long chapter but when they are walking and talking about the whole dance you might want to add a little bit more detail, not have it be so quick that "oh he doesn't want me I'm going to go cry now" you know what I mean? Maybe have them arrive at the poke-center and then have Ash realize his mistake(he is clueless anyway).
2. The dance was a good scene, a few typos you might want to recheck and I don't know but this sentence didn't make sense.."Regardless of the fact that the music had stopped, Ash and Misty stopped dancing and headed back to the table", wouldn't that mean even though the music stopped ash and misty stopped and wen to their table? I don't know if thats what you wanted to say, most people say they were still dancing.

Thats all that really stuck out to me, I dont know if they are helpful or not but you should definitly keep writing!

THANks. You're right. One of my biggest problems are with the size of the story. Thanks for the idea. I'll remember it next time I write something. Actually, I already have two stories already written. I'm just too lazy to post 'em lol.