Nikora Kirishima
Submitted January 10, 2007 Updated January 11, 2008 Status Incomplete | Nikky Kirishima,of The Village Hidden In The Heavens has fallen in love;How can she set aside her feelings for the older boy so she can focus on her studies?It's brains/<3 as she tries to overcome <3,exams,and her newly found identity
Category:
Anime/Manga » Naruto series » Fan Characters (OC's) |
Chapters
Chapter 1 - A Claranet and Training
Submitted: January 10, 2007 • Updated: February 10, 2007
Word count: 324 • Size: 1k • Comments: 3 • views: 373
Chapter 2 - Finn Kokomo
Submitted: January 31, 2007 • Updated: November 9, 2007
Word count: 575 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 305
Chapter 3 - Deciding from the Boy on the Swing
Submitted: February 10, 2007 • Updated: November 9, 2007
Word count: 505 • Size: 2k • Comments: 1 • views: 333
Chapter 4 - Moonlight Training
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 337 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 264
Chapter 5 - Returning
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 285 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 270
Chapter 6 - The First Dream
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 431 • Size: 2k • Comments: 0 • views: 277
Chapter 7 - Dreams Jutsu?
Submitted: November 9, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 935 • Size: 5k • Comments: 2 • views: 287
Chapter 8 - The Festival
Submitted: November 12, 2007 • Updated: November 12, 2007
Word count: 722 • Size: 3k • Comments: 0 • views: 274
Chapter 9 - Fresh Air
Submitted: November 13, 2007 • Updated: November 14, 2007
Word count: 632 • Size: 3k • Comments: 3 • views: 315
Chapter 10 - Nikora's Secret Technique Revealed!
Submitted: November 24, 2007 • Updated: November 26, 2007
Word count: 661 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 259
Chapter 11 - Kakashi Hatake
Submitted: November 28, 2007 • Updated: November 28, 2007
Word count: 717 • Size: 3k • Comments: 2 • views: 319
Chapter 12 - The Second Dream
Submitted: November 29, 2007 • Updated: November 29, 2007
Word count: 683 • Size: 3k • Comments: 1 • views: 287
Chapter 13 - Secrets Approved: Finn Kokomo
Submitted: December 10, 2007 • Updated: December 10, 2007
Word count: 360 • Size: 1k • Comments: 0 • views: 248
Chapter 14 - Finn the Flirt: Part 1
Submitted: December 11, 2007 • Updated: December 11, 2007
Word count: 427 • Size: 2k • Comments: 3 • views: 304
Chapter 15 - Finn the Flirt: Part 2
Submitted: December 17, 2007 • Updated: December 17, 2007
Word count: 432 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 272
Chapter 16 - Finn the Flirt: Part 3
Submitted: January 9, 2008 • Updated: January 9, 2008
Word count: 350 • Size: 1k • Comments: 4 • views: 255
Chapter 17 - Gai-sensei (i.e. Your worst Nightmare)
Submitted: January 11, 2008 • Updated: January 11, 2008
Word count: 520 • Size: 2k • Comments: 2 • views: 281
Comments
You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment
Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:29:40 AM
I want MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! It's really good! Please?????Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:03:38 AM
OMG! A fight with Neji?!?! And she's not even a genin!Y0URIMAGINARYFRIEND on July 13, 2008, 6:00:06 AM
AAAWH! Ikkle cute Naruto all upset 'cause he failed to graduate! Loving it so far!rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 9:28:41 AM
-ck))SunaNoFara on January 10, 2008, 12:17:55 PM
Oki-day, critique time! <--will try to make this as well-rounded as she can >_<Â
Get the feeling it's getting a little predictable? (execpt for the orange part XD). And I see a lack of details here. There's a little too much dialouge, you can't really picture much, can you? Well, the dialouge's okay, it's just that there's not enough detail to go with what they're saying. Like, when Gai first appears, all you say about what he's doing is frowning. What pose is he assuming? Why did he frown? Did he come up expecting peace and smiling, all of a sudden his smile fades and turns into a frown?
Â
Your sentence structure could be varied a little more. For most of the dialouge, you just had them say the words and then put action after them. Putting the action before or even in the middle of a longer sentence would be great. Remember to vary the structure.
Â
The story's not bad -- I can tell you that --Â I'm enjoying it so far, it's just that there's little lack of action to go along with they character's words. Maybe that's why you haven't gotten many people reading it. When people read a story they want to have a picture painted for them, not have to guess what they author's meaning to show them. (I don't read much on here because of that reason) Putting more action with it all would make it much more enjoyable^^
Â
Lol, I never give comments this long on artwork...I'm not very good with crit'ing art, but I can tell pretty much what's wrong with stories.
rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 8:37:45 AM
One thing I don't get: In the time it took for Tenten to turn around, Gai was already displeased with the fact that they'd ceased training...I suppose.....I dunno: can't explain /\_/\'SunaNoFara on January 11, 2008, 10:00:20 AM
Well, don't tell me! Put it in your story! x3That's what I mean, explain what exactly happened, 'cause how's anyone supposed to know that it took Tenten time to turn around unless you say sumthin' about it?
rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 8:04:48 AM
................? i dunno! /\_/\'SunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 8:09:47 AM
Can't you take a hint? -_-'rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 8:56:52 AM
Yeesss, I dunno how to put it though! I thought it was obvious enough -_-''' "i dunno"SunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 8:59:05 AM
Well, then...either I wasn't paying attention, or it wasn't obvious enough. lol, I just noticed, you misspelled "Clarinet" in the first chapter title.
rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 9:06:43 AM
those chapters suck -_- ah~ whatevaa lol, go to HogwartsSunaNoFara on January 12, 2008, 9:08:21 AM
Gah, I gotta leave any minute soon to baby-sit soon...rlkitten on January 12, 2008, 9:11:15 AM
S'okay, I'm gonna exit and set up Haley's Preschool game ^^ lol, fun fun fun!rlkitten on January 11, 2008, 8:33:02 AM
Yeah- I'm no writer /\_/\' never really have beenKohakucrazy on January 10, 2008, 10:35:15 AM
* Screams* HOW DARE YOU TURN NEJI ORANGE!!!!! * bonks Nikora on the head* He's apart of one of the repectable clans in the hidden leaf village. He doens't need to be walking around ORANGE!!!rlkitten on January 10, 2008, 11:18:49 AM
Lol, thanks for reading /\___/\ <3blackfire2 on December 23, 2007, 10:38:28 PM
Interestingrlkitten on January 9, 2008, 7:18:09 AM
Thank you ?SunaNoFara on December 15, 2007, 1:59:06 PM
XD love it!!!! Can't wait for more!! ^^rlkitten on December 17, 2007, 8:03:56 AM
lol, it's awesome- i know *bow* *bow*SunaNoFara on December 17, 2007, 9:19:24 AM
*jabs side w/ finger* now go read my stories! *points to link on profile*rlkitten on December 17, 2007, 9:34:11 AM
Ughhh- fanfiction is blocked....i'll ask my mum....rlkitten on November 30, 2007, 7:58:35 AM
Ugh- I don't like this chapter -_-flyingeagle13 on November 29, 2007, 12:49:41 AM
Very Nice, great work once again. ^_^ Can't wait for more.Kuwaii!!!
rlkitten on November 29, 2007, 12:09:50 PM
Thanks /\_/\ (gah- so happy that sum ppl are reading it!) <3