Chapter 1 - A
Submitted September 1, 2004 Updated September 1, 2004 Status Incomplete | THE BEST POEM I EVER WROTE!!!******READ ASAP!
Category:
Anime/Manga |
Chapter 1 - A
Chapter 1 - A
You give me reasons to cry
Bit you always make me smile
You tell me I should try
My best once in a while
You give me so much pain
But I'll always be in love
From the core of this very earth
To the stars way up above
You tell me that you're not
As perfect as can be
And yet I'll always know
That you'll be better than me
You tell me life's a garden
And that I should dig down deep
And I always listen
But all I can do is sleep
I wish I could live up
To the life you've always had
I have no talents I can't do math
But my writing's not that bad
I feel so good
But I'm always sad
But what matters is I love you
I hope you're glad
This is the feeling
That I've always had
Bit you always make me smile
You tell me I should try
My best once in a while
You give me so much pain
But I'll always be in love
From the core of this very earth
To the stars way up above
You tell me that you're not
As perfect as can be
And yet I'll always know
That you'll be better than me
You tell me life's a garden
And that I should dig down deep
And I always listen
But all I can do is sleep
I wish I could live up
To the life you've always had
I have no talents I can't do math
But my writing's not that bad
I feel so good
But I'm always sad
But what matters is I love you
I hope you're glad
This is the feeling
That I've always had
Comments
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Live_Like_You_Mean_It on January 12, 2006, 5:15:15 PM
Living_Dead_Girl on November 20, 2005, 4:45:20 AM
Awwww!! I love this! It is sooo sweet! The rhymes are great. *favs*minerva28 on August 27, 2005, 8:24:37 PM
minerva28 on
nice poem!Like thr ryhm
I write poems like that too!
Hmm.. but if u really wanna twist a persons imagination u shud use words that can be felt,seen,smell and etc. that way a person cud really picture ur poem out.Like love for example ur just reading it nothing really pops out of a persons brain ^^
My english teacher made us attend a 3 day seminar on how to write a poem. That was the main idea i think during the seminar ever since then i did really improve ^^ sure he commented my poems in a nasty way but it sure helped me realize my mistakes.
hoped it help!
Oh and please use stanzas ^^ please and thank u ^^
_Sai_ on August 25, 2005, 9:56:02 PM
_Sai_ on
Woooooooooow.......Wow that's just perfect!
*Fave*
soalone1000 on August 19, 2005, 6:30:14 AM
soalone1000 on
good good good good good good good good good!!!!!!!!!!i love it!!!!!especially about the stars. it's sooo cute!Genjo_Shyazo on July 30, 2005, 5:30:14 PM
Genjo_Shyazo on
That's a really good poem^^ *favs*LizzardQueeng on July 7, 2005, 11:33:43 PM
*sniffle* ;_; How beatiful! T_T I luff this, just one constructive critisism;add comas between "thoughts" Example;
"You give me reasons to cry, But you always make me smile," That way it's easier to read^^
*faves* you're so good^^ nice and Melancholic...
aquajogger on June 30, 2005, 1:28:51 PM
aquajogger on
Very cute. ^_^I'm not flaming you, but there are a couple lines where the rythym gets a bit thrown off. Umm... "That you'll be better than me", "But all I can do is sleep", and "I hope you're glad".
It's really nothing big, and I know that not all of the lines are the same length, I just thought I'd point those out.
I like it, though. It's sweet, in a sad way. Very nice work! d^_^b
Hyper_Freak on May 17, 2005, 6:11:31 AM
Hyper_Freak on
THAT POEM F**KING SUCKED! No, kidding. That was a truly inspiring poem, and if you really beleive your writing is only "Not Bad", then I want some of what you've been smoking.
Make the lines of your poem seperate to each other, and then I'll marvel at your work ;)
(if you don't understand, e.g.
You give me reasons to cry,
Bit you always make me smile,
You tell me I should try,)